LadyLou
Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: cloudboy
The answer lies between the lines of emotional egotism v. personal preferences.
All too often the femdoms couch their responses to an OP as if something is wrong with them and their kink (emotional egotism) as opposed to "I'm just not into that for these reasons."
Let's use the example of the recurring "fat threads" on CM. If I'm not attracted to overweight people, maybe I should just keep it to myself as opposed to jumping into a thread with a myriad of reasons of why obesity turns me off.
If I jump into such a thread with my "honest" opinions (prejudices), (1) I'm probably going to be insensitive and (2) I might cross the line to imply that something is wrong with overweight people and that they are responsible for their own troubles. My dislike, in other words, becomes them as intrinsically "undesirable."
Guess what, Aakasha, people who don't fit the mold of what others want usually don't need to be told about it, much less to get an earful from those who are biased and negative to start with. Nothing you or I say is going to be a revelation for them. They've experienced rejection, they've been told why they are rejected, and they can connect the dots of why others are not lining up to ask them out. To pile onto the situation for such folks is simply being an insensitive asshole.
So, to me, the twin sister of the forced masculinity thread would be: "The physically fit thread, why I love thin, muscular, beautiful people the best." Contained in the thread we could then discuss a series of "virtues" that "the undesirables" don't have. Physically fit people are "strong," "active," "disciplined," "look better in bondage," "exude more self confidence," etc.
Let me tell, none of it would be neutral -- and all of it would be mean spirited. (A backdoor polemical attack.)
Such behavior to me is sickening, especially when the perpetrators don't even have the introspection to know what they are doing. This is why I get so upset by it. Furthermore, its never fun to read the empowered dissing the un-empowered -- or those with the advantages lecturing those with the disadvantages. This amounts more to braggadocio and condescension than helpful, insightful advice.
I've not read every post here, but I have to agree with you, at least partially, with this. But I can see what the OP is saying also. I've been on these forums on and off, though mainly lurking, for over three and a half years. I have seen many times when a thread turns into a 'your kink is not my kink, and I'm going to make sure you know it's not, nah nah' thread. Whether it means to or not, it does start coming across as kink egotism, and a bunch of strangers having a self-justifying bitch exercise at the expense of the “unempowered”. I tend to stay away from those threads, there's hardly any point reading them, let alone replying.
But there is a big difference between generally going out of ones way to make a point of stating they are not into a particular kink, and replying to a thread asking fem doms if they are into x, y, or z kink.
Generally....
But to be honest, I think it sends a bigger message about the 'reality' of their kink to just not reply if one is not into it. The guys that come on here with their first post and leading-horndog-questions are just looking for interaction – ANY interacting. Even though they would prefer their kind of positive reaction, for most, negative will do; as in, whining back and forth as why no-one is into their kink, and receiving bitchy responses. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of women who reply to 'em, giving them what exactly what they want, whilst as the same time not wanting to be objectified by male lust. But, when I see those threads, I see them as pretty symbiotic in the sense of 'whiners, wankers and bitchers unite', and they both get something out of it, even if what they get out of it is not particularly positive.
Another problem that contributes to this general issue is 'veteran forum poster syndrome'. The men and women who have been here a while have pretty much seen it all before, said 'it' a hundred times or more before, and are pretty cynical to it all – it's pretty hard not to be tired by it all when you seen it all before. But some tend to forget that they were at one time, just as ignorant to the 'reality' of it all, and what is old to them, is brand spanking new to someone else.
I also do not think it is the responsibility of complete strangers on a forum board to take it upon themselves to “educate” another stranger about the supposed “reality”, particularly when they employ the use of some less than scholarly techniques. You can't teach people who don't want to be taught; and to assume one can teach a self serving, wanking stranger who has probably seen far to much porn, how to be a selfless, gracious submissive (and to give a shit about what fem doms want), seems like an awful waste of energy. Makes me wonder who is more delusional.
|
RE: Lame posts: "No, I'm not into that. Sorry&quo... - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread