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RE: Does your response matter? - 1/1/2010 9:47:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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A comment slightly off-topic. It might be important to note that behavior this is unseemly or undesired in and for one person or couple is absolutely essential for another. What some might deem rude, others deem something else: For example, is standing up to fight the bully right or wrong? It depends on who you ask.

Master Fire

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(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 21

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/1/2010 11:25:42 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I hadn't ever thought of it as people needing to earn my respect before I treat them respectfully.

Many people would substitute the word COURTESY for the places you use the word RESPECT.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 22

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/1/2010 11:30:23 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Many people would substitute the word COURTESY for the places you use the word RESPECT.

respect is an attitude , courtesy is a behavior

one you have to be told about the other you can see

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 23

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/1/2010 11:34:24 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I see people as people, not dom or sub and that includes how I see myself. So, rude on a public forum might get rude in return and I have no issues with it. My current thought is I can avoid feeling irritable by blocking certain people who seem to go out of their way to be jackasses. LOL there is a lot of red print on the general bdsm page but by avoiding some I can keep annoyance down considerably.

But there are some things that I find rude which I am sure are quite unintentional. The OP for instance. I tend to see that as a boast. I find it a bit insulting to suggest that because someone is submissive they must act in a manner "more becoming". The flip side to this is that it is also implying that people who claim to be dominant are indeed dominant. And that because they use that title/role, others must behave with appropriate deference.

Umm.. no. People are people and should act the way they might normally act in person. The only difference I see here is that most people would call someone on being a jerk, then they would walk away. Here.. people continue, and I don't get that.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 24

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/1/2010 11:40:21 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

as silly as a forum post on a board

That is why the OP said "behavior on the boards" - I could well imagine not wanting to connect with someone because they are routinely abrasive. But I don't normally check what someone gets up to on the boards..

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 25

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/1/2010 11:45:47 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

as silly as a forum post on a board

That is why the OP said "behavior on the boards" - I could well imagine not wanting to connect with someone because they are routinely abrasive. But I don't normally check what someone gets up to on the boards..

I live in Real life, where real life behavior matters more to me then how someone posts on an internet website, one of my friends for example LOVES role play, and shes on about 10 different forums and posts a different attitude or behaviour in each and every forum, which is totally different from the person she is in real life...

If i was interested in online rp, or what some stranger 200000000 miles away from me thought, I might care about more about their postings on a web page... but seeing as id rather snuggle my partner then get a lecture on how i was a horrible submissive, because i called an asstard and asstard. Im just gonna say Back away from the shiney magic box go out side.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 26

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:03:14 AM

hisdarlinsweetie

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
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I'm sorry if I offended you Missokyst. I was not trying to boast. I understand that everyone has their way of doing things, and what works for my Sir and I doesn't work for everyone. I added it to give some background in my thinking and experience. I was just interested in what I was observing, which got me wondering if how we communicate on the message boards matter in real life. I don't care if someone claims to be d, m, s or vanilla in terms of treating them with respect or ignoring them. You're right that I think that subs should act "more becoming" if they are being rude, name calling or insulting, but not because they are subs; because they are people. I also think that doms should act "more becoming" if they are being rude, name calling or insulting. So should vanillas. But, as I stated before, I mostly saw this behavior coming from female subs. Perhaps it's because I read the sub/slave and master forums and this type of behavior is common in the Domme, poly, gor, etc threads too. Since I'm a female sub with a male Dom, I don't really look at the other forums much.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 27

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:03:58 AM

HisBestGirl

Posts: 67
Joined: 11/16/2008
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FR-

I am outwardly confident in everyday life and Daddy's aware of this. I'm sparky! But I actually tend to tone down most of my comments on forums and message boards, simply because I realise a lot of people out there use the cover of anonymity to be an arsehole and I would prefer not to concentrate energy on being upset by something they say in response (I'm too sensitive internally, it's not really a good thing but I'm working on it!).

In regards to the OP, I'm assuming we're all talking about certain people who've been making quite a splash here recently and I have to say; I do enjoy that some subs have taken these men to task and posted their opinions on the offending poster etc, because it saves me having to do so. And it's also kind of amusing to see these particular men being told. If I were to post such things, I highly doubt my Daddy would view this as negative behaviour, seeing as he LOVES debating people on moral and ethical issues on other forums. So in my case, it wouldn't be an issue but I can understand where everyone else is coming from in regards to being respectful off the bat. I just happen to fall into the 'prove you're worthy of it' category.

_____________________________

Daddy's organic device for the collection of corsets...

