Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How do you tell someone


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> How do you tell someone Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 2:29:37 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		so they will understand, that you're not interested anymore?

I had started this already and had typed out a whole bunch of stuff, but somehow managed to hit a certain key combination on my laptop and it disappeared :(

Anyway, I will make this as brief as possible. I know it's not lifestyle related, but here goes anyway.

Ex boyfriend. Were together almost 4 years. Had good times and bad, like any relationship. Started going downhill bad after about 3 years. No time together, brief sporadic phone calls, crazy ex (his). I fell out of love. We broke up about 8 or so months ago and I had moved on.

We spoke a couple of times over the past few months, I figured we could be friends, he didn't want that, so I let him be. Didn't talk for about 4 months and I called him just after the holidays to see how they were and if he had a good time with his daughter. He was short with me, so I let him go and that was that, until a few nights ago. He called me up, apologized for how he had acted on the phone. We chatted, he asked me out for coffee. We could be friends, right? WRONG

He picked me up at work and oh. my. god. he looked horrible. He had always been a handsome man, and even my co-workers who knew him were surprised. We went to a restaurant close to my place and had a drink. I talked about everything under the sun, doing what I could to avoid the "Us" conversation. Talked about my tattoos. Ok, when we were together, I already had 8 tattoos, 3 of them being on the larger side. I had started a large back piece and at that point, all I had was the outline. When I showed him one day, he looked at me and said "You're 30, don't you think it's time to grow up? Tattoos are immature"

Ummm..what? Did he go selectively blind when I was naked and not see the 8 I ALREADY HAD?!?!?! Oh, and thanks for the insult, ass.

Anyway, I talked about my new ones, knowing how he felt and he said they were cool, he really liked them. Excuse me? OK, didn't realize he was saying what he could so my feelings might change. After a bit I went out for a smoke and he followed. He started talking about our past relationship. "I love you, I miss you. I know it wasn't perfect, but I want to try again" blah blah blah.

I stopped him and said I didn't want to have this conversation, but since he does, fine. "No, I do not want to be with you again. There was too much bullshit and I'm not interested. I went from our relationship to being with (ex Dom) and I am perfectly happy being single. I can do what I want, when I want and not have to worry about making someone happy or answering to them"

He seemed to accept it and we went back in. I felt the need to clarify, so I told him I enjoyed being able to spend time with my friends. When I'm with someone, I give too much of myself to them, lose myself and who I am and everything else falls to the side. His response? I could still see my friends, I could go to his place after. Uh huh, I'm going to be out til 2 am, then drive 40 MINUTES to his place? I think not.

It seemed he had an "answer" for everything I said. I drank my drink quickly and said I wanted to go home. We went out to his car, I had another smoke and babbled about shit so he wouldn't be able to bring us up again. When I had finished my smoke, I went to open the car door, forgetting it's an older model and he had to unlock it. He did, then went in for a hug (which to me, hugs are harmless, right?) so I figure ok, as I go to hug him back (a VERY quick one) he locks his arms around my waist and tries to kiss me.

I tried to back away, but couldn't get far as he was holding onto me. So, I leaned back as far as I could, trying to push myself away from him. He started talking, saying he would really like to hang out with me, do coffee once in a while. I was trying to get his arms off me (I should have caused a scene) and told him I would take it under advisement (Very sarcasticly, I might add) and what happens? If he doesn't try to kiss me AGAIN!

What? Did he think that a kiss would melt my heart? Make my knees weak and remember our time together? Make me forget everything and jump at the chance to be with him again? Ummmm......no.

I pushed him away and told him to take me home. He drove to my place and his car wasn't even completely stopped before I had the door open and was saying bye. I jumped out, ran into my building and could hear him speed away.

After everything I said to him, why would he try that? Now I'm afraid he's going to start calling me (Which he will, I know him. Thank god for call display) and I think I may have to be rude. Not just stern like I was, but outright rude.

Any thoughts? How does one handle a situation like this? How do I make him see that I do NOT want to be with him again?

< Message edited by Elizabeth666 -- 1/22/2010 2:31:23 AM >

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 2:38:18 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		It sounds like maybe you're sending some mixed signals with this guy. If you don't want him in your life, dont' have him in your life, period. Some relationships are meant to end "for good". Sounds like this is one of them. Use caller ID or block him or whatever.

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 2:49:21 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		I may have without realizing it. Which sucks. He knew I had been with someone, I didn't tell him we had broken up, so I figured he might have gotten the hint. I guess not.

I will have to screen my calls, but I don't know how to block numbers from calling me on my cell. *goes to look that up*

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 2:50:44 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I think if you really want to block someone you have to call your carrier and give them the #, but I may be mistaken on that. ...

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 2:55:29 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

I think if you really want to block someone you have to call your carrier and give them the #, but I may be mistaken on that. ...


Ok, It looks like I may have to do that. I looked on my carrier's website but couldn't see anything about blocking people. Thanks :)

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:18:50 AM   
NyDaddysGirl


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		If your carrier is Verizon, you can call and have them block the number.  I think they need to see there's been a repeated pattern of calls from that number and there's nothing stopping him from calling you from another number... 

