What do you count as experience?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

What do you count as experience?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What do you count as experience?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 10:46:01 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

Post #: 1

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 10:49:59 AM

sinandhoney

Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline

I guess for me experience is subjective at best. You could have 10+yrs doing something in a way that doesn't work for me so the mulitple subs you had didn't teach you what I need you to know. I think a good basic foundation is good, and an understanding that no two subs are the same. But the number of years doesn't impress me.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 2

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 10:56:50 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

1) Most (usually on the Toppy side) flat out LIE about their alleged "experience" because most on the bottom side of the slash wouldn't feel comfortable letting a noob have at them.

2) Just because nobody has "heard" of another doesn't mean squat... not everyone is into the public thing (we're not, for example), so that means little. For those "in the know", another's "experience" becomes quite clear within a short amount of time by simply communicating with them. As stated above... when someone doesn't know "the basics", they can claim 100 years "expereince", but it doesn't make it so.

3) As to what constitutes "experience"? Generally, having actually physically engaged in a power dynamic. Some can have MORE expereience, and some can have LESS experience. Additionally, "experience" in and of itself isn't always an indicator of whether one is a good/bad Top or bottom, as people can have BAD EXPERIENCE. Thus, as usual... it generally boils down to compatibility.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 10:57:07 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

I realize I haven't been doing bdsm for very long, but I just have to answer. I would think:
Re: #1: How could that couple possibly know if they have more experience on collarme? Do they know how much experience anyone & everyone on collarme has? That statement, I just don't "get."

Re: #2: Either that young man is a slow learner to not know the basics after ten years, or chances are he's fibbing.

In my opinion, experience means realtime hands-on, and I think a person can learn something at play parties as long as they are participating. Online & studying the life on-line would be considered like book-learning in my opinion, as one isn't really doing anything together with the other person.

Of course, I could be wrong about all that. Again, it's just my opinion.....

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:00:52 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

I think that online/research counts towards knowledge of the subject. I think you can tell a lot in conversations with people about their experience, after the initial posturing people slip up and you can learn what they are actually about, if you pay attention. I don't pay much regard to what people claim on profiles to be honest

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:02:52 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

To me, experience means you have actually had a real life D/s relationship. No amount of book learning can make one experienced.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 6

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:06:51 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

You can measure experience in any number of ways but to me it isn't experience what counts at the end of the day - it's awareness.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:09:30 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I disreguard when most talk of how many years they have done this or that, for the most part. It depends on the situation, content or motivations.

I fully admit where I have expereince and do not and expect the same from anyone I am involved with. With me, I have less experience with kinky things than I have with d/s things and I am not ashamed to admit it! I consider hands on as experience. I look foward to learning more and would want to share that excitement with someone rather than trying to keep up an image!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 8

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:11:23 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Well said.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:12:13 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

I count life experience and learning from life as everything. There are some experiences in life that can prepare you to be involved with me that have nothing to do with the "lifestyle", such as curiosity and knowledge about the human body, being in touch with yourself as a person. I do not care if you have learned how to pervert half of Home Depot, that sort of knowledge isn't going to gain much respect from me.

I find that those who need to brag about how many years of experience they have usually do not have very much....

For example, I have had experiences and feelings that are submissive clear before I hit puberty, so I suppose that would give me over 35 years of experience... Who the f*** cares? I consider the time I spent learning about myself in relationship to dominant people over the internet time well invested. It was an experience to me, could I count that as "experience"? Don't know, don't care...

I don't know how to answer your question, I do know that "experience" people just don't do it for me personally, but you know we all have our special quirks, needs, and if it does it for others.. go them!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:21:23 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
GREAT QUESTION!!

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion?
I ask in my profile that if a person messages me
they tell me about their experience..
In that way I can see what they think it is and what they have indeed experienced..
TO ME experience is LIVING a BDSM session..sessions..or being in service..for a consisitent period of time..

Most are very honest and will say "I served a few times"...or I served for 3 years" etc..or "I have only seen a pro"

I then ask "what was the nature of your service?" to see if it is in the sexual area or an array of experiences.Very quickly then I can weed out DO-MEs and genuines.
IF I See EXPERIENCED in a profile..I know it can mean anything from self flogging a cock to an on-line to real time becasue it is what it means to THAT person.

Does online count for anything?
WHen interacting with a potential new boy I count on-line as things he liked to do to himself..but do not give much creadence as to wheather he can really surrender or not...and there is no way of knowing relationship dynamics and how he reacts and responses without the real person being there.( * again..my opinion only)
Attending play parties?
This gives variety of experiences but again TO ME the person who is submissive and went alone is having their needs served.
Play parties will have given the person an idea of limits..curiosity..pain thersholds etc.
Studying the lifestyle online?
THis is good fodder for discussion but reading a book does not make one a GOOD teacher...DR..lawyer..good cook..seamtress...
ONE NEEDS practice and real time experience.

