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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 1:58:20 PM   
champagnewishes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TampaDomCouple

Honor binds each of us, regardless of our station. It is not just about what you say or don't, but what you allow your partner/s to believe about your keeping of the sanctity of the relationship. If that cute little girl you are chatting online with thinks you are a candidate for them, while your relationship partner believes you are only theirs, I think you are cheating on both of them. You are being dishonest and deceitful. There aren't any gray areas in honesty or honor.


This is a great summation.  This is the definition i live by in my mind's eye, but could not have been as percise defining it.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 2:01:57 PM   
IrishMist


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 If you do not tell your partner(s) it is cheating. Just my opinon though.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 2:45:04 PM   
slavejali


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Cheating is breaking any promise spoken or unspoken that has been made between you are your partner.

People can cheat with their body.
People can cheat with their mind.
People can cheat with their emotions.

I think people cheat with the mind first and then their emotions and body may follow.

To be a non-cheater one has to develop a strong-focused mind.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 3:44:45 PM   
smilezz


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quote:

How do you define cheating?


Without knowledge.... 

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 3:50:26 PM   
starymists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub
So is it cheating to have coffee with a friend without telling your spouse, even if there is no sexual contact? What about chatting online if there is no cybering? Maybe these things are "wrong" but personally I don't see them as "cheating". My definition would include sexual contact. JMHO


I tend to think that things like meeting for coffee or chatting online, even when sex isn't involved can border on cheating. If you are taking things like your feelings, hopes, dreams, what have you to another, you cheat your partner out of the ability to share those things with you. If you are too emotionally involved, you cheat your partner of intimacy. You can cheat your partner out of a lot of things if you get too involved with another. Sex is just the tip of the iceburg.
 
My general guideline is if I think there is nothing wrong with what I am doing, then I should have no problem sharing who I am meeting or who I'm chatting about. I really should have no problem sharing the content of those conversations with my partner. But if I find myself twinging at the thought of disclosing what I am doing, then it's time for me to self-examine and figure out why I'm uncomfortable in sharing what I am doing.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 3:57:48 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

It's cheating when...

...there is an expectation of a monogamous pairing, and one of the partners seeks a third party and engages in extracurricular activities without the knowledge and/or consent of the other partner.
...there is an expecation of a polyfidelitous grouping, and one of the members of that group seeks out another partner and engages in activities without the knowledge and/or consent of the other people in the group

It's cheating any time there is an expectation of fidelity in a relationship (whether monogamy or polyamory-fidelity is still fidelity) and one of the people involved in that relationship seeks out other partners without telling the person/people they are involved with.  Or, even worse, lies to them about it.

Anyone can cheat-including a Dominant partner in a relationship where their Sub has an expoectation of fidelity.  It's actually possible for a Dominant to cheat in an open poly relationship-if part of the agreement is that all other partners are to be disclosed.   Always be sure to negotiate that carefully before commitment. 


Exactly.
 
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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 3:59:56 PM   
angelic


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Some people look at porn as cheating. 

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:02:02 PM   
brightspot


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix
It's cheating any time there is an expectation of fidelity in a relationship (whether monogamy or polyamory-fidelity is still fidelity) and one of the people involved in that relationship seeks out other partners without telling the person/people they are involved with.  Or, even worse, lies to them about it.


MysticalPhoenix sums it up quite well for me with the above paragraph.
 
*Brightspot


< Message edited by brightspot -- 3/23/2006 4:03:40 PM >


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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:05:40 PM   
MrDiscipline44


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There was actually a submissive that posted something to the effect of if the Dominant she was with even looked at another woman, it was cheating. I just shook my head and thought it was sad. To have such a low self esteem threshold is not a pretty sight.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:08:57 PM   
angelic


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it wasn't me!

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:09:48 PM   
fastlane


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Fastlane pulls an Ace from his sleeve....it ain't cheatin if you don't get caught......who saw that?
Scratches head...oh yeah..I did get caught. 
Damn the predator..Kill him now...NOT!    LOL!

A cheater is the one who accuses without guilt or sin....Now, where the fuck is that Ace?  I'm about to clean up!
Good luck and Good Sex, Kevin

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:12:59 PM   
MrDiscipline44


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I'm not saying that it was, angelic. Your post just reminded me of the other post. But I can't remember who it was or in which thread it was. It was fairly recent, I know that.

Either way, it goes back to what I said before. Cheating will always be different to different people.

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If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:15:03 PM   
angelic


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cheating is cheating and there are a billion ways to justify it to ourselves to make us feel it's all ok.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:18:06 PM   
truesub4u


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I'm not saying that it was, angelic. Your post just reminded me of the other post. But I can't remember who it was or in which thread it was. It was fairly recent, I know that.

Either way, it goes back to what I said before. Cheating will always be different to different people.


Grinzzzzzzzzz I swear it wasn't me either... LOL


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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:22:12 PM   
angelic


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ROFLMAO, true!!!

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:30:21 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

There was actually a submissive that posted something to the effect of if the Dominant she was with even looked at another woman, it was cheating. I just shook my head and thought it was sad. To have such a low self esteem threshold is not a pretty sight.


yes and so often they doen't even see their own behaviors as routed in their own insecurties or low self-esteem.  If they can't see it ... they can't hope to understand the issues and change it.   But, one can hope that someday it will happen for them.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:31:29 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: starymists
I tend to think that things like meeting for coffee or chatting online, even when sex isn't involved can border on cheating. If you are taking things like your feelings, hopes, dreams, what have you to another, you cheat your partner out of the ability to share those things with you. If you are too emotionally involved, you cheat your partner of intimacy. You can cheat your partner out of a lot of things if you get too involved with another. Sex is just the tip of the iceburg.
 
My general guideline is if I think there is nothing wrong with what I am doing, then I should have no problem sharing who I am meeting or who I'm chatting about. I really should have no problem sharing the content of those conversations with my partner. But if I find myself twinging at the thought of disclosing what I am doing, then it's time for me to self-examine and figure out why I'm uncomfortable in sharing what I am doing.


Nicely said.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:33:00 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

There was actually a submissive that posted something to the effect of if the Dominant she was with even looked at another woman, it was cheating. I just shook my head and thought it was sad. To have such a low self esteem threshold is not a pretty sight.


LOL, if DG didn't look at other women I think I'd have a whole 'nother set of things to worry about!

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:36:00 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

LOL, if DG didn't look at other women I think I'd have a whole 'nother set of things to worry about!


mmmmmmm like more men than you know what to do with?  *G*

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: When is it cheating? - 3/23/2006 4:37:24 PM   
fastlane


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exactly!   lets switch topics from cheatin to beatin...deal me in!

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