if a woman says she has X number of years experience

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osf -> if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 7:52:50 AM)
as a slave do give that much weight? i don't as she has no experience with me

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 8:11:28 AM)
I am not a master, but I give life experience the weight, not the lifestyle experience. Now if someone was going to suspend me by my hair and beat me like a pinata I would like them to show me some track record of expertise with this, but as far as being involved with someone... life experience means everything, lifestyle experience nothing. The last dom that I did BDSM activities with never spoke about his years of experience... had he I wouldn't have responded. I do think that it can be a plus that someone has had experience with this sort of relationship style, and that they learned that this was something they wanted to pursue, that they were not afraid of trying new things necessarily. So in that way having some experience could be a plus for someone.

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 8:30:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I am not a master, but I give life experience the weight, not the lifestyle experience. Now if someone was going to suspend me by my hair and beat me like a pinata I would like them to show me some track record of expertise with this, but as far as being involved with someone... life experience means everything, lifestyle experience nothing. The last dom that I did BDSM activities with never spoke about his years of experience... had he I wouldn't have responded. I do think that it can be a plus that someone has had experience with this sort of relationship style, and that they learned that this was something they wanted to pursue, that they were not afraid of trying new things necessarily. So in that way having some experience could be a plus for someone. this may ruffle some feathers, but i think lifestyle experience carries with it different qualities between dom and slave and i dont mean number of partners but quality of experience i'm relationship oriented and play experience means little tp zip with me you dont say a man that has been married many times is an expert husband but you may say that about one that has been married to the same woman 50 years so to me quality means more than quantity so i look for what i consider quality others definition of quality will differ

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 8:43:24 AM)
quote: this may ruffle some feathers, but i think lifestyle experience carries with it different qualities between dom and slave and i dont mean number of partners but quality of experience I would think that would depend on the dom and the submissive/bottom/slave type. Me, I like pain and I relate to my partner in a submissive way, but I am not labeling myself as anything except a bottom because I like my independence these days. I will say that as someone who likes pain inflicted on me I want someone that as some experience with the human body. This does not mean mastering experience necessarily. The last person that regularly inflicted pain on me had a third degree black belt and he was a mock assailant who threw women to the floor in ways that would not harm them. He did not claim years of experience at anything when we started talking. He had more experience than most so-called masters with what the human body can and cannot take. He had life experience. That is what I seek as someone who likes painful bedroom games. I could give a crap less how many floggers someone owns or how many bottoms they have used them on. My behind is the one I am concerned about. Mine is particular to me. quote: i'm relationship oriented and play experience means little tp zip with me For some of us it is both, certainly you can respect that. quote: you dont say a man that has been married many times is an expert husband but you may say that about one that has been married to the same woman 50 years I would say number of marriages do not count because some men can be married for 50 years and be the biggest piece of shit husbands that ever walked. I had an uncle that cheated on my aunt, berated her, and they had a terrible marriage.. married for 50 years. I have known men married for a fraction of that time and they were wonderful husbands with wives that wanted something different. quote: so to me quality means more than quantity Won't argue with that.... but I will say that a person's previous experiences shape them into who they are no matter their age. There were experiences I had as a child that impacted the rest of my life... there are no blank slates. quote: so i look for what i consider quality I think we all do

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 8:51:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: this may ruffle some feathers, but i think lifestyle experience carries with it different qualities between dom and slave and i dont mean number of partners but quality of experience I would think that would depend on the dom and the submissive/bottom/slave type. Me, I like pain and I relate to my partner in a submissive way, but I am not labeling myself as anything except a bottom because I like my independence these days. I will say that as someone who likes pain inflicted on me I want someone that as some experience with the human body. This does not mean mastering experience necessarily. The last person that regularly inflicted pain on me had a third degree black belt and he was a mock assailant who threw women to the floor in ways that would not harm them. He did not claim years of experience at anything when we started talking. He had more experience than most so-called masters with what the human body can and cannot take. He had life experience. That is what I seek as someone who likes painful bedroom games. I could give a crap less how many floggers someone owns or how many bottoms they have used them on. My behind is the one I am concerned about. Mine is particular to me. quote: i'm relationship oriented and play experience means little tp zip with me For some of us it is both, certainly you can respect that. quote: you dont say a man that has been married many times is an expert husband but you may say that about one that has been married to the same woman 50 years I would say number of marriages do not count because some men can be married for 50 years and be the biggest piece of shit husbands that ever walked. I had an uncle that cheated on my aunt, berated her, and they had a terrible marriage.. married for 50 years. I have known men married for a fraction of that time and they were wonderful husbands with wives that wanted something different. quote: so to me quality means more than quantity Won't argue with that.... but I will say that a person's previous experiences shape them into who they are no matter their age. There were experiences I had as a child that impacted the rest of my life... there are no blank slates. quote: so i look for what i consider quality I think we all do none of those were blanket statement but personal statements and i think past experience carries more weight for the dominant than the submissive as the dominant has to develop personal growth ie they have to have figured out how it all works for them before they can control and lead another as a follower the submissive , i dont believe has to develop in the same way you dont need much experience to develop the desire to obey

mc1234 -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:06:03 AM)
quote: you dont need much experience to develop the desire to obey Perhaps not, but you do need to have a certain level of self-awareness to understand that the desire is to obey, not to have your own kinks or wants or fantasies fulfilled. That comes with life experience also. I do agree that the dominant tends to develop the submissive as he wishes and to what suits him. But you can't start with someone who is immature or selfish or whatever ... who just says 'I wanna obey'.

