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Did you have to run the gauntlet?


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[Poll]

Did you have to run the gauntlet?


Yes - OMG EVERYONE WAS SUCH AN ASSHOLE
  7% (6)
No - What the hell are you talking about?
  40% (34)
People had to warm up to me
  20% (17)
I had to warm up to the atmosphere on the boards
  19% (16)
I don't know. I'm just clicking boxes cause I can.
  13% (11)


Total Votes : 84
(last vote on : 1/24/2010 12:52:35 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:33:47 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		It seems to have been a topic of late so, in this incredibly unoffical and inaccurate poll, I'm asking: When you joined, did you feel like you had to run a gauntlet of baseless attacks?

Personally, I don't think I did. When I first joined, I got into a few spats - usually because I was new to BDSM and didn't have the knowledge I do now. Those were contained in the thread and didn't spread to others. I never really felt like I had to prove myself or that I was being tested. I knew that I wanted to stick around and make friends and I wanted to show that. That's pretty far from having to prove myself to the "in club" though. IMHO anyway.

So... I'm curious... how many of us feel like there is some sort of unoffical gauntlet? If there is one, I certainly don't know about it. Which I guess means I'm not in the group.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/14/2010 7:34:51 AM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair
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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:36:43 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		People had to warm up to me........I'm a bit outspoken

I know the thread you're talking about AquaticSub & I'm going to have to agree w/the "whiner". People here can be harsh w/newcomers....present company included....until they prove they're not trolls or trying to "pull the wool over the eyes of their friends".

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:37:32 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Before this ID, I visited the forums under a couples ID. Since the beginning af this ID, I bput my foot into the water and face the wrath of a few (not mean ones).

I guess the prior ID let me explore the forums so I can get to know them a little bit better.

Meanwhile, I like the Poison Ivy loook.

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:39:26 AM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		When I joined & came over to this side, I spent a long time reading threads & didn't contribute until I felt that I had something to say.  There were a couple of threads that I started a couple of years ago that I felt I got lambasted in, but it just made me feel that the people who were doing the lambasting were fairly idiotic.  Once I figured out that by staying below the fold, ie: in P&ORS, I would find more people with whom I could relate I've been very happy on the boards.  I get & give a tremendous amount of support & laughter.  I also figured out that I don't live my life or my relationship the way the majority do, so I just don't share that much of it.

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:42:43 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

People had to warm up to me........I'm a bit outspoken

I know the thread you're talking about AquaticSub & I'm going to have to agree w/the "whiner". People here can be harsh w/newcomers....present company included....until they prove they're not trolls or trying to "pull the wool over the eyes of their friends".


Very seriously, I'm not talking about any thread or person in particular. It's just something I've noticed over several threads from several people recently and it's something that I honestly don't agree with. I don't think people are particularly mean or make everyone prove themselves. I think that when people come here with a particular attitude, want to tell us how to do things, don't take the time to read the ToS they agreed to, make posts that come off as someone looking for wank fodder... yeah the comments they get aren't the nicest. But I've also seen tons of new posters where the long-term posters have said "Hey, that's awesome. I'm really looking forward to hearing more from you!".

Just nobody seems to notice or care when that happens.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to VirginPotty)
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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:44:21 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I'm on here on and off. When I first started posting I encountered a few hazings, but to the defense of the regulars, those hazings were on some touchy subjects, which I fully expected many to disagree with me.

I do not feel as though anyone has unjustifiably ganged up on me just because I was new to the forums.

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:48:04 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
Hell yeah.

Three times in fact.

Then they made me pull up my pants and leave the building.

Bastards.

chia* (the pet)


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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:55:11 AM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		I don't post every day or extensively, but I've never had any flameups or harsh criticism on the forums. Then again, I don't add anything particularly controversial or humorous. Which is not exactly how I am in person since people tend to laugh quite a bit when I talk, but that is perhaps because I don't take myself or others too seriously.
If you post in a respectful, logical style, use neutral words and try the "search" button before you ask a question that's been done to death--you tend to forestall heated replies.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 7:55:55 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

People had to warm up to me........I'm a bit outspoken

I know the thread you're talking about AquaticSub & I'm going to have to agree w/the "whiner". People here can be harsh w/newcomers....present company included....until they prove they're not trolls or trying to "pull the wool over the eyes of their friends".


Very seriously, I'm not talking about any thread or person in particular. It's just something I've noticed over several threads from several people recently and it's something that I honestly don't agree with. I don't think people are particularly mean or make everyone prove themselves. I think that when people come here with a particular attitude, want to tell us how to do things, don't take the time to read the ToS they agreed to, make posts that come off as someone looking for wank fodder... yeah the comments they get aren't the nicest. But I've also seen tons of new posters where the long-term posters have said "Hey, that's awesome. I'm really looking forward to hearing more from you!".

