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RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 4:52:50 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Common Topics:

Feminization/sissy training - are FemDoms into it or not, and the debate over the issue of "forcing the willing"
CBT/trampling
Anal/strap-on play
Pro vs. Lifestyle dominantion - what's the difference, pros and cons of each
Financial domination - valid fetish or just another name for golddigging?

This is just a short list of things I've seen come up in the past couple of months. Feel free to add.

I'd seperate CBT and trampling, but otherwise, great start

Caging
Gags, hand-over-mouth and speech restriction
CFnm
Chastity, with devices or mental (we might add castration fantasy?)
Orgasm control/denial
Queening & facesitting
Foot fetish
Humiliation
Sadomasochism
Bondage (incl. Predicament bondage)
Dominas seeking female-led relationships vs. Dominatrix
Sub vs slave vs bottom

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 41

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 4:59:43 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

Top/bottom vs Dominance/submission. I think many guys here would benefit (the ladies as well) if they were to include in their profile whether or not they are here looking to submit, or looking to bottom for some play. Since there is no option in the profiles for those choices, and newbies don't know there is a difference, it could help.

Besides, I ocassionally like to bottom, and I HATE when people think that makes me submissive! lol.

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Post #: 42

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 4:59:47 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Ok, good ideas all around. I'm also interested in the forum etiquette section. What topics (besides the ones I've listed already) do you think we should include?

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Post #: 43

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:10:27 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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For a FAQ, I think it should be kept relatively simple.

Safety
Etiquette (to include forum etiquette, CMail etiquette)
Profile Improvement/Contacting a Dominant
How to find Munches/Events local to oneself
Common Kinks/Fantasies(with some links to good threads pertaining to them)
Eunich/Castration
Forced (anything)
Feminization
Anal/Strapon
etc
Common Complaints (with links)
Scammers/fakes
ProDomme/Lifestyle Domme
Financial Domination
Nobody replies to my emails even though I SWEAR they are sincere
etc
Common Jargon/terminology
Top/Bottom
Bottom/Submissive/Slave
etc

edited for formatting/clarity in Headings/subheadings
and because I keep thinking (I should stop doing that

)

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 1/23/2010 5:19:52 PM >

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Post #: 44

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:23:52 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

For a FAQ, I think it should be kept relatively simple.

Major snippage

I like this set up. Simple, elegant, and best of all, useful. Since it was my idea, I'm guessing I volunteered myself to put together the final post, but I could really use help compiling the archived threads.

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Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 45

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:25:34 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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I'd be happy to help. Since it was your idea, pick a topic you want to search out, and throw one my way. While your at it, throw a topic to those who mentioned they'd like to see this and get them to volunteer! :)

ETA: While all of this has a loose relevance to the original topic, but isn't exactly on topic, perhaps you could start a thread titled "FAQ Test", a place where others can input things that should go into the FAQ, formatting tips, and all related things that are involved in getting the FAQ up and running, and crosslink it here so those who are willing to assist can find it. This way LP can have her thread back.

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 1/23/2010 5:30:00 PM >

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Post #: 46

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:25:51 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

For a FAQ, I think it should be kept relatively simple.

Safety
Etiquette (to include forum etiquette, CMail etiquette)
Profile Improvement/Contacting a Dominant
How to find Munches/Events local to oneself
Common Kinks/Fantasies(with some links to good threads pertaining to them)
Eunich/Castration
Forced (anything)
Feminization
Anal/Strapon
etc
Common Complaints (with links)
Scammers/fakes
ProDomme/Lifestyle Domme
Financial Domination
Nobody replies to my emails even though I SWEAR they are sincere
etc
Common Jargon/terminology
Top/Bottom
Bottom/Submissive/Slave
etc

edited for formatting/clarity in Headings/subheadings
and because I keep thinking (I should stop doing that)

I like this structure a lot. I would however consider some of the following for the common kinks. I would say definitely the first 3 and hopefully the last 7.

Chastity, with devices or mental (we might add castration fantasy?)
Orgasm control/denial
Queening & facesitting

CFnm
Foot fetish
Caging
Bondage (incl. Predicament bondage)
Humiliation
Sadomasochism
Gags, hand-over-mouth and speech restriction

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 47

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:31:38 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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Ya know...everyone who thinks a FAQ is a good idea, pick your favorite topics and post links to threads you feel are especially good. I'll weed out the duplicates. That way, it's more interesting/fun than work.

Forum lurkers are encouraged to respond.

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Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 48

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:31:51 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

Oh, I would have included them, but I was just putting up a brief summary using etc to include those I've neglected.

LA, since you want the kinks included, perhaps you can set up the kinks page (if Sylvere doesn't want it herself). I'd be happy to focus on the Complaints section. Hopefully someone else will volunteer for other sections.

