RE: Not quite sure how to continue...

RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (Full Version)

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mnottertail -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/1/2010 1:47:25 PM)
Maybe he just laid pipe to her like they are going to restart all possible oil production in the United States and he now cant get her to STFU!!!!!!! Ron

ranja -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/2/2010 5:27:08 AM)
OP you said: "I am a very laid back type of person, and most of the time just don't care about what is happening in my surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I can be alert and responsive if I want, I just usually don't care to be." Well, if you are laid back, you surely might still know exactly what goes on in your surroundings and respond to anything but in a laid back type of way... nought wrong with that. But if you do not care about what is going on... and so have no interest or any idea that you actually should respond to anything... well, maybe you are lazy? or selfish? it seems to me you should make up your mind as to wether you are laid back or lazy. and keep in mind that when the truth is that you are lazy... you will most likely lose her...

LafayetteLady -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/2/2010 9:42:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja it seems to me you should make up your mind as to wether you are laid back or lazy. and keep in mind that when the truth is that you are lazy... you will most likely lose her... It really is no wonder why the OP hasn't been back to respond or give more details and information. He has basically been called lazy and told that if he just tries a bit harder, he can "step up" and do what is needed to keep his wife happy and help her live out her fantasies. What's really funny is if this were a woman making the same statements about a man, everyone would call him one of those "do me" subs. I'm pretty sure this couple can find a middle ground and compromise that will work for them. Hopefully they will find their way to a counsellor that will help them.

ranja -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/4/2010 2:56:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady It really is no wonder why the OP hasn't been back to respond or give more details and information. He has basically been called lazy and told that if he just tries a bit harder, he can "step up" and do what is needed to keep his wife happy and help her live out her fantasies. Good... if he is busy and managing his affairs and keep his wife happy... very good i think he has had some excellent advise What's really funny is if this were a woman making the same statements about a man, everyone would call him one of those "do me" subs. I do not see the comparising... are you calling his wife a "do me" sub? i do not really relate to these terms... is a "do me" sub lazy? if a woman is a "do me" is she not generally referred to as "high maintenance" quite often a trait somewhat preferred by a Dom? I'm pretty sure this couple can find a middle ground and compromise that will work for them. That would be great... i am afraid it will mean that he might have to try a bit harder though... i did think he sounded a bit lazy and she will probably have to be more patient

Knighthunter862 -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/4/2010 7:47:48 AM)
Next you can try to be gay.Try to be a different race.I applaude your love and effort for your wife but dominance is not taught or learned its what inside you.If you was dominant then you could learn how to do that better and be better at it.Your not.Good luck to you both

LafayetteLady -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/4/2010 9:20:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady It really is no wonder why the OP hasn't been back to respond or give more details and information. He has basically been called lazy and told that if he just tries a bit harder, he can "step up" and do what is needed to keep his wife happy and help her live out her fantasies. Good... if he is busy and managing his affairs and keep his wife happy... very good i think he has had some excellent advise What's really funny is if this were a woman making the same statements about a man, everyone would call him one of those "do me" subs. I do not see the comparising... are you calling his wife a "do me" sub? i do not really relate to these terms... is a "do me" sub lazy? if a woman is a "do me" is she not generally referred to as "high maintenance" quite often a trait somewhat preferred by a Dom? I'm pretty sure this couple can find a middle ground and compromise that will work for them. That would be great... i am afraid it will mean that he might have to try a bit harder though... i did think he sounded a bit lazy and she will probably have to be more patient Based on the fact that he says his wife has told him specifically what "scenes" she wants, that she is apt to want these after reading certain types of books and that she mentions she can tell he isn't aroused by it (but still wants him to do it anyway, just "learn" to be more into it), yep, I would say that she is the equivalent what many call a "do me sub." What in his post sounded lazy? Because he loves his wife and wants also his way while meeting her way? The only thing he said was that he is laid back, meaning he isn't demanding. That isn't lazy. He deserves a great deal of credit for wanting to make his wife happy and for coming here looking for suggestions and help to do that. No where did he mention that his wife wants to be dominated all the time, be directed on how to attend to the house, what to wear, what to cook, etc. From his post it would seem that his wife's primary interest is the sexual aspects of BDSM play. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people will live their lives enjoying the sexual aspects of BDSM without any of the other activities. But marriage and relationships are about compromise. They didn't start out their marriage with her stating a desire for this. She "discovered" this while he was deployed and now he is home and trying to figure things out. You say that he should "try harder," and that he appears "lazy." Why shouldn't SHE be trying harder to please him? We have all seen the suggestions given to men who want to be submissive....wait on your spouse, work extra hard at taking care of your spouse's needs outside the bedroom, do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, massage her feet, make her feel special. Yet here is a man whose wife is in that position and you say the man should try harder? Why is it that HE has to try harder to be more dominant, and if he isn't wanting to do that, HE is the one who is lazy? Couldn't we just as easily give his wife the same advice for meeting her "submissive" needs we would give to a man wanting to be submissive to his wife? The bottom line here is that everything the OP says indicates his wife hasn't shown an interest in this beyond the sexual aspects. From that respect, he could simply be more "dominant" by saying "No. I'm in charge, so we will do it MY way." In other words the main determination that needs to be made in the OPs situation is does his wife want kinky sex or does his wife want to be in a 24/7 TPE household. From what he writes it is the former. But somehow you read the same post and see that because he maybe isn't into taking a belt to his wife's ass, he is lazy?

