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Aanakaris -> RE: early mistakes (1/1/2010 11:31:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rockspider
quote:
ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I'm thinking my post was a bit misleading. It wasn't early in my BDSM adventure. In fact, I thought I knew what I was doing. I knew the safety measures, taught them at munches, ran clubs etc. I knew what I liked, and wanted. I wasn't a rookie. What I didn't know, was that I could take all the recommended safey measures, and still find myself in such a bad situation.
He wasn't a total stranger. I met him at a munch, and spent a good bit of time getting to know him. We discussed limits. Talked on the phone, and met publicly and on the surface seemed compatible. People liked him. There was nothing in his demeanor, that indicated he was a threat. He wasn't pushy...or anything else that 'new and delicate subbies' are warned to watch out for. On the surface, he was great.
Beneath the surface, he was sexually dysfunctional, and the only way he could find gratification was to do things that were not concensual. Things that had been agreed upon as off limits. I won't elaborate. The specifics aren't really relevant.
Afterward, I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what I did wrong to have ended up in the situation I found myself in. It took some time but I came to terms with the fact that you really can do all the right things and still end up in a bad situation. My mistake, was believing that all the safety measures I'd been taught (and taught others myself) were a guarantee of no harm.
Upon reflection, I felt as if I'd implied something in my first post that was inaccurate and by omission - untrue. Just felt some clarification was in order.
That post say me something. If you buy and read the book "The Sociopath Next Door" By Martha Stout you propably find out what you did wrong. It is very easy to end up in those situations when it is a psychopat, or sociopath as you call it, you are dealing with.
That book is terrifying in many ways. The person who wrote, "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" which became the Dexter TV series was inspired by that book.
Her lesson is a good one, there are no guarantees, just things that reduce the likely hood of a bad occurrence. Just like any safety measure from a helmet when biking to a safe word. They help but are no sure thing. Be on your guard and do your best to learn, not beat yourself up when something bad happens. Sometimes all you can learn is that you're lucky to have made it out in one piece.
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