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The need to protect - 3/19/2006 11:10:09 AM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		"This is something i was thinking about today. Why do we so often feel the need to protect submissives? What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?

Wouldn't it be better for us as a D/s Group to teach submissives to protect themself and to be able to stand up and say "with respect i decline" and mean what they say?

Do you think the perception of submissives is they need to be protected and watched out for? Do submissives need the protection or is it lack of education in D/s? "

The above question was asked of me earlier today...i felt it so thought provoking and valid i wanted to hear others opinions and views as well as offer my own....

First part of the question asked what is it about submissives that they cannot protect themselves? i feel they can and not only can but should. In order to submit they need to be strong enough to stay stop which ties into the second part of the question...would it be better for us as a D/s group to teach submissives to do so ....unequivocably i say YES

To answer the third part, well the key word is perception i feel. i CAN take care of myself i enjoy when i do not have to SOMETIMES.

i am also OVERPROTECTIVE in nature. i was raised to be that way from the time i was little having an abusive house and a handicapped brother i tended to try to jump in and set things straight to keep the peace...so i dont know how not to be sometimes and it gets me into all sorts of trouble.

i get into trouble with Master when i perceive an injustice being done to Him and i want to scratch their eyes out for it...i KNOW He can take care of Himself hell He takes care of me better than i do but that drive to want to just go off impulsively is there. (it is one of my shortcomings that i am working on as He teaches me to grow) i was told that it is the alpha slave mentality to want to protect. It is also the Dominant personality that wants to as well. Perhaps it stems from there?

With my submissive well i feel that instict to nurture and protect him, he is mine and cherished. i dont like to see him hurting unless it is from my own hand. i want to keep him safe emotionally and physically so that i can help him explore himself and push him to his fullest capabilities.

i notice i am unlike many others in that i am not more protective over females than i am males i am generally gender unbiased worrier. With my submissive friends who are female i am usually running to Master at the first time of their distress seeking His councel on how to make things better. i like to know that everyone is taken care of and they are happy, safe, and that everyone has enough of what they need.

I think overall it isnt the need to protect submissives as much as it is for one to care about and want to protect those who are near and dear to them. Submissives are strong or at least should be encouraged to be as strong as possible.




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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 11:48:00 AM   
nslut4whtmaster


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Very good post.

Who said submissives need to be protected? i for one happen to believe that before a submissive ever entered into this lifestyle she/he would have had to have been capable of taking care of themselves within their vanilla life. i think a point could be made, as to if some of the decisions a submissive makes are in his/her best interests, which could generate the feeling that submissives need protecting. However, this general belief that ALL submissives need protecting, i do not buy it. In order, for me to believe that i would have to believe the common MYTH that circulates in mainstream society about "how submissives are weak and lacking in character", which i DO NOT believe at all. i think it would be better to say that some submissives need protecting, some need more or less than the next.

peace and respect,
ns

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 11:51:22 AM   
Oberonrex


Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		A good question, and one that has some complex answers for me.

First, I am a bit old fashioned, and tend to follow rules of hospitality that are out of date/out of fashion, in that any in my home to whom I have granted hospitality have my protection. I will literally protect them at the expense of my life. This is something that is ancient, and in point of fact was what got MacBeth in trouble in Shakespeare: he violated the laws/rules of hospitality. What really happened is much different from what Shakespeare portrayed, but that is another (and long) post.

Second, one who serves me is my responsibility for as long as they serve me. Sub, slave, doesn't matter. If I have taken/accepted them as such, then I have an obligations to them, including doing all I can to keep them from harm. That includes protecting them from assault or injury.

Third, accepting the reality that I can't protect them 24/7 (anymore than law enforcement can protect one 24/7), I also train in weapons safety, weapons etiquette, self-defense, and even a water safety course. My home contains a number of antique and reproduction edged weapons, fighting weapons, so they need to know how to handle them and how to do so without removing appendages (theirs or mine). I want water safety for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it is something that comes in handy and is easy to deal with. I want self-defense so that they can take care of themselves in most situations, for while they submit they are not targets and they are NOT victims.

Just my two cent's worth...

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 12:25:03 PM   
Moloch


Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		scratchingpost my English is not that good still but are you saying that Submissives need protection or that you have a "need" to protect them?

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:09:22 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being how it is i'm usually called a ball busting bitch... with a mouth from hell...(and don't even need to cuss while I slap you down and leave you feeling like you've been raped.. but wondering what in Gods name just happened here).. others would need protection from this submissive before feeling the need to protect me.

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:17:46 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		It is My nature to protect those under My care. At the same time I teach them how to fend for themselves. I think that is what everyone should do.

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Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:20:20 PM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moloch

scratchingpost my English is not that good still but are you saying that Submissives need protection or that you have a "need" to protect them?

i am saying that it is natural for me to defend and protect those i care about whether they need it or not AND that submissives should be strong enough to not need anyone to protect them...hope that clears it up

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purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:33:23 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

"This is something i was thinking about today. Why do we so often feel the need to protect submissives? What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?


dunno. i protect myself all the time. i've no worries protecting myself unless its some one that stands a foot over me and maybe out wieghs me by a hundred or so lbs. Experience says.... cant throw a body that size. Hand to hand combat you'll lose (i'm 5 feet) unless you've got something sharper or solid in your hand. Good clunk up side the head. Always look for good solid objects in surrounding you when you feel the need to be protected. A bat is good, they're usually not around tho, and if there is one, when ya swing dont be a girl about it, but some shoulders and back into it. Have some heart about it.

Does everyone know that anything can be a deadly weapon. Even a napkin?