"Your mother called, just to say how thrilled she was not to hear from you." - D.M

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 28

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:26:29 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I'm sorry if I offended you Missokyst. I was not trying to boast. I understand that everyone has their way of doing things, and what works for my Sir and I doesn't work for everyone. I added it to give some background in my thinking and experience. I was just interested in what I was observing, which got me wondering if how we communicate on the message boards matter in real life. I don't care if someone claims to be d, m, s or vanilla in terms of treating them with respect or ignoring them. You're right that I think that subs should act "more becoming" if they are being rude, name calling or insulting, but not because they are subs; because they are people. I also think that doms should act "more becoming" if they are being rude, name calling or insulting. So should vanillas. But, as I stated before, I mostly saw this behavior coming from female subs. Perhaps it's because I read the sub/slave and master forums and this type of behavior is common in the Domme, poly, gor, etc threads too. Since I'm a female sub with a male Dom, I don't really look at the other forums much.

if you're behaving according to his wishes everybody should be applauding you, i thought that was what this site was all about

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 29

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:33:26 AM

sissyshoefetish

Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I have noticed a lot of rude responses on the boards lately, especially by female subs. They seem to be in response to a few specific doms who tend to be inflammatory and instigating. While I believe that it is good to debate your opinion, I wonder about the tone of the responses. In my relationship, how I behave is a reflection on my Sir. If I were being rude or resort to name calling, He would be embarrassed and angry with me. I am a reflection of His taste and manners. He would rather have me not speak than insult someone I disagree with. I know that not everyone is in a relationship, and those who are don't do it the same as us, but I am curious if the anonymity of the boards makes it acceptable to act in ways that one wouldn't normally act. Do you think the tone and manner in which you post on the boards matter? If you are single and searching, does it ever cross your mind that a potential partner might search your posts and dismiss getting to know you because of your behavior on the boards? Would you speak to someone in person the same way that you respond here on the boards?

i think how you behave certainly matters and yes a prospective partner would be wise to view posts to see the nature of the person they wish to get to know.

i recently raised a topic here however (reaction to comments - gender bias) in which i questioned how much i as a sub should express my submission on my posts. The overwhelming response was that people should not falsely flavour there responses based on gender or their submissiveness but should be themselves and treat others accordingly.

It is best to be respecful no matter who or what role you are and it is best to be yourself if you are hoping someone may wish to know more of you based on your comments.
It remains a fact however that communication on these boards will differ from face to face contact - web based discussion is limited, and lacks the non verbal aspects of communication.

In sumary - be yourself not the person you want others to think of you as; unless of course you are only here for that illusion.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 30

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:42:59 AM

sissyshoefetish

Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

But there are some things that I find rude which I am sure are quite unintentional. The OP for instance. I tend to see that as a boast. I find it a bit insulting to suggest that because someone is submissive they must act in a manner "more becoming".

Ironically, due to the nature of communication on forums and the web, your comment about the OP might itself be seen as rude without intention. ;-)
i agree that it isn't right to expect subs to defer to dominants in discussions but perhaps "Insulting" is a little strong (this is a good example of how communication on forums can suffer as there is no non verbal communication out what we say in context and so specific words or expression are taken at face value.
i will add however that we should not assume the motives of everyne here are the same. While many are here to express their true selves and views, some may feel this is more of a fetish site than a "people" site and seek to express their fetish self more than their overall persona. That may not be proper, but it still may be the case.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 31

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:45:00 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

As I said in my first response, I have absolutely no problem with being judged by what I post. For me, it's a no-brainer. On an internet forum, that's pretty much all anyone has to go by, innit?

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 32

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:48:38 AM

hisdarlinsweetie

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

This is off topic, but innit? Do you by any chance come from the rez? I haven't heard innit since I moved from North Dakota and left all my native friends. I don't miss the snow, but I do miss them.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 33

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:48:59 AM

sissyshoefetish

Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I'm sorry if I offended you Missokyst. I was not trying to boast.

aha - the submissive response to the annoyance of a dominant ;-)
Isn't this the point? A sub expresses a view but when admonished by a dominant they feel the need to submit and so because a person is submissive they do in the end act in a manner "more becoming" and as a result some people will be offended by this behaviour.
Its rather a dilemma but as pointed out by many, the real trick is simply to extent courtesy to others and perhaps not to role play in open discussion.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 34

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:50:23 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I'm sorry if I offended you Missokyst. I was not trying to boast.

aha - the submissive response to the annoyance of a dominant ;-)
Isn't this the point? A sub expresses a view but when admonished by a dominant they feel the need to submit and so because a person is submissive they do in the end act in a manner "more becoming" and as a result some people will be offended by this behaviour.
Its rather a dilemma but as pointed out by many, the real trick is simply to extent courtesy to others and perhaps not to role play in open discussion.

i'm surprised anybody expects any different

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)

Post #: 35

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:54:22 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

This is off topic, but innit? Do you by any chance come from the rez? I haven't heard innit since I moved from North Dakota and left all my native friends. I don't miss the snow, but I do miss them.

Nope, SoCali girl from European stock here. Not sure where I picked up "innit", but I suppose it might have been from the native guy I was seeing for a bit. He had a really big....err... tomahawk

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 36

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 12:56:35 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

aha - the submissive response to the annoyance of a dominant ;-)
Isn't this the point? A sub expresses a view but when admonished by a dominant they feel the need to submit and so because a person is submissive they do in the end act in a manner "more becoming" and as a result some people will be offended by this behaviour.

