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Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 3:09:31 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		I'm curious,from a sub/slaves point of view ...does the stated reason for the rejection matter?
A little background here ...in talking recently with a Domme on CM(who shall remain nameless) numerous roadblocks were erected....most having to do with what she referred to as my "high profile" here on CM.Seems she thought I was too friendly with far too many on this side...and further that I tended to be too condescending towards those that I was friendly with.
In the long run I realise it does not matter a hill of beans why a connection isn't there...it isn't and you move on...what did bother me at the end was when this Domme called into question both my honor and my values....she particularly cited a picture in my friends category that seemed to tick her off.....it seems the Domme in questions profile picture is of her ass....a clothed ass to boot...paraphrasing here...but what she essentially told me is she would not be involved with any man that would accept that picture being put up on his friends wall.
Opinions?

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 3:25:01 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		Just to be clear...and in case I came off wrong...I fully realize that either party has the right to reject the other for absolutely any reason of their choosing...all I'm asking for is opinions on whether or not those reasons matter to the rejected ?


_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 3:35:02 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		well...folks can put in reasons for all kind of sorts and IMO they prefer to put the blame on the other person instead of seeing their potential failure with not coming through...e.g. some guys I was involved with in the past (vanilla and from here) who think that I would put up with just waiting like a doll in a shelf for ever until he then once might bother to turn up again...and then of course blaming my "impatience" and refusing to see that there is no form of any interest from his side or form of committment to do a bit more from his side to get to know each other better...or countless excuses about why not to meet and why his previous big comments about spending more time get delayed such as a sick mother and then about sorting out his kids etc...people are always good in making excuses and blaming the other part of anything just to feel superior and without having done anything wrong from their side...

Personally I learned well not to take it personal...I do know that I can get annoyed with someone...but I do know it takes quite a long time for me to react "annoyed" with a potential partner...and so whilst e.g. my last involvement tried to put me down a la I would be mental...well, that just shows that my instinct was right all the time and that he only was an arse...because after all I get annoyed when I receive many false promises and not just 2 or 3...so if he thinks it is mental to get annoyed just because he had all the way long a bigger mouth then he can chew...well, just shows his low level of attitude...and just shows that I am a lucky girl not to be more involved with him

At the moment I am involved with my C(asual)-Dom whom I know since 2005 and who was my first Dom ever...we did not meet from 06 until now for different reasons...he still pops up with memories about the social good things I did when I was new in the UK...he was touched from certain things during that time and whilst I already had forgotten about them, he did not...so I guess it is a lot about what people want to see in other people...



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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 3:44:14 PM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

I'm curious,from a sub/slaves point of view ...does the stated reason for the rejection matter?


DO not think of it as rejection...you have NOT been rejected..
 
REJECTION is like being culled out of a pup litter for death...
 
RE-NAME and RE-THINK....
for your OWN ESTEEM....
 
1) it was a preference
2) all things did not click
3) there was no chemistry
4) there were issues
5)there was not enough commanalities to take it further
6)her style and your desire did not match
 
and further to that..
 
affirm..
I am open to a relationship for MY highest good
I have not been rejected...I am available for partner evolved at my level
 
best of luck..
 
GM

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 4:31:01 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		The reason stated seems so ridiculous that IMO you're not missing anything by this particular rejection. That is my position on any such issues. I agree with you that anyone is free to make any rule or reason they like for accepting or rejecting others for personal relationships. From my end, if I don't meet someone else's criteria, it doesn't really matter what the criteria is, it's water under the bridge. However, it's easier to take if their criteria is really foolish; that means that they're too whacko for me to want them anyway.

There's a difference between arguing over the reason and just wanting to make sure there hasn't been a misunderstanding. The only time that I have an issue with a stated reason for rejection is when the reason doesn't fit, and it seems that there might be a misunderstanding of some sort. For example, if she says the reason for rejecting me is that she doesn't want to live BDSM 24/7, I'd feel obliged to ask her why she thought that disqualified me, because I never said I needed or even wanted that.

Unfortunately, once someone has made up their mind, they usually view any question as an argument. I once received an email from a domme which included "I am sure I am the domme for you". After my reply, her subsequent message was a rejection with no reason. Normally not a problem, but this was pretty confusing, so I asked her to help me understand what the reason was, and she angrily retorted that my questioning of her was exactly the problem - that I wasn't willing to accept her decision, and therefore wasn't really submissive. I calmly pointed out that I wasnt trying to change her mind, but merely asking how she suddenly went from "I am sure I am the domme for you" to "I am not interested in pursuing this". Turns out that it was a typo - she meant to write "I am NOT sure I am the domme for you". Do you think she apologized? Of course not. No loss to me.

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 4:33:39 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		You are correct GM...rejection was way too strong a word.After all is said and done what I am referring to here is an exchange of CM letters....hardly something deep enough that one can claim being rejected.
I guess what rubbed me the wrong way was what she wrapped it around...my "high profile" here on the boards...the friends(and their pictures) on my profile.What I'm saying is I am offended that she judged me,as far as my honor and my value system,based on those criteria
I would rather she have told me she didn't like the color shirt I wore on my profile picture...rahter than make a judgement on my values because she was offended by one of my friends pictures(a "friend" I might add,that has since dropped off CM and I haven't talked to in a year...lol)

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 4:39:49 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		Hard Body...before this one "rejected" me she asked to see all of my CM correspondence from the 2 preceding weeks....when I stated this would entail a fair amount of cut and pasting...she reverted to pointing out I was nothing but a "player".....Now I ask you a)is it a sin to have made many friends here(a fair amount which happen to be female sub types...lol)and b)was it really her business who I have talked to prior to entering into some sort of agreement with her....and finally c) is there another way to use CM to search for a match...without communicating with others...hell that's how I started talking to her.
But bottom line I do of course agree with you...no skin off my nose and time to move along!

