RE: Crossing the thin gray line

RE: Crossing the thin gray line (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Level -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 4:33:34 AM)
But wouldn't those be covered by TOS, and enforced by the mods?

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 4:47:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level But wouldn't those be covered by TOS, and enforced by the mods? yes, [:)] thats true - i keep forgetting about them. i got a cmail from a guy a couple of days ago asking me if i was into animals, so they are out there on the 'other side' of here. naive to think otherwise of course

Level -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 5:04:52 AM)
Every time I forget about them, they usually send me a "greeting" [:D]

allthatjaz -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 5:52:06 AM)
lally, I go on IC and there was a recent post about this site and how snidey people are here. I pointed out that if your not a regular and participating member of any site, then it is easy to feel that way. I generally think this site is not a bitchy one. Oh it can be and I have seen incidents of ganging but on the whole I think its fairly informative and friendly. I think its a shame that the site labels people according to how many posts they have written. Whilst this may encourage people to write more it seems to give certain people the idea that if you have 'vanilla' in your badge name that your a complete newbie. I recently saw a guy on this site with a vanilla label on his badge name (that CM had given him). He made a post and someone very quickly pointed out that he was 'Newbie!!!' and it was done very mockingly. His post was an informative and interesting one or it could of been if it had ran its course but the thread seemed to be taken over by the crowds shouting 'put down the newbie, put down the newbie'. He just shrugged his shoulders and moved on and I don't blame him. This guy has been around on the UK scene forever. He does a huge amount of work with the Spanner Trust and he is very much liked and respected for his knowledge and yet when he gives it a try on here he is almost immediately put down for being a 'newbie'. I really do wish people would realize that just .because someone is new here does not mean they are new to the scene.

IronBear -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 6:20:48 AM)
Your post Lass, is a most excellent example why I for one, hold you in such high regard and why folks like you are always a jolly good asset to any organization or forum.. My thanks.

Prinsexx -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 6:35:49 AM)
I actually think the majority of posrs that s-types could post on here should be rpeceded by the phrase: this was actually about loss of trust. These are the details.... Becayse in my reality, if I trust a dominant then there are no limits and even the most extreme of activities become my pleasure. The very same activities in any other cntext would be traumatic. And once that feeling of trust evapourates (and it has done for me mid scene and mid relationship) then that activity becomes immediately harmful in my experience because I cannot trust the limitations of it ie him being the limitation and judgement within the scene. It's that simple for me.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 7:13:02 AM)
Allthatjaz, I agree the notion of new to the site making the persons opinions redundant really sad. I think though that it also causes the problem of blind belief behind more prolific posters despite the fact that they may well be talking shit. Thing is it happens on other sites too, I dont see IC as having any less of a hierarchy than here does, I think in some ways IC has a more relaxed set of rules but I prefer the diversity here.

breatheasone -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 8:51:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elisabella quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero Gotta love it when everyone else wants you to be more 'empathetic' to their feelings at the very cost of your own. [image]http://www.robguimaraes.com/s/rolleyes.gif[/image] You need to give yourself points for this. Indeed, the right to feel comfortable on this discussion forum should go both ways. You both get, a Breatheasone official, "RIGHT-ON!"[;)]

AquaticSub -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 10:02:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz This is where you and I differ greatly. If I went to a spanking club then I wouldn't hang a guy on flesh hooks but if the spanking club happen to turn up at a BDSM club then I won't curb what I am doing just in case it upsets them. Just curious (and please understand I'm not saying your position is right or wrong) would you do do things differently if there weren't clubs specifically tailored to play levels? I only ask because, as far as I know anyway, around here we don't really have the option of going to a heavy play event or a light play event to suit our personal interests.

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 10:10:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Every time I forget about them, they usually send me a "greeting" [:D] [:D] - arrest that man!!!! - altogether too pervy for here! levelypoos - youre one of the good guys. xxxx [:)]

allthatjaz -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 10:11:33 AM)
I probably wouldn't be interested in going AquaticSub but if I did then it would not be to play or shock people. I once helped a friend run whats called 'schoold dinners' over here. The class filled with adult children and my job was to keep some sort of order. Now as much as I wanted to take the adult child that had shouted 'BORING..boring.. boring' throughout a lesson and crack his balls, I didn't! I behaved myself and did what was expected of me. I can't say I had fun though but then it wasn't my thing and I will certainly stay away from such places in the future.

