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Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 2:52:30 PM

cuckNbull

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/7/2010
Status: offline

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

Post #: 1

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 2:55:43 PM

DCWoody

Posts: 1401
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

I'd generally say that anyone asking for money is a scammer, not actually interested in any kind of relationship....there are 'genuine' pro dommes out there of course, but you're probably getting scammed.

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 2

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 2:58:57 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckNbull

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

I would say that it is indeed limited. I generally like to go dutch, but it often depends on personal situations at the time, if I have more then I will offer to pay more and kinda hope the other is the same.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 3

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 3:00:28 PM

MsHValentine

Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckNbull

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

Rings a similar chime from some men: "If you got blond hair and a tight ass, honey, we got the time."

I think it's part of human nature and just one part of a person's make-up. Plenty of women go for broke men, even if evolution says "go for the men with money so your offspring can have more opportunities between the mother and the father's income."

Men are the pursuers, women are the choosers. Are there times it's reversed, surely as the sky is blue.

Me? Well, I like when Men pursue me!

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 4

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 3:01:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Here's what I do.

I fund My own transportation costs to any BDSM club, munch, or event that I was planning on attending anyway. If someone wants to meet Me, they do the same. How far they travel to do so is irrelevant. It has worked for Me for a very long time, including those cases where folks have had to fly just to meet Me. For which, they paid their own expenses. I see no reason to change something that has been so effective.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 5

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 3:21:34 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckNbull

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

Except for the last man I met, I pay for all my travel costs. It's rare that a man offers to pay anything and it's rare I would expect it. The only time I did allow a man to help with costs, it was his doing...at his request...no strings attached.

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

Which is what it sounds like you're doing with mention of "timeless male obligation". Maybe I'm reading that wrong...is that what you were doing?

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Which is why I pay for myself...to please myself.

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

Sounds like a stereotype there.

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

I no longer feel the need to pursue. That doesn't mean I expect him to foot my bill. Instead it means he can take care of himself and I can take care of me. If he wants to buy me dinner, fine...he'll get a "thank you" and that's it. It would be the same if I chose to pay for dinner. No expectations.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 6

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 4:02:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Here's what I do.

I fund My own transportation costs to any BDSM club, munch, or event that I was planning on attending anyway. If someone wants to meet Me, they do the same. How far they travel to do so is irrelevant. It has worked for Me for a very long time, including those cases where folks have had to fly just to meet Me. For which, they paid their own expenses. I see no reason to change something that has been so effective.

What LP said!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 5:21:51 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

cuckNbull,

(Fast Reply)

--- Are there women (dommes, switches, submissives, etc.)
--- who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their
--- half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face,
--- thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Yes.

--- Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative
--- sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless
--- male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

Some do and some don't. This is a totally individual thing.

--- We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our
--- desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to
--- our desired ends. But, don't you get what you pay for?
--- Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sometimes you pay dearly and get nothing. Sometimes you pay little and get a lot. There's a myriad of in-betweens too. In general, I agree with the statement "nothing ventured, nothing gained" or, voiced differently, "you miss one hundred percent of the opportunities you don't take". This said, not all opportunities are right for everyone and indeed, some opportunities should likely be avoided. An experienced/sensible person considers more than just the fact that an opportunity is presented.

--- Within the limited scope of my experience, the
--- female attitude clearly seems to be: "If you got
--- the money, honey, we got the time."

Some women are like this, but far from all. I'd say the "show me the money, honey" modus operandi describes those more interested in a business relationship. There are lots of women looking for personal relationships (friendship, romance, love) and it is my experience that while money may be a factor they consider, this is far from a high priority or even a factor at all. Each person has different priorities for what they seek in a partner and women are no different.

--- Where there's no cost, there's no value.

I don't agree with this and I think many women will disagree too.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 1/7/2010 5:24:31 PM >

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 8

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 5:48:35 PM

rockspider

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

They say any woman is born with a bussiness. Looking back on over 40 years in the dating, marriage, divorce, relationship game i can from my experience say the value of the woman is opposite proportional with the expence she generates to get her. In other words the more she expects a man to pay, the worse experience when it is over.
I think any person really have a list they call "The ones i should have kept". On mine, I can say that not one of them could be described as high maintenance.
Just my personal experience, but i think well worth pondering over for a young guy starting out in the dating game.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 9

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 8:31:08 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

When I was looking, I flew to meet several men. I always bought my own ticket. If they wanted to pay for dinner, or part of my hotel room, I felt that was fair.

