RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (Full Version)

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Drifa -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 8:10:54 AM)
As a technical writer professionally, I can tell you that the chances of anyone reading the FAQ if established are slim to none, and Slim just left town. Having it, however, allows you to snarl, "READ the freakin' FAQ!"

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 8:15:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notinferior I am afraid I don't even know what to say. Debate and discussion of an intelligent nature.... and on the internet too? Hmmm, I will have to watch this very closely. Honestly, I understand the dilemma. On the one hand, discussion regarding topics that are in depth and involve our most intimate erotic leanings is truly thought provoking and rewarding. On the other hand, knowing that half the men reading your posts are sitting there using your input as erotic reading material for their own carnal amusement makes the whole experience cheap. I really have no answer, not a good one. I think you certainly have a good handle on the dilemma. quote: True, you could find a forum where men are not allowed access, but isn't it just possible that a submissive man's perspective might be of value? Perhaps not. I see a very clear thread here of dominant women largely ignoring posts by submissive men. I am sure the reason is very much a product of the kind of "wankerism" you are talking about. Likewise, you could say that you will simply ignore the "wankers" as though they didn't exist, but can you? Really? Worse still, are the flamers. People, both male and female who read your thoughts and flame you back as though they were something to be judged and a verdict rendered. I have no answers, but I do hope a solution can be found. I would far and away prefer a forum where things are discussed that have to do with the lifestyle.... rather than a forum for complaining about stupid things. Oh, in all truth, I would never want this to become a female only forum. We really do have some excellent contributors on these pages. Some of them are absolutely invaluable. In My opinion, if it were an all or nothing proposition, tolerating the worst is certainly worth the price of having the best. quote: I would love to read dissertations and engage in discussion on the subjects of obedience, it's nature, practice and the preferences of its adherents. I would love to discuss the social contract aspects of a female dominant relationship. I would love to know other people's experiences with respect to household rules and the day to day lifestyle of 24/7 female dominance. I would love to see how other people deal with families in the lifestyle. Sadly, who wants to post to these very pertinent discussions without (A) being judged or (B) knowing that some poster is just asking questions for a little sexual (shall we say) amusement? Stick around. We really do have those discussions. There are great contributors here on both sides of the kneel. We have folks from every walk of life, with every interest under the sun, and all with our own unique way of doing things.

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 8:30:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlaiddDrwg I'm a frequent lurker on the Ask A Mistress boards. I read almost every thread on here. I don't post often, because I don't usually have much to add or to say. I don't have a lot of (actually, any) experience in living my kinks. I'm still seeking someone to share the journey. Even so, I will try to respond to your questions, LP. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact ... In the past, we've had good intellectual discussions on these topics. How do we make that happen again? ... You've made a good start. This thread is getting people involved and posting. The majority of the responses seem (to me) to be made by legitimate, responsible, intelligent adults, who have an interest in participating in discussions of those topics. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact ... Would you talk more about your kinks here if there weren't so many male initiated threads, with more sexual overtones on the very same subjects? Would you be interested in the educational value of such threads? How do we accomplish this and still keep the boards submissive male friendly? (I would never suggest that only Dommes be welcome in participating here.) Is the answer to only recognize those posts that are based on intelligent discussion? What do you think? I understand that some kinks can be dangerous, especially in the hands of someone without the experience or knowledge to engage in them safely. Given that fact, intelligent discussion of such topics on these forums is a way for some of us who lack experience to get a better understanding of what is (or isn't) of interest to us. Personally, I would rather participate in an intellectual discussion of a kink that isn't necessarily my own than sit back and read the wankers' threads. Well, I'm certainly glad that you joined us for this discussion. Thank you for taking the time to do so and I appreciate your kind words and your contributions. The funny thing about this is, sometimes, the best discussions on these boards (this section as well as the others) come from people who are just starting out. Even the easiest questions, such as 'what is your favorite part about needle play?' will get people talking for pages. Granted, it will get you all kinds of answers, from relating a favorite scene, a design someone might want to do, or anything else. Yes, you'll even get some folks who will say it's not their kink or they can't stand that type of play, but you'll get a wide variety of answers. Please don't ever be shy with your questions. The resource pool here is entirely too big not to at least put your toe in the water.