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 11:21:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz lally, I go on IC and there was a recent post about this site and how snidey people are here. I pointed out that if your not a regular and participating member of any site, then it is easy to feel that way. I generally think this site is not a bitchy one. Oh it can be and I have seen incidents of ganging but on the whole I think its fairly informative and friendly. I think its a shame that the site labels people according to how many posts they have written. Whilst this may encourage people to write more it seems to give certain people the idea that if you have 'vanilla' in your badge name that your a complete newbie. I recently saw a guy on this site with a vanilla label on his badge name (that CM had given him). He made a post and someone very quickly pointed out that he was 'Newbie!!!' and it was done very mockingly. His post was an informative and interesting one or it could of been if it had ran its course but the thread seemed to be taken over by the crowds shouting 'put down the newbie, put down the newbie'. He just shrugged his shoulders and moved on and I don't blame him. This guy has been around on the UK scene forever. He does a huge amount of work with the Spanner Trust and he is very much liked and respected for his knowledge and yet when he gives it a try on here he is almost immediately put down for being a 'newbie'. I really do wish people would realize that just .because someone is new here does not mean they are new to the scene. one person here who has taken more roastings than anyone i know of is osf - give the guy credit for hanging in there, lesser mortals would have buggered off long ago. and yet many of his posts have provided some lively discussions. sometimes what he comes up with challenge perceptions and im not sure that goes down too well at times. his sense of humour is off the map at times, but i think he's brought something new in with him and thats a good thing. i think it has got a bit chronic just recently. so many threads get anwers like 'oh shit, good luck with this one' kinda attitude and we all kinda hold our breath and wait for the roasting to ensue. its a big shame that guy got sent off - in the end this is a public forum not a private 'by invitation only' room. to be honest though. on the whole id say that these boards do provide good responses to genuine questions regarding help with kinks and personal problems. generally folk do respond well and come up with well thought out answers. its more about that 'vanilla' sign labelling you as green and clueless that does the harm.

AquaticSub -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 11:24:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 its a big shame that guy got sent off - in the end this is a public forum not a private 'by invitation only' room. He's still around on the boards. He just replied on a thread to something I said. Osf has done more than enough to provoke his attacks. I agree that he can bring up some interesting discussions but his behavior is hardly beyond reproach.

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 11:35:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 its a big shame that guy got sent off - in the end this is a public forum not a private 'by invitation only' room. He's still around on the boards. He just replied on a thread to something I said. Osf has done more than enough to provoke his attacks. I agree that he can bring up some interesting discussions but his behavior is hardly beyond reproach. oh good!! [:)] i agree, osf can be contentious, thats his style - he stirs things up and gets people debating. on a public discussion board thats a good thing

AquaticSub -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 11:40:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 oh good!! [:)] i agree, osf can be contentious, thats his style - he stirs things up and gets people debating. on a public discussion board thats a good thing Contentious is one thing. Insults and threats (the latter of which were removed by a mod) are not a good thing.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 12:04:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 but... and this might be a bit contentious. i for one do not wish to see BDSM thrown in with all and sundry. paedophiles, snuff, animals, fantasists involving non-concensual adults and there are possibly others i dont know about, they are the obvious ones though and some level of censorship by us as people who live this lifestyle according to the safe, sane, concensual dictum are, i think, beholden to repel all borders in those areas. I took the OP's question differently. There is nothing wrong with a desire to re-live a past trauma and attempt to take back the "power" that it has taken from you. I say "attempt" because it is important to realize that while that may be the intent, it is not necessarily going to be the outcome. I believe that those who don't feel going in that direction would be beneficial to them might be better off avoiding the thread. However, when someone mentions how such an activity could be harmful or might be harmful to them, far too many people jump on the idea that it is a healthy thing to do and the one who might be against it would benefit. Those types of comments are the danger. They are made by people who really probably shouldn't even engage in the re-enactment because they clearly do not understand the "whole" of possibilities. When someone wants to relive a past trauma, the parties assisting need to be a lot more aware of those possibilities to avoid things going wrong. Then there are other times when someone is posting a question about whether or not it is a good idea. Usually because some "dom" has told them it would be helpful, but they aren't so sure. Do I see this as dangerous? Yes. Far too often that "dom" has not background, education or knowledge about the additional safety issues that should be implemented for the person who suffered the trauma. Then we have a bunch of idiots coming on saying how "master knows best" "he is looking out for your best interests" and then the assorted group that make insensitive comments they feel are witty. Well, more often than not in those situations "master" doesn't know shit and is couching his agenda beneath the guise of "her best interests." I put lally's quote above because far too often we hear from people who talk about being open minded and "uptight" about activities. Well obviously there are some activities that are considered wrong across the board. Yes, it is mentioned how it is against the TOS and the moderators job to remove those posts, but why do you think that is? Because the general consensus is that those activities are not acceptable. Most here are very open minded about activities. But a line needs to be drawn in the sand somewhere. It doesn't make any one of us "close minded" or "uptight." Only in the world of BDSM do some people seem to think that "morality" is a bad thing. When people pose questions on sensitive subjects, asking for advice, the majority are going to be sensitive and try to help. In the rape re-enactment example, there would be a good many, who like me would make sure the person wanting this was aware of all the risks and complications as well as trying to make sure it was THEIR decision, not someone pushing them towards it. Those women who have not reached a point where they can put their trauma behind them should avoid the post. But then so should those who make idiotic comments on a sensitive subject.

