RE: What ever happened to service? (Full Version)

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harmony3709 -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 2:06:09 PM)

I can't claim a very long amount of time of being active in the lifestyle, having learned of it 5 years ago and being active in it for about 3-1/2, so I can't speak to whether things have changed over time or not (although I have been told this by others who are pre-internet-era, but that would be hearsay).

However, with that aside, I would completely agree with the OP.  This comes both from my own personal experience and from conversations and discussions I have had with people in the lifestyle over these past several years.  I also agree with Merc and beth and their post as well, completely.

I did not happen to read the OP as a "my way is the only way" kind of post, not at all.  I thought it was a well thought out opinion that I interpreted as speaking of people who claim a title or a label because they can type it on a profile or put a checkmark in a box.

Good post, twice.

Blessed be,
Harmony
Proud Slave of Pyro



twicehappy -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 2:54:34 PM)

ORIGINAL  starymists
quote]What happened to building a relationship in which the Dominant(s) inspired this level of service from a submissive? When did dominance become an order that is to be blindly obeyed? My Dominant never demands. He inspires my service, every day. He makes me want to please him, to do things for him. He inspires the feelings and the submission that brings that out of me. Submission does not happen in a vacuum. Submission inspires dominance. Dominance inspires more submission. And after 16 years in the lifestyle, I’ve found that it is next to impossible to inspire deeper levels of submission until face to face get togethers start to happen.

[/quote]

Well said, and i agree. I would like to add the same is true for submission, which is the gist of the question. What ever happened to submission that inspired that kind of dominance?



twicehappy -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 3:09:52 PM)

ORINGINAL  IndigoDade
quote:

As for in the M/s contexted: Ive been having a hell of a time training my slave to do housework. I love him dearly and am having a wonderful time training him to do all the "fun bits", but really,  no one LIKES to do housework and I cant really expect him to do it because it will please me without some resistance. Its my job as his Mistress to break down that resistance


Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it. This is part of what this thread is about. It appears as though he is willing to be trained to the parts that please him, but is not willing to simply please you in any fashion required.

I beg to differ though, i get a great deal of satisfaction from cleaning, cooking, seeing all the little things are done. I like taking care of the house, the yard, the bikes. Not as an attention getter,just because it is important to me. They provide more than enough attention for me as part of their love for me.Master and Mistress are mine as surely as i am theirs, i take care of what belongs to me.
From the posts i've read, the email received, so do many others.



Submotive -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 3:36:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
I guess the slavesploitation phase of BDSM has passed. I tend to blame its passing on feminism.

Brother, what a ridiculous thing to say.
No actually, it's all the male subs' fault since they won't step up to the plate and be a "man"  - yes let's play the blame game.

It has nothing to do with anything except personal preference period. W/we are all free to choose what W/we want and don't want. If W/we're not happy then W/we need to look at O/ourselves, not what someone else is doing or not doing. Jeeeeesh!!!



starymists -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 3:42:18 PM)

I think a variety of things have happened to shift the dynamics. One being the few wanna bes wrecking it for those who are seriously pursuing a lifestyle. My own personal experience has been many looking for that service...be it domestic, sexual or what have you, who offer little, if anything in return. Or who want a doormat. For me personally, the service is there, but its going to get earned. And I know a lot of submissives who are far more cautious about getting involved because we've either heard the horror stories or have horror stories of our own. And for me, it never happens until I'm sure I'm safe inside of the relationship. That being said, I find domestic service is one area that I can serve in during the initial stages of a relationship that allows me to get a view of a Dominant safely...one that does
 
I also concur with the availability of the lifestyle. I myself, was screened, spoken with and evaluated long before I was brought 'into' the lifestyle. Then I had a required mentor that worked with me, followed by a required trainer. The first couple of years in the lifestyle was really all about me. Learning protocol and proceedure. Learning about what I wanted and needed. Learning what my limits are. Learning the variety of ways to practice BDSM to provide a Dominant with pleasure long before I was allowed to begin service to a Dominant. I had to try on slavery to know how much I was willing to give up. I had a ton of reading and journaling that I had to do. And in the end, I learned a lot. Sadly, this option isn't as utilized as it used to be. Many coming into the lifestyle end up with a 'protector' who have ulterior motives or a Dominant who learned how to Dom in an online chat room. I think this lack of learning in a safe environment also lends itself to the shifts in the lifestyle.
 
And then there is the variety of terminology. From a lot of newer submissives and Dominants that I have spoken with, terms can mean anything. Many claiming to be looking for slavery have no idea what that really entails in day to day life. They read a book, saw something online and have discovered that they have needs, but have no real life experience and have no one to talk to about their developing feelings. And that goes for both Dominants and submissives. One of my first questions is always how long have you been at this in real life? Not because its a limit, but because I want to know what I'm dealing with. And often times, when I'm mentoring, I suggest a reading list which gets ignored in the search to have a partner as soon as possible.
 
The level of submission that inspires Dominance comes with time, patience and working on one's self, just as the Dominance that inspires submission comes from the same thing. It also somewhat requires a network of people that you can turn to with questions, comments, or just for insight when we aren't sure what's going on. I know my mentors have been invaluable in my development as a submissive. And that level of commitment to one's self as a submissive is still there. You just really have to work hard to find it.