I have had that problem in the past.  I keep the number programmed into my phone and set the ringer for that particular number to "no ring".  I don't hear the phone ringing when a call from that number is coming in and when I know another number is being used, I add that number in one of the empty slots.  There are a few things to know:  If your phone is on vibrate and he calls, it will vibrate even though it's on "no ring".  If you're on the phone and he calls, it will beep in so you have to be in the habit of looking at the number before you click to answer it.  It will go to v/m so if he's calling often, you will have to clear your voicemail out frequently.  You can hit "7" for delete immediately when you hear his voice, so you don't have to sit through long winded professions of love, etc.

Good luck.

_____________________________

I have no fear of falling, I just hate hitting the ground ~ Badlees

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:25:59 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Or alternatively just get a new number or SIM card and make sure he doesn't get the number. Problem solved, right?

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:28:17 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		NYDaddysgirl - My carrier is Rogers. It looks like I will have to call them

stella - I could do that, but I've had this number for a few years and really don't want to have to resort to changing it :(

I'm going to try the block method first, if that doesn't work, I may change my number

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:42:04 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Many men understand two things - Yes and No.  You're trying to give him a Sorta signal and it's confusing him.

In fairness to us men, the old "I really like you and want to stay in touch with you but only as friends" is frequently a euphemism for "I'm with someone now but would love to sleep with you if he weren't in the equation."

You broke up, then you saw someone else, and now you're single again.  He figured it was worth a shot.

Elizabeth, there are those men who believe if they keep at you, you'll give in.  You need to learn to tell them "Fuck, NO!" and mean it.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:45:18 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Many men understand two things - Yes and No.  You're trying to give him a Sorta signal and it's confusing him.

I didn't think I was :(

In fairness to us men, the old "I really like you and want to stay in touch with you but only as friends" is frequently a euphemism for "I'm with someone now but would love to sleep with you if he weren't in the equation."

Oh god, really? lol Well, now that I know THAT

You broke up, then you saw someone else, and now you're single again.  He figured it was worth a shot.

Elizabeth, there are those men who believe if they keep at you, you'll give in.  You need to learn to tell them "Fuck, NO!" and mean it.
When I told him I didn't want to get back together, I thought it was more than obvious. I guess not. *sighs*




_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 6:07:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You are sending mixed signals, in My opinion.  From what I'm reading here, you are actually the initiator.  You called him after the holidays.  You agreed to go for drinks.  You agreed to hug him at the car.  You consented to the kiss.  If you hadn't pursued the 'I want to be your friend' crap, you wouldn't be in the situation now.

My advice, knock it off.  Silence the ringer if/when he calls your cell.  If he leaves a message and it's not urgent, don't return the call.  If he reaches you in person, be very blunt and say that you are not interested in him.  If you had done that in the first place, the problem would not exist.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 6:18:17 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		you don't... it seems you have already told him enough, don't waste any more breath on him.
Find yourself a new friend or an old one even, or spend some time with girl friends ...
you don't need an ex to remain friends with, i know some people do this, but to me it always seems a bit strange, especially so soon after you split up.

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 6:19:28 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		easy.  HANG up on him.

CLICK.  


Problem fixed.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 7:58:50 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You are sending mixed signals, in My opinion.  From what I'm reading here, you are actually the initiator.  You called him after the holidays.  You agreed to go for drinks.  You agreed to hug him at the car.  You consented to the kiss.  If you hadn't pursued the 'I want to be your friend' crap, you wouldn't be in the situation now.

My advice, knock it off.  Silence the ringer if/when he calls your cell.  If he leaves a message and it's not urgent, don't return the call.  If he reaches you in person, be very blunt and say that you are not interested in him.  If you had done that in the first place, the problem would not exist.



This.

And whatever is between the lines of whatever DG posts if he finds this.

I am going to suggest you try to understand better, how guys think. It will save you a great deal of grief.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 8:09:22 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		If I were this guy, i would have assumed you DID want to be with me again.

Nothing is colder than a woman who has made up her mind, nothing. You want to  be friends, why?

You don't seem to like him much. Why would you want to hang out with him.

You initiated contact, he was cold. There was the message you missed. You  did it again so he thinks, she wants me. You meet him and all he gets are mixed messages.

Do both of you a favor. Delete his number and simply never talk to him again.

Jeff


Edited for typing, not for content. before that cunt Aileen shows up and mocks me.

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 1/22/2010 8:19:36 AM >

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 8:14:20 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

If I were this guy, i would have assumed you DID want to be with me again.

Nothing is colder than a woman who has made up her mind, nothing. You want to  be friends, why?

You don't seem to like him much. Why would you want to hand out with him.

You initiated contact, he was cold. There was the message you missed. You  did it again so he thinks, she wants me. You meet him and all he gets are mixed messages.

Do both of you a favor. Delete his number and simply never talk to him again.

Jeff



OMG-  We agree with each other. 

I have a friend in TX that spent an hour telling me- that if her former date does not want to talk to her- why wont he call to tell her this?   She changed her number because of him- then she called him to give him her new number.  And says- if he does not want to talk to her- why wont he call and tell her that.  She then says she is tired of the drama.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 8:14:27 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Jeffffffffffffffffffff said.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 8:16:07 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		sounds like he needs a mother.    ...and you are happy to oblige.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 8:30:41 AM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		Jeff won the cookie.

Stop calling the poor guy and leave him alone.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 8:38:23 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		FR

You do soooo love the drama and attention , don'tcha , Elizabeth

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



(in reply to flcouple2009)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> How do you tell someone Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.111