Umm..... Missokyst is a sub, so that's out the window

ETA- Not all, or even most, submissives feel the need to submit to anyone calling themselves dominant on a message board. There are a few here who, if they called me on the carpet for my behaviour, would get the response you describe, but they are people I either know in real or greatly respect from my contact with them here.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 1/2/2010 1:13:10 AM >

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)

Post #: 37

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 2:57:15 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I have noticed a lot of rude responses on the boards lately, especially by female subs. They seem to be in response to a few specific doms who tend to be inflammatory and instigating. While I believe that it is good to debate your opinion, I wonder about the tone of the responses. In my relationship, how I behave is a reflection on my Sir. If I were being rude or resort to name calling, He would be embarrassed and angry with me. I am a reflection of His taste and manners. He would rather have me not speak than insult someone I disagree with. I know that not everyone is in a relationship, and those who are don't do it the same as us, but I am curious if the anonymity of the boards makes it acceptable to act in ways that one wouldn't normally act. Do you think the tone and manner in which you post on the boards matter? If you are single and searching, does it ever cross your mind that a potential partner might search your posts and dismiss getting to know you because of your behavior on the boards? Would you speak to someone in person the same way that you respond here on the boards?

My behaviour is a reflection of myself, not my fiance. I can't imagine how you would think what I say of my own volition would have anything to do with someone who is in all likelihood at work or playing video games when I'm posting. I'm not a slave who has my every action monitored. That being said sometimes he does peek over and laugh at my snark.

No I don't respond the way I do here in person, I'm a lot quieter and a lot more shy in person. If anything I'm too quiet in person. It's a lot easier to say what I'm thinking when I don't have to force my vocal cords to cooperate.

If I were single and someone decided not to get to know me because of what I posted here, I'd be glad, because I have no intention of changing the way I post on the internet for someone else, and if it bothered him that much I'd rather he didn't waste my time and get me all attached to him and stuff.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 38

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 3:07:07 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish

aha - the submissive response to the annoyance of a dominant ;-)
Isn't this the point? A sub expresses a view but when admonished by a dominant they feel the need to submit and so because a person is submissive they do in the end act in a manner "more becoming" and as a result some people will be offended by this behaviour.
Its rather a dilemma but as pointed out by many, the real trick is simply to extent courtesy to others and perhaps not to role play in open discussion.

i'm surprised anybody expects any different

I'm actually surprised that people think that D/s leanings will override any other aspect of sexuality/relationships.

I'm a woman and I'm attracted to men. When my fiance smiles at me in a certain way, I get tingley...part of my response is because he's a man, but I wouldn't get the same feeling if just any man off the street smiled at me like that. In fact I'd more likely get creeped out and/or scared.

IMO saying "a submissive should react submissively to any dominant she meets" is like saying "a woman should respond sexually to any man she meets" - it ignores the plethora of other essential ingredients for that reaction to happen properly.

And saying a submissive isn't "really submissive" because not every dom pushes that button for her would be like telling me I'm not "really heterosexual" because most men I meet don't push that button for me.

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 39

RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 3:19:26 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I have noticed a lot of rude responses on the boards lately, especially by female subs. They seem to be in response to a few specific doms who tend to be inflammatory and instigating. While I believe that it is good to debate your opinion, I wonder about the tone of the responses. In my relationship, how I behave is a reflection on my Sir.

That's how it works in ours too.

quote:

If I were being rude or resort to name calling, He would be embarrassed and angry with me. I am a reflection of His taste and manners.

I'm a fire-eater. Valyraen calls me this with much love and affection. I will attempt to be civil first but if someone is a jackass, I don't mince words about it. Valyraen finds this endearing about me and is proud of me when I stand my ground on calling out an asshole.

quote:

He would rather have me not speak than insult someone I disagree with. I know that not everyone is in a relationship, and those who are don't do it the same as us, but I am curious if the anonymity of the boards makes it acceptable to act in ways that one wouldn't normally act. Do you think the tone and manner in which you post on the boards matter?

Yes and no I don't act any differently on the boards than in real life - save that I'm actually come across as much more serious on the boards. Partically because I don't have to worry about my speech impedament that affects my speech patterns in real life and partially cause ya'll can't see me bouncing around like a bubbly ball of insanity.

I don't go out of my way to be insulting. I will do my best to be polite and not speak ill of others. But I don't keep my mouth shut because someone might think badly of me or Valyraen for my opinions or the way I word things. Val and I are utterly comfortable with each other, how we communicate and each other's opinions - even if we don't always agree. Tone and manner definately matters. That doesn't mean he thinks I should hold my tongue lest I be seen as rude or disagreeable though. He expects me to make sure I know the situation and, if I'm wrong, to humbly apologize and eat my words.

quote:

If you are single and searching, does it ever cross your mind that a potential partner might search your posts and dismiss getting to know you because of your behavior on the boards?

If I was single, yes it would. And I wouldn't be concerned about it because I am who I am. The way that I am has worked pretty well for me so far so I wouldn't see a need to alter it unless things drastically change in unforseeable ways.

quote:

Would you speak to someone in person the same way that you respond here on the boards?

Would I? Yes. If I could get the words out without stumbling over the sounds and feeling like an utter idiot who wants to hide behind the nearest wall... Gotta love a stutter...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

Post #: 40

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