ranja -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/5/2010 2:07:37 AM)
LafayetteLady: He said: "I have a problem, I don't know if I am doing it wrong, if I just don't have enough motivation, etc, but I just can't seem to get into the role. My wife introduced me to the d/s aspect of her sexuality while I was deployed, sent me tons of articles, talked to me on end about this and was/has been extremely enthusiastic about the lifestyle. I just don't know how to handle some situations. I am a very laid back type of person, and most of the time just don't care about what is happening in my surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I can be alert and responsive if I want, I just usually don't care to be. My main problem that I am having now is that she is burying her nose in books such as "The Story of O" or some other series that is "The Claiming of someone or other". I can noticibly tell a difference between when she is reading stuff like that or just plain vanilla romance novels. The only time that she is ever "in the mood" is when she reads the d/s stuff. I love her to death, but I can't figure out what to do. She claims that when we try a scene, she can notice that I am not that into it. There are other things that she wants to do that, again, I am not into, but I will have the common courtesy not to say because she does view these boards. I want to make her happy, but to what expense do I do that? Do I spend the rest of my life living as a person that I clearly am not, or do I just not fulfill her fantasies? Living the life as the person that I am not will obviously work in my favor sexually, but not fulfilling her fantasies will leave me initiating if I ever want sex?" To me this post sounds like he just really does not care so much... like he states himself in the first bit i coloured red... i think he would prefer it really if his wife just stops reading the books that turn her on... but she still has to initiate sex. She has given him all the reading material she thought might help him... but somehow i do not really think he has actually read any of it, but of course i might be wrong... The next bit i coloured red tells me he seems to think that he either has to pretend to be some hard Dom all the time (too much like hard work)... or totally none of the time (lazy) ... it seems to me that a person should love their partner enough to want to make some effort at least some of the time... or indeed he might be lazy and can't he be bothered and perhaps he just wishes that she would just bloody stop reading the books? Relationships change... she has an interest... she has told him about this interest... will he help her? Alternatively it could be that he has an erection problem and is somewhat ashamed about the whole difficult sex subject (i am totally reaching here) that might also explain his lack of interest perceived by his wife... but in my experience, BDSM is a perfect way to deal with that... because it is so much more than just fucking... and there are soooo many toys.... but again, if that is even the case, he has to face things and get off his butt. His last line really sounds like he is lazy to me... it sounds like he does like the sexual rewards that come with Domming his wife but really he can not be bothered to play her... if he ever wants sex... it has been suggested he might allow her to look for a Dom outside the marriage... some people would beable to cope with that... also it has been suggested that he steps up to the mark. I think if he does not make more effort and he does not allow her to look for another... she is more likely to make a mistake if a temptation comes along (see the married people in the lifestyle thread) but maybe they can live with that. Maybe her want for this kink will wane when she hits the change and he can go back to his armchair and continue with not bothering to care about anything. He can also forbid her to read these books. ETA of course there might be god knows how many things she could be doing different... but he came here for advice, not her maybe she is waiting hand and foot on him, while he sits uncaring in his armchair... i don't know that... ... and honestly how much effort is it for him to order her to give him a foot massage... to have her kiss his feet... to stroke her head and tell her she is a good girl? ... in that scenario are they not both giving eachother a good time?... instead of her reading books about it and him clueless in his armchair probably watching telly.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/5/2010 5:16:48 PM)
quote: He said: Don't get me wrong, I can be alert and responsive if I want, I just usually don't care to be. Does it occur to you that this also means he really doesn't care to micromanage someone's activities? That he doesn't "care" to spend his time off from his job ordering his wife around? I guess not. quote: The only time that she is ever "in the mood" is when she reads the d/s stuff. So she only wants to have sex AFTER she reads these types of books. Where is HER compromise in this marriage? Where do you see HER loving her husband enough to compromise for him? Or because she has discovered her "kinky" side, that is the only "need" that should be considered? quote: I want to make her happy, but to what expense do I do that? Do I spend the rest of my life living as a person that I clearly am not, or do I just not fulfill her fantasies? Again, why should he have to forfeit all of his wants, needs and desires because she is kinky and he apparently isn't into it. He puts forth the effort, but she can tell he isn't that into it. Yes, you are really reaching with erectile dysfunction. "not that into it" doesn't necessarily refer to the sex. Perhaps as he is giving her the spanking she wants, she doesn't think he is ethusiastic enough in his strokes or as he is telling her what a "bad girl" she is or a "whore." Really though, let's just reach for him having trouble maintaining an erection. After all, we are all kinky at heart. Newsflash, some people aren't. The fact that he even engages in these activities with his wife contradicts your view that he is lazy. quote: Living the life as the person that I am not will obviously work in my favor sexually, but not fulfilling her fantasies will leave me initiating if I ever want sex?" Should he ALWAYS be the one to initiate sex? Isn't is nice to have your partner approach you sometimes wanting to have sex? Instead, this man is in a position where his wife only wants sex after reading a kinky novel, otherwise whether he initiates it or not, she isn't "in the mood." By the way, this is the basis for me saying that she isn't interested in the 24/7 D/s relationship. She is concerned with the kinky sex games, and if there aren't going to be kinky sex games, she isn't going to have sex at all. Yep, he's lazy, but she is perfectly in the right. He just needs to work harder at his marriage because if a person is kinky, their needs are the more important ones that must be met. