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Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 4:27:47 PM   
gift4mistress


Posts: 165
Joined: 6/30/2009
Status: offline 		Some of these questions is in regards to courting vanilla women vs non vanilla. Before I ask this question, I'm sure that most of you aren't any different from other women in the fact most of you have hobbies, jobs, family, feelings and etc.

Oh bye the way, I know some of these questions are  pretty dumb, but I I'm gonna ask them anyways.

Okay! I am gonna go to my first munch on Monday and one of my questions is how do you expect a man to follow up with you after meeting for the first time and getting a phone number?

The reason why I ask this is because if I was to get a phone number from a girl in the vanilla world; I would usually wait a few days before even calling her. However, I'm not sure how that may be perceived after meeting someone at a much or bdsm event.

My other question is flirting. I'm sure it's pretty much the same in any where else: giving the smile, asking the questions, and cracking the occasional joke. But, I also like to walk around and talk to other people just so I can feel around and see who's more comfortable around me and who isn't. So, is this something that may give a wrong impression to some of the women I converse with?

As I was typing this; I basically realized that I'm not sure about the whole ethical/cultural expectations of the community. Yeah, I know you gotta be respectful and etc. But, I'm sure some of you have different exceptions from what you may expect from a vanilla guy that came up to you. So, what would some of these differences in expectations be if there are any? 

Thank you for your replies in advance .

Gift

< Message edited by gift4mistress -- 12/19/2009 4:32:02 PM >
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 4:37:23 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		My advice would be to be yourself and be a gentleman.

As for the phone number, I don't think you should play games with either vanilla or non vanilla women. Those rules only hinder communication. Call when you are ready. Know however that if you wait to long with any woman, you might tick them off, make them think you are playing a game with them and/or miss your window of opportunity if another boy calls her first.

As for flirting, I actually like boys who flirt, but only if I'm into them. Try a subtle flirt first and if it is well received, do a little more. Baby steps. If it isn't well received, then back down. A subtle flirt would be something like "May I say you are an elegant woman" or "May I say that you give off a very lovely energy" and do it with a warm, no creepy smile. If she answers back something like "oh how sweet of you to notice, that is a green light to another subtle flirt. If she seems put off, then just nod to her and focus your attention on someone else.

You are right, we are pretty much just normal women who express our desires and affection in a slightly different way.

- LA

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(in reply to gift4mistress)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 4:43:27 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Lady Angelika... some good advice to a smart young man, who thinks before he steps. Have fun at the munch!

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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 4:47:48 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gift4mistress

My other question is flirting. I'm sure it's pretty much the same in any where else: giving the smile, asking the questions, and cracking the occasional joke. But, I also like to walk around and talk to other people just so I can feel around and see who's more comfortable around me and who isn't. So, is this something that may give a wrong impression to some of the women I converse with?



Actually, that's the best thing you could do.  While you might make a contact at a munch, the main idea is to get to know several people just as friends.  They could even be subs or men - doesn't have to be just Dommes.

Go forth and have fun!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to gift4mistress)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 4:58:18 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gift4mistress
. . . I was to get a phone number from a girl in the vanilla world; I would usually wait a few days before even calling her. . .



Regardless of whether he's vanilla or kinky, this kind of behaviour screams to me that he's playing games. It means he's more concerned about following a formula than living life the way he wants. And if he's genuinely not interested in talking to me for a few days, then he probably shouldn't phone me at all. If I get the sense that someone is playing games, he's toast.

(in reply to gift4mistress)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 5:40:21 PM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		Naturally this all hits me the wrong way...cause it sounds like a male who has a certain style of behavior that he pulls out for the female courting situation, instead of worrying about pressing his pants, looking crisp--feeling relaxed and most importantly just being himself. He's going to be "putting on the act", so to speak, planning it now, in fact. So I don't really have any advice to give him personally. He sounds like a gamesplayer and most dommes will pick up on it at that very first munch, if any are in attendance.

In case anyone else was thinking of munch-going, they are different around the world. Each munch is stamped by "who" comes, the people make the munch.
Even the same munch can be different from one visit to the next, depending on who shows up. My general advice would be to arrive on time, introduce yourself to the person who is organizer, host (someone usually confirms the reservation)...and let them know it's your first visit. And then relax and see what happens.

The idea being, as said above, to meet other people. To make friends. If you're lucky on a first or later visit, someone will invite you to a play party or offer to help you become a member of a local dungeon .. or clue you in on whatever goes on in the neighborhood.

(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 7:16:52 PM   
UrMyboi


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/14/2009
Status: offline 		I have a question for you. If you meet a woman (vanilla or not) and like her and get her phone number, why do you wait a few days to call? What kind of formula is this, is it a cool thing? I can tell you, I don't like games like that.

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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 7:26:32 PM   
gift4mistress


Posts: 165
Joined: 6/30/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UrMyboi

I have a question for you. If you meet a woman (vanilla or not) and like her and get her phone number, why do you wait a few days to call? What kind of formula is this, is it a cool thing? I can tell you, I don't like games like that.


