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RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 7:17:52 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Shit PA, the guy is just looking for an easy booty call because he's got nothing else going on right now. She has led him on enough to think he might get it.


LOL

Think what you like. There was no leading on.

As I already said: In the entire time we have been broken up for, I called him twice. The first time was in response to his numerous calls to me and then second was to ask about his and his daughter's holiday. I figured since 8 months had gone by, he would be over it. I do not make it a point to call him. I thought I was being friendly with the holiday call, and obviously, I was wrong.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 7:28:14 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

It's black and white to guys. They aren't the same as women, they don't really do the 'friend' thing with old lovers all that much. I



I have known too many men that can be friends with former lovers to know this blanket generalization is just not true...



Sure they can. As long as they no longer want to fuck them.


Exactly. I never had an old boyfriend just want to be friends.

(in reply to blacksword404)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 7:44:51 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:


In fairness to us men, the old "I really like you and want to stay in touch with you but only as friends" is frequently a euphemism for "I'm with someone now but would love to sleep with you if he weren't in the equation."


Men are known to exhibit similar behavior towards women



I think its also entirely possible that the O.P. although she may not want the guy, wants to believe that he is there pining for her. Its good for her self image. Also a bit of wanting to get together to show him how good she looks and that shes doing fine without him.

If course I have never been gulty of such crimes.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 8:17:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		That is part of my point. I think all of us are flattered to some degree to have someone desire us. Even when we've ended the relationship.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 8:22:51 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth666

so they will understand, that you're not interested anymore?



"We had some good times together but it's over. Please do not contact me again - if you do I'll ignore you. All the best of luck with your life".

Or you could go with the more direct and energy conserving option......"fuck off mate".

Either way....your intentions are fairly clear.



_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 8:36:13 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Just hire a big tough looking guy.
"This is my new boyfriend Nunzio."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 8:41:05 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


so they will understand, that you're not interested anymore?


There must  be 50 ways to do this, the best being not to contact him to begin with.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 8:44:00 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:


so they will understand, that you're not interested anymore?


There must  be 50 ways to do this, the best being not to contact him to begin with.



"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Get yourself free

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 8:50:16 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I always liked it  : -)

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 9:07:10 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		me too!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 9:41:30 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Also a bit of wanting to get together to show him how good she looks and that shes doing fine without him.



She ain't doing so fine where she has to wander over to tell him she's doing fine.

Women (some women) should contemplate whether or not it's the same petty and manipulative behaviour that fucks up relationships.




_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 1:59:56 PM   
Rhodes85


Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline 		I think you were (unintentionally) giving him mixed singnals. He likely took your willingness to remain friends and you're acceptance of the hugging and kissing as signals that you might still be interested. Understandable I suppose. You have to make it clear to him that you should not have let him back in your life and that you want to go your seperate ways. Make it very clear that you will not get back together with him. If he doesn't get the clue then, he may have some kind of mental problem.

_____________________________

This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been an actual emergency you would all be dead by now. Have a nice day and remember: Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 2:37:21 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		Ok, I think I need to repeat this.

There was NO kiss! He moved for a hug, I thought it was harmless and he tried to kiss ME, twice. When he tried the first time, I leaned back away from him as far as I could and put my hands on his arms (which were locked around my waist) to try to push myself away from him. Any man with half a brain would (hopefully) see that as a sign that his attention is unwanted. When he tried again, I shoved myself away and said I wanted to go home.



_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to Rhodes85)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 2:44:23 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth666

Ok, I think I need to repeat this.

There was NO kiss! He moved for a hug, I thought it was harmless and he tried to kiss ME, twice. When he tried the first time, I leaned back away from him as far as I could and put my hands on his arms (which were locked around my waist) to try to push myself away from him. Any man with half a brain would (hopefully) see that as a sign that his attention is unwanted. When he tried again, I shoved myself away and said I wanted to go home.




You got any lime?

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 2:51:24 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth666

Ok, I think I need to repeat this.

