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Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 11:37:32 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I guess this would be a poll. But going to ask everyone, not just someone.

When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

More detail. When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one, or do you continue to talk to others as well? If you agree to meet with one, do you just drop all communication with all others because of meet that may or may not go well?

I know if I am meeting with a Dom, and he's talking to others, I would like to know of this. But does he have to tell me? Should he have to? Personally, like I said I would like to know. But at same time do not feel I HAVE to know. Just as I feel I do not have to inform one that I'm talking with others as well. Again well fall into the ... if you don't think you'll like the answer... why ask syndrome here. I won't lie and say i'm not talking to others. Or I might meet with another one sometime or another. Depends in how things are going here.

Even in nilla life, I never found harm in dating more than 1 person. While single. No reason I should have to stay home Fri night because he had to work, or didn't want to go out and didn't want to stay in together at his place or mine watching a movie and spending time together.

Now once a promise is made, I see it differently. But untill that promise is made, to be exclusive... does anyone else have problems with ones they're looking at seeing others at the same time. Would you see others yourself when no promises of anything has been made?

I'm interrested in all view points on this.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

Post #: 1

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 11:45:54 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
More detail. When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one, or do you continue to talk to others as well? If you agree to meet with one, do you just drop all communication with all others because of meet that may or may not go well?

No, I meet lots of people. If one of them develops into a relationship, great. If not, I've got friends and acquaintances. No reason to stop possible friendships and acquaintances just because ONE is developing more.

quote:

But does he have to tell me? Should he have to? Personally, like I said I would like to know.

Ethically and mannerswise it's good of him/her to let you know if he's dating others and if he changes relationship status with another. Details not necessary or polite to share.

quote:

Now once a promise is made, I see it differently. But untill that promise is made, to be exclusive... does anyone else have problems with ones they're looking at seeing others at the same time. Would you see others yourself when no promises of anything has been made?

I'm interrested in all view points on this.

Lots of people want the exclusivity/special feeling at all stages- that's part of why collars of consideration are so popular. As long as they communicate this and not ASSUME things, it can work fine.

_____________________________

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(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 2

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 11:47:33 AM

LdyDiva

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline

When looking /seeking a new sub/slave I always talk/email/chat to a few at a time, most don't pan out to anything or some become just friends.
But if I do start talking to anyone even semi-serious, I state that there are a few others I am talking to as well, not because I have to, but because I think it just fair to do so

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 3

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 11:52:28 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LdyDiva

When looking /seeking a new sub/slave I always talk/email/chat to a few at a time, most don't pan out to anything or some become just friends.
But if I do start talking to anyone even semi-serious, I state that there are a few others I am talking to as well, not because I have to, but because I think it just fair to do so

Thank you LdyDiva,
I agree with not having to. Just think it's fair to let them know.
Welcome to the boards as well

LA... you cut one quote again to make it look as if i said one thing when i said another. Yes I said I would like to know.. but i do not feel i HAVE to know. Makes a difference there. But we all approach things differently.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/24/2006 11:53:18 AM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LdyDiva)

Post #: 4

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 11:56:10 AM

BrianSenior

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I talk to different people but do not talk in a way that would be considered seeking. If I am interested in some one, I let it be known, it has not happened that I was interested- courting more then 1 submissive at a time. I have had more then 1 submissive at a time, though that is different then what you asked. When I feel an interest in some one I ask if thery are with anyone, and then would take it from there. I ask the submissives to ask questions of Me, givng them opportunity to see if I am seeking somone or talking to any one else. I agree it does not have to be told, but it is the way I am, what I look for and something I offer. ~BK~

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 5

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 12:01:40 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I guess this is kinda in line with what your talking about:

I wasnt looking for a Master. Master was looking for a new slave. He was actively talking to a bunch of girls. We chatted as friends at first, so the issue of him talking to other girls didnt crop up for me. When our chat changed to a potential partnership I asked him to stop talking to the other girls. I asked this as a sign from him that he was committed to what he was saying to me. I was quite fragile at the time but had sense enough not to want to set myself up for heartbreak or more pain. I kinda saw it like, well I'm willing to do this, I'm willing to see where it goes, its going to take time to arrange, lots of my life has to be reorganised and I wasnt willing to do that without some form of commitment from Master. Cutting off communication with other "potential slaves" showed me he was serious about finding me on that top of the list. It allowed me to relax and open up more of myself to him. So I guess it was that which allowed, or led up to promises being made.

