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RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 9:54:30 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

FR

You do soooo love the drama and attention , don'tcha , Elizabeth


Why haven't you called me to at least tell me that you are no longer/not going to call me?

See how you play games?

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 10:06:58 AM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		I called you the other week but you must have been busy on the internet researching how the coil in light bulbs is designed to emit mind controlling radiation.

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RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 10:46:59 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have to say, your post was confusing to me, so i am not surprised he was confused...

You state he looked like he had been through hell... is that why you did not feel the vibe anymore?

You know, having been in a couple of long term scenarios that just sort of petered out like the one that you describe, well I never left the mixed messages when we saw each other again "as friends" unless I wanted more than that. No one ever grabbed me and would not let me go, for example.

I could be completely wrong, but it reads as though this was a little bit of ego gratification for you, otherwise why would it matter that he had aged a little, and were you insinuating that this was due to missing you?

In my experience when men come back like the way you describe, it is because someone else played with their heart and they are missing safe little ole you.. the sure thang on a Saturday night.... not that he does not love you or miss you, but he was probably rejected by a woman he had been passionately banging while he thought he was keeping you on the shelf... and I could be wrong, but his haggard look may be because he has been playing ring-around-the-rosy and he fell down....




_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 11:47:43 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Next time he calls, you answer the phone and say -- I am not interested in you.  I made a mistake contacting you after the holidays and seeing you.  Let me be clear, i do not want you to call me anymore or have any communication with me.  Its time we go our separate ways.    I will not be answering any calls from you, so there is no sense of you calling me anymore.  If you continue to call, i will file a harassment report. Please stop calling me.

hang up the phone.

I've always found that direct and honest is the best approach.  Not answering your phone when he calls is simply leading him on with hope you may one day answer.  From what i read you haven't been CLEAR to him, you are acting immature and instead of directly addressing the issue, you just don't answer your phone.  Come on.  That's just bullshit.  Tell the guy directly to STOP CALLING YOU. 

You created the situation and instead of directly addressing it, you are trying to get around having to be direct.  You left it where you indicated to him he upset you and that you were upset.  He could very well be trying to contact you to apologize or to make sure you are okay.   Not answering the phone and making your wishes clear at all to me is playing games.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 1/22/2010 11:49:07 AM >

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(in reply to cjan)
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RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 2:56:41 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

FR

You do soooo love the drama and attention , don'tcha , Elizabeth


LOL

hardly

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:20:29 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Stop calling the poor guy and leave him alone.


In the entire time we have been broken up for, I called him twice. The first time was in response to his numerous calls to me and then second was to ask about his and his daughter's holiday. I figured since 8 months had gone by, he would be over it. I do not make it a point to call him. I thought I was being friendly with the holiday call, and obviously, I was wrong.

quote:

I could be completely wrong, but it reads as though this was a little bit of ego gratification for you, otherwise why would it matter that he had aged a little, and were you insinuating that this was due to missing you?


Absolutely not. I never thought that he was looking aged because of me. I was surprised as anyone else. One of my co-workers works part time at a mall near the Ex's work. My co-worker was surprised to see how the Ex looked because any other time he has seen him passing through, he always looked fine.

I was taken aback because he is the type of guy who cares about his appearance.

I had figured I was quite clear when I told him I was not interested. As far as the hug goes, obviously the wrong thing to do. I figured it was harmless, he was the one who tried to kiss me, not the other way around.

quote:

I've always found that direct and honest is the best approach. Not answering your phone when he calls is simply leading him on with hope you may one day answer. From what i read you haven't been CLEAR to him, you are acting immature and instead of directly addressing the issue, you just don't answer your phone. Come on. That's just bullshit. Tell the guy directly to STOP CALLING YOU.

You created the situation and instead of directly addressing it, you are trying to get around having to be direct. You left it where you indicated to him he upset you and that you were upset. He could very well be trying to contact you to apologize or to make sure you are okay. Not answering the phone and making your wishes clear at all to me is playing games.


I haven't avoided his calls since he hasn't called. All this only happened a couple of days ago, so I don't think I'm being immature at all. As I stated above, I told him flat out that I did not want to be with him again. That's it, that's all.

I mentioned that I was nervous that he would call. I didn't want to have to have the same conversation again, with me telling him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him. He knows I was with someone else, I explained that I had NO interest in being with anyone either, whether it be him or someone else. But if it happens, I will just tell him again that I am not interested and to kindly lose my number.

Anyway, I see I should have re-typed what I originally had, which had explained things a bit better.

Either way, thank you everyone for your input.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:26:08 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Like I said, don't worry, he may have used your call as an excuse to go back a situation that was like warm milk after he had a whirlwind romance that went terribly wrong...

At least that is what is sounds like to me, his haggard appearance, desperation, etc, that is how men act when they are in the throws of new passion run amok


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 3:54:18 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Like I said, don't worry, he may have used your call as an excuse to go back a situation that was like warm milk after he had a whirlwind romance that went terribly wrong...

