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RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 5:24:30 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

People who are as stressed out as the op's clients and their caregivers tend to devolve into abuse more than people who are less stressed. Not a function of vanilla vs bdsm but of people who can cope vs those who can't.


Yep, unfortunately true...in one of my essays last year I cited the statement that declining health can lead to depression...which itself can lead to put up with more things they would put up with in a healthy state of mind...also part of it can be that they might think they are dependent on the other person to keep their independence as they might not necessarily know what they would be entitled to benefit wise that they would be able to live on their own.

Last but not least his attitude at her might also impact further on her already declining health...


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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 5:24:48 PM   
belladevine


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		It is an absolute fact that men are abusive. Men dominate the entire world. Did it ever occur to anybody that war and slavery are mens devices that are used to keep women supressed?
If men actually wanted women to excell and thrive they would educate them and pay them equally but they don't. Men dump bastard children on women all the time. Impoverished and uneducated women is the definition of slavery. Slavery is a world wide epidemic and men are the disease.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 5:25:35 PM   
moondancerLA


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline 		I haven't been in a vanilla relationship in over 10 years.  I can't speak for anyone else but at this point I feel much safer with a Dom than with any old vanilla guy.  At least in BDSM there are rules, like Safe, Sane, and Consensual, no spanking when you're drunk or angry, etc.  Also, I think the very nature of what we do causes me to be very clear in my own mind where the line is between abuse and play, because we dance around it every day.  

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 5:27:48 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower
I can only agree with this, to either report her or if you don't feel able to report her (as sometimes private possible consequences can stand in the way) to ask for an appointment with your highest manager to get a view from him or her or to attend the general enquiries area for public concerns at your social department.

I don't know how it is in your country but over here when people have concerns like yours they either come into our main building and report it to one of our staff behind their desks which will then be put forward to the adult protection team that they have a look into it (and after some recent issues they do it rather fast to avoid ending up in the headlines) or they report it via a phone call.

Whilst I do understand other opinions that sometimes it is the only one who is left for them or similar, it simply also can be abuse and I experienced quite a few years ago where a son abused his mother big time physically...so in my opinion it would be better to look into it then to turn a blind eye to it, as after all with just a glimps of it you aren't able to assess what the situation really is.

Good luck


It is much similar in the states Phoenix. Although DesFIP says it in a way that makes it sound like inadaquacy of the part of the people involved, taking care of a sick/disabled loved one is extremely stressful. It isn't always a matter of "coping." Often, the assistance the loved one needs is more than the person is able to handle, and the stress of the situation can lead to abuse. Also often the only thing that is needed is more assistance with the caregiving and someone to help the person "cope."

(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 5:47:10 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

It is an absolute fact that men are abusive. Men dominate the entire world. Did it ever occur to anybody that war and slavery are mens devices that are used to keep women supressed?
If men actually wanted women to excell and thrive they would educate them and pay them equally but they don't. Men dump bastard children on women all the time. Impoverished and uneducated women is the definition of slavery. Slavery is a world wide epidemic and men are the disease.


I'd have to stick my head down a commode to find a bigger load of shit.

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(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 7:41:40 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

It is an absolute fact that men are abusive. Men dominate the entire world. Did it ever occur to anybody that war and slavery are mens devices that are used to keep women supressed?
If men actually wanted women to excell and thrive they would educate them and pay them equally but they don't. Men dump bastard children on women all the time. Impoverished and uneducated women is the definition of slavery. Slavery is a world wide epidemic and men are the disease.


Yet you identify yourself as a slave seeking a dominant. So while you are angry, I guess you prefer to just perpetuate the....what did Level call it? A yes, a big load of shit.

(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 8:41:46 PM   
belladevine


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		LafayetteLady why would you (an inferior woman) want to pick a fight with an angry slave like me?
It is a FACT that the world is male dominated and women have been persecuted since the beginning of time.
I suggest you take this issue up your arse by the men you so viamently defend and don't ever forget to support our troops.
Maybe (if i am lucky) they will burn you on the cross, after all....you aren't searching for anything except a fight.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 8:52:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

It is an absolute fact that men are abusive. Men dominate the entire world. Did it ever occur to anybody that war and slavery are mens devices that are used to keep women supressed?
If men actually wanted women to excell and thrive they would educate them and pay them equally but they don't. Men dump bastard children on women all the time. Impoverished and uneducated women is the definition of slavery. Slavery is a world wide epidemic and men are the disease.


From a posting like this I can only assume  a man has recently hurt you and you are now bitter and jaded against all men.

Sorry you feel that way but hopefully in time you will find that not all men are as you depict them and someday you will find a man who shows you it's not as you type.



(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 9:07:23 PM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I was out one night and ran into a woman in a wheel chair. She was with friends and we got to talking. She had MS and as she talked I could tell she didn't feel safe. I promised to stick with her and ended up going with them to their house and I let them know that she had a friend now. She was being abused... I gave her every way to leave, but she feared more, being alone and dying alone. She accepted the abuse so that she could have someone there who might do something for her sometimes.

I hadn't heard from her in a while and couldn't get ahold of her, but ran into her abuser and he told me she had died. It broke my heart because no matter what I offered or suggested, she simply couldn't face being alone and she would have been. At that stage... hell... at my stage... it is hard to find someone who will be with you. She just couldn't be without the little help he did give and face what was happening to her and it was better to be abused than to face it.

I believe she died sooner than she would have, as she was doing fairly well.


That abuse that this person was getting be it physical or mental most likely supports your belief I'm sure.  Here is a person struggling with not only MS but abuse, which is taxing enough... but to do this without support or even the reinforcement of a positive attitude (outside of what you offered her), makes it pretty near impossible to come out of this downward spiral.  What you tried to do was wonderful and hopefully you are not beating yourself up over this, she seems like she was too far gone at that point to take a chance of changing and modifying her support structure (no matter how unstable and poor it was with this abuser and all).  You did the best and all you could do and that was really good of you.  A tough thing to observe, and to know that possibly things could have come about better than it was  I hope you never have to go through that again.