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 12:21:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 oh good!! [:)] i agree, osf can be contentious, thats his style - he stirs things up and gets people debating. on a public discussion board thats a good thing Contentious is one thing. Insults and threats (the latter of which were removed by a mod) are not a good thing. ooh i missed that one! [:)] - prolly one of those long winded slanging matches i prefer to avoid - he gives as good as he gets i think.

AquaticSub -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 12:28:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 ooh i missed that one! [:)] - prolly one of those long winded slanging matches i prefer to avoid - he gives as good as he gets i think. Actually it was more along the lines of "I'm getting harassed but refuse to do anything about it". I can't see how you take a threat so lightly.

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 12:34:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 but... and this might be a bit contentious. i for one do not wish to see BDSM thrown in with all and sundry. paedophiles, snuff, animals, fantasists involving non-concensual adults and there are possibly others i dont know about, they are the obvious ones though and some level of censorship by us as people who live this lifestyle according to the safe, sane, concensual dictum are, i think, beholden to repel all borders in those areas. I took the OP's question differently. There is nothing wrong with a desire to re-live a past trauma and attempt to take back the "power" that it has taken from you. I say "attempt" because it is important to realize that while that may be the intent, it is not necessarily going to be the outcome. I believe that those who don't feel going in that direction would be beneficial to them might be better off avoiding the thread. However, when someone mentions how such an activity could be harmful or might be harmful to them, far too many people jump on the idea that it is a healthy thing to do and the one who might be against it would benefit. Those types of comments are the danger. They are made by people who really probably shouldn't even engage in the re-enactment because they clearly do not understand the "whole" of possibilities. When someone wants to relive a past trauma, the parties assisting need to be a lot more aware of those possibilities to avoid things going wrong. Then there are other times when someone is posting a question about whether or not it is a good idea. Usually because some "dom" has told them it would be helpful, but they aren't so sure. Do I see this as dangerous? Yes. Far too often that "dom" has not background, education or knowledge about the additional safety issues that should be implemented for the person who suffered the trauma. Then we have a bunch of idiots coming on saying how "master knows best" "he is looking out for your best interests" and then the assorted group that make insensitive comments they feel are witty. Well, more often than not in those situations "master" doesn't know shit and is couching his agenda beneath the guise of "her best interests." I put lally's quote above because far too often we hear from people who talk about being open minded and "uptight" about activities. Well obviously there are some activities that are considered wrong across the board. Yes, it is mentioned how it is against the TOS and the moderators job to remove those posts, but why do you think that is? Because the general consensus is that those activities are not acceptable. Most here are very open minded about activities. But a line needs to be drawn in the sand somewhere. It doesn't make any one of us "close minded" or "uptight." Only in the world of BDSM do some people seem to think that "morality" is a bad thing. When people pose questions on sensitive subjects, asking for advice, the majority are going to be sensitive and try to help. In the rape re-enactment example, there would be a good many, who like me would make sure the person wanting this was aware of all the risks and complications as well as trying to make sure it was THEIR decision, not someone pushing them towards it. Those women who have not reached a point where they can put their trauma behind them should avoid the post. But then so should those who make idiotic comments on a sensitive subject. irresponsibility is an area thats difficult not to respond to. sometimes things just shriek 'HELL NO' at me, like the water boarding thread some time back. the people involved seemed to think it might be 'fun' and came here asking for advice on it without apparently looking into the dangers themselves. those are the moments, i agree, when a sane, safe voice or two needs to step in and say 'time out'. but those are the moments when safe sane and concensual are, in a way, our territory to explore and discuss. it would be irresponsible of us not to shed light on the dangers and possible emotional and phsychological fall out that could easily ensue.

lally2 -> RE: Crossing the thin gray line (1/9/2010 12:38:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 ooh i missed that one! [:)] - prolly one of those long winded slanging matches i prefer to avoid - he gives as good as he gets i think. Actually it was more along the lines of "I'm getting harassed but refuse to do anything about it". I can't see how you take a threat so lightly. i didnt read the thread, but hun, these are boards and most of us live miles and miles and miles away from each other, what actual harm is it doing anyone. if it pisses people off, they need to move on - why do those threads go on and on and phucking on, digging in deeper and deeper. there has to be some sort of massochistic or sadistic element to them - i personally dont get it. when i stumble into one of those bun fights i just turn right around again and close the door behind me.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625