quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't actually like the term, but if it's going to be used it should have some meaning

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle

if we're going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them

comments

I kindasorta agree with your first condition, but not the second. If you've been with someone in the past and you're currently unattached, I don't think you have to turn in your D/s membership card.

You did get a membership card, right? Right???

Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink, Member # 60298311

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't actually like the term, but if it's going to be used it should have some meaning

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle

if we're going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them

comments

I kindasorta agree with your first condition, but not the second. If you've been with someone in the past and you're currently unattached, I don't think you have to turn in your D/s membership card.

You did get a membership card, right? Right???

Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink, Member # 60298311

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't actually like the term, but if it's going to be used it should have some meaning

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle

if we're going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them

comments

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't actually like the term, but if it's going to be used it should have some meaning

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle

if we're going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them

comments

First of all, what "lifestyle" is will change from one person to another. I personally don't like the term lifestyle as my lifestyle includes so much more than my kink.

That said, I'm a dominant woman whether I have a boy or not. That part of me doesn't change. I am who I am in my interactions with people. If I flirt with someone, I'm flirting as Domme. If I'm going on a date with someone, I'm going as a Domme. When I'm interacting with people here or elsewhere, I'm interacting as me, who happens to be, amongst other things, a Domme.

Domme isn't a persona I get into because I have a delicious and obedient naked boy on his knees before me begging, thought that would certainly enhance my feeling of dominance, as it triggers deep feelings of lust. But my thoughts, lust and desires don't get turned off in absence of a boy.

As for attending lifestyle or bdsm functions, I don't. So if by someone else's standard I'm not part of the lifestyle or I'm not a true Domme, then let them hold that opinion of me. I'm not going to waste one moment trying to convince them otherwise. It isn't that important to me to have the way I chose to live my life accepted by others. In fact, it is only important that I am accepted by those I love and hold dear.

And that would be my perspective on things.

Funny as I was thinking of starting a thread entitled "What's your definition of 24/7" but looks like it would be very similar to this one.

- LA

quote:

sorta my point, when people can have their own meanings for words then words become meaningless

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

sorta my point, when people can have their own meanings for words then words become meaningless

Five years ago or so back in the early days of Collarme.com, there were many threads where people slammed each other for being in the lifestyle or not.

When I came back 2 months ago or so, one of the pleasant surprises was the huge reduction in these types of threads, at least the ones I read (I could totally be off base here as I don't read every thread).

There are debates on definitions, approaches, etc but a lot less people calling each other fakes. I see this as a sign that the boards have matured.

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

sorta my point, when people can have their own meanings for words then words become meaningless

Five years ago or so back in the early days of Collarme.com, there were many threads where people slammed each other for being in the lifestyle or not.

When I came back 2 months ago or so, one of the pleasant surprises was the huge reduction in these types of threads, at least the ones I read (I could totally be off base here as I don't read every thread).

There are debates on definitions, approaches, etc but a lot less people calling each other fakes. I see this as a sign that the boards have matured.

- LA

don't think i called anybody a fake

i said it was my thinking and asked for comments

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Once people let pixels determine their path, they are lost.


Jeff

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

sorta my point, when people can have their own meanings for words then words become meaningless

Five years ago or so back in the early days of Collarme.com, there were many threads where people slammed each other for being in the lifestyle or not.

When I came back 2 months ago or so, one of the pleasant surprises was the huge reduction in these types of threads, at least the ones I read (I could totally be off base here as I don't read every thread).

There are debates on definitions, approaches, etc but a lot less people calling each other fakes. I see this as a sign that the boards have matured.

- LA

don't think i called anybody a fake

i said it was my thinking and asked for comments

And I never implied that you did. I was making a general comment in agreement with your statement.

Maybe I misinterpreted your statement. I understood it as all this is useless to a certain point as people are so different. Should I have interpreted it another way?

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I want to say something on both of these, so I'm going to separate them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BelleMajia

Recently, I've been participating more in various "lifestyle" forums and chatting with potential partners.

As a result, I've been wondering how other people define "in the lifestyle"?

My question is mainly about those getting to know you conversations where we discuss how long we've "been in the lifestyle".

Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"?

Is it when you first fantasized about bdsm? Bought or read your first book? First played with bondage?

I use the term 'in the lifestyle' to associate those activities and associations that are a part of My life.  I don't think one can base it on when they got an interest or even started reading about it.  I think acts of participation have more weight in the definition than reading about them.

I don't know so much about particular milestones.  I tend to think that is more individual definition than a commonly accepted one.  If we're talking about just BDSM without any reference to D/s or M/s.  In My opinion, if someone is participating in bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism, it's a far different thing than being involved in a dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

Question: How long have you been in the lifestyle?
Answer: 25 years
Question: Really? Did your partner live with you?
Answer: Well, No
Question: Oh, How many relations have you had?
Answer: One
Question: Wow, How long was it
Answer: Well, it was actually only 3 months
Question: I am sorry, How long ago was it?
Answer: Well it was 24 years ago

There are alot of people that talk a good game, but they have little or no actual experiece. Just because one says they have all this "experiece" one needs to inquire as what that experience actually is. Simply giving yourself a title, going to munches or holding up the walls at major events does not give you experience. Although I suppose, you could say you are in the lifestyle

This part really interested Me, so it might make for some interesting discussion.  I have two different approaches to this that I thought may be looked at in a different way.  I'd like to offer a different perspective.

I've been married to My other half for approximately eight years and nine months.  During that time, he's been deployed or some other such thing for around a total of two years and six months.  So, have I really been married for eight years and nine months or really only married for six years and three months?

The same can be said of My current M/s dynamic, which has been in existence for coming up on three years and collared for over two.  Should I only count the time that he's actually lived with Me?  Maybe I should take it from the sum of the total of time he's spent with Me, such as those periods where he lived ten minutes away from Me, but did maintain his own sleeping quarters in another location that wasn't under My roof?  How would you suggest I make My calculations regarding the time that he's deployed, but I'm still active within the community, fully participating in S/m with others, attending events and so on?

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

would participating in the life style, be more representative?