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RE: Dom Psychology - 4/27/2006 9:44:01 AM

Dustee

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeT2000

Balanced Doms
A "Modern" Master: They are a Dominant personality because they are in control of themselves, which allows them the stability to guide, teach, and care for others. They'll normally come across as pretty relaxed in day to day life, because they are pretty happy with themselves. Their role will extend further than the bedroom, and be focussed on protection, and care. Pain play, if used, will be linked to stimulation and attaining sub-space - not so much a Sadist as a Sensate. Less likely to use humiliation in scenes as their focus is building self esteem. They also want to continue to learn. They will want a submissive who is intelligent and vibrant.

Got to be a few dozen more, but this may get you started.

Two comments:

1. You forgot the Daddy dom. Protection and care, but with a specific parental slant. Also, there's something I've seen that I guess I would call a Showdom. Likes the Scenes, likes all the get-togethers, may compete in the "leather beauty contests" likes dressing up in costumes, like having a dugenon with hundreds of implements hanging neatly from the walls, gives himself fanciful names and titles, likes putting on public displays in fetish clubs. Not really sure how to define that type, but he exists.

2. Although my former master was closest to your "modern" (why term this modern? these men have existed from time immemorial) dom, with his relaxed, playful, and often silly attitude, he adored deep humiliation (as did I). Liking humiliation is not a sign of mental illness, even if it personally squicks you. He also was very sadistic, which I loved. The most important thing to him was control on his end and obedience on mine. Protection, care, and all the wonderful rest followed naturally and smoothly from that core.

(in reply to JoeT2000)

Post #: 41

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/27/2006 2:39:45 PM

JoeT2000

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

As to why I used the term Modern Master, well, I had to use a term which differentiated it from the others somehow. I take your point.

I did forget DaddyDom... probably subconsciously deliberately. I will do my very best to forget them again and not look at their psychology. I'll be eating soon and want to maintain my appetite.

The ShowDom... yes missed this one too. Perhaps they also fit in amongst the others. I think ALL men like gadgets. BDSM merely allows them to continue to buy toys.

Joe

(in reply to Dustee)

Post #: 42

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/27/2006 7:57:39 PM

masterfixer

Posts: 82
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

It's bad enough that many faker being a Dom or Master or top or in charge, But to place dom guidelines on the net, web sites, pschology of... would make it worse if not explode a world of fake doms practicing. A dom or master would rather find sights to understand the sub in order to corespond with the dom inside us all.

(in reply to RaceBannon)

Post #: 43

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/28/2006 2:36:42 AM

JoeT2000

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterfixer

It's bad enough that many faker being a Dom or Master or top or in charge, But to place dom guidelines on the net, web sites, pschology of... would make it worse if not explode a world of fake doms practicing. A dom or master would rather find sights to understand the sub in order to corespond with the dom inside us all.

[/quote

If there is a Dom inside us all, surely there are no fakers <sic>. What problem if a world of fake Doms is exploded. The idea of subs getting inside Doms heads shouldn't be threatening, surely that is the best route to needs being fulfilled, not a threat to the Dom's position. Mutual understanding and reciprocity of needs being met only happens if people do understand each other.

If one new submissive questions whether the Master_Lord_Gargantuan_Emporer is actually a bridge lurker, surely no bad thing. Also, Doms have to learn too. I have no problem picking up tips, from either other Doms or submissives.

Joe

(in reply to masterfixer)

Post #: 44

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/28/2006 7:51:50 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeT2000

If there is a Dom inside us all, surely there are no fakers <sic>. What problem if a world of fake Doms is exploded. The idea of subs getting inside Doms heads shouldn't be threatening, surely that is the best route to needs being fulfilled, not a threat to the Dom's position. Mutual understanding and reciprocity of needs being met only happens if people do understand each other.

If one new submissive questions whether the Master_Lord_Gargantuan_Emporer is actually a bridge lurker, surely no bad thing. Also, Doms have to learn too. I have no problem picking up tips, from either other Doms or submissives.

Joe

Its been my observation that there are several reasons for why there is relatively little information on the psychology of dominants.

1) Lack of demand, most submissives haven't taken the initiative to ask for or create it themselves. The focus of most psychology question within this style of life has been on the submissive (by both dominants seeking to better understand submissives and submissives seeking to better understand themselves).

