RE: "Financially Secure" (Full Version)

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jj292 -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 3:09:19 PM)

I agree with a lot of what you are saying... Everyone is going to have different views, requirements, wants, needs, etc...

And I dont mean to pick on women over this. Obviously there are dead beats out there, no doubt. And not many people are going to want to be with a dead beat that refuses to work and just sleeps on the couch all day.

But that's not what Im talking about. Im talking about beyond that...
Take a look at a bunch of profiles of female tops compared to male tops. Notice a pattern begins to emerge. You see a lot of keywords in the domme profiles you never see in the male profiles... Keywords like "Spoil me." "Pamper me." "Im so beautiful I shouldnt have to work." etc, etc, etc.... How many male dom profiles have those phrases in it?

I think it it is rooted in social engineering. The traditional gender roles are that a man of the house provides for the woman and she stands under his umbrella. It's been that way for centuries. That's one reason there is tradition that the woman takes the man's last name at marriage. And it is no different in the BDSM community either. The male top provides for the female bottom. The male sub provides for his female top. They are just both in a different context and dynamic.

It seems that in most relationships, the woman is looking for security and the male is looking for companionship. That's obviously a huge generalization. But I think it has some truth to it.



Elisabella -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 3:23:48 PM)

quote:

I think it it is rooted in social engineering. The traditional gender roles are that a man of the house provides for the woman and she stands under his umbrella. It's been that way for centuries. That's one reason there is tradition that the woman takes the man's last name at marriage. And it is no different in the BDSM community either. The male top provides for the female bottom. The male sub provides for his female top. They are just both in a different context and dynamic.

It seems that in most relationships, the woman is looking for security and the male is looking for companionship. That's obviously a huge generalization. But I think it has some truth to it.


Very good point.



EbonyFtshGoddess -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:40:15 PM)

i never peruse profiles of other dominants so i can't speak upon what male dominants have in their profiles typically. but i do know one male dom here (i knew him before CM) and he implicitly requires his female subs to work AND give him their paychecks to support the greater good of their poly home.

i don't have a poly home (YET.. i'm workin on it).. but that's precisely what i'd require as well.

i do see your points though... duly noted.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:45:07 PM)

I am too pretty to work, dagnabbit!! [:D]



WyldHrt -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:50:08 PM)

quote:

The male top provides for the female bottom.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong male tops, lol!
Seriously though, many Doms require their subs to support themselves financially.



pyroaquatic -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:53:12 PM)

If not, in any situation you could find yourself with Nothing.

Not even Maybe Something.

Dual/Multiple Incomes are awesome, lemme tell ya. They pay off that house that much quicker.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:53:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

The male top provides for the female bottom.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong male tops, lol!
Seriously though, many Doms require their subs to support themselves financially.



Wyld is also too pretty to work. I suggest we all go on strike until the universe recognizes this. Or until tomorrow, when we have to go back to work.

Pretty not Stupid Hib



WyldHrt -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:55:04 PM)

quote:

Wyld is also too pretty to work. I suggest we all go on strike until the universe recognizes this. Or until tomorrow, when we have to go back to work.
Pretty not Stupid Hib

*smooches Francine* Thankies for that! [:)] I'll consider myself officially on strike..... until tomorrow morning [8D]



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/21/2010 8:56:13 PM)

YAY!![:D]

(LadyPact is next!)



jujubeeMB -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 1:45:33 PM)

Just made the mistake of reading this entire thread in one sitting, and now I feel about twelve different emotions ranging from irritated to thoroughly amused :) I don't want to piss anyone off (although based on the thread so far I'm sure I will) but I thought I'd point out the rather obvious fact that the women on this site CLEARLY have the power in who they want to play with / date. The site just IS that way. You can rant and rage all you want about what women's standards "SHOULD" be, and how "shallow" some women are, and how much you would never touch the "man-hating bitches" (is it really necessary to fling sexist phrases around?) with a ten foot pole, but at the end of the day, all the women on this site have their choice of quite a few men. So why on earth would any women lower their standards or wants/desires?

I don't mean that to be like men have no standards - obviously there are even men on this thread with great poise and standards whose respect I would love to earn - but women getting to have high standards really is just a simple fact that the men on this site might want to accept for their own peace of mind. Perhaps it's an "unfair" double standard, but it just IS THE CASE. So accept that and move on.

Also, as a sub who works but makes less than $20,000 a year (you try being an actress/waitress/typist... when someone mentioned $100,000 "ain't what it used to be" I laughed), I don't expect anyone to support me, but I can't afford to go out to dinner or a movie very often, and I sure as hell can't afford BDSM equipment. I'm also uncomfortable with men who can't afford to take me out, since I just sit there thinking "I should really be contributing to this... maybe if I don't pay the electric bill..." So when I'm looking for a Dom, I'm looking for someone who is financially secure enough to pay when we go places without being uncomfortable with the price, and who will pay for all the ropes, so to speak. This does not make me shallow or lazy, it makes me a young woman in an extremely low-paying job during a recession. So please stop calling people who are poor shallow and lazy. If I didn't date men who could take me out, I wouldn't be able to date at all.

Argh. Sorry. I got kind of annoyed :)



lusciouslips19 -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 1:53:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

The male top provides for the female bottom.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong male tops, lol!
Seriously though, many Doms require their subs to support themselves financially.



Wyld is also too pretty to work. I suggest we all go on strike until the universe recognizes this. Or until tomorrow, when we have to go back to work.