As was already said, some pursue, some do the pursuing. I've done both in my time, depending on my circumstances and level of interest at the time. I have a career that allows me to be financially independent of others...which is how I like it.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 10

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 8:54:41 PM

asianallure

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/7/2010
Status: offline

I have noticed that many that post on these threads aspire to near perfect ideals. While I uphold certain values even if I know it is to my own detriment, I am rather messy and unfair in many ways. I am one of those woman who likes to have men pay for everything at the beginning of a relationship. In case you actually want to hear how one of us thinks rather than just have people pat you on the back in sympathy, I will tell you something as to why.
In my case, I am extremely paranoid about being taken advantage of by men. I ran away from home when I was 12 and while I never regretted that (with my dominant personality it was no contest between doing what I was told or sleeping in a ditch and skipping a few meals to do things my way.), I had many negative experiences which have helped shape the person I am today. I take a long time to trust people. Most times people think of me as their friend long before I think of them that way. I need a vast amount of reassurance that a man's intentions are positive (that's why I like subs so much!). Once a person earns my loyalty, I return it with much gratitude but it does take quite a while to get there. I have given my pet tens of thousands of dollars and was planning to support my second pet financially as well if I ever find one I can love enough to want in my house.
I understand my way is not for everyone. More than a few of the men I see have told me how much I mean to them. I know most of the people reading this will despise me and that is ok as I have no desire to be 1) normal or 2) live up to the standards of the world. I have always told my kids that if you are going to be like everyone else, you might as well have not lived. Hey, my towels don't match either.

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 11

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 9:02:30 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Okay, Asianallure, you're right, now I really hate you. Are you serious? Your TOWELS don't match? ::shudder::

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to asianallure)

Post #: 12

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 9:26:25 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

I don't expect a man to pay. I make good money and don't require him to.

That said, I've always dated men who insisted in paying, especially in the beginning, but at times through our whole relationship. It might have something to do with the old world/europeen inspired romantic culture here in Montréal.

The last man I dated would get offended if I ever took money out in public. He used to say a Queen never had to worry about these things. I did however cook him absolutely wonderful meals accompanied by delicious wine and would spoil him with a bunch of other little things when ever I could. He may have the nicest tie collection on the planet ;-)

So while I never expect a man to pay, I also won't take away the pleasure he will get out of spoiling me or upset/insult him by refusing a gift.

That said, I will refuse it from a man I'm not intereted in. I am not and will never be a player.

I also have quite a few purely platonic male friends who'd never let a Lady pay.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 13

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 10:00:02 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Men are the pursuers, women are the choosers.

Perhaps that's the norm, but men choose whom they pursue.

(in reply to MsHValentine)

Post #: 14

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/7/2010 11:26:57 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckNbull

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

While you are "courting" I think there is nothing wrong with paying the primary portion, but once you become a couple, it should be pretty much 50-50 unless otherwise negotiated

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 15

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 2:01:08 AM

joether

Posts: 5195
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I'm a gentleman. There is an etiquette to a good relationship. I would pay for the first date or so. Maybe during the second time, she steps in and offers to pay for things. It has nothing to do with D/s. Relationships at their core, are a give & take system. The health ones, involve a fair amount of paying, and a fair amount of letting being paid for. Since relationships are about trust, the concept of money should gradually become a mutual understanding.

Even when I've meet a Domme for the first time, I will pay the bill. A nice dinner, at a nice resturant (read: real silverware, not the stuff at Applebees), its customary in New England, for the gentleman to pay the bill. The waiters/waitresses will always give the bill to the male, or the most senior member male at the table, unless notification in advance to the contrary.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 16

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 4:08:56 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

If the boy can't afford it, then we pay - it's not a big deal to us as long as we have the money. Because there are two of us (three, if rob can go) vs one of him, there is no way we would expect him to foot the bill. We had one boy who paid half - so he paid for himself and part for us, but that's it. We enjoy it if it happens, but we don't expect it. Those who do expect it aren't bad, they aren't money grubbers, they aren't evil horrible witches ... they are people, just like everyone else. If you don't like it, pick someone else who doesn't expect it.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to joether)

Post #: 17

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 6:44:56 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

Men are the pursuers, women are the choosers.

Perhaps that's the norm, but men choose whom they pursue.

You've obviously never heard of the famous French poet and dramatist Paul Geraldy:

«C'est la femme qui choisit l'homme qui la choisira.»

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 18

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 6:52:53 AM

QueenRah

Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

Indeed, OP, I have found, "Where there's no cost, there's no value." I've learned to avoid those males who expect me to pay my own way, in the initial stages of courtship. It has been my sad experience, if a man isn't willing to invest a little (the price of a meal, a movie ticket) for my time and presence, he's not going to invest in me personally. I don't expect five-star restaurants (all the time

), as many of the men I date are not wealthy. (I do appreciate five-star service!) I want to see that he is actually invested in the pursuit of me and a relationship with me. (Uch. From the head of the department of redundancy department head. Re: "Invest")

If he doesn't have the class to offer me, at least, a coffee, then he's not likely to offer me anything in reciprocation for what I have to bring to a relationship. He's bound to expect me to service him, and give me little to nothing for my efforts.

Perhaps yours is a different class of male who expects his women to pay their own way - the kind who actually offers beneficial exchange, other than the monetary. But, I haven't met that guy.

QR

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 19

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 9:01:05 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

Men are the pursuers, women are the choosers.

Perhaps that's the norm, but men choose whom they pursue.

You've obviously never heard of the famous French poet and dramatist Paul Geraldy:

«C'est la femme qui choisit l'homme qui la choisira.»

No, I'm not unfamiliar with the concept. However, what this actually means is that the woman becomes the pursuer and the man the chooser. After the man chooses, he pursues, and she becomes the chooser. This line of reasoning becomes an endless loop.

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 20

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