2) Disorganization. Submissives are an easier subject to explore because they are more homogenized as a group, they tend to want to conform to ideals and the ideals of others, which makes them easier to examine as a group. Dominants tend to be very individualistic and it is not uncommon for them to go out of their way to be unique in some way. That makes them more difficult to examine as a group.

3) Reactance. Many dominants tend to fear, resent and/or resist the same kind of psychological examination and scrutiny often applied to submissives. I believe some feel this way out of insecurity, a fear that they may be discovered as not being dominant. I believe some view it as being an unnecessary intrusion into their privacy (many dominants I've known tend to be very private about their themselves, particularly their thoughts, feelings, etc.).

I don't believe looking at the psychological motives behind dominance would cause an explotion of fakes. Firstly because we already have that explosion of fakes, and second because perhaps is submissives were better educated about dominants they would be better able to discern the difference between a fake, a Top, and a dominant. Betweem some seeking to "use" them ethically and someone just trying to take advantage of them.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to JoeT2000)

Post #: 45

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/28/2006 8:20:44 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

You could also do a book search with the subject being Power and Command.. Still this beggars the question, "If we all psychoanalise the submissices, who psychoanalises the Dominants?"

People like me of course!

A few years back I began a paper on the subject of where does the dominant trait come from. I was exploring what causes one person to choose being a dominant and another to choose being a submissive (I do not believe either is an innate or genetic trait). After doing a fair amount of research I settled on using Adler's theory of inferiority - superiority (Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler, Alfred Adler) as a basis for exploring the question. I posited that essentially both submissives and dominants choose their roles for the same reason, seeking a sense of superiority as Adler defined it. But each went about it in very different ways. The dominant chose a route that focused on control and power striving as a means of obtaining a sense of superiority. The dominant believes that by being in control themselves they can best meet the challenges life presents them with. The submissive on the other hand chooses to achieve a sense of superiority by associating themselves with an external source of control. By submitting to someone else, they gain security, a defined environment (boundaries, rules, expectations, etc.) in which they can function successfully; and that by doing so they can then best meet the challenges life presents them with (challenges which are now filtered and controlled by an external source). However, I later found this doesn't apply in all cases, while it generally works for dominants and submissives (and especially those who live in full time relationships based on the power dynamic) it generally does not apply to Tops and Bottoms. That set me off on another tangent exploring the difference between what I began internally terming "fetishist" and "lifestylers" (not terms I would recommend for general use, but I never got around to coming up with anything better). Essentially, that exploration dealt with the difference between Tops and Bottoms (individuals mainly interested in fetishes, fetish play, etc. in predefined "scenes") and Dominants and Submissives (individuals mainly interested in the power dynamics of such a relationship, with at most a secondary interest in fetishes and in some cases little or no interest in fetishes). One of these days I ought to get around to finishing all that (maybe when I actually have some spare time again!).

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 46

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/29/2006 1:23:08 PM

JoeT2000

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

To Padraig:

Couple of things...

Where does the name come from ? It rings bells, so please put me out of my perplexity as it will chunter round my head for the next week or so trying to place it. I remember a book with One-Eye in it (am I close) ;o)

As to what you say about Doms not wanting to show emotion, or fearing analysis, I would agree this is likely to come from insecurity. The answers which to me, seemed defensive, of "I'm a natural Dominant" so don't question me, raised a thought...

Dominance can be achieved through a number of routes, and in truth, "Dominant" is merely a definition of an outcome, not the way it is achieved, or even the charactaristics of the person to whom the term is applied.

The dictionary definition is

1. Exercising the most influence or control.

The interesting question is, how does one exercise the most control ? One camp would say through reasoning and rational argument, communication, by example setting, showing knowledge, respect of others limits and boundaries etc... essentially all attributes which build respect and leave people willing to submit through trust, love, or devotion.

The other Dominant camp can show characteristics of aggression, defensiveness, despotism, intimidation, hostility, abuse, disrespect of limits and other's boundaries etc... essentially all the attributes which leave people submitting through fear.

One controls through influence, the other through force. One will be loved, the other feared, but both are Dominant.

Thoroughly enjoyed your post btw and look forward to reading more.

Joe

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 47

RE: Dom Psychology - 4/29/2006 2:41:23 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeT2000

To Padraig:

Couple of things...