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 8:40:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrkJourney I say open the discussions and as hard as it will be, simply ignore those that want to turn it into something else. As far as wanking material, I've learned that wankers will wank to anything. Those that send me emails that are just simply rude, I reply with a simple, no thank you....well some actually get off on that. There's really no way to stop the idiots, but you can stop their manipulation by simply ignoring them...if they are not being addressed personally, they will disappear. A little trick we used to use back in the day when yahoo had good user run chat rooms. They'd chime in with something rude and we'd simply ignore them and continue with our conversation like they were invisible. If they got really out of hand we did just that, we put them on ignore, and after a while they'd simply go away, or they would appologise and honestly join in the discussion. Example: there is an older gentleman (and I use the term loosely), on these boards, that his only reason in life seems to be to come on threads and argue, cause trouble, and say nasty things for shock value. Maybe if we ignored those type of threads and ignore their comments on other posts, they would be forced to the background. In other words, stop feeding the monster. As long as they are getting attention they will never stop. I would love to have real discussions. I am constantly learning and I feel there are loads to learn from the people here, things I would love to ask. We could have discussions that were so clinical in nature that it would be difficult to wank and if they did, so what? as long as I don't know about it....lol Not only these forums, but the internet in general could be a great learning tool, (I am so tired of the excuse "well this is the net", when people act like jerks and do things they wouldn't remotely do in the real world. Maybe things would change if we got rid of this mentality)...I say don't let the bad apples force us out....let's take it back You know, I really agree with a lot of this. I probably shouldn't put it quite this way, but I'm going to use the verbiage anyway because people will understand it. Perhaps we should start treating the trolls as we would a little person when the adults are talking. A little tap on the bum as we shoo them off so the grown up talk can resume. I think we're on the same page in our thinking of the lame excuse of 'it's the net'. Truthfully, I think some topics would go over so much better if people treated them in the same fashion as they would if they came up in conversation at their local munch group. If the majority of folks on the boards would conduct themselves the same way they do in public (there are exceptions), not only would they get a much better reception, but these boards would work much better for them.

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 8:51:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BKSir I would love to see such a thing as the sticky topics about the previously mentioned topics. I do, however, have concerns about how to keep them from being de-railed as well, aside from having one of the already overworked mods policing them constantly. A big part of the issue you originally brought up was how some turn into free-for-all's and some actually work out. And, as others have put it, it truly is, I believe, all about the wording of the post. The ones that seem to actually be serious, tend to stay that way, for the most part. The ones that are obvious trolling and wank material hunters tend to turn loopy very fast. Also, I'll admit to being a terrible de-railer, and I do truly mean to work on that. But, I also tend to do so only when the thread has turned to a point of utter insanity already. As far as other topics on the boards suggested, I would like to add in hopefully: Shibari Collars and Leashes (One would be surprised how awful that experience can be in the hands of someone who doesn't know what they're doing. After all, a sub with a sprained neck is damn near useless.) Toys and Accessories Lube, storage, cleaning, recommendations, de-commendations (there are some out there I wouldn't sell to my worst enemy for a nickel), etc. Perhaps a thread for the CD/TV/TS people of the boards, for support, to get advice, give/share advice, etc. (NO, not just a place for me to find those cute femmy-bois... give me a bit more credit than that. After watching my pet, I can respect how difficult it is, especially for males, to try and look pretty) Great topic here LP. This is why I keep an eye out for your posts. :) EDIT: Because I forgot a paragraph... Thank you, BK. I always love it when you drop in around here. I know I'm not alone in enjoying your contributions. I really do believe that how a post is worded in the original has a huge bearing as to how it will come out. We had two feminization threads recently that did nothing but confirm this. One had more of a 'do-me' phrasing to it and the other had more of a discussion type feel to it. If you read the responses, they came across much differently, even when it was the same person replying in both threads. Presentation has a lot to do with it. This is just a personal opinion, but if anybody out there needs positive feedback advice, or any other thing on the feminization issue, for heaven's sake, have them go read posts on the subject by OttersSwim. I can't tell you how many times his posts come through as being helpful and informative. On transition issues, Stella has more knowledge than any other person I can think of.