That's just what I do. I like to call when I feel ready and confident. The biggest reasons however, is because I'm not much of a talker, so I like to think of things to possibly discuss before I call. My apologies if I gave off any bad voodoo from my questions. My intent for asking is to gain friends and learn about the community; it's not about manipulating or deceiving any persons.Thanks for asking!

< Message edited by gift4mistress -- 12/19/2009 7:29:05 PM >

(in reply to UrMyboi)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 7:41:48 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gift4mistress

The biggest reasons however, is because I'm not much of a talker, so I like to think of things to possibly discuss before I call.


Well, that's a silly reason not to phone sooner! Why not have a few general questions to ask women in advance? Ask them about hobbies, sports or exercise she likes to do, types of food she likes, etc. Then do a search for what's new in these areas the next day, and give her a call the day after that. Tell her you came across (fill in appropriate information here), and thought she might want to know about it. Food's always a good one, because you can mention the name of a restaurant that has the type of food you talked about, and would she like to try it out with you? Last I heard, both kinky and vanilla people eat meals.

(in reply to gift4mistress)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 9:15:34 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		All women are not one woman. When meeting a woman you need to be observant and aware of what she likes and what she doesn't. And when in doubt just ask her. A guy that asks me what I like, what I want, and what he can do to make me happy, that's the guy for me!!

Hope this helps.

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http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/19/2009 11:32:17 PM   
UrMyboi


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

All women are not one woman. When meeting a woman you need to be observant and aware of what she likes and what she doesn't. And when in doubt just ask her. A guy that asks me what I like, what I want, and what he can do to make me happy, that's the guy for me!!

Hope this helps.


Yes! Well said, AFS.

_____________________________

I would rather have a hard drive, than a floppy disk.

Curious? Who me?

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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 7:07:22 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I find courting a vanilla woman and a dominant woman to be very similar. Both start with me begging and end with a woman throwing her drink in my face, no matter what I said to deserve it.

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(in reply to gift4mistress)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 9:54:00 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I find courting a vanilla woman and a dominant woman to be very similar. Both start with me begging and end with a woman throwing her drink in my face, no matter what I said to deserve it.

My goodness! What do you say to them??

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 10:01:09 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I find courting a vanilla woman and a dominant woman to be very similar. Both start with me begging and end with a woman throwing her drink in my face, no matter what I said to deserve it.

My goodness! What do you say to them??

- LA


Wanna fuck?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 10:04:08 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I find courting a vanilla woman and a dominant woman to be very similar. Both start with me begging and end with a woman throwing her drink in my face, no matter what I said to deserve it.

My goodness! What do you say to them??

- LA


Wanna fuck?


Heh heh! That actually worked on me once, years ago! But we had been talking for hours and he was dreamy.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 11:35:34 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Actually, I'd read somewhere that if a guy kept saying, "Wanna fuck?" randomly to women all night long, he'd eventually get someone who said yes. Of course, by then, he'd probably be in pretty sorry shape, so I can't recommend this as a dating strategy.

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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 2:48:29 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I find courting a vanilla woman and a dominant woman to be very similar. Both start with me begging and end with a woman throwing her drink in my face, no matter what I said to deserve it.

My goodness! What do you say to them??

- LA


Wanna fuck?


'Wanna fuck' hardly ever works. 

You have to bring your most courtly manners to the fore; employing every possible artifice of gentlemanly elegance to perfection; kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness for her comfort and overall happiness being your prime consideration.  It beats the hot liquid shit out of me why more men don't understand that. 

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 3:19:38 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		If you have difficulty in striking up conversations with people, whether over the phone or in person, it's a good idea to practice until you become more comfortable. I used to be dreadfully shy, and still can be on occasion, and still have to push myself through it a bit with new people. Heck, talking with the female submissives and men might even be a good idea to dip your toe in, since there's no focus on them as prospective partners. Being outgoing and an engaging conversationalist will serve you well in all aspects of your life, including finding a partner.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 3:28:07 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I find courting a vanilla woman and a dominant woman to be very similar. Both start with me begging and end with a woman throwing her drink in my face, no matter what I said to deserve it.

My goodness! What do you say to them??

- LA


Wanna fuck?


'Wanna fuck' hardly ever works. 

You have to bring your most courtly manners to the fore; employing every possible artifice of gentlemanly elegance to perfection; kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness for her comfort and overall happiness being your prime consideration.  It beats the hot liquid shit out of me why more men don't understand that. 


Hot liquid shit... an image I didn't need to imagine.

I should add something about my previous post on this topic, which is that it was said after a dynamic was very well established and was somewhat a bratty attempt. But for the whole evening he had been a gentleman.

You know Peon, I don't get it neither. I'm still working on the business plan for Lady Angelika's Finishing School for Men. TM

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: Courting Vanilla vs Domme - 12/20/2009 3:40:43 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

'Wanna fuck' hardly ever works. 



I shall refrain from asking how you know this.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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