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What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 4:29:38 AM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		Just curious to know how family is handled, that is a sub or Doms family such as parents and brothers or sisters etc.

Do any Doms out there prefer subs with no family ties so things like meeting a subs parents at some stage doent become an issue?

i guess these issues probably dont asrise if you are living apart but maybe the case that a subs mum could be interested to meet a Man that her daughter may be living with 24/7?... and i should imagine the parent or parents would be more that likely to be thinking you are a vanilla couple.

Also what do Doms do if and when his family comes to visit?... do you introduce your sub/slave as a vanilla girlfriend type female or make sure shes hidden away or make her go out?.  Do you ever take her with you to visit your family?

There seems to be more often than in the vanilla world a large age gap betwen Male Doms and female subs.  Has anyone found the age gap a problem in respect to the reactions of family or vanilla friends? - in particular any adult children the Dom may have, especially if they are a similar age to the sub.  How do you deal with this or do most people tend to keep their subs/slaves a secret from the rest of the people in their lifes.  I am meaning that they keep the girl in question a secret as i assume for at least the majority of people the nature of the relationship will always be kept a secret.

Hope everyone has had a happy christmas so far, best wishes

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 4:54:12 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		It would be like meeting anyone. He doesn't walk around all domly with his whip at his hip and I don't crawl around all subly.

_____________________________



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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 5:04:14 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		FR

I told my Mom about what I am into and Sir a while back. She came down to visit this summer with my sister and met Him while they were here. They knew who He was and what the dynamic of our relationship is. My Mom and sister liked Him. Whenever I talk to my Mom she always tells me to tell Him she says Hi.

As far as His family goes, I haven't met them yet and I don't think He's told them about the Lifestyle. So when I do meet them, it will be in a purely vanilla sense.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 6:00:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We treat each other with respect always. My kids see it and so do his. My elderly father reminds him to take care of me. This isn't a beat & fuck relationship only, it's a full relationship. We live together, take care of each other, are each other's medical directive people etc.

But we're not into titles so my kids call him by name as do I. His kids call me by name as does he. I don't walk around naked all the time. My life is pretty normal.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 6:07:24 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		Same as any other couple - I dreaded meeting his parents and they wondered if I'm good enough to marry their son.

LOL

Seriously though, his parents are traditional, relationship-wise, so a patriarchal type of relationship isn't something they question. My parents are very 60's (hippy feminist mother, socialist father) but my mom's long since accepted I'm her polar opposite personality-wise, and while she used to question my attitude toward relationships, that's turned into her making quips about how if she'd done that maybe she wouldn't be divorced. All in good fun of course, she says she loves being divorced, but still.

Anyway that's just the "D/s" aspect, and for us it's really not that 'kinky' - I don't see my submission as defined by wearing kinky outfits or rope or collars, it's more like, if we're both chilling in bed playing World of Warcraft together, we both know that I'm the one who's going to have to go get us a drink and make lunch. I'm the one who cleans the house for guests on Christmas, and I'm also the one who nags at him for not helping even though I know he's not going to

There's really not much overtly 'kinky' about our relationship (except the wooden chest full of kinky stuff, but I'm not going to tell my parents that any more than I'll tell them how frequently I'll use a vibrator, there's really such thing as TMI) so there's no need to "hide me" away. I'm his fiancee, that's what I call myself here on the boards too, and our marriage will be no different than anyone else's in the sense that it's tailored to fit us as individuals rather than a preset standard of What Marriage Should Be.

I love reading Victorian novels of manners but I'm not too keen to live in one.

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 12/28/2009 6:30:59 AM >

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 6:19:40 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't tell them anything. I didn't when I was pure "vannilla". I didn't when I was, mint chocolate chip either.

Why would I want to burden them with my private life?


Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to serisa)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 6:24:01 AM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		hi and thanks.  So if you had a sub come to live with you and her mum wanted to come meet you and see where she was living would you say no, that you are not interested in that sort of thing?

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 6:26:01 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		No, I would welcome her into our home.

I just wouldn't drag her daughter around by a leash while she was visiting.



Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 7:15:25 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		I don't tell them anything, however I grew up in a military family with a very exacting and demanding father with high expectations, and did not take kindly to excuses, or bad behavior. He also doled out love and affection when earned. He was a firm believer that children must be taught that life is challenging, second place means you lost, and secondary education is not an option. He also very much believed that men should be the head of household, however, he earned it, not just given it based on gender. My Sir is very very much cut from the same cloth and they share many of the same ideals. My mother respected and catered to my father, made every place we were stationed into a home while maintaining her identity. She was a self identified feminist that still managed to put her man first, imagine that?. Happily married still for 45 years so apparently it works. Key word "happily".

So for my parents to see me being in a traditional male led relationsip with someone that deserves it by taking very good care of their daughter makes them happy. They see me fulfilled happy and content. I call him John he calls me baby and they don't bat an eye when I bring him a drink, or fix his plate. I am not going to sit on the floor or wear a collar to their house for god's sake, common sense. I have long past the stage of shocking my parents for the sake of it.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to Jeffff)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 7:25:24 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		My family knows I'm very open minded and accepting of just about anything as long as people aren't being harmed.  Meh.

It's easier to be into this than it was being a lesbian when we de-dyked the apartment.  Now?  My family just think I'm kind of odd but interesting.  It's funny, I'm not the only one into this in my family.  The thing my family cares about is this - are you a good person?  Are you kind?  Do you treat people with respect?  Do you know how to be loving?  Those things are way more important than what I do in my private life... it being PRIVATE.  I am accepted because I can answer "yes" to the above questions by my actions. 

Funny, when younger members of what I consider my family are having sexual issues, they come to me.  I have explained how to have anal sex safely, ins and outs of bondage, what it means when a man's balls drop, and the difference between date rape and being a foolish girl.  Because the kids know I'm open , non-judgmental, and honest, they can come to me.  I can't tell you what an honor that is.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 7:33:12 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

It would be like meeting anyone. He doesn't walk around all domly with his whip at his hip and I don't crawl around all subly.


Fake.

------------

Seriously, my goal when relatives or in-laws visit is to see a healthy relationship between two contented people.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 8:33:09 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		My kink is none of their business as far as I'm concerned.  They don't need to know we're anything other than vanilla, just as I don't need to know about their personal business either.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to serisa)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 8:38:01 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
nothing, is the short answer to that one. its none of their business.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 8:42:34 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		i am dealing with this a little bit now. my Master has assured me that it won't be for much longer, and i'm glad, cause i am really looking forward to meeting his family, and friends someday. 

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 9:56:42 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		Concerning my private life and family members, it's on a need to know basis and they do not need to know.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to serisa)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 10:18:28 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		that I had to repair my car, that I got a dvd that was interesting, browse and borrow books from my sister, that I think it is cold, ask if they want to play pinochle, trade a recipe or two, I rarely (in fact I think never) talk about my dick to my brothers and sisters, maybe I am the only one.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 10:19:12 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		This is just life. I would date, be in a relationship, meet people that were important to my mate, I would not seek out someone ages older or younger, ect. In life I am attracted to the man, not the role.

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 10:41:08 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		My parents would know what they'd be getting themselves into if they wanted to visit.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 11:06:56 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

What do you tell your family?


On both sides - The honest, clear answer to any question they ask.

(in reply to serisa)
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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/28/2009 11:20:36 AM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		As far as I'm concerned, my sex life is really none of my family's business. And I would prefer to keep it that way.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 20
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