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Post #: 49

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:36:52 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

I'll let you guys (and whoever else wants to contribute) focus on links. I'll concentrate on writing up an intro and short Q&A style blurbs for each heading. That way, readers will be able to get a quick answer before they start diving into the archives.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 50

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:40:22 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Sounds great. I'll have some stuff by tomorrow!

- LA

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Post #: 51

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:46:26 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

To prevent further derailing LPs thread, here is a link for all FAQ related information:
FAQ Setup

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Post #: 52

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 5:51:40 PM

notinferior

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline

I am afraid I don't even know what to say. Debate and discussion of an intelligent nature.... and on the internet too? Hmmm, I will have to watch this very closely. Honestly, I understand the dilemma. On the one hand, discussion regarding topics that are in depth and involve our most intimate erotic leanings is truly thought provoking and rewarding. On the other hand, knowing that half the men reading your posts are sitting there using your input as erotic reading material for their own carnal amusement makes the whole experience cheap. I really have no answer, not a good one.

True, you could find a forum where men are not allowed access, but isn't it just possible that a submissive man's perspective might be of value? Perhaps not. I see a very clear thread here of dominant women largely ignoring posts by submissive men. I am sure the reason is very much a product of the kind of "wankerism" you are talking about. Likewise, you could say that you will simply ignore the "wankers" as though they didn't exist, but can you? Really? Worse still, are the flamers. People, both male and female who read your thoughts and flame you back as though they were something to be judged and a verdict rendered. I have no answers, but I do hope a solution can be found. I would far and away prefer a forum where things are discussed that have to do with the lifestyle.... rather than a forum for complaining about stupid things.

I would love to read dissertations and engage in discussion on the subjects of obedience, it's nature, practice and the preferences of its adherents. I would love to discuss the social contract aspects of a female dominant relationship. I would love to know other people's experiences with respect to household rules and the day to day lifestyle of 24/7 female dominance. I would love to see how other people deal with families in the lifestyle. Sadly, who wants to post to these very pertinent discussions without (A) being judged or (B) knowing that some poster is just asking questions for a little sexual (shall we say) amusement?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 53

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 6:47:17 PM

BlaiddDrwg

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline

I'm a frequent lurker on the Ask A Mistress boards. I read almost every thread on here. I don't post often, because I don't usually have much to add or to say. I don't have a lot of (actually, any) experience in living my kinks. I'm still seeking someone to share the journey. Even so, I will try to respond to your questions, LP.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
... In the past, we've had good intellectual discussions on these topics. How do we make that happen again? ...

You've made a good start. This thread is getting people involved and posting. The majority of the responses seem (to me) to be made by legitimate, responsible, intelligent adults, who have an interest in participating in discussions of those topics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
... Would you talk more about your kinks here if there weren't so many male initiated threads, with more sexual overtones on the very same subjects? Would you be interested in the educational value of such threads? How do we accomplish this and still keep the boards submissive male friendly? (I would never suggest that only Dommes be welcome in participating here.) Is the answer to only recognize those posts that are based on intelligent discussion? What do you think?

I understand that some kinks can be dangerous, especially in the hands of someone without the experience or knowledge to engage in them safely. Given that fact, intelligent discussion of such topics on these forums is a way for some of us who lack experience to get a better understanding of what is (or isn't) of interest to us.

Personally, I would rather participate in an intellectual discussion of a kink that isn't necessarily my own than sit back and read the wankers' threads.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 54

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 6:55:14 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

With all due respect, LP, I don't think that it is the initiators of the threads being male as much as it is the whiny/wankability index. If the original poster, whether male or female, were to bring up his/her fetish calmly and thoughtfully, I don't think there'd be any issues. I think it's when the poster is either whiny ("Why is it so hard to find a women who will kick me in the balls?") or wankerish ("Ladies, do you get off on someone sniffing your used laundry? Do you? Huh? Huh?") that there's a problem.

That said, I DO have to admit that there seem to be a lot more uncouth men than women here. Not sure why.

OMG, that laundry idiot just emailed me....lol

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Post #: 55

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 7:49:20 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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I say open the discussions and as hard as it will be, simply ignore those that want to turn it into something else. As far as wanking material, I've learned that wankers will wank to anything. Those that send me emails that are just simply rude, I reply with a simple, no thank you....well some actually get off on that. There's really no way to stop the idiots, but you can stop their manipulation by simply ignoring them...if they are not being addressed personally, they will disappear.

A little trick we used to use back in the day when yahoo had good user run chat rooms. They'd chime in with something rude and we'd simply ignore them and continue with our conversation like they were invisible. If they got really out of hand we did just that, we put them on ignore, and after a while they'd simply go away, or they would appologise and honestly join in the discussion.

