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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 8:54:31 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Fact is, I'd rather take things into my own hands myself than get stuck with another self centered, manipulative, man hating bitch - I'm not that desperate.



I have a splendid idea!!!!!!

How about you take responsibility for choosing to be with the vile specimen of humanity and get a better attitude so that you can attract someone better!

Already done thanks.

Again, the inference is that that there are no self centered, manipulative, man hating bitches, I have experience to the contrary - once burned, twice shy, which I don't see at all as the same thing as a "bad attitude", my standards are simply much higher.

In fact, she seemed like the total package to begin with, spiritual and good looking, a talented and accomplished artist, not looking for a sugar daddy, fun to be around till she get's sloshed - turned out she put's on a really good act, I'm not the only one that got taken in by it - six months after I took the boys and left, all her friends who had been giving me the stinkeye were calling me asking WTF.

You'd all love her, you'd rush right in to be her White Knights, defending her against the evil xssve and that would last about six months, after which your view of me would soften considerably.

This thing you're all doing? The solidarity thing? She plays that like a fucking concert pianist.

Notice I didn't say "whores", that's somebody else's rant.

Tangentially, I'm also in this situation for being pro-choice about it: I'd already kicked the drunken bitch out of my house when she came up pregnant , she asked me if I wanted her to have an abortion, I told her it was her choice, I'd back her up whatever she decided, and here I am.

She did quit drinking during both pregnancies, thank god, but that was about the extent of her mothering instincts as it turned out.

Now, I'll happily drop the subject if you'll allow me to, it's moot, it's just dredging up bad memories, I love my kids and we have a great time.



It takes quite a bit of time for someone'
s true colors to show through. How long did it take for her to start heavily drinking in front of you? How many someone tips back and how often they drink tells a lot to me when I am getting to know someone. Can they stop after one or two? DO they drink every day? How they act after they drink?

Bottom line, I wouldn't be so quick to move on in with someone. Thats why having them live local is so important to me. I have seen one to many relocate and move in to a bad situaltion. A person that was super great to begin with but ended up an abuser or big mess of a person when their true colors came through.

To me financially secure means financially stable. They can keep a roof over their head and food on the table.

My standards are higher now myself. But I am nice about it and I dont let my past make me angry at the world and others I havent met.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/20/2010 9:23:33 AM >

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(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 8:55:21 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
Please quote any "cheap shots" I might have made, or step the fuck off.


xssve, is there a reason why you chose to quote Lockit in THIS post?  It seems this is where the confusion started.

You then go on to quote her HERE where you say ...
quote:


Bottom line is, I may not provide much other than the basics, but I do provide that - the rest is up to you, I'm comfortable, what you do is of no concern to me until you start trying to present your subjective standard as an objective one.

If you weren't trying to do that, I apologize, I consider it a bonus if a submissive has something going, but I'm not going to discriminate if she doesn't as long as she doesn't have high expectations.

Were you apologizing to Lockit or the OP?  You aren't very clear as to why you're taking her posts and using them as a negative example.

You then went on in THIS post to say to her...
quote:


Going back to your original post you were clearly talking about something you needed from a submissive other than a purely psychological need, and in fact implying that this other thing trumped you need for companionship - whatever, you're old enough to do whatever you want, but you cannot blame me for reading it the way you wrote it.

In looking over Lockit's first post, nowhere do I see what you're implying.  Could you give an example or quote what part you're referring to?

In my opinion, this seems to be one big misunderstanding.  I hope that's all it was, mixed with a huge amount of over-reacting. 


_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:19:33 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Administration. I have tried for some voluntary work but I was told I did not have the experience or skills. I tried
Kevin

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:25:07 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
Please quote any "cheap shots" I might have made, or step the fuck off.


xssve, is there a reason why you chose to quote Lockit in THIS post?  It seems this is where the confusion started.