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja To me this post sounds like he just really does not care so much... like he states himself in the first bit i coloured red... i think he would prefer it really if his wife just stops reading the books that turn her on... but she still has to initiate sex. If she really was all that submissive, then she should be really concerned about HIS needs, don't you think? quote: ORIGINAL: ranja She has given him all the reading material she thought might help him... but somehow i do not really think he has actually read any of it, but of course i might be wrong... Of course he must not have read it because he didn't read it and immediately go "wow, this is the way I want to live my life and get rock hard from the material he couldn't have read it. Once someone sent me some essay on the joys of watersports. He thought that perhaps after reading it I would "understand" the beauty of someone pissing on me. I read it in its entirety. Didn't change my mind, didn't even give me a "tingle" of arousal. Does that mean that I'm "lazy" because I'm not into watersports and have no desire (no how, no way, not ever) to try them to please a partner? quote: ORIGINAL: ranja The next bit i coloured red tells me he seems to think that he either has to pretend to be some hard Dom all the time (too much like hard work)... or totally none of the time (lazy) He already is pretending to be a dom. He really isn't that into it, but he does it. Why? Because he loves his wife and wants to make her happy. Does she appreciate the efforts he puts forth? Nope, he needs to really get into it or she is going to complain. Every thing this man writes about his wife would label her a "do me sub" especially if she were male, but here, this guy doesn't get many kudos for trying to please his wife even though it isn't his thing, and instead, he should keep working harder at the game. If he doesn't, he just lazy. Sorry, I still say the fact that everything in this man's post is about his allegedly SUBMISSIVE wife wanting everything her way. Why has not ONE person said she is topping from the bottom, she is a do me sub? The only thing anyone sees is that this poor guy, who was away serving his country, now needs to "man up" and do whatever his submissive wife wants or let her find a dominant man to do it for him. Either way, this guy isn't going to have the marriage he had when he was deployed or the kind of sex HE finds fufilling. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja ... it seems to me that a person should love their partner enough to want to make some effort at least some of the time... or indeed he might be lazy and can't he be bothered and perhaps he just wishes that she would just bloody stop reading the books? And he made it very clear that he DOES make the effort to please his wife. He isn't enthusiastic enough about the activity to make her happy. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja Relationships change... she has an interest... she has told him about this interest... will he help her? He already has "helped" her. He has been accomodating. Perhaps the more important question is does she even appreciate HIS feelings about the whole thing? quote: ORIGINAL: ranja Alternatively it could be that he has an erection problem and is somewhat ashamed about the whole difficult sex subject (i am totally reaching here) that might also explain his lack of interest perceived by his wife... but in my experience, BDSM is a perfect way to deal with that... because it is so much more than just fucking... and there are soooo many toys.... but again, if that is even the case, he has to face things and get off his butt. Just curious, if he did have an erection problem, why then would he be wanting sex "his" way as well as hers? Let's say that he isn't getting "rock hard" during the activities. Does it occur to you that perhaps it is because he isn't turned on by it? If his wife was telling she wanted him to have sex with a man and he was trying to accomodate her and make her happy, but he had trouble getting it up for the guy, would you think that he had an erection problem? I don't think you would. While you say that BDSM is "so much more than just fucking," did you read his post really? Her interests in BDSM ARE all about the BDSM fucking. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja His last line really sounds like he is lazy to me... it sounds like he does like the sexual rewards that come with Domming his wife but really he can not be bothered to play her... if he ever wants sex... Which sexual "rewards?" That his wife will fuck him if he does it her way? That isn't a reward at all. He wants to be able to please his wife in the ways that she wants, but he expects it to be reciprocated. That isn't lazy at all. And if you are thinking that he could be more "domly" by ordering her to do it, you truly do not get the point. He wants her to accept having vanilla sex in exchange him giving her kinky sex. She should appreciate the lengths this man is going to for her pleasure. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja it has been suggested he might allow her to look for a Dom outside the marriage... some people would beable to cope with that... also it has been suggested that he steps up to the mark. Yes both those suggestions have been made. Even though there are many here who are involved in this lifestyle with the consent of their vanilla partners, most will tell you that they understand how it is the exception not the norm. Considering his wife's interests are pretty much based on the sexual aspects, it's asking a lot to think a spouse is going to accept their partner having sex with other people, especially when they aren't going to satisfy the needs of the spouse who is letting them get their needs met. The whole "step up to the mark" stuff is childish and ignorant. If he isn't into it, he isn't into it. It doesn't make him a bad husband, it doesn't make him lazy. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja I think if he does not make more effort and he does not allow her to look for another... she is more likely to make a mistake if a temptation comes along (see the married people in the lifestyle thread) but maybe they can live with that. Another bunch of bullshit. Spouses make commitments to each other and it is nothing but a poor excuse to say they can't resist temptation. Happens in the vanilla world all the time. "She seduced me," "He never pays me enough attention." Of course not when you are so busy catering to your own needs and being led around by your genitals that you can't honor your own commitments. I have nothing against those who had the conversation with their spouse and as a couple, they agreed that one or the other could have their involvements within the lifestyle that both were comfortable with. They sat down like adults, discussed what each needed, wanted and expected out of the relationship and reached a compromise. I applaud their ability to do that. However, I am far from the only one here who thinks that those who can't resist the temptation and cheat on their spouse have shown that they aren't trustworthy, and aren't loyal and commitments and promises and honesty only apply when it benefits them. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja Maybe her want for this kink will wane when she hits the change and he can go back to his armchair and continue with not bothering to care about anything. The OP is 23 years old. Life is not all about kink. I wonder is this what your husband is hoping for with you? quote: ORIGINAL: ranja maybe she is waiting hand and foot on him, while he sits uncaring in his armchair... i don't know that... You have made up your mind that he is just some lazy guy who sits in his armchair doing nothing because he has issues demeaning, humiliating, spanking or otherwise engaging in kinky sex with his wife. It really wouldn't matter what he was or wasn't doing, if he isn't developing into the uberdom ready to bow to his wife's wishes (you do understand the ridiculousness of that, right), he is lazy in your view. quote: ORIGINAL: ranja ... and honestly how much effort is it for him to order her to give him a foot massage... to have her kiss his feet... to stroke her head and tell her she is a good girl? ... in that scenario are they not both giving eachother a good time?... instead of her reading books about it and him clueless in his armchair probably watching telly. Maybe the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to order his wife to do anything, can you even conceive of that? Not everyone wants their feet massaged or kissed, and NO it isn't a good time for everyone. But again, you have already decided that she wants to be the ultimate slave and he is just a lazy guy who isn't "stepping up" because he wants more from his marriage and his sex life than to accomodate his wife's sexual fantasies and get NOTHING in return.

