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RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 8:48:11 AM   
wykkidesire2plsU


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline 		Oh interesting note, i did have one Dom i was talking to read my forum posts! He did comment on a snarky post i made but when i told him to read the thread, He said He could see why all the "girls" were in a flutter. Once the poster goes outside the respect He should give as a poster, he is fair game.

The only thing he read that was embarressing was a post i made about a zuchinni! lol, man, that is one i wish i could edit :).

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 8:50:21 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I'm sorry if I offended you Missokyst. I was not trying to boast. I understand that everyone has their way of doing things, and what works for my Sir and I doesn't work for everyone. I added it to give some background in my thinking and experience. I was just interested in what I was observing, which got me wondering if how we communicate on the message boards matter in real life. I don't care if someone claims to be d, m, s or vanilla in terms of treating them with respect or ignoring them. You're right that I think that subs should act "more becoming" if they are being rude, name calling or insulting, but not because they are subs; because they are people. I also think that doms should act "more becoming" if they are being rude, name calling or insulting. So should vanillas. But, as I stated before, I mostly saw this behavior coming from female subs. Perhaps it's because I read the sub/slave and master forums and this type of behavior is common in the Domme, poly, gor, etc threads too. Since I'm a female sub with a male Dom, I don't really look at the other forums much.



if you're behaving according to his wishes everybody should be applauding you, i thought that was what this site was all about



This site is not "all about" any specific thing. You seem to have the Domly Dom and how a sub should behave handbook. Can you show it to us and tell us where on the site its posted what this site is "all about"?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 8:50:52 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Matter to whom? It matters to my Lord and it matters to me. Alandra rarely reads the boards, but I would not say anything on them that would cause her pain or hurt. Whether my response matters to anyone else, that is up to them to decide. However, my only concern is that I post to the expectations that I have been given. If other people who consider themselves dominants don't like how I post, then oh well. They don't have authority over me and their opinions only matter to me if he says they will matter.

I don't really interact with people much differently now than I did before I entered the relationship that I am in. I am who I am and if that is not what someone is looking for then it is better to find out early rather than later.

I don't really talk the same in person that I do on the boards. Mostly that is because I am an introvert and other personality characteristics that make it difficult to choose the words I want to express myself; in posting I can take the time I need to find the words I want. With face to face conversations I don't often get that time. He and Alandra know that it takes me time to find the words that I need to communicate effectively and they are accustomed to conversations taking days to finish with me. Not everyone else is willing to be that patient with me.


Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 8:51:12 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		My Lady was in here a couple of times reading over my shoulder and telling me "You go get 'em, Tiger!".

Basically I see the OP's first post as being a method to attempt to control the behavior of others on this list by telling us we've been naughty and "think of what our dominant/potential dominant would think!" /place hand to forehead theatrically and swoon at the thought.

Sorry, that kind of attempt at control doesn't work with me... I have ONE dominant, thank-ya-very-much. Being submissive does not mean I check my brains at the door. I act the way I feel that I need to act, and my actions do NOT reflect on anyone else except for me. And neither do I have to worry what my Lady thinks. As she's said many a time, if she wanted a brainless twit for a sub, that's what she'd have picked, and she appreciates my strengths and outspokenness.

I speak directly and I say what I mean. I usually don't pussyfoot around about what I want to say, or hedge my opinions.

I do treat others with the same respect with which they treat me. I feel no need to go out of my way to be over polite to someone who is rude or verbally abusive. And, as I have said on these boards before, I AM horribly prejudiced in one way, and that's against the willfully ignorant and those who are stupid and proud of their stupidity, and these people are likely to get a cannonade amidships from me.

So, MYOB hisdarlinsweetie. You act the way you and your dominant think you should act, and quit worrying about how other adults behave.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 9:27:34 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

quote:

I am curious if the anonymity of the boards makes it acceptable to act in ways that one wouldn't normally act.
I wouldn't say it makes it acceptable but it does make it easier and emboldens people. I see a lot of people say they would never act that way face to face but I have this odd theory that "just because a person doesn't act that way in face to face doesn't mean they don't want to". We are conditioned from the get go to act and behave in certain manners, and to a degree it is right mostly on the premise that it is probably the best way to communicate in a progressive way but it also severely stunts a persons ability to release..somewhat on the same level as stopping boys from being boys these days creates pent up aggressiveness, and denies them learning the truth of things such as your not always going to win, the world is not always nice, and you must work harder to achieve what you want. So being a discussion board which means it is meant to foster progressive communications it isn't very helpful but it very well may be helpful in some way for the person releasing their stress or unhappiness so they might have a better day.

quote:

Do you think the tone and manner in which you post on the boards matter?
It matters depending on what your conditions and goals are for posting in such a medium.

quote:

If you are single and searching, does it ever cross your mind that a potential partner might search your posts and dismiss getting to know you because of your behavior on the boards?
Not in the market for a potential Owner but I'm sure there are those out there that view what one posts in many different ways, and I think on the whole it will actually show a more "real" picture of a person. A lot of how one behaves verbally will also be dictated by their own understanding of things that more often than not will not change nor are they here really to change or understand others perspectives..discover new things, summarily form their own understandings of those things, and possibly accept such discoveries..but understand in a bid to change their own views?..not really.

quote:

Would you speak to someone in person the same way that you respond here on the boards?
Probably yes. The only reason it might be a "probably" is that the actual face to face influence of the other person/persons might cause me to act/respond differently for reasons that I may not even be aware of. Their body language, charisma, etc. etc.

starshine



_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 10:46:16 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am not a dominant.  Here and everywhere I am a person.  In a relationship I drop into a submissive stance because that is just what happens to me in relationships. 
But even then, no part of me feels the need to pass that submissive stance on to strangers that have no idea whether I am dom, sub, or nilla.


quote:

ORIGINAL: sissyshoefetish
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I'm sorry if I offended you Missokyst.  I was not trying to boast. 


aha - the submissive response to the annoyance of a dominant ;-)
Isn't this the point? A sub expresses a view but when admonished by a dominant they feel the need to submit

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 11:05:37 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I write and post the same way I behave face to face



As do I and most of the people I have met from the forums.  People tell me that I am EXACTLY the same in real life as online (except I don't have that sexy ass over to the left).

The first meetup with CJan, Tulip, Lushy, Greedy and Hib showed me five people who were the same in person as online... except they were funnier (the visuals of Tulip describing the helicopter, I'll never forget).  And it only continued from there... the people we met at Greedy's wedding, it was like we had known each other forever.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 11:30:37 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		NO NO - say it isn't so - i have been imagining the face infront of that arse since i joined collarme!

I am tres desolee.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 2:51:08 PM   
sofuntoplay


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		Of course what you say reflects upon you and yours, to not be yourself in order to attract others is nothing short of manipulation. While it may be unpleasant for some to say harsher things on here, others have no way of knowing if there is a history between the people, whether comments have hit a nerve etc. There is no proper way to respond here for anyone, it is free speech, (within reason) and anyone is welcome to read all that is written, and we do learn about each other by reading these boards, i find it a better way to get a feel for a person, and if what i say makes someone reject me, then good, one less unwelcomed message.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/2/2010 5:31:26 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I write and post the same way I behave face to face



As do I and most of the people I have met from the forums.  People tell me that I am EXACTLY the same in real life as online (except I don't have that sexy ass over to the left).

The first meetup with CJan, Tulip, Lushy, Greedy and Hib showed me five people who were the same in person as online... except they were funnier (the visuals of Tulip describing the helicopter, I'll never forget).  And it only continued from there... the people we met at Greedy's wedding, it was like we had known each other forever.

Cali



*Cali, I always try to read your posts... You are after all YUM BUM! (and I mean the real one, not the avatar!)

I found the exact same thing when meeting people from here.  I think that is why we are such a tight knit community (generally speaking) and that is also why we don't suffer fools....

NOW:

FR~

Just because someone has a Shift Key on their computer does not mean they are a dominant, it doesn't mean they are not a jerk, a troll, or an attention whoring liar. 

If I met you in real life you'd find me generally speaking pretty diplomatic and decent.  I would be respectful and giggle a lot.  But you act like a jerk, I don't care who you are, I don't care what you think you are, I will not play nice nice.  Get over it.  I'm a real live person.  Somebody wants a plastic girl, go buy a doll.  I'm spirited.  I'm passionate.  I'm smart.  Anybody who tries to shut those down finds themselves slammed.  And by the way, any man who would want me, would also want those things.  And he would want me to call a spade a spade and not a dirty shovel.

I'm polite.  But you know what?  Some people act like jerks.  I will treat them as they show themselves to be.  That is respect in my book.  I respect their decision to act like a jerk.

*shrug.


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/3/2010 6:23:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Since the op is new, she may not yet have realized that a great many people claim everyone is being mean to them whenever they get an opinion or advice that isn't what they wanted to hear. If you are living in denial, the truth will hurt. However I am not obliged to help you continue your fantasy. Telling you that he will stop fucking other girls without a condom might well be what a poster wants to hear but I doubt it's the truth. Telling her to go get a std scan and a lawyer to sue him for pain and suffering from giving her a disease is unpalatable but a lot more helpful in the long run. I don't deal in fantasy, YMMV.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/3/2010 8:23:35 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

Do you think the tone and manner in which you post on the boards matter?


Yes, it matters to me. It doesn't matter to Himself unless something which I write interrupts or effects his day in a negative manner. He is a fair-minded man, adult and mature and does not hold me responsibile for the actions of others though, so if someone writes something negative to him about me, he will consider the entire scope of what would prompt such an email and then take what action he deems appropropriate with me. Usually, that means he just laughs at whomever may have shot off something negative to him but that is very rare so I am fairly free to act in accordance with what *I* deem is appropriate behavior.

quote:

If you are single and searching, does it ever cross your mind that a potential partner might search your posts and dismiss getting to know you because of your behavior on the boards?