Yes, this is what I perhaps confusingly referred to as the "original post", by which I meant, the post I quoted originally.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
You then go on to quote her HERE where you say ...
quote:


Bottom line is, I may not provide much other than the basics, but I do provide that - the rest is up to you, I'm comfortable, what you do is of no concern to me until you start trying to present your subjective standard as an objective one.

If you weren't trying to do that, I apologize, I consider it a bonus if a submissive has something going, but I'm not going to discriminate if she doesn't as long as she doesn't have high expectations.

Were you apologizing to Lockit or the OP?  You aren't very clear as to why you're taking her posts and using them as a negative example.
I was offering Lockit a graceful out, she declined to take it.

If you read what I said in that first post where I quoted Lockit, you'll see I was referring to the underlying mindset: it's ok for a woman to find a man to take care of her, if a man does it, he's "lazy".  Hell, most of the doms in here are looking for somebody to stay in bed all day, or at least chained to the foot of it, clearly, Lockits emphasis is elsewhere.

It's really the whole mindset I find annoying: "take care of me" - shit, I'll put her to work - if Zoolander here is as pretty as his avatar (probably osf having us on), you could rent him out as a male model.

So, if that isn't what she meant, I again apologize, which is more than is strictly necessary, since I never actually referred to her directly, I was addressing the cultural assumptions behind that statement.

If you're going to spit it back in my face, then you better bring a lunch.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
You then went on in THIS post to say to her...
quote:


Going back to your original post you were clearly talking about something you needed from a submissive other than a purely psychological need, and in fact implying that this other thing trumped you need for companionship - whatever, you're old enough to do whatever you want, but you cannot blame me for reading it the way you wrote it.

In looking over Lockit's first post, nowhere do I see what you're implying.  Could you give an example or quote what part you're referring to?

Look, you all seem to want to play dumb here, you want to travel, and play, and live in a nice house with all the perks, more power to you, but it doesn't make you any better, you're not "special", you're just another organism to me.

I hear it all the time, form people who don't know me, and have no idea shat my situation is or what I've been through - why do you think most men would simply put their kids in foster care rather than becoming  a social pariah?

"Not me man, uh-uh".

You do it to yourselves.

I could be out wining and dining the bitches, but I have other priorities: I'm fine with that, if you have a problem with it, move along.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
In my opinion, this seems to be one big misunderstanding.  I hope that's all it was, mixed with a huge amount of over-reacting. 

You can say that twice.

< Message edited by xssve -- 1/20/2010 9:32:48 AM >

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:30:09 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

What line of work are you in?

He appears to have two; professional victim and reality denier.  It's a shame that the demand for both is so low.

~stef


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(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:30:28 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Administration? that covers a lot of ground! Top tip for today - go to the library, get out some books on general admin or the sort of admin you (must / must want) to specialise in. There are loads of these sorts of books out there. Keep a list of all the books you read. Also check out magazines and newsletters on general business, accountancy, law etc. The idea is to keep your knowledge up to date, learn new things and - impress potential employers thereby.

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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Profile   Post #: 166
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:38:16 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		xssve, please read my post on page eight.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 167
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:40:45 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Im just looking for general admin. I have read all my life. It does not do me any good. I prefer to mix with people, talk about nonsense or nothing at all or merely practice silence. I have found it works. I generally keep myself to myself. I dont enter conversation unless someone starts talking to me. It s much better that way. I cant offend anyone if I keep quiet. Its about self preservation really. There are plenty of people to do me down. I dont do myself down
Kevin

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:51:45 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Lockit, you are a Lady.

I'm stepping out of this and heading to somewhere that's quiet....like the Ask a Switch forum.