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 8:56:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Drifa As a technical writer professionally, I can tell you that the chances of anyone reading the FAQ if established are slim to none, and Slim just left town. Having it, however, allows you to snarl, "READ the freakin' FAQ!" I always love your perspective. I would think it would be wonderful if you could add a bit to this. Not just on the technical writer aspect, but because many of your contributions on various topics have a wonderful sexy feel to them. From My observation, you find a fantastic balance on how to do this that could teach a lot of males how to find just the right place. Please join us more often. Thank you. My best to your Lady.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 10:50:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Most of the kink related threads on this forum are started by males. Some of the more popular ones, as we all know are topics related to strap on/anal play, forced fem, CBT, humiliation, and so on. They are written in such a way that it is ridiculously obvious that the crafter of the OP is only looking for wanking material. With that slant on the topic, we shoot it down quickly (as we should) and the thread basically becomes casual banter. i agree with your perspective here. Too many kinky posts are started by males who simply want wank material. However, in attempting to fight this problem, i find that "Ask A Mistress" has taken on a tone that is a bit different than any of the other areas of CM. "Ask a Mistress" is the hostile section of CollarMe. When you come here, you'd better have your armor on. The ladies here wield words like gangsters wield guns. (i hope i don't offend anyone by saying this). i have a topic that i've wanted to start a thread about for weeks, but i've been reluctant to do so. The topic is a very kinky one. It's about a subject that i have no experience in, but have a legitimate interest in learning about. But i've been here long enough now to know that the odds of the thread either getting flamed or ignored are close to 100%. So i haven't initiated the topic. i'm not trying to derail the OP. Rather, i say this in support of the OP. i agree with everything that LadyPact said. However, i'd add that men CAN initiate good topics too. So i think that we need to be more open to participating in good topics, REGARDLESS of who initiates them. There is a lot of collective knowledge and experience here on CM. Yet when was the last time you actually learned something new reading these threads? i think there are two primary reasons for this; 1) good topics are getting shot down, and 2) too many people are holding back on sharing input that might be useful and educational to those who are reading the thread. That's just my [sm=2cents.gif].

QueenRah -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 12:02:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BKSir Perhaps a thread for the CD/TV/TS people of the boards, for support, to get advice, give/share advice, etc. When I saw this suggestion, I thought, "That's a great idea." Then, on further contemplation, I thought, "Why not give them their own forum? That would be too perfect. Then the CD/TV/TS folks could have their own little place, like the Mistresses, Masters, Goreans, Submissives, et al and would be blessed with the same pros and cons that the others have been. quote: (NO, not just a place for me to find those cute femmy-bois... give me a bit more credit than that. Uh-huh. [;)]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 12:13:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 i have a topic that i've wanted to start a thread about for weeks, but i've been reluctant to do so. The topic is a very kinky one. It's about a subject that i have no experience in, but have a legitimate interest in learning about. But i've been here long enough now to know that the odds of the thread either getting flamed or ignored are close to 100%. So i haven't initiated the topic. I bet that when you start threads you do a whole lot better than 'hey laydeez, does any dominates here get turned on by xxxxxxxxx-ing her slave? cause it really turns me on kthx' I would have said the chances of you being flamed/ignored were pretty low-as far as I can see you're a pretty big hit with these ladies, Mr Rochsub :-P (Now you've suddenly turned into Mr Rochester in my head...) Seriously. Start the thread, whatever it is. You never know, there might be lurkers dying to hear the answers but too afraid to ask.

QueenRah -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 12:27:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 i have a topic that i've wanted to start a thread about for weeks, but i've been reluctant to do so. The topic is a very kinky one. It's about a subject that i have no experience in, but have a legitimate interest in learning about. But i've been here long enough now to know that the odds of the thread either getting flamed or ignored are close to 100%. So i haven't initiated the topic. As a proven contributor to these threads, Rochsub, you have nothing to fear from me. While I cannot speak for the other Ladies on this forum, I certainly would not clobber you, out of hand. The reasons why this seems to have become the "Mean Girls" forum are many and have been established. They can, perhaps, be narrowed down to one main theme: Lack of respect - respect for self, others and common courtesy/etiquette.

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 4:46:36 PM)
I couldn't agree more with these other ladies, Rochsub. Please do start your thread. I'm sure it will be a shining example of how a topic can be brought up here by a courteous male and get good results and replies.