I'm not single and not looking but if I were finding someone through my forum postings would not be high on my list of ways to find a partner. I prefer meeting at munches and events so I know right off the bat if there is chemistry there.

quote:

Would you speak to someone in person the same way that you respond here on the boards?


Absolutely. I hold myself to a fairly high standard and am not a fan of the snark although I can appreciate a good snark on occasion. If someone comes at me with an undeserved snark I rarely reply in kind as I find it beneath my status of adult (which has zero to do with my orientation) so a crude or crass reply, generally I just wish them a pleasant journey or what have you and delete them from the list of people to whom I will respond or correspond. Easy peasy as Jamie Oliver says! I'm quite fond of my block button and frequently utilizing it has kept the entertainment/education levels high for me and I don't have nearly as much sand to shift through to find pearls, gems and laughs on the boards.

MMV and almost always does :)

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/3/2010 10:48:18 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

I have noticed a lot of rude responses on the boards lately, especially by female subs.  They seem to be in response to a few specific doms who tend to be inflammatory and instigating.  While I believe that it is good to debate your opinion, I wonder about the tone of the responses.  In my relationship, how I behave is a reflection on my Sir.  If I were being rude or resort to name calling, He would be embarrassed and angry with me.  I am a reflection of His taste and manners.  He would rather have me not speak than insult someone I disagree with.  I know that not everyone is in a relationship, and those who are don't do it the same as us, but I am curious if the anonymity of the boards makes it acceptable to act in ways that one wouldn't normally act.  Do you think the tone and manner in which you post on the boards matter?  If you are single and searching, does it ever cross your mind that a potential partner might search your posts and dismiss getting to know you because of your behavior on the boards?  Would you speak to someone in person the same way that you respond here on the boards?    

I have never considered the concept of anonymity. I am very conscious that there indeed real people attached to the words I see. I will repeat anything I have ever said to someone's face in a church. If someone has an issue with anything I have said, they are more than welcome to discuss with me. I do not intentionally try to be rude to someone as it is not logical to do so. My purpose is post my opinion or feelings on a topic, if I come across as rude, they will not bother to try to understand my post, which would defeat the whole purpose.


_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/3/2010 12:11:41 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

My Lady was in here a couple of times reading over my shoulder and telling me "You go get 'em, Tiger!".
Master feels the same way. If someone behaves like an asshat, I treat them like an asshat.

quote:

Basically I see the OP's first post as being a method to attempt to control the behavior of others on this list by telling us we've been naughty and "think of what our dominant/potential dominant would think!"
Yup and she ASSUMED that the behavior would be displeasing to our D type.

Just because I've chosen to be in the submissive role in my personal relationship, does not mean that I relate to the entire world in the submissive role.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/3/2010 12:14:01 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

My Lady was in here a couple of times reading over my shoulder and telling me "You go get 'em, Tiger!".
Master feels the same way. If someone behaves like an asshat, I treat them like an asshat.

quote:

Basically I see the OP's first post as being a method to attempt to control the behavior of others on this list by telling us we've been naughty and "think of what our dominant/potential dominant would think!"
Yup and she ASSUMED that the behavior would be displeasing to our D type.

Just because I've chosen to be in the submissive role in my personal relationship, does not mean that I relate to the entire world in the submissive role.



im a dominate, if i want to be a verb, i can to

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Does your response matter? - 1/3/2010 2:56:37 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

For myself, i thoroughly enjoy being snarky with idiots and their opinions - up to a point. And at that point when it gets mean, i have to leave it.
Honestly, the way some write, they are obviously looking for a fight, and i enjoy giving it to them, and my Sir has no objection to that. I like finding creative ways to point out how stupid some of the things that are said really are.

The rest of the time, i am my more usual sweet, caring, empathetic, sensitive, loving , honest, tactful, soothing (should i go on?) self. ...... well, maybe not, but i don't go out of my way to piss people off.


As is often the case, I agree with Kiwisub.

I pretty much evaluate my response by "what do I have to add that has value?"  or alternatively "what is this person contributing negatively?" if either of those is a wash, I don't respond.  If I have something valuable, I will respond. If I decide the person is negatively impacting the community or discussion just to be an ass, I will call them out on it.  I LOVE having a resource like this, and know that others who are new may not have the months of experience watching certain antagonistic people do their things, so just popping on to learn about something and seeing that sort of behavior is not beneficial.  Joking around is one thing, in the spirit of community and camaraderie, negativity and mean spirited provocation is another. 

But I too am snarky about calling someone out, the day I have to resort to direct insults and name calling is a sad day indeed.  And yes I am a reflection on my Master, but also upon myself. He loves His spirited opinionated woman.  He loves it when I get all fired up about an idea or indignant about the treatment of others. Those are qualities that make me who I am, the woman He loves and the slave He chose to collar, and He would expect nothing less of me in person or online...


_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 76
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