FLsubmalecd
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ORIGINAL: subtoFemDommes
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ORIGINAL: subCDswfl
But i am sure the love was there between us until whatever snapped Her into wanting out. Since we could never be together full time, maybe it is for the best.
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i need love along wiht my total submission to jus one deserving Woman. What's my odds of ever finding Her?
It does sound to me as if there was some degree of ambivalence in how what each of you wanted and thought you had was communicated. It doesn't sound like a relationship of "three years" where you only "saw each other twice" is what you are looking for.
Whatever the odds are, the only way to increase them is to be clear of what you want, communicate that upfront without any ambiguity (which your profile does seem to do) and don't compromise or waste time once you understand that's not what someone else is looking for. I feel a lot of the moaning about the bad odds of finding the Domme who suits you, ignores how much time people spend pursuing those who obviously won't, in either the heat of a need unmet, or the deluded belief that someone will compromise their values to suit our own.
Like you, I knew what I needed and knew I'd rather just be alone than get involved with a Domme who wasn't looking for a deep, abiding love. But I wouldn't have spent 3 years involved without a greater certainty that She wanted the same thing.
In the words of one lady who, if not a Domme could certainly pass for one (Beverly Sills) "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going." I'd add, "And definitely don't waste your time wandering down roads that don't even go in the same direction."
Hello subtoFemme Dommes,
Thank you for your response. And another thank you to your Mistress. I t does seem like you both have what I'm looking for. I wish you both years of love . Our only being together 2 times in 3 years was due to her business, her kids, the time being hard to get away from her home responsibilities etc. I was supposed to see her for the first time just after Christmas of 2004 when I told her that I "might" have a surprise and that I "might" be coming up to see her. I had to secure the time off work, get the airline tickets and tell my wife that I was going ( that's another sad story)
She said she was so happy and excited that she could not think straight. That was Christmas eve. Well I arrived in her state the day after Christmas, staying with a mutual friend about 80 miles from her home. I tried e-mailing her, text messaging her, phone etc. to let her know I was there. I never got a response and was worried needless to say. I had all kinds of horrible thoughts going on in my head as to why she is not responding. Then The last day I was there, I got a text message on my cell phone. It said, " hi, on my way to hospital to pick up mom. She will respond when home, Sincerely curious XXXX ( her oldest son's name, age 20)
So now panic set in as I knew her son had her cell phone and retrieved all my messages! To make a long story short, she never knew I was in her state until I was back home and she messaged me and I told her. She did not think I was serious about coming up and she was also rushed to the hospital Christmas eve. It took 20 minutes on the phone to calm her down and stop her crying, once she found out she missed me. So our first meeting was delayed yet another 6-7 months.
As far as this relationship lasting 3 years, as I look back on it, I can only say that I was without a doubt very much in love with her. So each and every time we would plan to be together and then fail to materialize just keep me hopeful in knowing that some day it would happen. Hard to explain. But for starters she and I were both married. She still is. I am not. She at one time planned on leaving her husband and we talked about a life together. But then she had a hard time even thinking about breaking up her children's home. She without a doubt is a good mother. I even accepted that I might have to wait 7-8 years until her boys were grown and on their own. For the last year of our relationship, she made it clear that we will perhaps never be together 24/7 but would see each other maybe 6 times a year. I loved her so much I was ready to accept that and just maintain our daily contact via messenger and our play on webcam. As I type this, I can't believe I was so much in love that I was willing to accept that and live a separate life away from her. I was faithful to her up until the end. She even wanted me to start dating so I would at least have a normal sex life. now was I to believe that she offered and insisted on that due to her love and care for me, or perhaps that was the beginning of the end. Her realizing that our relationship was a dead end and that the mostly on-line only was not working for her anymore. I wish I knew for sure. I'd like to believe that there is still a special place in her heart for me even to this day. Maybe I'm being to much of a romantic to think that since I can't see anyone letting someone else go for their own good as she claimed. If she loved me as much as I know she did at one time, I'd think her selfishness would have not let that happen. It's complicated to say the least. I will never know what is in her heart or when things started changing. One day it was closing all IM's or e-mails with, "I love you...wamh..ats...and MORE xoxox", to "goodnight Baby, xoxo I caught her in several lies. Lies that maybe were her way of trying to make me let go of the intense love I had for her since I was not taking the hint or listening to her when she said that we will continue our D/s relationship but I needed to give up all hope of ever being a couple. There were even 2 breakups before the final blow where she got nasty and showed a side of her I still can't and won't believe she had. It is like I was dealign with a totally different person and not the loving sincere honest woman I feel in love with and left my wife for. So there you have it. So much in love that I made some very stupid decissons that changed my life and hurt a very good woman, my wife. But from all this I feel I have learned much. I now know what I want and need in the way of a Domme and more important, a mate for life. As someone put it, a good mix of vanilla and D/s. A strong mutual love. I thought I had it with my Mistress, but I was blind and acted from my heart and not my head. It's true!... Love is blind. And it is also very blinding. This almost killed me. I never hurt so much in my entire life. Lessons learned.
So like you subtoFemmeDom, I will be alone rather then compromise what I know I need and want in the way of a loving bond.
Thank you all for your responses and putting up with my rant. It is kind of therapeutic totell my story. Maybe it wil help others faced with this type of relationship.
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Loving D/s relationship? What's the odds? - 
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