I've never done the casual dating scene, every person I have been with, it was like,. meet and stay together, so I have nothing in my bag of life skills to be able to deal with coping with someone playing the field.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 6

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 12:02:02 PM

mistressandy

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

i think you should talk to as many people as you want untill you find and commit to the person that best suits you however i think its only fair to be honest with whom you speak and if you are looking for more than one person you should say so

(in reply to BrianSenior)

Post #: 7

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 12:20:35 PM

dave1212

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Lancashire UK
Status: offline

I do not consider it a problem as long as you have not yet made any sort of promise/commitment to another person

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(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 8

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 12:37:08 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

*grins and shrugs*

Damned if I know. I've never really been "seeking". Certainly not in the "OMG, I'm alone! I need to hook up with someone" sort of seeking. I've had periods when someone special was in my life, and periods where I was pretty much alone and periods when I was so damnably busy with so many people I swear I met myself coming out while I was going in...

I'm up front and honest about my current relationship status re: attached or unattached, dating, or not dating, and I expect those I am going out with to inform me of their status as well. I have NOT given my consent to be summoned to court in a divorce case as an adultery partner.

Nuff said!
- Geoff

(in reply to dave1212)

Post #: 9

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 12:39:38 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

i'm not seeking any longer, but when i was it was a whirlwind experience in many ways. i permitted myself to see as many as was comfortable for me. Typically i knew after one meeting if there was a connection or not and if i wanted to see him again. But one thing was recommended that i found useful. That was, don't overbook, don't see more than one person in a day and even better have a day in between to give yourself time to process.

i always kept in mind that everyone i spoke with and saw was a vulnerable person, just like me and to treat each person with respect and consideration. This was deeply appreicated by all.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 10

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 1:13:50 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I know Fem Doms who expect the supplicant to only be talking to them from about the second email in. I know others, like myself, who don't expect this until some effort to try a real relationship is being made.

When I date (geeeze...how long since I've had a date?), I make it clear that they might not be the only person I'm seeing/sleeping with. Since I'm poly, I let them know that I don't expect to be their only one, either.

Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 11

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 2:13:16 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

I usually try to be friends with multiple people. If one develops into a relationship, it develops into a relationship. However, I usually tell my other friends I have made about it, and continue being their friends, although the official status is "hands off" for the meantime, provided my partner and myself are in a closed relationship. If an open one, I will let the other partner know who I am seeing outside the relationship and what that entails. After all, it is not fair to them, that you hide your forays.

_____________________________

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For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 2:27:49 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

Well it hasn't been that long ago that I wasn't seeking so hopefully My experience still counts---<smiles>--I interviewed or prescreened over 200 in the time I was looking--now most of those were quick eliminations--but when I was chatting, I would chat with maye 5 or 6 at a time---mine you this wasn't domination, but getting to know themm giving them time to show true colors--the list stayed pretty fluid--some would drop off due to rejection ( mine or theirs) and new ones may take their place--the few times I got close, I shut down communicatons with others so I could focus and concentrate on the one--I expected that they did the same---but I never asked for that as we had no commitment. When I started chatting with the boy, our talks made everyone pale by comparison--so I started letting go, stopped entertaining petitions and focused on him--it wasn't long before I offered him the Collar of Consideration so he knew I was focusing on him----he never told Me if he was chatting with anyone else and I didn't care---when he accepted, that said it all.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 3/24/2006 2:28:16 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 13

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 3:02:47 PM

justjill

Posts: 28
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline

When I started looking I made it clear to every one I was communicating with I was going to explore my options and that meant writing many potential Masters and not cutting everyone off as soon as one showed promise. Most of the ones that really impressed me were understanding of this. The ones who wanted me imediately delete my profile were usually the ones that had other issues popping up.

Becoming or accepting a sub or slave is a termendous decision for all parties and doing it online adds to the complexity. Talking to many potential owners also helped me understand myself much better in terms of who I am and what exactly would be best for me.