Example: there is an older gentleman (and I use the term loosely), on these boards, that his only reason in life seems to be to come on threads and argue, cause trouble, and say nasty things for shock value. Maybe if we ignored those type of threads and ignore their comments on other posts, they would be forced to the background. In other words, stop feeding the monster. As long as they are getting attention they will never stop.

I would love to have real discussions. I am constantly learning and I feel there are loads to learn from the people here, things I would love to ask. We could have discussions that were so clinical in nature that it would be difficult to wank and if they did, so what? as long as I don't know about it....lol

Not only these forums, but the internet in general could be a great learning tool, (I am so tired of the excuse "well this is the net", when people act like jerks and do things they wouldn't remotely do in the real world. Maybe things would change if we got rid of this mentality)...I say don't let the bad apples force us out....let's take it back

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Post #: 56

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/24/2010 3:09:34 AM

lobodomslavery

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Your entitled to your opinion, I dont happen to share it , I dont agree with it, but thanks anyway.
Kevin

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 57

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/24/2010 3:36:47 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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I would love to see such a thing as the sticky topics about the previously mentioned topics. I do, however, have concerns about how to keep them from being de-railed as well, aside from having one of the already overworked mods policing them constantly.

A big part of the issue you originally brought up was how some turn into free-for-all's and some actually work out. And, as others have put it, it truly is, I believe, all about the wording of the post. The ones that seem to actually be serious, tend to stay that way, for the most part. The ones that are obvious trolling and wank material hunters tend to turn loopy very fast.

Also, I'll admit to being a terrible de-railer, and I do truly mean to work on that. But, I also tend to do so only when the thread has turned to a point of utter insanity already.

As far as other topics on the boards suggested, I would like to add in hopefully:
Shibari
Collars and Leashes (One would be surprised how awful that experience can be in the hands of someone who doesn't know what they're doing. After all, a sub with a sprained neck is damn near useless.)
Toys and Accessories Lube, storage, cleaning, recommendations, de-commendations (there are some out there I wouldn't sell to my worst enemy for a nickel), etc.
Perhaps a thread for the CD/TV/TS people of the boards, for support, to get advice, give/share advice, etc. (NO, not just a place for me to find those cute femmy-bois... give me a bit more credit than that. After watching my pet, I can respect how difficult it is, especially for males, to try and look pretty)

Great topic here LP. This is why I keep an eye out for your posts. :)

EDIT: Because I forgot a paragraph...

< Message edited by BKSir -- 1/24/2010 3:39:32 AM >

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Post #: 58

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/24/2010 5:22:40 AM

lobodomslavery

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Derailing keeps the drama going. And whatever anyone says a group without drama is a boring group. So yeah derailing is cool from time to time, just not every time. Like I say it adds a bit of drama. People love a bit of the rogue and the outrageous on occasion , it gets people talking and as one fine fellow said the next worst thing to being talked about is Not being talked about
Kevin

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 59

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/24/2010 6:57:38 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

I think it would be wonderful if we could indeed encourage more serious discussion about our kinks.

Since LP has concerns about the safety of others who act as though they know more than they actually know, perhaps a thread featuring Safety would be a good addition. I'm not talking going into every possible saftey precaution imaginable (simply because we are human and things that we take for granted could easily be omitted due to us taking for granted that it should be common knowledge). But, we could put a thread which states "Upon reading these threads you will encounter some serious discussion regarding edgy topics. It is important that one takes the time to learn about the saftey precautions and risk factors involved before attempting to perform these particular activities. If you see a particular topic that interests you, be sure to ask serious questions about how to find out the necessary precautions."

I also think an etiquette thread, as mentioned by someone else, should be a priority. I would LOVE to be able to read more about the practicalities, or personal experiences of others and their preferred kinks. This would allow me the opportunity to see what is enjoyable about things I may not be aware of, or even consider an activity I currently dislike because I am not familiar enough with the activity. I don't think I'm the only one who would enjoy expanding their interest/knowledge base.

I don't post to this forum much because, quite frankly, the repetition and wank requests have become tedious. Sylvere, (if it wasn't you, I apologize in advance for not going back and verifying) I'd LOVE to learn more about sounds - with or without electricity. LP, I've read many of your posts and relate to you on many levels. I would love to have a day or three in your mind . So those of you who do have more experience, not just educational experience, but enjoyment experiences as well ...please share!

I'm certainly glad you joined us for this discussion. I really appreciate your input, as well as the kind words.

I'll absolutely have to catch up on that FAQ thread. I'm thinking that idea is really taking off!

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(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

Post #: 60

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