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History Speaks Today's English - 1/9/2010 7:34:52 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Caveman - Group meeting everyone, How many times have I told you to drag them bitches by the hair, otherwise their holes fill up with sand. Maybe you like it gritty, but the rest of us don't.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/9/2010 7:57:55 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Caveman during Ice Age - Good news everyone. As you know this Ice Age has been kicking our ass. We've been spending too much time digging out frozen woolly mammoth's and making too many babies. We're down to our last shovel, but I have found a solution. Horrible Helga has volunteered to feed us for the month of December (Helga is bound and gagged with woolly mammoth tails and tusks inserted into both holes holding her in place over wood pile).

This is an excellent picture for the female supremacist.

http://www.berro.com/entertainment/funny_cartoons/cave_women_ruling_the_world.htm

I checked the image upload, but it failed for some reason.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/9/2010 8:01:11 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Speaking of Cavemen, what would Al gore say if he was living in the ice age? "Stop Global Warming, save a Woolly Mammoth."

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/9/2010 8:43:42 AM

Termyn8or

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Hold on, I need to get my bearings here. Please clarify, are you talking about the stone age, the pre-zambian age or the early iron age or what ? I know it's confusing but a good refenece point is whether or not Og had invented the wheel yet. If before it was the pre-Chevyonic age. If it was after Og invented the axle for his dandy wheel, it's the post-rolliage stage. If fire hadn't been discovered it was the pre-arsonic stage.

I know this all seems confuddling but the jokester's handbook V32,958 simplifies it quite well. Between poetic license and recognition of general laziness of wit, the whole of the development of mankind is divided into two parts. Over a million fucking years ago and not quite a fucking million years ago. It's somewhere on page 1,440. Subsection C (toward the bottom of the page) also states that the word "fucking" can be omitted for family based publications. Subsequent versions may have deleted that license though, so please check with a local competent librarian for the latest rules and techniques.

The jokster's history giude does say that Og slew a mammoth with his first axle and the leader was pissed. He said "What the fuck are we going to do with all these useless wheels" to which Og replied "Have a nice mammoth steak". With that, and the guide of a local prophet, Og was sent back up the mountain to invent another axle, one that would not get stuck in a mammoth.

These were a wise people, because really, these days you never hear of an axle getting stuck in a mammoth do you ?

For more information I suggest you seek official information, or mental help, your choice. I think the site is something like yougottabefuckinkiddingme dot com or something like that.

Rumor has it that Og was working on the first gun with which to kill the leader as he had become weary of inventing all these things without the protection of intellectual rights. But he disappeared like Nikoli Tesla, and a few others. I think the leader invented the forerunner of the CIA. But that is a matter of speculation. Just don't tell them about it over in Off Topic, because the thread will take on Biblical proportions, possibly shutting the entirenet down. (that's what they call it down south I think).

T

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/9/2010 11:48:40 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Finally, someone who can contribute to history's archives more accurately than PBS. As I believe Foghorn Leghorn said to the Chicken Hawk. "You're over thinking it my boy." We aren't going in any certain historical order, which should free up your schizoprenic mind in your psychedelic world. I believe they call that artistic freedom or insanity, whichever you prefer.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/9/2010 12:00:33 PM

cuckoldmepls

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Caveman - Where ya been Thor?

Thor - Oh that damn tribe in the sky got me again. Once they get on top of you there just ain't no gettin away. Those anal probes hurt like a SOB too. I won't be able to sit down this time for a week.

Caveman - Tribe in the sky Shit again eh??? Funny how no one else except you and sissy boy have ever seen this tribe and everytime you vanish, sissy boy vanishes at the same time too and comes back complaining about anal probes as well. Whatever it is they do to you two, you need to go take a bath afterwards, cus you smell like Shit.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/10/2010 9:18:23 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Cavewoman- Thor Jr., how many times have I told you to close the cave rock? We're you raised in the forest?

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 8:09:14 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Cavewoman - Thor Jr., It's been two weeks since you've cleaned your room, now tear your ass away from that rock building set, and get out there and bring in some fresh dirt!!!

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 8:17:46 AM

GreedyTop

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*blink*

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 9:58:14 AM

Arpig

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And when do we get to the humor part?

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 10:00:25 AM

Marc2b

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I think somebody's been sippin' on the cough syrup again.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 10:03:04 AM

sirsholly

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i would say chuggin'...

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 12:59:10 PM

cuckoldmepls

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Ooops, I sense I stepped on the foot of an Al Gore fan. Well at least I know you didn't invent the internet, but I suppose you are going to tell me you were a compuserve customer from day one.

I suppose this will get funny when you borrow someone's imagination and contribute some material of your own. I gave you 10,000 years of human history for potential material, and no, I'm no relation to Al Gore.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 1:25:58 PM

Termyn8or

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The Bible tells us that there were only two people on Earth at one time, so you ARE related to Al Gore MF.

Oops, so am I, I guess.

Which brings us to the next question. Were Adan and Eve cavemen ? I mean so what there was a dandy garden, but if people really liked caves back then.........

Think about it. No roof problems, no energy efficient windows, no blown in in insulation nor wiring to worry about. These guys had it fucking made I tell ya. And I bet those fig leaves tore up quite easily.

Incidentally, for all prehistorians who like music, the song Troglodyte was made by a group called The Jimmy Castor Bunch. Great historical value in that piece for those so inclined and able to freely download whatever they want.

Now take your average caveman, at home, surfing the internet, gotta finda Woman, Gotta find a Woman, Gotta find a Woman. He did grab her by the hair, but you can't do that today fellas because it might come off. I consider that song quite the documentary. And for information on your possible familial relationship to Al Gore, consult Ray Stevens' - I'm My Own Grampa.

Now that this matter is settled, next I will bring peace to the middle east.

T

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/11/2010 1:37:11 PM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckoldmepls

, I'm no relation to Al Gore.

We are all God's children.

Mohamed

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/12/2010 8:19:14 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Vikings - No!!! It's rape, pillage, then burn. It sucks when you get it backwards.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/12/2010 11:28:21 AM

Termyn8or

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With one exception, you should burn people at the stake before beheading them. Just a quick note.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/13/2010 8:59:52 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Viking Sailor to Viking Commander - I thought you said there would be thousands of white women for each man in this new land? All I see is more f@*#! snow and ice. I told you we should have gone south for the tanned women.

Viking Commander - Quit complaining or I'll have your ass thrown overboard and you'll find out what real blue balls are like. Besides, when we get back home I'm going to decree that everyone must share their wives with anyone who wants them. In return you will all pretend like this never happened to save my career. Is it a deal?

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/13/2010 10:44:54 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Well I guess that explains why the Vikings never got credit for discovering the New World.

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RE: History Speaks Today's English - 1/14/2010 8:54:41 AM

cuckoldmepls

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Viking leader's son- Father, when will I receive the throne and sword of dominion that I have waited patiently now for 18 years.

Viking Leader - Son, you will receive it when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

The next day, he makes his son the leader of an expedition to Siberia in the middle of Winter, and gives him a crew of murderers released from imprisonment. Problem solved.

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