I do believe though at some point were you are starting to get closer to a major point in the process that you have to cut off new contacts and current ones that you are pretty sure are never going to happen. It is not fair to them or the ones you are very serious about to drag them along. Everybody has a different approach and timing but I certainly think at least early on it is actually important to communicate with as many that interest you before you start making decisions.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 14

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 3:17:18 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

While i am not actively seeking a Domme, i am not discounting the possibility of meeting someone and making a commitment. i do serve several women and play with them. i don't have to worry about telling one about the other, because they all know each other and frequently more than one will be at the same party or event. Until i make a commitment to one, i don't see the need to change this.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 15

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 3:23:26 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

Well it hasn't been that long ago that I wasn't seeking so hopefully My experience still counts---<smiles>--I interviewed or prescreened over 200 in the time I was looking--now most of those were quick eliminations--but when I was chatting, I would chat with maye 5 or 6 at a time---mine you this wasn't domination, but getting to know themm giving them time to show true colors--the list stayed pretty fluid--some would drop off due to rejection ( mine or theirs) and new ones may take their place--the few times I got close, I shut down communicatons with others so I could focus and concentrate on the one--I expected that they did the same---but I never asked for that as we had no commitment. When I started chatting with the boy, our talks made everyone pale by comparison--so I started letting go, stopped entertaining petitions and focused on him--it wasn't long before I offered him the Collar of Consideration so he knew I was focusing on him----he never told Me if he was chatting with anyone else and I didn't care---when he accepted, that said it all.

MH Ma'am, I do so loving hearing about you and your boy. It makes me hopeful still.. that I will be found...or find.. what is needed to full fill my life again.

No, I do not think that all communication should be cut off. Even after the fact. Because friendships are built in the meant time. As long as there's understanding of the situations going on. Communication with friends to me is just important as with partners.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 16

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 3:37:00 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If I am talking to more than one Dom at a time I tell them.

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A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 17

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 3:38:52 PM

enslavegirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline

i have made a promise to be with One now.
He knows i come in here to read forums and make friends.
He has the password and can come in anytime to see what has been sent in the way of emails, i have even noted He clears what He has read.
i tell Him of all the friends i have made. but i dont talk to any Other One with the thought that i was wanting a relationship .

so clearly, if Yyou are seeking out a relationship with Oone, there is where Yyour attentions should lay.

friendships are one thing. a M/s D/s relationship is a completely different thing. they are not even in the same zipcode.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 18

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 3:54:38 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LOL... not hiding nothing from no one myself. Everyone I do talk to knows, I run my mouth on this forum. A few I speak with keep tabs on me through this forum. And my CM journal. Do I always tell them I'm talking to others?... Nope. I don't volenteer no information that was not ask of me. But at same time, if one wants to meet, I do inform the other/s I am speaking with that I'm going to meet with one. They either wish me well, tell me to be careful, through out the safety advice, and tell me to tell them when I have returned. Specially when the others I am speaking with live in different zip codes than I do. I'm not niave to think that these Doms, aren't talking to other sub/slaves when we first meet and start talking either. If he doesn't ask me, I figure he doesn't care. And if he does, he needs to ask about it. I do not ask, specially of ones I am speaking with from other zip codes, because I feel no reason to make someone lie to me. Specially when I do not care that they are talking to others. We have no commentment to one another .... so why worry myself with it.

Now if I am asked to stop all other communications, it will depend on the reason behind the request. And I will ask if I may continue communications as friends. And up on telling others of situation, they can either continue friendship, or stop communication on their own.

I'm talking with one Dom now, that knew I was about to be collared (Different story.. lol) but we never stopped talking. And we still talk. He knows of all the BS that went on. And still is there for me. It's all on who you are dealing with .. and how they're willing to deal with each person and each situation as well.

OK done rambling again.... great weekend to all...

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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Post #: 19

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 4:11:05 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

One of the things My boy said was a hard limit was to stop communications with friends and family, I could not even imagine--for that is a hard limit for Me too--for I feel a need to extend the C/circle, having a very small family, I extend it to dear friends--when I went to meet him, I met a close friend--a Domme, I adore Her, she is My sister--and I have since come to know so many more that I will meet then I am there--I do not want him not to have contact with them, they are friends and they support him when I am not near--and I love them as well.

Someone who tries to remove communications, alerts Me to insecurities, IMHO

Oh and darlin, I am going to get to you before summer's end--to hug you and laugh with you.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

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Post #: 20

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