hardbodysub -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 5:49:50 PM)
quote: Short of coaxing the moderators into making this board closed to everyone but dominant women (not going to happen) Why not start your own? If you don't like to hear the subs' point of view, start a board that's purely dommes. You can exchange ideas secure in the knowledge that you won't have to argue with any idiot subs who know nothing about anything except getting themselves off. Subs should do the same thing. They can say whatever they like without fear of getting totally flamed by a gang of vultures just waiting for a chance to pounce on them. This "Dommes Only" and "Subs Only" boards might hopefully result in a little more civil discourse on the "open" boards. On second thought ... nah, probably not. But it might give an outlet to people who feel the need to vent, without doing it in a place that obstructs much of the constructive dialogue.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 5:55:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub quote: Short of coaxing the moderators into making this board closed to everyone but dominant women (not going to happen) Why not start your own? If you don't like to hear the subs' point of view, start a board that's purely dommes. You can exchange ideas secure in the knowledge that you won't have to argue with any idiot subs who know nothing about anything except getting themselves off. Subs should do the same thing. They can say whatever they like without fear of getting totally flamed by a gang of vultures just waiting for a chance to pounce on them. This "Dommes Only" and "Subs Only" boards might hopefully result in a little more civil discourse on the "open" boards. On second thought ... nah, probably not. But it might give an outlet to people who feel the need to vent, without doing it in a place that obstructs much of the constructive dialogue. I'm sorry to say this, but I think you are wilfully misunderstanding the point of this thread, and cherrypicking a very small part of everything that's been said to support your argument. Nobody is denying that there are subs who give valid and valuable input that everyone wants access to (see the exchange with Rochsub above, for example); the thread is about a subsection of posters who are a pain. That's all.

hardbodysub -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 5:55:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven With all due respect, LP, I don't think that it is the initiators of the threads being male as much as it is the whiny/wankability index. If the original poster, whether male or female, were to bring up his/her fetish calmly and thoughtfully, I don't think there'd be any issues. I think it's when the poster is either whiny ("Why is it so hard to find a women who will kick me in the balls?") or wankerish ("Ladies, do you get off on someone sniffing your used laundry? Do you? Huh? Huh?") that there's a problem. That said, I DO have to admit that there seem to be a lot more uncouth men than women here. Not sure why. I agree with you about the wankerishness (new word, I guess), but males have no numerical advantage over the females in whininess on these boards. I won't state it as a fact, but it sure appears to me that it's the other way around. [Edit just for typo, no content change]

hardbodysub -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 5:58:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub quote: Short of coaxing the moderators into making this board closed to everyone but dominant women (not going to happen) Why not start your own? If you don't like to hear the subs' point of view, start a board that's purely dommes. You can exchange ideas secure in the knowledge that you won't have to argue with any idiot subs who know nothing about anything except getting themselves off. Subs should do the same thing. They can say whatever they like without fear of getting totally flamed by a gang of vultures just waiting for a chance to pounce on them. This "Dommes Only" and "Subs Only" boards might hopefully result in a little more civil discourse on the "open" boards. On second thought ... nah, probably not. But it might give an outlet to people who feel the need to vent, without doing it in a place that obstructs much of the constructive dialogue. I'm sorry to say this, but I think you are wilfully misunderstanding the point of this thread, and cherrypicking a very small part of everything that's been said to support your argument. Nobody is denying that there are subs who give valid and valuable input that everyone wants access to (see the exchange with Rochsub above, for example); the thread is about a subsection of posters who are a pain. That's all. I'm not misunderstanding anything, willfully or not. I'm merely selecting one aspect to respond to.

WantingToServe11 -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 6:41:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika The reason why I bring this episode up is because I think there is an overall malaise from Domme women here to discuss their kink, lest they be feeding the wankers. This whole " I don't wanna share my thoughts on X topic because some guy might wank to it" is almost the dumbest thing I have ever herd. So what if some guy is wanking to it: let him. Why does it matter? How will that effect your life? It doesn't; it's irrelevant to the highest level. To blame that you don't want to discuss your kinks because of evil perverted men is inconceivable. This is a public forum and with that comes immature and irresponsible people. That's life! But, that doesn't prevent you from having a well thought out discussion on Y kink. It only does that if you let it. On a side note, you could always ignore those who try to rain on your kinky parade. In addition, don't think about what others might be doing when you share your thoughts on w/e it is your trying to share your thoughts on. Once again, other peoples negative opinion and wanking off shouldn't have any relevancy towards your life or the discussion. Ignore the children and converse with the adults.