There was NO kiss! He moved for a hug, I thought it was harmless and he tried to kiss ME, twice. When he tried the first time, I leaned back away from him as far as I could and put my hands on his arms (which were locked around my waist) to try to push myself away from him. Any man with half a brain would (hopefully) see that as a sign that his attention is unwanted. When he tried again, I shoved myself away and said I wanted to go home.



And you didnt have enough sense to take your own car? If you are depending on him for a ride youre giving him a message, I think. NExt time, find your own way home.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 2:59:48 PM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth666

Ok, I think I need to repeat this.

There was NO kiss! He moved for a hug, I thought it was harmless and he tried to kiss ME, twice. When he tried the first time, I leaned back away from him as far as I could and put my hands on his arms (which were locked around my waist) to try to push myself away from him. Any man with half a brain would (hopefully) see that as a sign that his attention is unwanted. When he tried again, I shoved myself away and said I wanted to go home.



And you didnt have enough sense to take your own car? If you are depending on him for a ride youre giving him a message, I think. NExt time, find your own way home.


*sighs*

He picked me up at work. I didn't intentionally give any messages, I wasn't looking for attention, I wasn't playing with him. 8 months have gone by, I dated someone else as he told me he did as well. The 2 phone conversations we had were, as I stated, one in response to his numerous calls to me and then about 6 months later when I asked how his AND his daughter's holiday was.

I clearly stated to him during our conversation at the restaurant that I did NOT want to get back together with him. Whether he chose to listen to what I said or not, the latter obviously being the case, is his problem, not mine.



_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 3:11:40 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Well that meant you were beholden to him. You push away and then say, "take me home"! So showing independance would be you calling for a cab or taking the bus and just leaving him behind you.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/23/2010 3:12:07 PM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 3:50:00 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		What the heck, most of all of the good advice has been already given.

To the op...There are a couple of things that you might learn form this.  First off, never believe anyone when they tell you about a crazy "ex."   There are actually very few folks that are completely dipped in bat shit that end up with someone relatively normal.  That is not a working formula.   Crazy attracts crazy.  It is a huge red flag when someone speaks overly poorly about an ex.

You made some really bad decisions.  Why do people always talk about this "being friends" nonsense?  Isn't one's life really made up of a handful, at the most, of friends and everyone else is just kind of white noise acquaintances?  In order to be "friends" you both have to "mutually agree" that a physical relationship is not in both of your best interests.  If it is just one person that has ended the relationship and the other still pines for it...Well, that "interested" person has got to stay the fuck away or it just becomes far too creepy to bear.

Last few items, you called the dude up.  Not the worst thing to do. It had been four months after all, but he had "been short with you."  You just kind of skip over this part.  Why?  It would seem evident that the dude still is harboring some sort of feelings for you.  Whether they be "good" in that he still wants to bang you or that they be "bad" in that he now hates your fucking guts.  Either way, after that event, you should have never agreed to a meeting.  Really poor judgment on your part. Lastly, why would you allow him to pick you up?  Another very poor decision, How do you get the fuck away when things go awry?

You also mentioned that you talked about your tatts, a subject you know that he is not crazy about, just so you could avoid talking about  "us."    This is a big red flag. The woman that I have remained friends with, after a break up, have no problem talking about us.  We can recount funny stories and shit that went right or wrong...Because there is no longer an "us."  You knew you were meeting someone that still had feelings towards you.

You did allow this to happen and should bear a great deal of the responsibility for what transpired that evening.

A word to the wise, it really isn't cool to speak poorly of your exes. At the end of the day, you were the one that allowed them to enter your life.

_____________________________



(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 4:07:20 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Dear Domiguy,

Are you feeling poorly?

Concerned mother type...

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: How do you tell someone - 1/23/2010 4:24:40 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Domi,

Who are you? i think i love you. Will ya just Effin stop. Its makin me ill.

Love lushy(who has the vapors from the Daddy Domi)

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 60
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