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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 1:28:07 AM

CountrySong

Posts: 554
Joined: 1/25/2008
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I told because I really got tired of my family trying to set me up with "nice" girls.
Also eventually more of us are going to have to come out or BDSM is going to continue to be considered a mental illness like homosexuality used to be.

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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 8:31:57 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CountrySong

I told because I really got tired of my family trying to set me up with "nice" girls.

Wow. "Stay out of my love life" worked for me. No disclosure necessary.

Also, "no" worked for me. As in, "hey, I know a nice.." Me: "no" (then walk away).

Cali

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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 9:16:39 AM

newsubgirl21

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2009
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I understand where your coming from. I am new to the lifestyle. And if you read in my journal one of the things that it says is that i want to stand up on top of a mountain and shout it to everyone that i am submissive. I might actually think about doing it one day too, as long as nobody can hear me and think that Im crazy. :)) For me, I am just figuring out who I am. My whole life i've denied who i am to others as well as to myself. I've thought that I was bad and that I shouldnt be like that. Starting something new it can be so exciting and it makes you just want to share it with everyone. Recently I've felt like coming out to people will help me believe in myself, will help me believe in who I am. Maybe thats not true and maybe thats not really the way it is. But i have done that. I put it on my facebook and myspace that I am submissive and interested in the BDSM lifestyle. I dont personally care if anyone judges me. Because I am going to be who I am no matter what they say. I also realize that the people who truely love and care for me (my family and friends) they will just be glad that Im happy and safe. I personally like older more experienced men because I am mature for my age and I still have lots to learn that a more mature man can teach me. I felt like I had to tell my mom that. Because if I come home with someone twice my age without alittle warning it might get alittle wierd. But i wouldnt tell her every little detail or most of the details of my sex life. That is my personal business. I am an honest person. And the truth is you dont have to tell your family. Not really. They raised you. They have seen you grow. They will also just see that you know who you are and what you are and they will see that you are happy. I dont see anything wrong with a Dom saying to their family I like a more submissive woman because Im dominant and I need someone to obey and honor me. And a sub saying that I like a man who I can respect and honor and cherish. But when you think about it, this is a given. This is the way its supposed to be in any marriage. A collar is more than just a vanilla marriage. But its the same basic concepts. Im sure that lots of people dont see this the way that I do and they might even be offended for all I know. This is just my opinion and how I've dealt with that urge to just go and share myself with people.

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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 10:51:09 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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I see no need to tell my family after all i am an adult my life is just that MINE. However if a situation came up where i had to tell them i wols sit them down and ask them to hear me out before saying anything. I would not tell them intimate details of course but i will tell them i need a mald dominated relationship and i am ok with him making decisions. My mom would understand i think my dad would not he always tried to raise his daughters to be independent. Just cause he taught me how to change a tire does not mean i can't be a sub. My 4 siblings 2 may understand i know 2 would not.

Matt's littleone

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Post #: 24

RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 2:00:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CountrySong

I told because I really got tired of my family trying to set me up with "nice" girls.
Also eventually more of us are going to have to come out or BDSM is going to continue to be considered a mental illness like homosexuality used to be.

Nice girls aren't submissive?

But the DSM-IV already distinguishes between consensual s & m and paraphilias. The DSM-V will be even more clear.

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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 2:52:14 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Nice girls aren't submissive?

But the DSM-IV already distinguishes between consensual s & m and paraphilias. The DSM-V will be even more clear.

This is depressing. I'm told I dress very conservatively (when not in fetish wear) and look like a nice girl...

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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 3:43:24 PM

kushiels

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2009
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There are times when I wish my family knew, b/c my partner does act authoritatively towards me even (especially, sometimes!) when we are visiting them. I do worry that they will misinterpret that and not realize that she does that because I *like* her being in charge, that she's being in charge partially because of her own personality and partially because I've asked her to.

That being said, we generally consider it simply our business, not theirs. I'm certainly not going to have some big coming out discussion with my mom about it. That was stressful enough to tell her I'm gay. *shrugs* For me, it would just be drama, and I can do without that.

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Post #: 27

RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 7:25:45 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubgirl21

... I am new to the lifestyle... A collar is more than just a vanilla marriage... Im sure that lots of people dont see this the way that I do and they might even be offended for all I know.

Many people will give you a "pass" for that instead of attacking you for it, since you're new. The truth is, orientation doesn't make a relationship "more" than a relationship with a different orientation. A BDSM relationship is not more special, more trusting, more sacred, more ANYTHING that a relationship without it. Two vanilla people can have a deeper relationship than two kinky people. And likewise, kinky people are not "more" than non-kinky people, by virtue of their kink. They're not more trustworthy, more honest, more dependable, etc., etc.

/hijack over

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 28

RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 7:34:21 PM

whis31

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
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Let's see I ended up telling my mom and used the words it's like a 50's household were the man is in charge. I have one sister you understands to a degree but knows it makes me happy so she's fine with it. The other would think I'm more of a freak then she thinks I am now. I'm almost positive my dad knows but chooses to not address it. As for my stepmom along at it's not hurting me or my daughter it's fine with her. So it really depends on the family.

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RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 8:46:52 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Well, my mother found out when i accidentally sent a text message to her that i intended to go to my Owner at the time.

Aren't you glad she didn't do likewise?

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Post #: 30

RE: breaking the news to your vanilla family - 1/5/2010 8:58:10 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubgirl21

... I am new to the lifestyle... A collar is more than just a vanilla marriage... Im sure that lots of people dont see this the way that I do and they might even be offended for all I know.

Many people will give you a "pass" for that instead of attacking you for it, since you're new. The truth is, orientation doesn't make a relationship "more" than a relationship with a different orientation. A BDSM relationship is not more special, more trusting, more sacred, more ANYTHING that a relationship without it. Two vanilla people can have a deeper relationship than two kinky people. And likewise, kinky people are not "more" than non-kinky people, by virtue of their kink. They're not more trustworthy, more honest, more dependable, etc., etc.

/hijack over

Cali

LuckyAlbatross used to ask if you would be ok going up to a vanilla woman whose husband has died or who was going through a divorce and, in the process of comforting her, go "Well at least it wasn't a BDSM relationship so it's easier on you!".

Given the many, many, many, MANY examples of disfunctional, easily disgarded and unhealthy relationships I've seen on this board and in real life in BDSM circles, I admit I get a little giggly whenever someone tries to assert that collars universally mean than a marriage. Now, if it means more to you, that is a completely different matter.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Post #: 31