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RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 4:30:17 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

When I first started to explore D/s, I looked for experience. I was contacted by several dominants within a reasonable distance and met them from time to time. I learned something from each of them, even the not-so-compatible ones. A few of them became friends, we would meet for a session, or just for dinner and conversation, and kept up correspondence via e-mail. It was a great venue for me because I felt free to ask questions and discuss ideas.
We continue to be friends and they are happy that I am with DG.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 21

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 5:09:28 PM

greeneyedgypsy

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/21/2006
From: WV
Status: offline

I am also seeking O/one,but have met none. I would like my limits respected,please. And I keep stressing the point,I am NOT a slave,but sub. So this is how I feel .....

susanlee

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 22

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 6:06:20 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

But one thing was recommended that i found useful. That was, don't overbook, don't see more than one person in a day

Good advice...back in My early twenties after a relationship crashed and burned that had meant a lot to Me...I found Myself seeing four women around the same time, nothing was ever said by anyone involved that anything was 'exclusive' but my apartment at the time had two doors from seperate halls and it was disconcerting to have my roommate letting one in as another was leaving from the other door...or for my roommate to leave with her boyfriend at night as I was with one and then getting up the next morning with another coming out of my section of the apartment...and my roommate never slipped with surprise...fortunately that drama didn't last long...

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 23

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 6:10:55 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

MH Ma'am, I do so loving hearing about you and your boy. It makes me hopeful still.. that I will be found...or find.. what is needed to full fill my life again.

Having read your posts and getting a sense of who you are, I am certain not only will you find Him but that when you do, He will be damned lucky...take care of yourself. I know when lotus and I found each other, neither was really looking, surprise...LOL.

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 24

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 6:46:59 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedgypsy

I am also seeking O/one,but have met none. I would like my limits respected,please. And I keep stressing the point,I am NOT a slave,but sub. So this is how I feel .....

susanlee

LOL damn commercial even on the forum now...

greeneyed... welcome to forums....

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to greeneyedgypsy)

Post #: 25

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 6:48:01 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

awwwwwwwwww thank you CERCKL.... you can be so sweet when you want to be.. so i've heard... LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 26

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 3/24/2006 11:37:16 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

awwwwwwwwww thank you CERCKL.... you can be so sweet when you want to be.. so i've heard... LOL

Now who's been spreading lies about Me???
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 27

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 5:35:55 AM

thegreymistress

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I guess this would be a poll. But going to ask everyone, not just someone.

When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

More detail. When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one, or do you continue to talk to others as well? If you agree to meet with one, do you just drop all communication with all others because of meet that may or may not go well?

I know if I am meeting with a Dom, and he's talking to others, I would like to know of this. But does he have to tell me? Should he have to? Personally, like I said I would like to know. But at same time do not feel I HAVE to know. Just as I feel I do not have to inform one that I'm talking with others as well. Again well fall into the ... if you don't think you'll like the answer... why ask syndrome here. I won't lie and say i'm not talking to others. Or I might meet with another one sometime or another. Depends in how things are going here.

Even in nilla life, I never found harm in dating more than 1 person. While single. No reason I should have to stay home Fri night because he had to work, or didn't want to go out and didn't want to stay in together at his place or mine watching a movie and spending time together.

Now once a promise is made, I see it differently. But untill that promise is made, to be exclusive... does anyone else have problems with ones they're looking at seeing others at the same time. Would you see others yourself when no promises of anything has been made?

I'm interrested in all view points on this.

IMO since I make it known that group activities are on my to do list and that I am poly and only conduct open relationships. I do not feel I need to explain anything after that point is expressed. On the other hand, if I find someone special that has potential I do limit acquiring and weeding thru people do I can focus on that person. However, online people come and go and disappear as fast as they appear most times. As a result it takes a bit for me to shut down for the sake of a potential.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 28

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 5:51:21 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

More detail. When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one, or do you continue to talk to others as well? If you agree to meet with one, do you just drop all communication with all others because of meet that may or may not go well?

That would depend completely upon the two people having the conversation.

However... if you are in your first one or two conversations I would be extremely alarmed if either were to say that they wanted exclusive communication. In fact, I believe two people should be meeting face to face before an exclusive arrangement should be in place. I understand that people often form bonds with others from great distances & will make commitments such as this prior to meeting... but just look at the number of heart broken people out there that were in LDR's that carry on about the dom/sub that did them wrong. Face to face offers a lot more reality about whether you have compatibility with someone & exclusive commitments should have a strong measure of reality.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 29

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 8:00:55 AM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

I usually never have two to speak of at once. Because of my location when I find one person I become fascinated with them and usually focus completely on them. When I do talk to other dom's I usually inform the dom if we are begining online training and thinking of going to r/t in the near future. I think the more people you talk to the better your chances are.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 30

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 12:05:39 PM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate N.Y. (Broome Co.)
Status: offline

As it's already been posted here I think that a sub/slave should keep ALL thier options open until it's time to commit...
It's a very good Idea to be open about communications W/others... The ones that can't handle the competition prolly wouldn't be a Good Dom for you anyways & the ones that can, will have a higher regard for you due to your honesty!!!

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 31

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 12:17:55 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I guess this would be a poll. But going to ask everyone, not just someone.

When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

More detail. When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one, or do you continue to talk to others as well? If you agree to meet with one, do you just drop all communication with all others because of meet that may or may not go well?

I know if I am meeting with a Dom, and he's talking to others, I would like to know of this. But does he have to tell me? Should he have to? Personally, like I said I would like to know. But at same time do not feel I HAVE to know. Just as I feel I do not have to inform one that I'm talking with others as well. Again well fall into the ... if you don't think you'll like the answer... why ask syndrome here. I won't lie and say i'm not talking to others. Or I might meet with another one sometime or another. Depends in how things are going here.

