quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I've spent nanno-seconds wondering about whether I'm needy. If I am, parasitic little smurf that I am .....he's coped magnificently over many years. If I'm needy in a good way or needy in a bad way ......it'd make bugger-all difference to how he behaves, hence it's not crossed my mind.

agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

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ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

Oh, blark.

Would neediness be the constant searching for attention and validation? Say, starting threads over and over?

What about a sub who is not needy enough?

Blark.

quote:

Would neediness be the constant searching for attention and validation? Say, starting threads over and over?

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ORIGINAL: subtee

Tell us about your experience then.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

What does that mean, they "sink further in wherever they go?"

Do you mean they get more and more needy? For attention? For time? For passion or beatings?

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ORIGINAL: subtee

I'm pretty sure I disagree with that, but in what ways does it manifest, in your experience?

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if the relationship works, you don't worry about the trivial things like trust, and respect

those worries are the sign of a problem relationship

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

both doms and subs have a need, it's just in my experience a mans need pales in comparrison to hers

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I'm pretty sure I disagree with that, but in what ways does it manifest, in your experience?

i'm not sure i understand your question

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

Oh.  Well that's a really nice attitude to have, along with Your whiny, insulting one.  So how's that workin' for Ya?  And when are You going to start a thread on whiny, insulting Doms?

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if the relationship works, you don't worry about the trivial things like trust, and respect

those worries are the sign of a problem relationship

I don't worry about those things, but if they aren't there, there is not going to be a relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

both doms and subs have a need, it's just in my experience a mans need pales in comparrison to hers

Since when?  There are some pretty needy Doms out there too, and needy male submissives since You mentioned "men."    You just don't know about them, since You don't look at their profiles and they don't clutter Your cmail inbox.  I do happen to get those cmails, but I don't normally say anything about them, until Someone shows up and complains out femsubs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, the don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

Is neediness a bad thing? Only when the submissive's need is greater than the dominant's ability or desire to meet it, I would think--or, as you implied, expressed in ways that are difficult to handle, let alone enjoy. I haven't seen that happen much in standard bdsm relationships, but I have seen it occur between some disturbed submissives and dominants who tried to take a helping (but not primary) role in their life (such as trying to help them find a suitable partner). I don't know what sub frenzy is, but I have seen some submissives latch onto a dominant trying to help them and convince themselves that the dominant loved them, was their master, even when the dominant had a full plate and had told them clearly the goal was to get them settled with thier own future master. And they would sometimes get very crazy when the dominant refused to act in the role they'd cast him in. Maybe frenzy is something like that? Being willing to delude yourself about the nature of a relationship because you want it so bad or maybe expect too much too soon?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, the don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

Is neediness a bad thing? Only when the submissive's need is greater than the dominant's ability or desire to meet it, I would think--or, as you implied, expressed in ways that are difficult to handle, let alone enjoy. I haven't seen that happen much in standard bdsm relationships, but I have seen it occur between some disturbed submissives and dominants who tried to take a helping (but not primary) role in their life (such as trying to help them find a suitable partner). I don't know what sub frenzy is, but I have seen some submissives latch onto a dominant trying to help them and convince themselves that the dominant loved them, was their master, even when the dominant had a full plate and had told them clearly the goal was to get them settled with thier own future master. And they would sometimes get very crazy when the dominant refused to act in the role they'd cast him in. Maybe frenzy is something like that? Being willing to delude yourself about the nature of a relationship because you want it so bad or maybe expect too much too soon?

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

in my experience needy is part of the submissive profile, the difference is how they express it

Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, the don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

Is neediness a bad thing? Only when the submissive's need is greater than the dominant's ability or desire to meet it, I would think--or, as you implied, expressed in ways that are difficult to handle, let alone enjoy. I haven't seen that happen much in standard bdsm relationships, but I have seen it occur between some disturbed submissives and dominants who tried to take a helping (but not primary) role in their life (such as trying to help them find a suitable partner). I don't know what sub frenzy is, but I have seen some submissives latch onto a dominant trying to help them and convince themselves that the dominant loved them, was their master, even when the dominant had a full plate and had told them clearly the goal was to get them settled with thier own future master. And they would sometimes get very crazy when the dominant refused to act in the role they'd cast him in. Maybe frenzy is something like that? Being willing to delude yourself about the nature of a relationship because you want it so bad or maybe expect too much too soon?

You don't think it happens the other way too?!

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ORIGINAL: osf

hear hear

from now on i come up with the concepts and you flesh them out lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

hear hear

from now on i come up with the concepts and you flesh them out lol

Oh no! Not given the audience you're playing to. I'm stupid, but not totally suicidal. ;)