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RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:16:19 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smplyme101

Also: i forgot....i just want to state that my "friend" who did this was a friend of 20 years, and why am i the one responsible for the drama HE caused in my life....makes no sense to me....but to each his own opinion....i did nothing to cause this drama, i am a firm hater of drama!!

Twenty years? And in all that time how much time did you spend in person with him?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 21

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:18:10 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I cannot tell you how many times I have been scammed by a sub with the ol' "my mom is dying" con.

It's start out innocent enough at first, I receive the obligatory gash and tit shot but it never seems to fail that the demands soon come pouring in.

I'll cut right to the chase...Six months later, after I am now short tens of thousands of dollars a kidney and some bone marrow...Poof! She is gone like a fart in the wind.

God how I hate mentors, cats and subs.

Off to Gor.

Hey, sometimes when we say that its really true!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 22

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:29:33 PM

smplyme101

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/30/2009
Status: offline

domiguy, thats too bad i feel sorry for you, i understand that maybe unreal for some, but its true for me, and i posted alot on my journal over a long period of time about it, asking noone for anything, and he KNEW it for real because he spoke to me from her home so , altho you may have been scammed by something similar, i aam sorry for that, but see, i didnt ask anyone for anything, and never will.....never.....

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 23

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:30:09 PM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

I am sorry that you are experiencing this smplyme.
There will be no answers to your 'whys', but hopefully as time goes by you will see how you can use this experience for your benefit. Right now there is no way you can.

Best wishes,
wisdom

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 24

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:32:35 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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OP...

Oy, where to begin? First off...CalifChick was right...this has nothing to do with mentoring. If a person offers to mentor you, that generally doesn't mean they become your online master/dom/bf...it means they teach or counsel you. I have a friend who identifies as dominant that has taken that role for me. When I have a question concerning something related to bdsm or D/s, I start with him as a source of information and suggestions.

Ok...so you two met online, clicked, he took you "under his wing" so to speak then decided he needed to back off. In the meantime, you had some fairly dramatic stuff happen...glad to hear your mom is better...and then contacted him to let him know. He called you a fake...now you're calling him a fake...sounds like drama on both sides. End result...you feel angry and hurt because he called you a scammer. Are you? If not...why are you letting it bother you so much?

Did you deserve that...how did you scam him? Doesn't matter, it's in the past. Question is, what have you learned other than to be very negative and angry in your journal? Instead of trying to figure him out, I would spend my time trying to understand why I (meaning you) was so open and trusting with a stranger. Did you ever meet this man? You gave him your phone number be he didn't bother to reciprocate and you didn't see this as a red flag?

I'm really not trying to come off as a bitch here but this is too much drama. You say in your profile you only want friends now...I think that's a good idea. Take some time to pause and reflect on this experience and your reaction and use it to become a more knowledgable person in the ways of online D/s, if this is the route you want to continue taking.

Just my $0.02....Best of luck

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 25

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:33:50 PM

smplyme101

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/30/2009
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Of the 20 years we spent almost allof it seeing each other, we were also brother and sister in laws at one point so there was a tremendous amt of family interaction!!!! He was there with me when my mom was in hospital , holding her hand so.....yes i "knew" him very well, it had nothing to do with online ....so from family to friend to this.....wow what a turn!!! and to clarify , i do not make any statements i cannot provide proof for....so if my mom is ill, i have proof, if i am at a lossof some kind, i have poroof....i have nothing to hide or fear of anyone, well, i do now.....judgement and being chastised for someone elses conduct!! i like how that happens....again, to each his own,

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 26

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:35:44 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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Well why didnt you just mention that in the first place?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 27

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:40:13 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

OP, CarrieO clarified more of what I meant. I meant that this has nothing to do with mentoring, but apparently was supposed to be a Dom/sub or other power-exchange relationship.

Throw the parachute out of the back of the car, and slow this puppy wayyyyyyyyyyyy down. Get to know what you're looking for, what is good for you, and what isn't.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 28

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:42:26 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smplyme101

Of the 20 years we spent almost allof it seeing each other, we were also brother and sister in laws at one point so there was a tremendous amt of family interaction!!!! He was there with me when my mom was in hospital , holding her hand so.....yes i "knew" him very well, it had nothing to do with online ....so from family to friend to this.....wow what a turn!!! and to clarify , i do not make any statements i cannot provide proof for....so if my mom is ill, i have proof, if i am at a lossof some kind, i have poroof....i have nothing to hide or fear of anyone, well, i do now.....judgement and being chastised for someone elses conduct!! i like how that happens....again, to each his own,

I'm sorry you are hurting, I really am. But a "mentor" as everyone has already pointed out, isn't putting you under "consideration," nor do they tell you that they adore and want you. That is someone looking to have a relationship. Speaking of which, you couldn't contact him? Sounds like he had another commitment that came before you that needed protecting.