Just nobody seems to notice or care when that happens.


You're right about the attitude of newbies in some cases and that definitely contributes to the "nastiness" they receive. You're also right that alot of long time posters welcoming the newbies. But I've also seen the flip side usually in "tight knit" threads where there are regulars.

**Eta to elaborate on what MsMillgrove said about using the "search" button. People use it & get blasted for reviving old threads. People don't use it, they're told that their subject is old news...try using the search button!
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.***

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 1/14/2010 7:57:37 AM >

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:00:33 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I've also seen a lot of new posters who were welcomed very warmly. Their approach encouraged the warm welcome. Those who stamp their feet wanting attention usually get exactly that, it just tends to be negative attention.

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4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:02:34 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I think people should use the search function to see if their questions can be answered. If their question cannot be answered, specifically, instead of reviving an old thread they should start a new one indicating their effort and their lack of findings. At least that shows they did try.

_____________________________

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:05:24 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

**Eta to elaborate on what MsMillgrove said about using the "search" button. People use it & get blasted for reviving old threads. People don't use it, they're told that their subject is old news...try using the search button!
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.***


I disagree.

I feel that people should use the search button. If the old thread doesn't answer their question, than they *should* feel free to go "Hey, I did a search and I found X, Y and Z but about A, B and C?".

Whenever I've seen people do that, the responses they got were very positive.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:10:04 AM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		No they were fine when I first joined but many of them are no longer here, so that kind of says nothing about what new people now face.

In any case I've always found insults and nastiness easier to deal with than compliments from fluffy happy types with an annoyingly positive outlook on life.


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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:13:24 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Everyone has loved me from day one...*snort*

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:13:48 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Two of the first people I encountered on these boards were LaT and crouchingtigress (who hasn't been around in yonks): I felt right at home :-) . 

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:14:48 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello,
I had a pretty rough time when I first got here (under a different nick).  I was stoopid.  I had never done anything like this online, and I thought people would be as honest and stuff as I am.  Boy was I wrong!!!  I believed everything people told me and then I got taunted for it.  I learned pretty quickly.  But then I made a post about wanting people to be nicer and give people the benefit of the doubt, and I was handed my innocence.  All of a sudden, I realized that I'd been holding back, and I was playing the alcoholic's daughter and being nice nice. 

So, I felt like I went through the wringer.  But, today, I go to other websites, and I stand up for myself and I don't have to go through a wringer anymore.  And if people try, lemme at 'em!!! Lemme at 'em!!!

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:17:31 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

Meanwhile, I like the Poison Ivy loook.


Thanks.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

And if people try, lemme at 'em!!! Lemme at 'em!!!



You are adorable.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:23:43 AM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I do not think that I had to run any gaunlet.  However someone having a different opinion from me really does not bother me.  And this includes both accounts that I have had on CM.  I had a previous UID for a while and then decide to end my account.  Then I signed back up again over a year later with this UID. 

It is true that I do not often post in the upper forums, however I do read them.  When I have posted there, the response has been positive.  I think that one of the keys to having your posting taken seriously and avoid the snarkiness is clarity in writing and clarity of thought.  Taking a couple of minutes to actually think about what you are going to write instead of just blurting (can I use that word for typing?) something out off-the-cuff, so to speak. 

Celeste (DesFIP) is a great example of this.  Me. . . not so much. 

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:28:27 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		I think, for me, it's been a bit of both people warming up to me and me getting a better understanding of how online forums work.  Prior to CM, I was a forum virgin and in the beginning there were more than a few people willing to burst my bubble (or pop the cherry, depending on how you want to look at it). 

I have my moments of being none too kind to some people and I'm not always pleased with that but I still own it and accept the consequences. 

I still don't feel I'm a member of any "In crowd" and that's just fine by me.  There are times the things I post get overlooked or passed by for whatever reason...no worries.  I do feel there is a clique mentality to the forums but that's part and parcel of any situation where you have a group of people.  If people choose to get pissy about that, I see that as their issue.

As for the search feature...I wish more people would use it not only for information but to see if something's already been posted to death.  I have a few particular threads I like to use as examples for people to look at...ResidentSadist's BDSM booklist is a great example of this. 

edited for spelling errors because I just didn't have enough caffine this morning!

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 1/14/2010 8:30:45 AM >

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RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? - 1/14/2010 8:39:13 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xpqag9J6nQY&feature=related

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