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OrionTheWolf -> RE: Temporary Insanity, Universal Forces, and Punishment (1/11/2010 10:02:37 AM)
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Hiya lovingpet,
I will answer your questions, as to how I have handled similar circumstances, as well as the reprecussions I have seen from handling it in different ways. The first thing you must grasp is that every slave, and every relationship is different, so what works for me and mine, may not for you.
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ORIGINAL: lovingpet
There's no question here really I guess. I just wonder about the whole mucked up mess. Would a "temporary insanity" sway other dominants to reconsider punishment?
In general no, but depending upon what it is that was done, and the mental state of the slave, it is a mitigating factor. I have run into the "temporary insanity" situation with three different slaves 1) I totally excused it, but it happened again and the expectation of allowing it to be excused was now there. 2) I have comforted and tried to be understanding, and now this also created an expectation that the behavior would be excused. 3) I have punished for it, but shown my slave that while I understand, I cannot excuse the behavior. Number 3 has actually worked the best in a high majority of the situations. It created the expectation that certain behavior would not be excusable, it allowed the slave to forgive themselves for what they had done because they were punished, it showed that while I can be understanding, the slave means enough to me to do the tough, but right thing. Out of the three slaves, one had some severe emotional issues that none of the above worked with.
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Does absence of that dominant presence during significant crisis and vulnerabilty excuse anything?
I have a rule that I will never command anything that I cannot enforce. This means that if I am absent, then my very absense may be the trigger that causes the behavior. Again I often still use option 3 above, but I also try to make sure that I do not set my slave up for failure.
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What if that absence was out of the dominant's hands?
I do not play the blame game, and slowly teaching my slave that the blame game does not matter. What matters is what ever the root problem is, then solutions are focused on. Failure to master my slave so that she fails, is the worst punishment I can suffer, but it is also the greatest motivator I have to learn from those situations.
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Does coming clean count for anything?
No. Complete honesty is a requirement, not something that is optional. There is no way to create trust without honesty, and that is from both sides of the relationship. While I am very stoic, do not often explain why I do things, I am always honest with my property. Before I will lie, I will just tell them I am not going to answer something, but more likely than not they get brutal honesty from me. Since I am brutally honest, I also have to time the answer, as that in itself can trigger an emotional response in people.
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How can we keep from something like this happening again?
There are no guarantees. All you can do is for both of you to examine and discuss the situation appropriately, and then trust him to make the proper decision. If you find yourself second guessing him, then this needs to be discussed as well. Deep trust is something developed, and is often the issue in a slave following difficult commands.
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I never wanted any of this to happen and neither did he. I just want to do better.
lovingpet
Life is what it is, and that is how you approach it. Sometimes it occurs with three steps forward, and two steps back. There are many things that factor into the approach, and how to handle it. Me and my girl have had a great amount of success using Internal Enslavement techniques over the last year, in addition to allowing her emotional episodes to cool off before a solution or discussion is approached. This has led to her being confined for a few short durations, but the results in the end were much better and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is best applied when not in a highly charged emotional state.
Hope some of this helps.
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