LadyPact -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 7:24:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WantingToServe11 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika The reason why I bring this episode up is because I think there is an overall malaise from Domme women here to discuss their kink, lest they be feeding the wankers. This whole " I don't wanna share my thoughts on X topic because some guy might wank to it" is almost the dumbest thing I have ever herd. So what if some guy is wanking to it: let him. Why does it matter? How will that effect your life? It doesn't; it's irrelevant to the highest level. To blame that you don't want to discuss your kinks because of evil perverted men is inconceivable. This is a public forum and with that comes immature and irresponsible people. That's life! But, that doesn't prevent you from having a well thought out discussion on Y kink. It only does that if you let it. On a side note, you could always ignore those who try to rain on your kinky parade. In addition, don't think about what others might be doing when you share your thoughts on w/e it is your trying to share your thoughts on. Once again, other peoples negative opinion and wanking off shouldn't have any relevancy towards your life or the discussion. Ignore the children and converse with the adults. I'm afraid I'm going to have to correct you on this. Please remember that not everything that is conducted around here is on the open forum. There is the other side of CM as well and I can promise you that there is a huge increase in the wanker mail when we write on certain topics. It's like holding up a figurative sign that says "I'm kinky so please send more mail". In turn, that mail is the most rude that I receive here on CM. It sucks a bit in a way, because the things that I enjoy talking about the most (male/male cock sucking, cuckholding and other such sexual activities) bring on the worst crap. Yes, I can ignore the mail or shut off My profile, but that shouldn't be something that I have to do.

littlesarbonn -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 7:40:09 PM)
It's my opinion that the wank posts tend to get the most attention anyway, so what's the bother of trying anything else. I've tried starting conversations and creating my own threads, but mostly they get ignored. Now, I'm not complaining (cause that's what it sounds like) but just pointing out that for the most part a certain type of behavior tends to get the most attention on these boards, and if you're not someone who does that sort of thing, you generally end up getting passed over and ignored. Again, this isn't a complaint, but just an observation because it doesn't really matter to me anymore. In observation, I see a lot of threads that end up being continuous flirt-like conversations that get carried over from one thread to the next, and always by the same people. The real conversations tends to get glossed over for the most part so that the main focus can be the conversations that many of us have probably read over and over again. The other conversations that get a lot of action and attention are the ones that are basically people picking fights with others, who I sometimes think do so because it's the only way they can possibly get a conversation going with one of the known women on the boards. At one point, I used to try to create threads that I thought would bring about really intriguing conversations, posing questions that I felt were higher level than the usual fill in the blank stuff that tends to permeate the boards. But unfortunately, what ends up happening is that someone who has been blindly responding to every other thread responds in really simplistic commentaries, and then everyone else picks up on the simplistic stuff, and the conversation goes that way, and nothing can be done to increase the level of discourse because people are already actively going back and forth with simplistics that cause the senior members of the community to just sigh and look for some other thread to inhabit. A lot of times this will happen when someone who has been around the block in bdsm a few times generates a conversation, and then all you get are responses from people who have a lot of "fantasy" experience but have fantasized long enough to believe that they have something significant to add to a conversation, even though they really don't know anything about the subject matter at hand. Someone once told me (after I talked about this before) that my response should be to continue to "englighten" the conversation, but what I discovered is that no one listens to what you have to say and even though you might be talking about the complexities of how to organize a bdsm outreach organization, someone has turned the conversation into "attend a munch, and you might find someone to smack your pee pee". Anyway, I've been reading through some of these threads in the last few days thinking of responding, but then it just gets frustrating, so I decided to write for myself instead. It's amazing how fast one goes from being an insider to an outsider in these communities.

WantingToServe11 -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 7:51:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm afraid I'm going to have to correct you on this. Please remember that not everything that is conducted around here is on the open forum. There is the other side of CM as well and I can promise you that there is a huge increase in the wanker mail when we write on certain topics. It's like holding up a figurative sign that says "I'm kinky so please send more mail". In turn, that mail is the most rude that I receive here on CM. It sucks a bit in a way, because the things that I enjoy talking about the most (male/male cock sucking, cuckholding and other such sexual activities) bring on the worst crap. Yes, I can ignore the mail or shut off My profile, but that shouldn't be something that I have to do. I understand what you're saying now!

LadyOddsworth -> RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs (1/24/2010 7:57:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan Common Topics: Feminization/sissy training - are FemDoms into it or not, and the debate over the issue of "forcing the willing" CBT/trampling Anal/strap-on play Pro vs. Lifestyle dominantion - what's the difference, pros and cons of each Financial domination - valid fetish or just another name for golddigging? This is just a short list of things I've seen come up in the past couple of months. Feel free to add. I'd seperate CBT and trampling, but otherwise, great start Caging Gags, hand-over-mouth and speech restriction CFnm Chastity, with devices or mental (we might add castration fantasy?) Orgasm control/denial Queening & facesitting Foot fetish Humiliation Sadomasochism Bondage (incl. Predicament bondage) Dominas seeking female-led relationships vs. Dominatrix Sub vs slave vs bottom - LA I like it.

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