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:37:55 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

Being how it is i'm usually called a ball busting bitch... with a mouth from hell...(and don't even need to cuss while I slap you down and leave you feeling like you've been raped.. but wondering what in Gods name just happened here).. others would need protection from this submissive before feeling the need to protect me.


LOL and Master says i'll make you feel like you've been castrated. Soemthing to that affect, i dunno he wasnt talking to me, just some loud mouth friend of his. So now when i'm around they all shut their mouths. Cos they know if they make some stupid half brained remark they're will be a whisper in my ear that says "froggy said jump" i think the last time froggy spoke to me one of the loud mouths was laughing about firecrackers and kitties. MAYBE i have unintentionally castrated them and thats why they're mute around me.

retarded male species!

(in reply to truesub4u)
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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:48:08 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		i'm a submissive and i can take care of myself just fine...

But......

i love to feel protected and taken care of by the right person (My Captain) It's the feeling that i AM safe and protected that allows me to be so submissive to him.

Does that make sense??

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 1:54:05 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		As far as physicality is concerned, hey I have a belt in Taekwondo and i know the point to press to make someone unconscious, I know how to take a wielded knife from someone and to remove myself from someone grabbing me *grin* I also know that Master has much more skill than me in this area....and he could protect me if and when I couldnt ..... but that isnt really what your talking about hey.

Within a D/s sense if I was without a partner, I'm a fully functional human bean. Ive lived life and learned, my submissive nature towards partner selection has matured, whereas when I was younger I may have exposed myself into situations and relationship that were abusive, today that isnt true. So saying that, perhaps there are submissives out there who do still need protection that way, I can fully understand that.

Now for those within D/s relationships now, inclduing myself, the very nature of submissiveness is to submit, this is a powerful thing, yet at the same time, it brings with it a vulnerability...I like putting myself into a position of vulnerability with Master and sometimes that just cant be switched off, I like to know he is looking out for me. So that is a form of protection to hey? Its not saying I'm weak or anything, its just saying that sometimes submission brings with it a real sense of vulnerability and its nice to know you have a Master who will take responsibility for that.

I think its a bit contradictory for a Dominant to 1. Inspire a submissive to submit and feel vulnerable and yet at the same time encourage them to be strong? That doesnt make sense to me, my strongness able to handle anything and take control of situations comes when I'm feeling dominant..but in those times of surrender the last thing i would want is for someone to say to me "stand up and be counted!! take control of yourself!! Stop being weak!!" (hope this is making sense)...its like on one hand saying "yeah its ok to submit and hand over" yet on the other hand saying " Stop it". Mixed messages.

I dont know about other slaves and submissives but I cant just switch on and off and when I'm switched on...there is a real need for protection emotionally, mentally and physically. It effects the way I think, feel and act in very obvious ways. Its a vulnerable state.

Going back to the issue of submissives without partners..yeah I agree, they should be fully functional human beans..submissiveness is a quality that you can offer an dominant partner..but not one that has to make you stupid or dysfunctional.

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 2:53:34 PM   
Angeni


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?

Wouldn't it be better for us as a D/s Group to teach submissives to protect themself and to be able to stand up and say "with respect i decline" and mean what they say?

Most submissives that I have had the pleasure of corresponding with, both in RL and online are more than capable of standing up for themselves when it is called for.

quote:

Do you think the perception of submissives is they need to be protected and watched out for? Do submissives need the protection or is it lack of education in D/s? "

I don't think that most NEED to be protected, but rather that they want to FEEL protected.

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 3:01:01 PM   
powerless1


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline 		Someone earlier in this thread said that subs need to be able to take care of themselves. i agree whole heartedly. we need to be able to protect ourselves from folks who call themselves D's when They are actualy perverts in disguise who would cause us harm.

As for me, it's not a matter of needing the protection. It's a matter of feeling the protection. There is a huge difference.

powerless1

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 3:18:18 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Kari is perfectly capable of protecting herself when I'm not around, but I do agree. It just seems completely natural for me to want to protect my property, and when we are together I consider my Sub to be my property.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 3/19/2006 3:19:51 PM >

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 3:26:17 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Being how it is i'm usually called a ball busting bitch... with a mouth from hell...(and don't even need to cuss while I slap you down and leave you feeling like you've been raped.. but wondering what in Gods name just happened here).. others would need protection from this submissive before feeling the need to protect me.


true, i couldn't have said it better myself. i am more of the 'protector'. Yet, i do oft times wonder what it would be like to be 'protected'.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 3:33:42 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I can't say I've ever met a submissive 'submissive', I've always thought the title 'submissive' as a misnomer. After all they set the boundaries and tell the Dom what they are prepared to put up with and yes during play the Dom has responsibility but outside play I've found submissives to be ball busters and no matter how much the Doms may posture it is the Doms on the end of the leash not the submissives. Which is why I prefer to just play rather than have a steady partner.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 3/19/2006 3:35:10 PM >

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 3:40:55 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		well you know me angelic... i tried it the other way... to let someone "protect" me from others.... shame I couldn't be protected against him.... shrugs.. oh well... life goes on.. and I just get meaner.... LOL

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 3:43:38 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		not meaner, true... more determined

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 4:27:37 PM   
Moloch


Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I understand the need to protect, thats reasonable. But choosing to submit to a person does not change that person, people are still people some are strong some are weak. Sexual orientation preference or life style doesnt make a weaker or a stronger person.

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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 4:47:10 PM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		"sub space" comes to mind immediately as the one time a sub could allow theirself to go far past their normal limits. In that space they want to continue and YesI must feel "Protective".

any other time I am fighting to protect myself from "them" LOL..."i don't do...?" "i want ...?" "can't Ya?..." submissives do a very good job of protecting themselves.

Long live submissives!

(in reply to Moloch)
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