Pretty not Stupid Hib


I would like to apply for this job as Bon Bon eater, whilst looking purdy, please!!!



lusciouslips19 -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 2:00:19 PM)

Jujubee,

You're a smart girl. It took me a long time to be able to accept being taken out. When I was younger I did the whole"I want to pay" thing. Now if they want to have me, they pay to take me out. I would not kick someone to the curb for losing his job. But the playing field as far as employment goes is not level for men and woman.

Bottom line, if a man wants me, he has to want to take me out. If he doesnt, hes not the sort Im looking for. You know what, I am ok if they dont beat my door down. I have all the battery and electric boyfriends I need. If the boys dont want to be replaced with something less high maintenance, its best they show us why they are not replaceable.[:D]



submaleinzona -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 3:49:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

I agree with a lot of what you are saying... Everyone is going to have different views, requirements, wants, needs, etc...

And I dont mean to pick on women over this. Obviously there are dead beats out there, no doubt. And not many people are going to want to be with a dead beat that refuses to work and just sleeps on the couch all day.

But that's not what Im talking about. Im talking about beyond that...
Take a look at a bunch of profiles of female tops compared to male tops. Notice a pattern begins to emerge. You see a lot of keywords in the domme profiles you never see in the male profiles... Keywords like "Spoil me." "Pamper me." "Im so beautiful I shouldnt have to work." etc, etc, etc.... How many male dom profiles have those phrases in it?

I think it it is rooted in social engineering. The traditional gender roles are that a man of the house provides for the woman and she stands under his umbrella. It's been that way for centuries. That's one reason there is tradition that the woman takes the man's last name at marriage. And it is no different in the BDSM community either. The male top provides for the female bottom. The male sub provides for his female top. They are just both in a different context and dynamic.

It seems that in most relationships, the woman is looking for security and the male is looking for companionship. That's obviously a huge generalization. But I think it has some truth to it.


I've always accepted this as the truth as well.  Others have mentioned that, in society overall, men have tended to make more money, hold most of the wealth and consequently, most of the power in the world.  In essence, money means power. 

I understand the money aspects of it, but it gets a bit confusing when viewed in the perspective of a power exchange.  If a male sub still controls the money in the relationship, then would he still have most of the power in the relationship?  Someone else in this thread mentioned that women are more powerful because they have the vagina, but does that have more power than money? 



WyldHrt -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 3:52:32 PM)

quote:

Someone else in this thread mentioned that women are more powerful because they have the vagina, but does that have more power than money?

Depends on the vagina [;)]



Lockit -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 4:01:08 PM)

I don't think I want to compare a vagina and money and see which is more powerful. With some people they may put power to either, but not all people do. To either... I would say... that is pretty fickle and rather disgusting when you think about it.

A power dynamic in a relationship shouldn't be based on either, but should be based on the people involved and what is in their hearts and minds and the life they choose to live.

I've known people with money, those that use it as power and those who don't. Anyone who does is someone I wouldn't be with. I have also known people who put power in a pussy... I don't know how that worked for them, but I wouldn't respect that kind of power.



WyldHrt -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 5:03:13 PM)

I was joking, Lockit [sm=imsorry.gif]



Lockit -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 5:13:09 PM)

LOL... I know you were! I was trying to answer the previous poster! I may laugh about the power of the pussy and how special some are... but I won't use it as a life tool so to speak.

I'm sorry... I should have laughed at your comment and then answered his. lol



pyroaquatic -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 6:51:38 PM)

it makes me a young woman in an extremely low-paying job during a recession
quote:

it makes me a young woman in an extremely low-paying job during a recession


it makes me a young man in a no-paying job during a recession. Yay... i suddenly feel better about myself.

i used to get paid. it is a long story.

What I will say is that since the recession has been in swing...
that is how long I have been in the workforce.

destitute and half living on the streets....  half-couch surfing. Finding odd jobs. Barely surviving. From my position Communism seems like a golden opportunity.

But Democracy and Capitalism it is. The way I have been living is something I have grown used to.

I have finally stabilized to a point where I will not starve or die of thirst though. yay.





submaleinzona -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 7:30:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't think I want to compare a vagina and money and see which is more powerful. With some people they may put power to either, but not all people do. To either... I would say... that is pretty fickle and rather disgusting when you think about it.

A power dynamic in a relationship shouldn't be based on either, but should be based on the people involved and what is in their hearts and minds and the life they choose to live.

I've known people with money, those that use it as power and those who don't. Anyone who does is someone I wouldn't be with. I have also known people who put power in a pussy... I don't know how that worked for them, but I wouldn't respect that kind of power.


Well, I didn't really want to compare the two, and it is somewhat crass.  But it just struck me when looking at various elements of power that were mentioned in this thread in the context of the overall society in which men have held most of the wealth and power and consequently held the power in male-female relationships, at least in the traditional sense.  I was trying to reconcile it with the dynamic of non-traditional relationships.  I also agree about the use of such power not being respectable, especially if it's abused or wasted in some way. 

I guess what I'm getting at is, some of the profiles tend to mystify me a bit.  The message board seems to have a different tone and quality than some of the profiles I've read.  But in some of the profiles I've browsed, I've gotten the impression that there are some men of means who are spending a great deal of money on financial domination or whatever.  Of course, it's a free world, and people can do whatever they want with their money, but I'm thinking that it's such a waste.  I just can't see it myself. 





Lockit -> RE: "Financially Secure" (1/22/2010 8:47:23 PM)

I get you... and understand.

You are right... you will find things a bit different on this side of the site and it is much more to my liking! lol The other side is scary! lol



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