Where does the name come from ? It rings bells, so please put me out of my perplexity as it will chunter round my head for the next week or so trying to place it. I remember a book with One-Eye in it (am I close) ;o)

Its my given first name

quote:

As to what you say about Doms not wanting to show emotion, or fearing analysis, I would agree this is likely to come from insecurity. The answers which to me, seemed defensive, of "I'm a natural Dominant" so don't question me, raised a thought...

Just to be clear, this is only the case with some "doms". And what it implies in those cases in an interesting topic all its own.

quote:

Dominance can be achieved through a number of routes, and in truth, "Dominant" is merely a definition of an outcome, not the way it is achieved, or even the charactaristics of the person to whom the term is applied.

The dictionary definition is

1. Exercising the most influence or control.

You might find it even more productive to think of it not as an outcome, but as a behavior. Then keep in mind that behavior is learned. That raises some interesting topics as well.

quote:

The interesting question is, how does one exercise the most control ? One camp would say through reasoning and rational argument, communication, by example setting, showing knowledge, respect of others limits and boundaries etc... essentially all attributes which build respect and leave people willing to submit through trust, love, or devotion.

The other Dominant camp can show characteristics of aggression, defensiveness, despotism, intimidation, hostility, abuse, disrespect of limits and other's boundaries etc... essentially all the attributes which leave people submitting through fear.

One controls through influence, the other through force. One will be loved, the other feared, but both are Dominant.

Lets define our terms a little more precisely.

dominant (small d, not a proper noun) can refer to any of the dominant behaviors you described... so far so good. But if we leave it there then we've included the abusive SOB who beats a woman into submission alongside the ethical, educated, responsible Dom who engages in a consensual relationship... and that just won't do.

Dominant (cap D, proper noun) then refers to someone exhibiting dominant behavior in a specific context (this lifestyle and its general philosophy), or more specifically, someone exhibiting a particular kind of dominant behavior considered acceptable in this lifestyle. Which excludes the abusive SOB.

So how we exercise control, that is dominant behavior, is partly defined by whether we have the goal of acting as part of the larger BDSM community. Or more plainly put, if we wish to be properly considered a Dom or Master by the BDSM community then we must adhere to its general concept of being a Dominant, that is, exhibiting that particular form of dominant behavior the community finds acceptable.

And what is that Dominant behavior... that gets debated endlessly but I think there are two points virtually everyone can agree on. One is that a Dominant obtains consent from the Submissive (again, proper noun because we are also referring to someone exhibiting a particular kind of submissive behavior as well) without the use of coercion. Second, that said Dominant behaves in a manner generally recognizable as being ethical (we may debate the specifcs of such a code of ethics, ie SCC vs RACK for example, but people can have differing ideas and still recognize each other as being generally ethical).

Glad you enjoyed the posts, good conversation is what keeps me coming here.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to JoeT2000)

Post #: 48

RE: Dom Psychology - 5/1/2006 6:52:53 PM

RaceBannon

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

Oh crap! I attempted to contact this person via the internal mail system...but if no one else will say the obvious, I will.

Creating a username name like Race Bannon, who is the author of some real books just makes you look like you don't have a real life! C'mon, people. Ever heard of the REAL Race Bannon...this dude isn't him! I would think that at the very least someone who joins this site could come up with some half way believable user name.

He may mean well...but this thing with using RaceBannon...just spooks me. Then again, that is just me.

Race Bannon is just a name from a cartoon Witchy. If some ficticious person wrote some books, who cares? I've been using this name on many non-BDSM sites in the past. It does not define me; I just liked the character. Do I really need to change it? What's in a name? A rose is a rose by any other....

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 49

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/9/2007 12:29:02 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

"Head up, shoulders back, Mrs. Cartman. Do not reason with it, do not argue with it, do not give in to it. Simply Dominate it. It will pick up on your Dominant Energy and become submissive."

Cesar Millan, South Park (T.S.S.T or Cartman Goes to Dog Obedience Training)

Kinda says it all, really.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 50

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/9/2007 7:27:19 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/PTO-19990901-000039.html General article - cover a lot

http://www.sub-dom.com/d-s-article.htm anonymous author but he wrote a wonderful piece with good insight into the submissive mindset

http://www.enslavement.org.uk/essays Written articles by people with psych degrees

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 51

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/9/2007 7:46:36 PM

HardnRuff

Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

I don’t have anything to say and I wrote a long essay to prove it.