ranja -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/6/2010 2:09:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady The OP is 23 years old. Life is not all about kink. I wonder is this what your husband is hoping for with you? That is way below the belt, and yes He was... not really about kink but about sex in general... He used to have a habit of supplying me with alcohol aswell... not to get me in the mood, but to get me drunk so i would just quietly go to bed... i have gone through quite some heart ache. i did not know he was only 23... people generally still have a lot to learn if they are young quote: You have made up your mind that he is just some lazy guy who sits in his armchair doing nothing because he has issues demeaning, humiliating, spanking or otherwise engaging in kinky sex with his wife. It really wouldn't matter what he was or wasn't doing, if he isn't developing into the uberdom ready to bow to his wife's wishes (you do understand the ridiculousness of that, right), he is lazy in your view. I suggested that he MIGHT be lazy and i said that he SOUNDED lazy whether he IS lazy or NOT is up to him to decide You are the one who is reaching... quote: Maybe the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to order his wife to do anything, can you even conceive of that? Not everyone wants their feet massaged or kissed, and NO it isn't a good time for everyone. But again, you have already decided that she wants to be the ultimate slave and he is just a lazy guy who isn't "stepping up" because he wants more from his marriage and his sex life than to accomodate his wife's sexual fantasies and get NOTHING in return. Well, if he dislikes his feet being massaged, maybe he would appreciate a shave? if he doesn't WANT any bdsm why did he even come here to ask questions? to be told by you that his wife isn't good enough?