Each of the things mentioned...is an EXPERIENCE and it is then up to me to
weigh this out as how it contributed to the potential boy's whole being as a submissive..
I have however no way of knowing about his intelligence..desires..responses..reactions..triggers..(( that will come in time FOR US in RT)
THE EXERIENCE I LOOK for to MATCH what I seek is usually one who has served a MISTRESS..real time..
CONSISTENTLY for a year + and has her as a reference or knows ppl in our BDSM community.

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 1/17/2010 11:25:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:21:43 AM

JonnieBoy

Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

One fine day ... someone gave me this concept :

The person that proclaims that they have 20 years experience of anything, usually actually only has one years experience and has been using it for the last 19. Most people with experience in something don't waste time gassing about it, they tend to spend time getting on with whatever it is they are experienced in ... that is why they are experienced

This has proven invaluable and I will say that "just because it is stated, does not mean it is true"

I'm very experienced at being "worse than Satan" ... you can make your own mind up about that.

99% of statistics are made up

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:25:25 AM

MistressEllen444

Posts: 109
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

For me experience is important, not that I have a written definition of what it is exactly, more like porn: I know it when I see it.
As with many things years do not equal learning or everyone over a certain age would all be great at most things they have tried.
Not knowing the basics, hard to believe anyone in the Internet age would claim to be "experienced" and not at least have the basic lingo down or be asking silly questions (see this a lot) - (note to mention that I have not asked a silly question yet, only made comments to those who have, something about the dishing it out theory)
I have found over the years that nothing can take the place of real live person-to-person contact and engagement. No amount of research, fantasy or observation can prepare a person to accurately state their list of qualifications.
Just for me, newbies are not worth the emotional investment they need/want to become "experienced"; so perhaps if the title of experienced opens more doors initially then I am sure some will use that label.
Reading this I am not sure I really answered any of the original questions.... oh well...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:33:02 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

~fr~

for me, I really couldn't care less if a Dom has 2 minutes or 20 years of experience. What matters to me is that he is prepared to find out what he doesn't know, and to work with me, and grow with me, to build a relationship that works for both of us.

I don't really care to discuss the grim and grisly details of my own 'experience' with prospective Doms. I will share with them the activities I know I enjoy, but that's about it. For me, every new relationship is a new experience and I want to start from that basis.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to MistressEllen444)

Post #: 14

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:41:35 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

(Number of years on this planet) minus [18 minus (number of years of claimed experience times 0.75)] minus (the number of times they state it on their profile) = amount of real experience.

Or, to echo Mistress Ellen and Justice Potter Stewart, "I know it when I see it".

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to MistressEllen444)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:43:09 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

As you know DS I've wondered about this very thing. I would count experience as actually doing it- whatever it is- in real life. I do think that at times people confuse having an interest in something and perhaps researching it as being equal to having 'experience' in that subject. I personally don't see those two things as being equal.

Usually trying something out in real time is different than trying it on for size while reading about it or even playing online with someone. You just can't equate the two on an equal level. When I see someone claim a number of years of experience - especially at a young age - my tendency is to think it is not experience in real time. I do think that many young Dom/me's may feel a need to claim experience and may fudge on the type and length of their time spent in kink and/or D/s because the s types they seek are going to be wary and protective of themselves.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 16

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 12:07:22 PM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Thus, as usual... it generally boils down to compatibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

You can measure experience in any number of ways but to me it isn't experience what counts at the end of the day - it's awareness.

I dont care how much experience someone has, so long as it's a good match, and they are aware of there limitations.
Everyone has to use a flogger on someone for the first time. Just like a surgeon has to make a first cut..

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 17

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 12:08:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion?
Active participation. In other words, some conjugation of the verb "to do". Time spent in an involvement with another person in an authority transfer dynamic and/or participation in a top/bottom sense.

Does online count for anything?
Yes, it counts for background information. Other than that, it's just adding up how many yahoo groups or sites you belong as a member.

Attending play parties?
Yes, if you are actually participating.

Studying the lifestyle online?
Again, background information. I'd say it adds to a person's research, but not their experience.

How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?
Was the person participating in real life during that time? Did they chuck all of their lifestyle friends and events between dynamics as well? Knowing that would determine My answer.

I have very little respect for anyone who comes around these boards and boasts about their experiences from years ago, but doesn't have a current leg to stand on. Knowledge is one thing, but how to apply that knowledge successfully is an entirely different matter.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 18

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 12:13:04 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

That's absolutely irrelevant, in my opinion. I pretty much eschew the local "scene". Play parties just aren't my bag. I would not assume someone is bogus simply because nobody locally knows them.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 12:14:37 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

For me it's actually having done or currently be doing what it is you claim experience in. So If you have gone to twenty play parties and claim 20 parties as your experience in parties then that's experience to me. But if you've only heard of play parties through friends or rumors, or gone to one but claimed they're all alike so one experience is all you need, then to me they're bullshitting on how much experience they have.

I can maybe, believe someone has years of experience and are not well known though, if they are discrete and don't play in clubs and don't go to seminars or events and such.

And no, despite having an online and phone only Bdsm relationship I do not think online only counts as experience in bdsm.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What do you count as experience?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109