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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 9:19:46 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Edited to add... this... omg... I didn't realize it was you! lol It's good to see you!

Thank you PrimalConsonance, it was really hard to watch without wanting to dismantal the guy and kidnap her! But when I heard of her death, I did beat myself up and typically I didn't do that. I think I just related to her so much because of the illness and vulnerablity. I understood. Plus where I lived, there were many vulnerable and alone. It was a sore spot for sure.

She was actually the last one I worked with and tried to help. I may have to revisit that. lol It was once my life work. I think the frustration that there was nothing to replace even the poor caregiving or support with that got to me and I was no longer in a postion to bring everyone home with me.

Thank you... I didn't expect what you said, not at all!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 1/16/2010 9:21:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 9:20:09 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

It is an absolute fact that men are abusive. Men dominate the entire world. Did it ever occur to anybody that war and slavery are mens devices that are used to keep women supressed?
If men actually wanted women to excell and thrive they would educate them and pay them equally but they don't. Men dump bastard children on women all the time. Impoverished and uneducated women is the definition of slavery. Slavery is a world wide epidemic and men are the disease.


Yet you identify yourself as a slave seeking a dominant. So while you are angry, I guess you prefer to just perpetuate the....what did Level call it? A yes, a big load of shit.


Well, I do understand the social problems that she is referencing.  But she is nothing but angry and bitter.  And that is a soul-destroyer and an energy-burner.  It would be far better if she would take responsibility for herself and her life.  If these issues are her main concern there are many organizations dedicated to improving the lives of women all over the globe. 

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 9:21:28 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

LafayetteLady why would you (an inferior woman) want to pick a fight with an angry slave like me?
It is a FACT that the world is male dominated and women have been persecuted since the beginning of time.
I suggest you take this issue up your arse by the men you so viamently defend and don't ever forget to support our troops.
Maybe (if i am lucky) they will burn you on the cross, after all....you aren't searching for anything except a fight.


I have no desire to "pick a fight" with you. Honestly I find your viewpoint to sad and pathetic and would just prefer you get yourself some much needed counseling to figure out how to deal with your obvious anger issues. And just so you know I tend to avoid picking fights with people who are ignorant, mentally ill or just plain old foollish. Since you fit into all categories, you can continue to fan the flames of your anger somewhere else.

(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 9:45:05 PM   
belladevine


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
The only thing that needs to be fanned away is your argumenative bad breath.
You might want to search for a dominant man to air out that stinking unused hole and stop wasting your precious time fighting with me.
Once again, I am not here to fight with you. I am just pointing out the facts.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 9:52:04 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine


The only thing that needs to be fanned away is your argumenative bad breath.
You might want to search for a dominant man to air out that stinking unused hole and stop wasting your precious time fighting with me.
Once again, I am not here to fight with you. I am just pointing out the facts.



WTF? You know, you can debate, disagree and speak your mind... but when you talk like that, you not only belittle your own stand and arguement, but you look the fool.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 1/16/2010 9:53:03 PM >

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(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 10:22:30 PM   
belladevine


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		This is a BDSM site. Perhaps you ladies need a lesson to accept the brutal truth.
The world is male dominated, women are abused all the time, get ovet it. Attacking me isn't going to change the facts.
The men should have trained you better...don't you know that foul mouthed women should be seen and not heard.
When you realize that men stone women to death for spectator sport perhaps you will believe then.


IGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine


The only thing that needs to be fanned away is your argumenative bad breath.
You might want to search for a dominant man to air out that stinking unused hole and stop wasting your precious time fighting with me.
Once again, I am not here to fight with you. I am just pointing out the facts.



WTF? You know, you can debate, disagree and speak your mind... but when you talk like that, you not only belittle your own stand and arguement, but you look the fool.


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 10:23:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

This is a BDSM site. Perhaps you ladies need a lesson to accept the brutal truth.
The world is male dominated, women are abused all the time, get ovet it. Attacking me isn't going to change the facts.
The men should have trained you better...don't you know that foul mouthed women should be seen and not heard.
When you realize that men stone women to death for spectator sport perhaps you will believe then.




Perhaps you should take your own advice, darling. You are either drunk, off your meds or goofing on us.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/16/2010 10:24:25 PM >

(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 10:35:28 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine

This is a BDSM site. Perhaps you ladies need a lesson to accept the brutal truth.
The world is male dominated, women are abused all the time, get ovet it. Attacking me isn't going to change the facts.
The men should have trained you better...don't you know that foul mouthed women should be seen and not heard.
When you realize that men stone women to death for spectator sport perhaps you will believe then.


IGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: belladevine


The only thing that needs to be fanned away is your argumenative bad breath.
You might want to search for a dominant man to air out that stinking unused hole and stop wasting your precious time fighting with me.
Once again, I am not here to fight with you. I am just pointing out the facts.



WTF? You know, you can debate, disagree and speak your mind... but when you talk like that, you not only belittle your own stand and arguement, but you look the fool.




So you join them in bashing another woman? Speaking as you have... you are no credit to womanhood or the cause.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 10:38:11 PM   
belladevine


Posts: 437
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		aaah another sexy redhead with an opinion...... just what the world needs.

Please, do me a favor and drop your worthless opinion in deep dark fathoms of denial.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 10:40:11 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		You are so cute when you whine.

(in reply to belladevine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Do vanillas accept more abuse? - 1/16/2010 10:44:29 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Did somebody steal feminism?  Or did we leave it behind? 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 40
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