Wannabe's
Your HNG/Troll Dominant: They see BDSM as an easy way to get sex. You don't find them under bridges curiously enough. Most likely they will have had little sexual experience, few long term relationships, and not be good at relating to other people's emotions, possibly even be intimidated by women, and have the false perception that a submissive is easier to get into bed because they only say "yes Master". They see a submissive as a less complex person with fewer needs. They want their submissive to be Pamela Anderson. Airhead submissives, or those desperate for a shag apply here.
LMAO @ this one .. How many thousands of theese have I seen on cm ?

_____________________________

" Weapon Of Ass Destruction" † Bitch tested slut approved †

(in reply to cillydom)

Post #: 52

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/9/2007 8:41:23 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

"Do not argue with it. Do not try to reason with it. Simply Dominate it, Mrs. Cartman"
Cesar Milan, South Park (TSST)

Sinergy

p.s. That would be the episode where Eric Cartman is sent to Dog Obedience Training.

p.p.s. Kinda says it all

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Dustee)

Post #: 53

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/9/2007 11:16:55 PM

Travelino

Posts: 34
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shygirldesires

http://domsview.com/

this was a good site.....but i see it is for sale.

http://www.dominatesoftware.com/

here is another, since i am not Dom i didnt get the sftware.

Here ya go http://www.thedomsview.com/ this may help, unless someone beat me to it.

Travelino.

_____________________________

~~"When the student is ready, the Master will appear."~~

(in reply to shygirldesires)

Post #: 54

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/9/2007 11:28:29 PM

Travelino

Posts: 34
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientkayla

Hi The Dominant's View has a new url due to an EXTREMELY unscrupulous host. Visit us over here:
http://www.thedomsview.com

Lots of dominant info there!

Kayla

gah!! The woman herself helped out the the correct URL. Thanks, Kayla. :: sigh :: See what happens when RL interrupts reading threads on the interweb!!! Disregard my previous post ........ lol.

Travelino.

_____________________________

~~"When the student is ready, the Master will appear."~~

(in reply to obedientkayla)

Post #: 55

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/10/2007 4:56:05 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JoeT2000

Psychology of the Dominant. Great subject, I wrote the psychology of a chicken and got it published, so I may have a stab at this (there has to be some correlation).

This rather reads like a lot of modern psychology.
Which, of course, is part of the reason I concluded the field has little merit.
That, and the lack of demonstrated results.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to JoeT2000)

Post #: 56

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/10/2007 5:21:56 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/PTO-19990901-000039.html General article - cover a lot

This one, at least, focused more on bottoms than anything else. Subs and masos were touched on, somewhat. Tops only briefly. Doms and sadists not at all in a meaningful way, and the former of those would be the topic of the thread. And it appears that the theory this article is based on pretty much says flat out that deep subspace means you are pathologically pursuing this, and do it due to personal issues, going so far that if it were correct, I'd consider it a barrier to consent. This does not match my experiences.

The only sensible thing it covered, was the frame theory bit, which was surprisingly accurate for a pop psychology article written by someone whose focus appears to be anorexia and bulimia. From having spoken to people with those issues, I would say there is a lot of reason to suspect a certain kind of bias in the selection of sources for the article, and the article matches what one would suspect from that kind of bias.

(For all I know, it could be a professional psychology publication; those are increasingly reading like pop psych...)

But frame theory was covered fairly well, though briefly.
One of the things (IMHO) distinguishing lifestyle and play

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 57

RE: Dom Psychology - 7/11/2007 11:44:15 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

Anyone know of where I could find similar articles on the psychological studies of Dominants?

You'll do better looking for articles on Power, Greed, Controll and getting what they want when they want it.

There are many people who work. They get bossed around, yelled at, and have to stay polite the whole time so they don't loose there job. When they get home, not many want to be bossed around. Most will come home wanting some type of controll and to be themselves. This is one psychological aspect for some Doms that you can research and conclude on.

You then have people who decide to be Dominant because they don't want anyone else telling them what to do.

Though this goes out the definition of a Real Dom, you can also look for articles on Rape and Abuse and why it happens.

Anyways, no matter how many articles and studies you read on, you are only going to find yourself to the following conclusion.

There are people who like to controll and people who like to be controlled. Then you have people who like to balance controll exchange based on the issue and there mood. Then you will soon discover that people are either Trekies or Star Wars fans and Beatles or Elvis fans.

Good luck on your research.

In all seriousness what a great reply

~meticulous~

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 58

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