So while I'm sorry that you are hurt by his behavior and confused, just the little bit of information that you gave is filled with red flags that things weren't all they might have appeared. You are in your 40s, some common sense should be coming in to play at some point when people behave strangely. And yes, not being able to have someone's phone numbers IS pretty strange when you have known each other for twenty years and are supposedly embarking on a relationship.

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 29

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:44:05 PM

smplyme101

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/30/2009
Status: offline

ya know the op is right, why bother....i came here to talk , to try to get some help figuring this out and now im gettin bashed cause im upset...sorry , thought the message boards would help me to feel a bit better and somone might understand that sits been a lot to deal with lately and so if the op has read my journal, not all is negative....today it is but its MY journal....so if im angry or happy i will express it there....and if you need to question that im a scammer because im upset and maybe just venting a little ....then maybe those that message me in mail telling me all sorts of wonderful happy beautiful things are the scammers to me, i dont htink that was fair. Drama, maybe, show me with proof one person on the internet who has never had an ounce of drama in their entire life....i dont think so, so i8f you have drama caused by another, and you spek out and try to explain the best you can what hurt you and how so someone else gets the pic and all they say is maybe you are a scammer cause you are venting ....then i guess there are alot of scammers .....online and off.....only my opinion of course!!!!...i will not post after this, thank you to all that have and those wioth encouraging thoughts and insights, thank you ill keep those in mind....to all the well wishers for my mom, over the months ive had many beautiful emails , so thank you all for those as well, made hospital trips and long cross province drives a bit easier, again thank you all....

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 30

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:44:30 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smplyme101

domiguy, thats too bad i feel sorry for you, i understand that maybe unreal for some, but its true for me, and i posted alot on my journal over a long period of time about it, asking noone for anything, and he KNEW it for real because he spoke to me from her home so , altho you may have been scammed by something similar, i aam sorry for that, but see, i didnt ask anyone for anything, and never will.....never.....

Yeah, I understand that you never asked for anything...But who do I see about my kidney?

Here is the deal. You are nuts. It's no biggie. I just saw a commercial last night where it stated that one out of six Americans suffer from some sort of a mental illness. Canadians probably are as equally as wacked out...They don't call them loonies for nothing.

On the other hand, I have to admit you appear somewhat bangable. This places me in the most awkward of positions. How to get some quality pics of your lady lumps while at the same time informing you that you are some sort of a wingnut? Difficult spot.

I do hope your mom is fine. If not, it is the great circle of life. Moms do have a tendency to peter out at some point or another. Find peace in the fact that she probably loved you.

You should send me some pics.

I care.

Domiguy

< Message edited by domiguy -- 1/8/2010 2:45:22 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 31

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:45:40 PM

smplyme101

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/30/2009
Status: offline

To clarify.....2 pieces of story are crossed, the 20 year friendship is NOT the mentor....so no i do have the 20 year friendship phone number!!

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 32

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:54:48 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

I agree with LaTigresse. I mentor and train here, in Ontario. I don't solicit the opportunity...someone comes to me or not.
There should be NO anticipation of a romantic relationship. The mentor is a guide, a person to rely on and help someone's introduction to the lifestyle. You are not a play partner. Another way of putting it, is that you are a friend Without Benefits.
There should be No overhead of a possible relationship to cloud the Menors judgment. They can be sub or Dom. Often sub/slaves make the best mentors.

Should the nature of the relationship change, then it is up to the Mentor to renounce his original intentions, and make it clear to the sub, He/She is no longer a Mentor, but just another Dom, soliciting the subs consideration.

Bye the way, Mentors are needed by Dom/Dommes as well as sub/slaves. The same rules apply.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 33

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:57:58 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smplyme101

To clarify.....2 pieces of story are crossed, the 20 year friendship is NOT the mentor....so no i do have the 20 year friendship phone number!!

Ah so the 20 year friendship is the one who was "watching" your place while you were at your mom's. That sucks. Is he the one that ripped you off or caused you to be ripped off? Since when does getting robbed cause one to be evicted? I daresay there is more to that story as well.