ranja -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 1:45:22 AM)
OP: as i have been accused of total ignorance by suggesting you might be lazy... which you may or may not be... i shall try to make amends... It was helpful to have pointed out your age... at 23 i can indeed understand that plain vanilla sex is plenty exiting for you without any need to rattle your confidence having to 'pretend' to be someone you are not. The point is though not to pretend... in your profile you describe yourself as a Dominant and you are here to gather info, so i take it you like to learn. So your wife gets turned on by reading certain books... well, there are porn movies with this stuff aswell... maybe it would be nice for the two of you together to watch some of these movies and see if they not get something stirred... also men seem to relate better to pictures than to words so it might be more up your street. main steam ones are 'the secretary' i thought that was hot 'bitter moon' very good but also cringe worthy in places i saw 'boxing Helena' quite scary, i remember being very strangely thrilled and disgusted by that at the same time, there are more 'anatomy of hell' arty, my Husband thought it was dreadful but i liked certain scenes in it. Oh there are many more and much heavier than what i have mentioned here. Also, what happens if your wife is turned on? ... is it like she reads a book and then comes to you for sex and then starts to direct you as to what she has in mind? ... Because that is so likely to go wrong indeed Better use her when she is turned on but in the way you both like... can you get her off? Do you know how she masturbates? When i was in my first attempt to a relationship whan i was around 20 years old, i could not get there with my boyfriend... i faked orgasms... so find out about her! i remember how strange i felt about getting my first vibrator and how clumsy we were at handling it. How he never even seemed to think of pulling my hair... or pin me down Just take it slow and be honest. Do you playfight? tickle her till she begs for mercy? If she has a particular scene in mind then indeed take the time to plan this properly before hand, talk about it in depth... make a date for it a week later so you know what you are doing and also so you can plan things you like yourself in among the things she would like you to do for her or the things she would like to do for you. If she has dirty and naughty ideas that you find revolting ... search inside yourself for some understanding or a handle on how you can accommodate the filth in such away that you get something out of it aswell.... look for dirty and naughty stuff inside your own brain and tell her about these wicked desires too... sometimes it does not even seem to have anything to do with sex. Being laid back is fine, but being lazy or hiding behind 'being laid back' because you really are a bit scared of these desires of your wife is not... It has been suggested that i think that you should totally bend to your wife's will... this is NOT what i am suggesting at all and furter more i do not think your wife would even appreciate that since it seems she wants you do dominate her , but taking note of the info your wife gives you to create an interesting and vibrant sexlife with lots of orgasms is in my opinion a very good idea. All the best

