quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

punishment for temporary insanity is temporary, know what I mean?

the idea is to inform you that temporary insanity is not an acceptable out.

Oh my master, today I decided to withdraw all our money from the bank, and I burned it with the leave piles I raked because I was mad that you didnt like the salsbury steak I made for you last night, lets just chalk this up to temporary fucktardedness honey....K, sweetie?

Yeah.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Thanks for your honest assessment. I never asked for anyone to go easy on either of us in this.

lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Thanks for your honest assessment. I never asked for anyone to go easy on either of us in this.

lovingpet

[Yoda voice]
Temper you with 'tough love', I will, yeeeesss!
[/Yoda voice]

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Yeah, it's not that I'm worried about it being so bad. I know he'll be fair in this and he is not one damage what is his. No fear except of that disappointment in his eyes.

lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Now, on the other hand, I can't really conceive of a situation where 3 or 4 days would pass without someone's ability to get a hold of me unless I had specified ahead of time that there would be such a period of time that would pass without contact. In any sort of emotional D/s relationship, being "on call" is part of even the basest set of responsibilities I think a D-type must accept and, at very least, the discussion of the topic should always be addressed. If the s-type is supposed to be surrendering in some sort of internal fashion, it follows xhe'll need the D-type to be a pillar in times of insecurity. It seems to me there was either a lack of communication in this department or a vast misfire in seeing eye to eye as to what sorts of expectations could be made concerning being "on call" and if 3-4 days can go by with minor events causing a temporary disappearance (none of what you wrote seemed so catastrophic to me at his end that there couldn't have been a way for him to get at least a cursory message of connection in that time), you'll need to understand clearly that such is the case and that you may need an alternate support system in the future if the need calls.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

It had to happen sooner or later. I just had hoped it would be a little more black and white. I did something that has extracted his reluctant need to punish me. I figured it would be something more along the lines of stomping my foot and telling no and refusing to obey a straightforward order. Maybe even doing what I did, but in a more up yours I will do as I please attitude. Instead, it is a mired mess and, though I know what I did was wrong and deserve whatever is coming and even know that whether either is so, he will do as he pleases, I can't help but see the whole thing as just a diabocle (sp?) of untold proportions.

What I did isn't important here. It is why and under what conditions. Basically, I lost my ever loving mind. I am kidding...a little. We are engaged in something that will take multiple attempts to complete successfully and there is a time lapse to wonder about it as well. It has become an emotionally charged thing for me that we succeed. I can't do anything that will make it successful, nor really can he beyond what we are already doing. I had come to think of success as what would finally dispell any doubts he has about me, my motives, my integrity, and my willingness to travel the path he has placed before us. I was damn sure we had made it this time. We hadn't. Add to this the stress of the holidays and a situation at home that had potential to be completely devestating, and I just lost it. My first impulse after just bawling my eyes out was to pick myself up and call him. No answer. I sent him messages on all his online stuff. Nothing. For three days. On the fourth day, I cracked and that's when IT happened.

He was not as sure we had succeeded and had told me repeatedly to not get too attached to the idea. He told me when I finally fessed up and fell apart the other night that all my fears and such that I had tied to our success just were not so. He couldn't be any more sure of me or us or what our future would be. If I had paused for a few minutes I would have realized that he ALWAYS leaves his phone off on his days off unless he wants to work overtime because it is his work phone and they WILL call him in every one of his days off if he allows it to happen. His computer had crashed and he had to replace it before he ever got a single one of my messages. As far as the communication thing, we had talked through all that the very first day he was back in touch, but I didn't know how to tell him what I had done. It took a week for me to finally admit to it all.

He would have never suspected or even known of this incident. He wasn't suspicious that I was keeping something from him. There was nothing to indicate anything had happened. I could have just kept my mouth shut and forgotten about it. I couldn't though. Had I just done what I did and nothing further had come of it past the obvious temporary repercussions, to be honest, I might not have mentioned it at all. The consequences toll, however, continues to rise. He wanted to comfort me through those consequences and that didn't feel right to me. I had to bring it to him.There's no question here really I guess. I just wonder about the whole mucked up mess. Would a "temporary insanity" sway other dominants to reconsider punishment? Does absence of that dominant presence during significant crisis and vulnerabilty excuse anything? What if that absence was out of the dominant's hands? Does coming clean count for anything? How can we keep from something like this happening again? I never wanted any of this to happen and neither did he. I just want to do better.

lovingpet

quote:

the whole point between a Dominant and their sub/slave is that there is honesty. in the past i have done things and afterwards realised that i had to 'fess up. it would have been easier not to, i wouldnt have had to feel ashamed and stupid while making the confession. but to hold back on something important is just as bad as telling a lie about it. fact is you have to tell them, otherwise itll just sit there chewing away and undermining the bond. like you said, he was all about making you feel better, consoling you for youre crap week and youre respect for him and youre relationship with him made it impossible not to tell him.