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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/8/2010 8:15:22 PM

sexyred1

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I certainly wouldn't discuss that here...

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/8/2010 8:48:23 PM

mc1234

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The most difficult thing I've been asked to do is trust, lean on him, be vulnerable. Sometimes it's easy as breathing; other times not so much.

Those things are harder than anything physical that's ever been asked of me.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/8/2010 9:48:25 PM

lucylucy

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mc1234's answer struck a chord with me. Trusting him unconditionally has been the hardest thing--hard because of my own issues, not his trustworthiness. It's also been incredibly rewarding.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/8/2010 11:30:14 PM

myotherself

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

He once made me wear white heels after Labor Day.

Ooooh...humiliation play!

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 6:44:05 AM

JoeVanilla

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Following her order to shut up & stop trying to explain my side of a miscommunication... VERY difficult indeed!

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:06:57 AM

lucylucy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeVanilla

Following her order to shut up & stop trying to explain my side of a miscommunication... VERY difficult indeed!

Oh, I've been there--forgot about that. That's a tough one. Definitely a close second to trusting unconditionally. I like to have the last word (and many of the words in between), and learning to let that go has been a true challenge. I'm getting much better at it, though.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:08:52 AM

breatheasone

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~~FR~~
To wait.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:16:38 AM

kyraofMists

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The most difficult thing that I have had to do in my relationship is to wait for immigration approval and live apart. That is really a no brainer for us. Outside of that, the most difficult thing I had to do was let him know that choices he made were harming me and our relationship.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:22:09 AM

osf

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quote:

let him know that choices he made were harming me and our relationship.

i can see where that would suck, one would want him to know without having to tell

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:30:45 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

let him know that choices he made were harming me and our relationship.

i can see where that would suck, one would want him to know without having to tell

Not at all. I don't expect him to be a mind reader or omniscient. It was hard because I felt like I was failing because I couldn't get where he wanted me to be as fast as he wanted me to get there. So he changed tactics and now we are at the same destination, we just took a different path to get here.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:44:49 AM

osf

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quote:

Not at all. I don't expect him to be a mind reader or omniscient. It was hard because I felt like I was failing because I couldn't get where he wanted me to be as fast as he wanted me to get there. So he changed tactics and now we are at the same destination, we just took a different path to get here.

then i misunderstood

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 8:56:19 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

Not at all. I don't expect him to be a mind reader or omniscient. It was hard because I felt like I was failing because I couldn't get where he wanted me to be as fast as he wanted me to get there. So he changed tactics and now we are at the same destination, we just took a different path to get here.

then i misunderstood

no... you just did not care to understand!

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 9:02:24 AM

osf

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quote:

no... you just did not care to understand!

and you're sure how?

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:24:02 PM

Zadie

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To wonder.. such a waste of time. Why can't people be completely open and straight forward, especially in this venue.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:26:16 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

what was the most difficult thing you were ever made to do?

not make snarky comments to chronic thread starters

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:28:55 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

The most difficult thing that I have had to do in my relationship is to wait for immigration approval and live apart. That is really a no brainer for us. Outside of that, the most difficult thing I had to do was let him know that choices he made were harming me and our relationship.

Knight's Kyra

Yeah, this one is kicking my ass too.... i'm glad you figured it out.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:35:48 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

one of the difference between this and nilla, one of the biggies is the dedication we need to ourselves and the relationship

if we're not dedicated to what we say we are then we make a mockery of it

oh bullshit.

In any relationship one needs to be true to ones self, be it vanilla or not.
And the fact that you say you are dedicated to wiiwd is the true mockery. We do what we do because we are dedicated to ourselves!!

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:40:35 PM

osf

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ok, here there is more responsibility to the relationship, if she gets in a snit and runs home to mother for a couple weeks wheres that leave things?

or she is having a problem and he tells her to handle it herself?

nilla marriages can survive such things much more redily

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:42:57 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

ok, here there is more responsibility to the relationship, if she gets in a snit and runs home to mother for a couple weeks wheres that leave things?

or she is having a problem and he tells her to handle it herself?

nilla marriages can survive such things much more redily

Relationships are relationships no matter if you want to call them "vanilla" or "bdsm".

They all need the same things to survive..compatibility, honesty, integrity, etc...

Bdsm is not more or less special. Neither is vanilla.

And this is why so many "bdsm" relationships fail..they fail to realize that if they want to keep the person they need to see them as more than just a "Dom" or "slave/sub"...but as a human being just like themselves.

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RE: what is the most difficult thing - 1/9/2010 12:49:24 PM

osf

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not going to argue the point but we as a group seem to have a much greater failure rate than nilla folks

i'll just let that be my last point

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