*edited to add... After stepping back and looking at how xssve chose to respond to my query,  I've come to realize that there will always be people who choose to willingly misunderstand.  In this case, I am not one of them.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 1/20/2010 10:58:17 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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Profile   Post #: 169
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 9:55:28 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Im just looking for general admin. I have read all my life. It does not do me any good. I prefer to mix with people, talk about nonsense or nothing at all or merely practice silence. I have found it works. I generally keep myself to myself. I dont enter conversation unless someone starts talking to me. It s much better that way. I cant offend anyone if I keep quiet. Its about self preservation really. There are plenty of people to do me down. I dont do myself down
Kevin



then I'm sorry to say it but you are likely going to be out of work a very long time, and possibly the rest of your life.

there are millions of people looking for general admin - and the bad news is that 99% of them are female, who will fit easily and readily into the scheme of things at the prospective employer, whose admin staff is 99% female. And who will often take flexible hours to work round children or expect to get a lower salary for full time, which makes you too expensive. remember you are competing with millions here, most of whom also speak another language, throughout the EU.

I'm also sorry to say you are doing yourself down. No one else, you. This is understandable after 18 months out of work, but you have to fight it. You need to sparkle and shine when you come for interview, not make me wonder if youre drunk, high or otherwise at risk of imminent coma.

youre a 31 year old guy Kevin. the world is such that your preferred line of work is primarily female. it is also such that males at your age are either possessed of some practical "manly" trade that makes them employable or they have completed or are in the latter stages of completing, some sort of professional qualification. Unfair? absolutely, but thats the way of the world.

there is only one person who can sort your life out - and thats you. And the longer you leave it, the more difficult it will become.

E



_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 10:03:21 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Kevin, the government does not WANT people on the dole. That's just as true in the EU as it is in the States. I am SURE that they have retraining programs, coaching seminars, job centres, that list what is WANTED and NEEDED in the job market. Why not take a look at THAT, and if it means that you are doing something completely different, so be it.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 10:54:50 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

xssve, please read my post on page eight.


quote:

Now... can we peacefully find some solution here? Maybe some understanding?
You know I tried that, you were having too much fun being offended, and the pack all joined in, why are you giving me advice about taking offense? I only quoted you as an example of the same mindset that has everybody abusing the OP instead of offering advice.

Granted, everytime a sub complains she's tired of licking the floors clean and being kept in a broom closet year after year, some dom with chime in with: "but you're a submissive"! Does that make it all equal out?

If I haven't "healed" it's because my ex was an expert in playing the whole bandwagon effect you all have going here. Fucking deja vu, forget where I quoted you, it's all the rest that followed that's pouring the salt on.

So again, I'm sorry if you misconstrued my quoting you, I abstracted it, it really wasn't about you - it's an INFJ thing - and I do know plenty of guys who sponge off of women, and probably aren't even any good in bed - some peoples kids.

Sorry to hear about your situation, I have several ruptured disks myself, and I do have to lie down now and then, I'm only good for a few hours on my feet before the pain becomes excruciating and I start getting short with people - I've known people who killed themselves over it.

Now not knowing you, suppose I said I don't want some lazy bitch laying around all day?

I hear the same thing from princesses who seem to feel there's something wrong with me because I don't drop everything and cater to their every whim, they tell their friends, they tell theirs, so and and so forth, you get the picture - once in a while I meet somebody who knows "all about" me, in spite of the fact we're never met, and she says, "oh, you have kids" - it get's lost in the shuffle.

Then they turn me down 'cuase I have kids, but se la vie, at least it's an actual reason, it is a lot of responsibility, not trying to make themselves look better by putting me down, and that is common marketing ploy used by both men and women.

I'm Brand X, and I like it that way, it weeds out the players - look at the economy - that's what comes from following the herd: eventually, you follow them right off a fucking cliff.

Course the reason you do it, is the next guy to come along with a sob story probably will be trying to play you, lol.

I wish you well, peace.

< Message edited by xssve -- 1/20/2010 10:57:38 AM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 11:13:08 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Re: the back thing - it's hard, especially if you're used to pushing it to your physical limits and beyond like I am, but you have to learn to take it easy and save it for when you really need it - don't take it too easy though, keep your abs in shape when you feel up to it, it helps, the worst thing you can do is lay around and let your muscles atrophy, although it's tempting.

I tried the Ab lounge, it's not too bad, no chafing on the tailbone as with crunches on the floor, but the pullup bar with the ab straps is better: hanging like that, it's totally unloaded, and actually relives the compression.