I never said that you were a scammer, to be clear. I don't think that you are. I do think right now you are having some serious drama in your life that you need to deal with first. Perhaps that is what is clouding your judgement about people.

I don't retract my statement that as a woman in her 40s you should have some common sense. If a man is going to refuse to give you his phone number but says they "adore and want" you, can you really not see that there is something wrong with that picture? You gave little information but I bet if you asked on here how many thought he was married, it would be almost unanimous.

Right now take the time to deal with your family problems. Perhaps you can go back and stay there since you no longer have a place of your own where you were. If your mother is dying, your time is better served by spending this time with her. Stay away from having romantic relationships until you have your life back in order.

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 34

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 2:58:45 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

when i first came online and found my first bdsm site i wound up being a mentor to two subbies my first time there

hell i dint even know what a mentor was and there i was mentoring two

well, i swore never to do that again

< Message edited by osf -- 1/8/2010 2:59:22 PM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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Post #: 35

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 3:02:42 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

when i first came online and found my first bdsm site i wound up being a mentor to two subbies my first time there

hell i dint even know what a mentor was and there i was mentoring two

well, i swore never to do that again

I can just imagine what these two mentorees must have been like.

Too funny. When was their exact time of death? Can't imagine they faired well under your watch.

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Post #: 36

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 3:09:30 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smplyme101

To clarify.....2 pieces of story are crossed, the 20 year friendship is NOT the mentor....so no i do have the 20 year friendship phone number!!

But the mentor who called you a scammer and who has you "under Consideration". and who has his number blocked when he calls you, you have never met, right?

Hmmmm. How long have you been into this?
Would you let a vanilla relationship in person treat you like this?
How about if you had daughters? Would you let a guy treat your daughter, sister or friend this way?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 37

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 3:09:42 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

when i first came online and found my first bdsm site i wound up being a mentor to two subbies my first time there

hell i dint even know what a mentor was and there i was mentoring two

well, i swore never to do that again

I can just imagine what these two mentorees must have been like.

Too funny. When was their exact time of death? Can't imagine they faired well under your watch.

somethings are best kept secret

i never kill and tell

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 38

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 3:16:45 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

OP,

I don't believe anyone called you a scammer. I asked you if you were and if not why be bothered with the person who acussed you. Yes, I mentioned your journal entries were negative. Why? Because when I read a person's journal, it's like getting a glimpse into their world. Your world right now is negative and angry...or so I'm lead to believe by these entries. I've had more than my share of emotional journal entries that I've since removed because they gave others the wrong impression about me. Just something to consider should you decide to get back in the saddle.

Many people mistake the message boards for a place to be coddled. Yes, you can vent and speak your mind but you need to be prepared for others to speak theirs as well. You asked for help to figur things out...you were given suggestions, some may not have been what you wanted to hear but you were given them nonetheless. How you choose to deal with these responses is up to you.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 1/8/2010 3:17:22 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to smplyme101)

Post #: 39

RE: meaning of Mentorship.....hmmmmm - 1/8/2010 4:36:19 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Ok, a little rant of my own. "Mentors" do not have sexual or intimate relationships with their mentees. If the relationship is intimate and personal, it is a -romantic- relationship, not a "mentor" relationship.

Mentorship is meant to be a highly valued state, with a great deal of responsibility and an ethical framework that assures that the mentee is going to have the opportunity to learn, and will not be preyed upon or mistreated. Within the BDSM realm, mentorship would, ideally, be between two individuals who share the same goals and direction -- one who has progressed a good way into the experience, and one a newcomer, looking to progress. If the "mentor" in question has authority over the mentee, then it isn't "mentorship", it is 'authority-exchange'.

For example, as a dominant individual, I would not be doing someone exploring submission any great benefit by mentoring them, because they wouldn't be getting a picture of successful submission or service orientation from observing and learning from me... my capacity as a mentor would best serve another up-and-coming dominant or Head of Household... in particular, one who wanted to learn the in's and out's of things I am knowledgeable about, like Steampunk/AE households, temporary piercing, cutting, etc. (And I wouldn't serve someone well who wanted mentorship and who had wildly diverse interests from my own like shibari or cross-dressing... since I don't participate in those, I'd be useless as a mentor for someone who wanted to understand those better...)

What the OP is describing is not mentorship, and assigning that name to it gives a very skewed picture of both her situation -and- the concept of mentorship.

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 40

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