theGuideGoddess -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 2:23:33 AM)
LafayetteLady @ 1/5/2010 5:16:48 PM To everything you said: [sm=agree.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif] TGG

DarlingSavage -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 3:13:32 AM)
quote: Many man were raised to respect women and treat them like princesses. BULLSHIT!!!!! I have yet to meet a man that does this! That has to be the biggest line of shit I've ever heard in my life!

breatheasone -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 3:15:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage quote: Many man were raised to respect women and treat them like princesses. BULLSHIT!!!!! I have yet to meet a man that does this! That has to be the biggest line of shit I've ever heard in my life! Yeah, i'd have to agree with you on this.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 3:41:17 AM)
Thank you! There might be some guys out there like that, but I have yet to meet any.

AquaticSub -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 4:40:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage quote: Many man were raised to respect women and treat them like princesses. BULLSHIT!!!!! I have yet to meet a man that does this! That has to be the biggest line of shit I've ever heard in my life! Yeah, i'd have to agree with you on this. I have to disagree. I've met a few and tons of men who have been raised to consider women as delicate things that should never be struck, carry anything heavy, etc and this is second nature to them even though they firmly believe in gender equality.

breatheasone -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 4:56:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage quote: Many man were raised to respect women and treat them like princesses. BULLSHIT!!!!! I have yet to meet a man that does this! That has to be the biggest line of shit I've ever heard in my life! Yeah, i'd have to agree with you on this. I have to disagree. I've met a few and tons of men who have been raised to consider women as delicate things that should never be struck, carry anything heavy, etc and this is second nature to them even though they firmly believe in gender equality. Thats cool that you have had that experience. In my experience what DarlingSavage said is true.

AquaticSub -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 5:12:43 AM)
quote: Thats cool that you have had that experience. In my experience what DarlingSavage said is true. Perhaps if you would define what you consider a man treating you with respect and like a princess... I certainly haven't been showered with tiaras or jewels - unless you count by my real Daddy and those were usually plastic. [;)]

breatheasone -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 5:34:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: Thats cool that you have had that experience. In my experience what DarlingSavage said is true. Perhaps if you would define what you consider a man treating you with respect and like a princess... I certainly haven't been showered with tiaras or jewels - unless you count by my real Daddy and those were usually plastic. [;)] AquaticSub, i didn't mean to imply anything about how you have been treated by the men in your life. i was simply agreeing with the post DarlingSavage made. i'm sorry if it came acrossed as anything different. i hope you and your family had a good New Years.

sappatoti -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 6:48:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage quote: Many man were raised to respect women and treat them like princesses. BULLSHIT!!!!! I have yet to meet a man that does this! That has to be the biggest line of shit I've ever heard in my life! Yeah, i'd have to agree with you on this. I have to disagree. I've met a few and tons of men who have been raised to consider women as delicate things that should never be struck, carry anything heavy, etc and this is second nature to them even though they firmly believe in gender equality. I was raised one of those men that Jeffff and Aquatic are talking about, with a few minor tweaks. No, I was not taught that women are fragile and need to be coddled. However, I was taught, and shown -- through the example of my parents and both sets of grandparents -- that chivalry, respect, and gender equality are alive and well. Perhaps this explains why I will never be comfortable role playing in a dominant or submissive role. I truly do believe that besides the obvious physical differences between the genders, men and women deserve equal respect. For those of you who have called bullshit on this, I am speechless. I know of many men who act and think the same as I so I guess I assumed we were in abundance all over the place. Perhaps they aren't. For that I'm truly sorry you never had the chance or opportunity to meet us.

hisdarlinsweetie -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (1/7/2010 7:15:15 AM)
I moved to the South after living in the North most of my life. Most the men I met in the North were raised to respect women but not treat them as a princess because it would be sexist. So, I was surprised by the prevalence of women as "delicate flowers" thinking and gentlemanly acts in general upon my arrival here in the South. My sister lived here for a year before moving back to NYC and was extremely annoyed that men were always offering to carry things for her at work (she worked as a chef in a restaurant), demanding to pay for the date, opening the door for her, etc. Perhaps it's less culturally acceptable to do things for a woman just because she is a woman in some areas of the country. I completely agree with LafayettLady. If the OP has to pretend to be a Dom every time he wants sex, (to me) it's not laziness if he questions doing it. Not all people are Doms and subs. For me, it's not constant work for me to play the role as a sub...I am a sub. Obviously, there are specific tasks that can be harder and take more thought, but I don't consciously tell myself to act sub.

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