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:12:14 AM)
quote: none of those were blanket statement but personal statements and i think past experience carries more weight for the dominant than the submissive as the dominant has to develop personal growth ie they have to have figured out how it all works for them before they can control and lead another as a follower the submissive , i dont believe has to develop in the same way you dont need much experience to develop the desire to obey The way you phrase it sounds like blanket statements, not personal ones. It seems you seek someone who is inferior so you can "teach" them as their "superior. The more experienced someone is, the less you have to offer as a dominant? That is the sense I get from reading your posts. I am in the process of becoming a mentor to many younger people, these people are adults, but they are attempting to find out what they want to do with their education. I am also a teacher by my very nature and I tutor people because it gives me pleasure. I have a lot of life experience to convey and it is most rewarding when I am able to give of myself in such a way. I am not superior to the people I tutor. I am not dominant over them. There is no sense of competition. They often treat me as a superior because I am knowledgeable and I have had more time on this planet to connect the dots. I get as much from them as they are getting from me. It is an energy exchange if you will. I have so much respect that other people my age that are also students do not get, and that respect comes from the fact I respect them. There is nothing that any dominant has on me that they could "guide" me anymore. I learn from everyone I encounter, not just dominant folks. I do not seek that sort of relationship. In the final analysis of it all, I seek an intellectual equal, and I only date men that are my equal... like I am dating my former dom presently, because he is my equal and he wants an equal. Not all men of the dominant stripe want inexperienced women they feel superior to, some of them get off on the fact that a woman of high intellectual capacity and experience would want to be submissive to them.

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:34:33 AM)
as a leader a dominant has to know what he is what he really wants and how to get it this takes a level of personal growth a submissive doesn't need to decide if he is the one she wants to follow you make it sound as though he is leading her somewhere, i use it to denote that he wants to make use of her and this use she may not have to know about ahead of time the major difference between a sexual dominant as i like to label it and other men, are not the fantasies, all men have them, it's not even the creativity, to me it's the willingness to voice his desires and to persiver in getting her to fulfill them, and a biggie is feel good doing it and not feeling guilty after that's my opinion and im sticking to it

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:40:20 AM)
quote: this takes a level of personal growth a submissive doesn't need to decide if he is the one she wants to follow That one I would completely disagree with. It took me 36 years to get the courage to even begin to go there based upon my rearing, etc. I had to go against what society values in order to trust what my heart said I needed. That took a huge amount of personal growth and trust in myself. Have you ever heard that it takes more courage to follow than to lead? You have to have enough faith and belief in another person to even begin to go there. Try trusting someone to catch you if you fall, it isn't all so easy as you think. Being able to trust like that is from within, it isn't all what the other person is about, it is what the person who is trusting is about too. These sorts of relationships take two people who are emotionally secure and stable, not one. In fact all good relationships prosper with both partners being self aware. Like I said earlier, there is no such thing as a blank slate.

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:46:12 AM)
quote: the major difference between a sexual dominant as i like to label it and other men, are not the fantasies, all men have them, it's not even the creativity, to me it's the willingness to voice his desires and to persiver in getting her to fulfill them, and a biggie is feel good doing it and not feeling guilty after that's my opinion and im sticking to it I wanted to respond to this also... As long as you are now not attempting to say that you are not only making personal statements, but blanket ones, you are perfectly entitled to your opinions. It is not like you would ever be domming me so I could care less what your opinions are. We all have them... but because I am bored today I will challenge them because other people besides you read this stuff. In my past relationships I was not a bottom. I was submissive in those relationships. I could be submissive again one day, it is my natural inclination after all. My former dom was a dom, not a top, in our relationship...

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:54:13 AM)
quote: Perhaps not, but you do need to have a certain level of self-awareness to understand that the desire is to obey, not to have your own kinks or wants or fantasies fulfilled. That comes with life experience also. when i became shall we say self aware of what my feelings meant it took me i'd say almost 10 years to be fit to really own a woman, even so i don't think i was then what i am now quote: I do agree that the dominant tends to develop the submissive as he wishes and to what suits him. But you can't start with someone who is immature or selfish or whatever ... who just says 'I wanna obey'. not says she wants to obey, rather desires to obey