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 11:21:40 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		xssve,

My first post was nothing but advice... looking in... maybe not the advice wanted, but as I saw it. I used things for an example and if that was off somehow... then maybe I will have a look at that, but simply put... I think my advice was pretty sound as per what I have seen in life and with people.

I am not easily offended and for the most part with you was only trying to address why you were using my comment to bounce off of or highlight to bring about your point of view. I do believe I addressed it politely. When a situation continues... using my response to prove your point or position... things are going to get confused or off balance.

Besides that we have some personality and communication things that are complicating this and at this point, I could go into what I see and you could respond and it would continue. So I will just say... okay, this is how it is... we may never understand and may never be able to communicate it effectively with one another. That is all good and I hope it doesn't happen again! lol

I do wish you well and will hope you find whatever it is in life that you need or want to make life very enjoyable for you and your family.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 12:21:08 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I'm posting here in defence of Kevin...

I run a charity working against social stigma and back in 2007 we did a couple of surveys involving almost 2,000 people of different ages at six London Job Centres.

The first thing we were looking for was the chances of sustainable employment - i.e. employment which would last a minimum 12 months.

We found that less than 2 per cent of the vacancies on offer at a London Job Centre offered sustainable employment with an employer.

Also 73% of vacancies came from employment agencies and job training schemes.

We also found that 64% of fresh claimants for unemployment benefit (Job Seeker's Allowance) had made a previous claim in the last 12 months.

The results of this survey were that the Department of Work and Pensions instead of focussing on employment should instead be focussing on 'occupation' and that the Job Centre was the least effective place for finding employment (the most effective being the Internet).

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 1:23:03 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

You know, in the end, this all boils down to ignoring the situations that don't fit us, and aligning with the ones that do. My preference is to keep one kind of house, and not everyone is going to be interested in being part of that -- but my choice in keeping my household doesn't make me a 'fake' or a 'poser' or anything else except -myself-.

Dame Calla

And I would like to re-iterate this and agree with this whole heartedly.
I 'keep' my husehold and I always have. That is to say that I keep it financially. It is one of my main motivations in life to be able to do so.
If anyone expected me to be beholden to them financially it would feel as if i had had one aspect of my power stolen from me and therefore I woud not be able to offer it up as part of the exchange.
I don't think financial prowess correlates very straightforwardly with one;s role in a dynamic. In a household I am an Alpha slave yet I have always also considered it part of my role to contribute my income solely for the purpose of my household and for the well-being and security of a  partner or a Master.
It simply goes without saying. that my financial contribution is a cornerstone of the house. I do indeed expect to be asked my position on this when under consideration or negotiating a power exchange relationship. Anyone who understates the role of financial stability in any relationship is in my opinion underplaying and underestimating the impact loss of finacial security can have.
Indeed I was always offended in vanilla marriage that my husbands seem to think they could buy my services. Isn't that what many vanilla marrieds feel they have to put up with?


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/20/2010 1:28:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 176
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 1:47:22 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		I m going to keep trying. If it takes me years so be it. Im not going to give up. Im convinced that when things get better I will get a job in general office admin, which is my strength, female dominated or not. If I did not believe that I could get another job , I would not be on this planet , I would have done myself in
Kevin

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 1:49:20 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		By the way Im doing college at night too.. So no Im not just sitting on my ass, looking for work, Im doing things to better myself to gain an edge over the ferocious competition that is understandably out there as there are so many like me looking for work
Kevin

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 1:50:37 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		By the way my college nights are Tuedays and Thursdays and Saturday morning , thats why Im available tonight to type in this forum, no college Wednesday
Kevin

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/20/2010 1:53:05 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		And yes its hard. Ill grant you that. I have a mate ten years older me which I met in recovery and he s out of work too since 05 but he is not giving up and one day he too will regain employment. Belief can make anythign possible. Thats what Im clinging to
Kevin

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 180
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