At least that is what is sounds like to me, his haggard appearance, desperation, etc, that is how men act when they are in the throws of new passion run amok



I'm not going to worry anymore lol

he had told me during the phone conversation that he had been with someone and they broke up. So, yes, it's quite possible he figured I was on the back burner so to speak.

If he contacts me again, I will repeat what I already told him and leave it at that.

Thank you :)

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 4:02:37 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SL4V3M4YB3

I called you the other week but you must have been busy on the internet researching how the coil in light bulbs is designed to emit mind controlling radiation.


not now- I am looking at porn.   SHHHH

(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 4:20:48 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		How do you tell someone so they will understand, that you're not interested anymore?

Cut off all contact. Then it will be crystal clear.

OP, you have serious boundary issues, and/or you are jerking this poor guy around.

Stop it.



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(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 5:10:09 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Gosh I am starting to feel sorry for these straight guys.



(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 5:25:25 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've had old boyfriend's (both vanilla and D/s) contact me and try to get things going again. Since I'm in a relationship I tell them its very nice to hear from them but I'm not interested in anything more than friendship. If they contact me again I assume they're accepting the friendship part of my offer. Wrong. In every case when they continue with contact they'll keep pushing to have us get together outside of sheer friendship. So eventually I have to cut off all contact. I learned that a man will take your willingness to speak to him as your willingness to jump back into things with him. It's black and white to guys. They aren't the same as women, they don't really do the 'friend' thing with old lovers all that much. It took a couple of times to knock it into my skull but now I get that if I spend time talking to someone they will assume that I want to sleep with them. So I don't talk to them unless I do want to sleep with them.

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 6:26:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

It's black and white to guys. They aren't the same as women, they don't really do the 'friend' thing with old lovers all that much. I



I have known too many men that can be friends with former lovers to know this blanket generalization is just not true...




_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 6:42:34 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

It's black and white to guys. They aren't the same as women, they don't really do the 'friend' thing with old lovers all that much. I



I have known too many men that can be friends with former lovers to know this blanket generalization is just not true...



Sure they can. As long as they no longer want to fuck them.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 7:02:35 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I looked on my carrier's website but couldn't see anything about blocking people.


Block Unwanted Callers Using this feature lets you reject incoming calls from a list of numbers that you specify and/or from any private numbers that call your line. These callers will hear an announcement indicating that you are not accepting calls from their number.Add a number to your Unwanted Callers List Online
  1. Login to http://www.rogers.com/onlinemanagerand click the PRIVACY tab.
  2. Click Manage My Unwanted Callers on the Block Unwanted Callers option.
  3. Enter a new phone number in the box provided.
  4. Click ADD and then click SAVE CHANGES.
Activate Block Unwanted Callers Online
  1. Login to http://www.rogers.com/onlinemanagerand click the PRIVACY tab.
  2. Click Configure on the Block Unwanted Callers option. Select Yes for all callers on my Unwanted Callers List will receive a busy signal.
  3. Select Yes for All private callers will receive a busy signal.
  4. Click Next and then CONFIRM to save your changes.
Deactivate Block Unwanted Callers Online
  1. Login to http://www.rogers.com/onlinemanagerand click the PRIVACY tab.
  2. Click Configure on the Everyone Can Call Me option.
  3. Click CONFIRM to save your changes.


(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 7:03:51 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

My carrier is Rogers. It looks like I will have to call them


or the URL

http://www.rogers.com/web/Rogers.portal?x=6&y=4&Ntt=call+block&N=&_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=support_results

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/22/2010 7:11:17 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

How do I make him see that I do NOT want to be with him again?


You don't. He should have gotten the message already, but he hasn't, so assume that he won't. Your seeing someone else may have intensified his desire, it has that effect on some.

In my experience, simply cutting him off altogether is the only thing you can do. Don't communicate, don't take his calls, tell him loudly to leave you alone should you run into him, and be on the lookout that he doesn't start stalking you. If he makes nuisance calls, complain to your carrier, if it works the same in Canada as it does here, they may contact his carrier, provided they can see a pattern. If it gets worse, don't hope it/he goes away, take action. If you block his number and he changes it, he won't stop, that is your threshold.

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 5:24:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Gosh I am starting to feel sorry for these straight guys.




Shit PA, the guy is just looking for an easy booty call because he's got nothing else going on right now. She has led him on enough to think he might get it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 6:13:31 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Gosh I am starting to feel sorry for these straight guys.




Shit PA, the guy is just looking for an easy booty call because he's got nothing else going on right now. She has led him on enough to think he might get it.



Wouldn't it be easier to hire out?

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 7:12:36 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


In fairness to us men, the old "I really like you and want to stay in touch with you but only as friends" is frequently a euphemism for "I'm with someone now but would love to sleep with you if he weren't in the equation."


Men are known to exhibit similar behavior towards women


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(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 40
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