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 9:58:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: this takes a level of personal growth a submissive doesn't need to decide if he is the one she wants to follow That one I would completely disagree with. It took me 36 years to get the courage to even begin to go there based upon my rearing, etc. I had to go against what society values in order to trust what my heart said I needed. That took a huge amount of personal growth and trust in myself. Have you ever heard that it takes more courage to follow than to lead? You have to have enough faith and belief in another person to even begin to go there. Try trusting someone to catch you if you fall, it isn't all so easy as you think. Being able to trust like that is from within, it isn't all what the other person is about, it is what the person who is trusting is about too. These sorts of relationships take two people who are emotionally secure and stable, not one. In fact all good relationships prosper with both partners being self aware. Like I said earlier, there is no such thing as a blank slate. lets change growth to ability

LillyoftheVally -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:00:23 AM)
FR I don't like the whole experience thing, I agree with the OP about 'no experience of me' however if you are looking to explore a particular kink then experience is a factor, especially for the more 'dangerous' activities, things like needles etc I do think that you learn a hell of a lot about what you want from this style of relationship in the first year or so, loads actually so I feel more comfortable with more experience, but in and of itself I do not use it as a yard stick to measure other people

AquaticSub -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:00:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf as a slave do give that much weight? i don't as she has no experience with me By that token, the dominant with ten years experience has no experience with me and doesn't know my buttons and how to manage me. On the whole though, I don't really care how long people have been around or how much experience they have or say they have. Someone can have tons of experience and still be a total twit that I wouldn't want to attach myself to.

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:02:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: this takes a level of personal growth a submissive doesn't need to decide if he is the one she wants to follow That one I would completely disagree with. It took me 36 years to get the courage to even begin to go there based upon my rearing, etc. I had to go against what society values in order to trust what my heart said I needed. That took a huge amount of personal growth and trust in myself. Have you ever heard that it takes more courage to follow than to lead? You have to have enough faith and belief in another person to even begin to go there. Try trusting someone to catch you if you fall, it isn't all so easy as you think. Being able to trust like that is from within, it isn't all what the other person is about, it is what the person who is trusting is about too. These sorts of relationships take two people who are emotionally secure and stable, not one. In fact all good relationships prosper with both partners being self aware. Like I said earlier, there is no such thing as a blank slate. i'm having trouble here, relating what you're saying to anything i said i'll just assume we disagree and go on from here

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:02:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: Perhaps not, but you do need to have a certain level of self-awareness to understand that the desire is to obey, not to have your own kinks or wants or fantasies fulfilled. That comes with life experience also. when i became shall we say self aware of what my feelings meant it took me i'd say almost 10 years to be fit to really own a woman, even so i don't think i was then what i am now The trust it takes between two people to enter such a relationship takes time and experience with each other... like I said, it is not a two way street. There is more than one couple who post on here that have happy relationships and their dominant is under 30. I think you completely miss what I am trying to impart to you, and that might be my fault in not communicating it properly... Relationships take two people who are involved in them, not one. Both bring equal shares of who they are into them ideally. If they both are not contributing to them then they will either be unhappy or they will fail. To say that one person in a relationship is more than the other negates the entire purpose that relationships exist in my opinion. Since relationships are variable and no two are alike there are different things that different people have in their relationships.. For you D/s or M/s requires that you have experience but it is not necessary for your partner to have that same experience. For another D-type this is not the case as they prefer a submissive sort that has life experience to offer them... I agree that for you experience is not necessary... that is not a universal statement.

AquaticSub -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:03:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf as a leader a dominant has to know what he is what he really wants and how to get it this takes a level of personal growth a submissive doesn't need to decide if he is the one she wants to follow snip that's my opinion and im sticking to it Realizing that one wants to follow in their relationship, who they trust to lead them, and how they want to be led requires a great deal of personal growth. I believe you are dismissing that which you don't personally relate to because it's not your side of the kneel.

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:05:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally FR I don't like the whole experience thing, I agree with the OP about 'no experience of me' however if you are looking to explore a particular kink then experience is a factor, especially for the more 'dangerous' activities, things like needles etc I do think that you learn a hell of a lot about what you want from this style of relationship in the first year or so, loads actually so I feel more comfortable with more experience, but in and of itself I do not use it as a yard stick to measure other people as i said kink isn't that important an issue to me, if she is right for me she will learn my kink

juliaoceania -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:05:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: osf as a leader a dominant has to know what he is what he really wants and how to get it this takes a level of personal growth a submissive doesn't need to decide if he is the one she wants to follow snip that's my opinion and im sticking to it Realizing that one wants to follow in their relationship, who they trust to lead them, and how they want to be led requires a great deal of personal growth. I believe you are dismissing that which you don't personally relate to because it's not your side of the kneel. I agree, and if I were his prospective submissive (which i am sure I am too old and crusty for him[:D]) I would not feel as though this particular dominant valued what I brought to the relationship. I would feel dismissed, and I would probably quit talking to him.

osf -> RE: if a woman says she has X number of years experience (1/14/2010 10:07:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: osf as a slave do give that much weight? i don't as she has no experience with me By that token, the dominant with ten years experience has no experience with me and doesn't know my buttons and how to manage me. On the whole though, I don't really care how long people have been around or how much experience they have or say they have. Someone can have tons of experience and still be a total twit that I wouldn't want to attach myself to. the experience i speak of is his experience of himself, developing confidence etc

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