Wildfleurs -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 3:48:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

SERVICE??????????
 
Service used to be one of the main things a submissive,and especially a slave provided for their Master/Mistress. The submissive or slave did not always enjoy the servitude for itself but normally did enjoy the feeling of pleasing their owners and doing things for them.
 

I don’t think that service in ye olden days was anymore present than it is now.  In many ways it seems more present.  There is an ever-increasing popularity of formal dinners, classes, retreats, and seminars all dealing with the various aspects of service.  I don’t remember seeing that ten years ago.  I think these learning opportunities would not exist were there not an interest.  

It sounds like you’ve experienced some sort of experience that’s left you frustrated about subs/slaves and their motivations.  Every week or so there’s a rant from someone who’s been burned, so I guess yours is the rant for this week. 

C~



Level -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 4:33:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TacomaCpl

As new CM members.........

Tecelote & kitten (TacomaCpl)



Welcome to Perv Central. *smiles*
 
Level




angelic -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 4:42:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: TacomaCpl

As new CM members.........

Tecelote & kitten (TacomaCpl)



Welcome to Perv Central. *smiles*
 
Level




LOL, Level...

Tacomacpl... hi neighbors and welcome to the board



twicehappy -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 4:49:47 PM)

Dear  TacomaCpl my 2nd bravo of the day.Very well stated, thank you for such a well written reply.



RavenMuse -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 4:53:29 PM)

The only thing in the OP I disagree with is the statement of how things 'used to be'.... there has always been a wide variation from those looking for a bit of D/s and kink to spice up a boring lovelife to people for whom D/s is just a part of who they are, how they live and it is present in every aspect of them and their reltionships.

It is no diffrent today, what IS diffrent is that the internet brings people from all over the globe together on sites like this in ways that there didn't 'used to be'... so yes it can LOOK like there is harder to find someone who matches the way you are, matches what you are looking for.... but that is just a matter of volume of traffic, not, IMO, that the percentages have actualy changed.

In the real world, we focus our attention on those who are closer to our viewpoint, not getting involved so much in conversations with people we know to be at the other end of things. Here, a thread draws in everyone. Just makes us more aware of the others so it LOOKS like there are more of them. 



twicehappy -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 5:03:49 PM)

ORIGINAL  Wildfleurs
quote:

It sounds like you’ve experienced some sort of experience that’s left you frustrated about subs/slaves and their motivations.  Every week or so there’s a rant from someone who’s been burned, so I guess yours is the rant for this week


You would be quite mistaken. Go read my profile, or go read the entire thread. I am extremely happy, i was extremely happy in my prior collars, both of these Masters passed away. I consider myself very lucky that i have never accepted a collar except from someone/someones that i loved. No bad experiences here,try again.

Not a rant, not condemming anybody else's choices. Simply a subject that has been brought up a lot recently. 



catize -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 5:36:46 PM)

Are we mind-readers that we will know absolutely without being told what service is required?

"Let's be real" would include the fact the dominant takes responsibility to be clear about what is expected from a prospective submissive.



slaveknera -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 5:38:49 PM)

This slave is somewhat new to the lifestyle and new to these boards however it's understanding of a slave from the start was not only someone with whom the Master "played with" but also in as many words someone who completely serviced the Master (cooking, cleaning, bathing, ect).  What slave discovered during it's search for a Master is that the service aspect being missing isn't just in slaves.  It took this slave some time to find a Master who wasn't just intersted in the sex aspect but that wanted a full service 24/7 slave as it has come to call it lately.  This slave talked to many people who only mentioned sex and probably a half-dozen or so who offered to get slave it's own apartment and they would keep a key and come "use" slave whenever they needed to.  slave turned them all down as it was looking for someone who was wanting not just sex but the service aspect as well.  slave was wondering what happened to the service aspect of being a true slave and wondered if it actually existed then it met it's Master and hopes to be able to please Him for a long time to come.  This slave is very glad it's not the only one out there wondering about the service part of being a slave and it's glad to have found a Master who was looking for the same things that it was looking for.



littlesarbonn -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 5:45:47 PM)

"Service" seems to be something that has become less of a force in the scene than it used to be, mainly because (in my opinion) it has been construed to be another "fetish" rather than seen as the lifestyle choice that it used to be. I see more and more professional behaviors that advertise wanting a service submissive for sessions, and I can see that as people may not be into that, there may be a tendency to believe that not so many people are really into this.

You see, a lot of what people think a bdsm relationship is happens to be fueled by what is offered as professional sessions. It shouldn't be that way, but a lot of people get their first whiff of experience in this way, and they have different expectations.

I'm a service submissive lifestyler. I have been my whole life. I also know that I'm becoming more and more a rarity, although there are still a lot of people who will pay lip service to claiming to be service-oriented, when in fact they're really stimulation-driven and realize that "service" is a good buzzword to get in the right door.

