quote:


Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, they don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee


You don't think it happens the other way too?!

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:


Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, they don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

Neediness is something Dominants tolerate, somewhere along a continuum, depending on what they can handle, but yet you "know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please[slash neediness]?

But yet it is also the connection to the Dominant that facilitates obedience?

How does neediness go hand in hand with a desire to please?

What does being "emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods" have to do with being pleasing or submissive?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee


You don't think it happens the other way too?!

Look, you're just annoyed that someone is taking his point view.

But I am not Osf and have very little tolerance for this sort of "Wah! but THEY do it TOOO!" thread derailment.

I'm only going to say this once. Off. My. Back. Now. Or its iggy-kins for you, sweets.

I'm just not playing this 20 questions game with you. The thread title is "Needy Submissives" and even though I have thought of several derailments to this thread thus far (very interesting questions, they were too!) I'm going to take M. Angelique's advice and post them in their appropriate places.

May I suggest you do the same? Start a thread called "Needy Dominants," set forth you thesis about this, and if I or others have anything substantial to say about it, we'll say it there. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

Look, you're just annoyed that someone is taking his point view.

quote:

But I am not Osf and have very little tolerance for this sort of "Wah! but THEY do it TOOO!" thread derailment.

quote:

I'm only going to say this once. Off. My. Back. Now. Or its iggy-kins for you, sweets.

quote:

I'm just not playing this 20 questions game with you. The thread title is "Needy Submissives" and even though I have thought of several derailments to this thread thus far (very interesting questions, they were too!) I'm going to take M. Angelique's advice and post them in their appropriate places.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:


Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, they don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

Neediness is something Dominants tolerate, somewhere along a continuum, depending on what they can handle, but yet you "know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please[slash neediness]?

But yet it is also the connection to the Dominant that facilitates obedience?

How does neediness go hand in hand with a desire to please?

What does being "emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods" have to do with being pleasing or submissive?

quote:

Now I am DONE here. At least with you. Osf, thanks for a fascinating thread, as always.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:


Yep, it's part of the package. I don't know why those who have trouble with someone expressing neediness get involved with submissives at all, but I do see a lot of dominant profiles/ads that stress that their future partner not be needy. I tend to wonder what planet they are from. :/

But different dominants have different tolerances for neediness. Some can take this much: |---|
Others can tolerate this much: |----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

And most are somewhere in-between.

A needy submissive is the sort of woman vanilla men generally hate: emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods. Most vanilla men don't want to be regarded that way, don't want the knowledge that they affect someone else so strongly, they don't want the mirror into themselves such people can be. But the neediness is part of the complete package and some dominants realize this. Some like the neediness; some don't; but if it's not there I rather doubt the submissive will be very connected to the dominant. I mean, connected enough to be obedient in the ways they want when they want it. Needy goes hand in hand, in most cases, with a desire to please--I think they're two parts of the same thing. I know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please.

Neediness is something Dominants tolerate, somewhere along a continuum, depending on what they can handle, but yet you "know few dominants who don't like to be around someone with that desire to please[slash neediness]?

But yet it is also the connection to the Dominant that facilitates obedience?

How does neediness go hand in hand with a desire to please?

What does being "emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods" have to do with being pleasing or submissive?

Blink. Uh, everything? This is one of those things that if you have no cognizance of it, I doubt strongly I can explain it to you. As your questions appear to arise out of a rather bizarrely stongly defensiveness at being considered needy, I strongly doubt if I can get through the hypercriticality inspired by your emotion. I've said what I wanted to say, and I don't particularly care if you disagree with it, and I've already told you I really don't appreciate your trying to subject me to this rude cross-examination style Osf has graciously let you get away with, with him. I find it repugnant, in fact. I can add one thing here, however.

"But yet it is also the connection to the Dominant that facilitates obedience?"

Also? What also? The neediness and the dominant's filling of the neediness IS the connection, in my experience, or a very large part of it. What's baffling to me is why you are so bothered by the idea that a submissive could be needy? Is that something you never admit to yourself in your relatiionships? It's always been a very visble hard fact in my own.

Now I am DONE here. At least with you. Osf, thanks for a fascinating thread, as always.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
What does being "emotionally dependent, clingy, looking to their partner for validation and reassurance, buoyed up and brought down by him, by his moods" have to do with being pleasing or submissive?

quote:

Hahahahahhaha! You're...uh, something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


it's not the desire to serve or give bj's that is the need, it is the need for structure

the serving and bj's are just kink, it's the structure where the real truth lies

quote:

Or not. You really must stop stating what your preference in a partner is as a categorical necessity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Hahahahahhaha! You're...uh, something.

I think you should go read her journal entry..One of them is written like it's just for you or someone like you that is...

The 12/3 one :>

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


it's not the desire to serve or give bj's that is the need, it is the need for structure

the serving and bj's are just kink, it's the structure where the real truth lies

Or not. You really must stop stating what your preference in a partner is as a categorical necessity. There are many submissives who are perfectly capable of structuring their own lives. And indeed the lives of their family members and their employees.

Indeed it is almost axiomatic that corporate heads who do indeed supply the structure for hundreds of employees, if not thousands, are by preference submissive at home. Or are you claiming that anyone who can manage their own lives well cannot be a "twue" submissive?

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Hahahahahhaha! You're...uh, something.

I think you should go read her journal entry..One of them is written like it's just for you or someone like you that is...

The 12/3 one :>

Wow. Like me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Hahahahahhaha! You're...uh, something.

I think you should go read her journal entry..One of them is written like it's just for you or someone like you that is...

The 12/3 one :>

Wow. Like me?

Yeah I know..It's uncanny

quote:

ORIGINAL: itsmeinLV

Hm...needy is wanting and wanting and never feeling content with anything given, at least in my opinion.  The word poses a negative feeling although in a different context, it doesn't necessarily have to be negative.  But yeah, no, I try my best not to be needy but I think everybody's got those moments, haha.