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


(in reply to slvemike4u)
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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 4:55:20 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
that I wasn't willing to accept her decision, and therefore wasn't really submissive.



lol, like the wannabedoms who think you have to address them Sir straight away online otherwise you can't be real...despite my profile stating clearly that this is not gonna to happen until I meet someone in person!!!

quote:


Do you think she apologized? Of course not. No loss to me.



well, one idiot I booked a flight to meet in september last year changed his mind a few weeks later just before it was due and always tried to put the blame on me a la "not obedient enough" as I dared not to put up with online webcam punishment crap...and when we talked many weeks later then blamed me a la "why should i meet you when i was already in a relationship..." (so right...why did he then want me to book the flight in the first place....he certainly has a "high" *koffkoff* standard of treating people with respect) and of course again his bs about not being obedient enough for him and another reason he said I can't remember anymore...however at the end he had three different stories to tell to justify his actions and also never apologised for wasting my flight cancellation fee...well...his loss...he is still searching

What a lucky escape I suppose

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 12/14/2009 4:56:36 PM >

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 4:56:13 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

Hard Body...before this one "rejected" me she asked to see all of my CM correspondence from the 2 preceding weeks....when I stated this would entail a fair amount of cut and pasting...she reverted to pointing out I was nothing but a "player".....Now I ask you a)is it a sin to have made many friends here(a fair amount which happen to be female sub types...lol)and b)was it really her business who I have talked to prior to entering into some sort of agreement with her....and finally c) is there another way to use CM to search for a match...without communicating with others...hell that's how I started talking to her.
But bottom line I do of course agree with you...no skin off my nose and time to move along!


Mike, man, she's just insecure. Picking through the pictures on someone's friends list and asking to see weeks worth of their past correspondence isn't something that's ever occurred to me. I relocated someone across the country once (this was years ago) and while I had a lot of questions that needed answering and took the time to get to know her well - neither of those things happened.

It sounds to me like she felt somehow threatened or bothered by the fact that you are apparently popular. If she can't handle you talking to people on a message board, how is she going to handle the real world where you might actually have friends and talk to real people like .... *gasp* ... face-to-face?

I don't think judging someone by the pictures people they've friended choose for their profile is a reasonable method for assessing someone's worth as a sub/dom/friend/whatever.

Just let it go. Obviously it would never work out. Find someone who's comfortable with you just the way you are.

Oh. I'll add you to my friend's list. Having a high-class high-powered picture like mine on your profile will doubtless ensure this situation never happens again.

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:03:10 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Oh. I'll add you to my friend's list. Having a high-class high-powered picture like mine on your profile will doubtless ensure this situation never happens again.

I'd add him to mine as well, but I just don't think the effect would be the same on insecure Domme types.


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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:04:34 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I'm curious,from a sub/slaves point of view ...does the stated reason for the rejection matter?


nope....not to this slave.
 
but then, growing up when and where she did, she got schooled in rejection daily...so, having had so much experience with it, this slave learned not to give a crap about the reasons why.
 
besides, what one rejects...another pursues.

That would have been my take on it, if you wanted a few from the other side of the flogger - consider yourself lucky and move on without worry or concern.

Limited to only one key trait to seek in a Dominant as a reliable indicator of dominance being a actual personality trait and not just a fad or neat idea to try - confidence. Does that reaction indicate any?

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 12/14/2009 5:10:08 PM >

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:09:31 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Mercnbeth,
besides, what one rejects...another pursues.

Truer words were never spoken....

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:15:50 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		IB...I'm quite sure your picture would do wonders for my reputation.
Wyldhrt,since I don't think the insecure types make good Dommes in the first place...fuckem,send the friends request and I shal accept.
Beth,I have a feeling we could exchange some stories concerning growing "pains"...so yeah it wasn't so much the "rejection"..that shit rolls off my back...it was the irrational reasons given that motivated this thread.

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:23:32 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		Somehow I missed your contribution Merc when I read Beth's...yeah looking back at the correspondence what it all screams out at me is...insecurities.Not exactly conducive to being a Domme/Dom.As a tip off,one of the multitude of reasons given for avoiding a meeting was so as to skip being judged.What kind of Domme sweats meeting a potential sub for fear of being judged harshly.....I mean who has the power here?

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


(in reply to slvemike4u)
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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:25:08 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		Thanks guys......perhaps now I will meet a higher class of Domme....lol

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


(in reply to slvemike4u)
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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 5:50:27 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
I'd add him to mine as well, but I just don't think the effect would be the same on insecure Domme types.



You'd just intimidate them right off the page before they even clicked the 'message' button - but hey, that's a big plus! Only those secure in their mastery would be able to move forward!

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 6:01:43 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		One word... democrat.

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 6:13:32 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
GYPSY, that is a fantastic post You made.  I love it!!

To the OP, I'd have no problem putting you on my friends list.  I think she's just too uptight.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 6:17:12 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

I'm curious,from a sub/slaves point of view ...does the stated reason for the rejection matter?


Not that it matters much, the end result is still no relationship at that time, BUT I would just like to know.  That way, if it was a real problem with me, I could take steps to improve myself.  If it was just that we didn't "click," then it would just be "Oh well.  Moving right along.........."

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to slvemike4u)
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RE: Reasons for rejection.... - 12/14/2009 6:24:05 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

Thanks guys......perhaps now I will meet a higher class of Domme....lol


Just head on over to the Mistress thread, there are lots of them there. I don't guarantee anything but they are a very high class of Dominas that is for certain

Zeph


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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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