To be honest, service is a lot of work. It involves a lot of attention to detail and dedication to person(s) that may not be duplicated in other aspects of the scene or lifestyle. I don't believe a lot of people are like me in that they receive lots and lots of personal pleasure from pleasing the person to whom they have surrendered in ways that are extremely altruistic and focus-centered. When I was owned, I never saw the things I had to do as "chores" but things I could do to make her happy. That meant a lot to me. Over the years since then, I've come across a number of women who didn't understand that, and the experiences have been somewhat unsatisfying, to the point of where I felt perhaps other submissives might serve them better, as the whole discipline seems to have changed from underneath me.



ImpGrrl -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 5:57:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IndigoDadesi
True enough. I suppose my point was more that a sub will only continue doing a task such as housework for so long before s/he will need praise/reward for doing it. Basic psych. conditioning: If the reward is removed the conditioned response will expire.


I can *only* buy this if you count the continuing relationship as a "reward/praise".




KittenWithaTwist -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 7:03:36 PM)

Last time I checked, not all submissives nor all slaves had the same desires, aspirations, expectations, or lifestyle choices.

I tried to be that doting housewife-ish type of slave girl. It didn't work for me *AT ALL*. That's just not who I am. Who takes care of my housework? My partner and I do our best to work through it together, because we both *hate* it completely. Hell, if we could afford to pay a maid, we probably would.

Perhaps, instead of ranting about why every single submissive/slave isn't just like you, you should open your mind to the possibility that your owner may be looking for different types of slaves to join your home, rather than the same cookie cut out over and over again.






caitlyn -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 7:55:18 PM)

In the interest of doing my part to usher in an all new generation within the lifestyle, and in keeping pace with the modern world ... I plan on making enough money to hire Master a really hot French maid to do the housework.



Mastershideaway -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 8:18:49 PM)

twicehappy … you have set this one’s rant in motion  
 
baby is a collared slave in a poly family.  W/we are searching for a sister slave to be collared by Master Edward, who is Uncle to baby. All W/we ask is for someone who is looking for a life commitment and not a flash in the pan romance.  Is that so wrong?
baby is disgusted that the submissive/slaves encountered so far are ignorant, selfish little bees with itches.  she has never come across so many in so short a time in her long life.  baby is proud to admit she is 53 and still needs to serve her Papa. baby serves Papa in everything and shudders to think that there may not be another one out there that can and will commit to sharing the workload. W/we live on a farm and baby knows that farm life isn’t for everyone.  But just because it isn’t your cup of tea doesn’t give any one the right to degrade those that thrive in that environment.
baby isn’t talking about just the young ones either, every age group has been represented.  Their manners are unheard of.  They want to top from the bottom.  They have no desire of even considering what the Master is looking for.  It’s all i want, i need, You better be able to do this or else.
Whatever happened to politeness?  Whatever happened to letting a person know that you have received the letter and aren’t interested?  Instead they are rude, can’t take the time to proof their letters so they make sense.  They want money to relocate right now, not a plane ticket, CASH, or no cummie.
Sorry for ranting, but having to deal with the S&A that has been heaped on Uncle in the past 2 months has left baby with a big “hard-on” for the wannabes out there.  baby knows and baby also knows they know who they are.
 
Papa’s baby
Take her Past The Limits
Take her Past The Limits
Take her Past The Limits
Many More Times



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 8:41:33 PM)

Two months? You have any idea of the competition out there for stable, SANE, free adult female slaves open to entering into a pre-established polyamorous situation?

Now *I* could rant about how tired I am of being looked at like a side of fries to a perfect steak. How everyone contacts me thinking I should be so grateful that they want me to be the perfect addition to their perfect lives- like a sofa with italian silk jacquard print. How I should somehow be LEAPING at the opportunity to jump into their pretty lives (but don't step on my toes or even think for one second you can really get what I've got) for master who just got his first slave and somehow KNOWS he was always meant to be poly and sends her running after hot tail, knowing the slave really doesn't want it and is just doing lip service and the dom has absolutely no conception of what he's getting into and why the hell would I enter into a pre-existing situation with all that messed up emotional crap?

Oh I could rant...how could I rant.



DragonNphoenix -> RE: What ever happened to service? (3/23/2006 8:53:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

SERVICE??????????
 
Most subs/slaves used to consider it to be part of their role to provide service, that is, of a non sexual sort and gained  great emotional satisfaction and even pleasure from providing such. I am speaking of the normal day to day services, bringing a soda, making sure the Master/Mistress has a full box of their favorite tissues by their chair, arranging fresh flowers on the table.Things the owners may not have directly commented on but you, the slave knew made them happy or comfortable. The little things that they gently patted your cheek for.


You know... I sort of agree with your post.  I have seen the numerous ones out there that are this way.  But please, do not lump us all in the same kettle.  I am a slave, I tend to all the work in the house.  Along with getting my Master coffee when he wants it, dinner brought to him, his clothes washed and put away, AND his bed warmed everynight.  I dont do this because I am told to do them, I do them because of my need to serve, my need to make him happy.  My personal joy comes from serving.  To me... that is what being a slave means.

1st Girl Phoenix



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