Even in nilla life, I never found harm in dating more than 1 person. While single. No reason I should have to stay home Fri night because he had to work, or didn't want to go out and didn't want to stay in together at his place or mine watching a movie and spending time together.

Now once a promise is made, I see it differently. But untill that promise is made, to be exclusive... does anyone else have problems with ones they're looking at seeing others at the same time. Would you see others yourself when no promises of anything has been made?

I'm interrested in all view points on this.

Just like in vanilla dating, I think seeing a variety of people is worth far more than clinging to the first one we find. Plus even those you don't pair (or group) up with can be good friends as others have said in this thread.

I'd tell someone that I was seeing or talking to others, heck, I'd introduce them, but don't assume that others will feel this way. There is nothing wrong with asking someone if they are talking to others -- whether they are honest can be a good "test" but you have to be honest in return.

Once you are in a relationship be careful of what you consider "a promise" -- make sure it is clear to everyone whether you are going to be monogamous, poly, in an open relationship, what exactly.

Don't assume -- you know why, right? (It makes a ass out of me and you.)

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 32

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 12:33:13 PM

SpankMuhButt

Posts: 1416
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline

I really didn't expect anything from this site, I made a few friends. After awhile I agreed to meet one man I had been chatting with, it was nice he was sweet but wasn't really my type, the next day I met another man I had been talking too. Everyone knew I was talking to others. I have been seeing the second man much more ..........weekly sometimes more. Things are going well and I am no longer looking to meet anyone for anything more then friends. I tell anyone that who I talk too. If things don't work out with us atleast I still have friends. BUT I did out and out ask him if he is still looking for anyone else. He says no and i have no reason to doubt him. So I will just enjoy what it is we have now.

_____________________________

If you had one shot, one opportunity, To seize everything you ever wanted, One moment, Would you capture it or just let it slip?

gina

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 33

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 1:18:42 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

It's interresting to see how others look at something like this. I guess it was just the way I was raised that has followed me. Never being held down to just one, just in case things didn't develope into anything. If in fact that is what you are wanting. There's been alot of threads i've read lately over either being too snobby... because of ones eating habits, or someone not showing real honesty to you. So why spend all your time on one... when that one.. may not be the one. When you can see more than one.. and enjoy life as well. I also look at this as... all because A can't get free this weekend (work or whatever)... no reason for me to stay home because B or C is asking me out.

Someone said something earlier in the thread about over booking. This made me laugh. Over booking....i'm also not understanding this. Unless it means when agreeing to meet. Remembering you agree to meet one, not setting 2 dates up at same time. Then I can see where this comes in at. But I don't really see this being a problem for those that know what they're doing to begin with. Because of being open and honest about their seeing others at same time. Double booking to me comes in when trying to be sneaky about it.

I can also see where those in poly relationships talk about informing others of seeing more than one. I was interrested in the ones that are more one on one in relationships. But reading the poly responses were very interresting to me as well. It's because of ones like Misstress, KoM and his gal..and a few others... i've become more curious about poly. I won't go so far to say i'm interrested... but yes curious. I guess I can't become interrested enough because of (mine) it's just not me. But I love seeing others than can... and hearing about it.. because they've made a family... filled with fun... caring.. and love... and isn't that what we all really want?

Oooops... I seem to of combinded a couple of threads into one here... sorry... I do that when I ramble.. LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to SpankMuhButt)

Post #: 34

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 1:25:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Someone said something earlier in the thread about over booking. This made me laugh. Over booking....i'm also not understanding this. Unless it means when agreeing to meet. Remembering you agree to meet one, not setting 2 dates up at same time. Then I can see where this comes in at. But I don't really see this being a problem for those that know what they're doing to begin with. Because of being open and honest about their seeing others at same time. Double booking to me comes in when trying to be sneaky about it.

Depends on the life you have.

In a typical week for me I've got my normal hours of work and sleep and eating. Now, let's add in two nights of dates. Now, let's say I've gotta get some dry cleaning taken in and picked up. Now, let's say I've got company coming in the next weekend to clean and prepare for. Now, let's say I've got a BR meeting to attend on Tuesday and a BESS meeting and munch to attend on Wed, a social to attend on Sunday and bring food for, and it's my boyfriends birthday next week. Now say my sister calls and needs a babysitter for the nephews. And of course there's the car oil to be changed. Not to mention doing planning on committees for some future events and projects.

That's actually a fairly common week for me. Learning how to keep all the plates balancing without dropping any, learning how to say now, how to say yes, and how to manage time efficiently is very important. In the month of March I probably slept in my own bed about 15 nights. I'm always on the go, always looking to the next weeks schedule while simply enjoying where I am now. Conflicts inevitably arise, and luckily everyone has learned that if they want to plan something with me, they need to get it in early.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 35

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 1:37:42 PM

DonLorenzo

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I guess this would be a poll. But going to ask everyone, not just someone.

When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

It's a numbers game for me. I was searching for a full-time, permanent, live-in slave. Knowing in advance what my own requirements [sounds clinical, doesn't it?] were, knowing that not all the potential candidates on collarme were suitable, I contacted almost anyone who met my basic criteria.

Over the period I was searching, about April of 2005 to early 2006, I must have exchanged collarme messages with about a third of those I contacted (even if that contact was nothing more than a "thanks but no thanks" reply). Of those where contact was sustained, I exchanged emails, and/or phone calls with less than 10%. Ultimately, I met, in person, maybe a dozen individuals.

quote:

More detail. When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one, or do you continue to talk to others as well? If you agree to meet with one, do you just drop all communication with all others because of meet that may or may not go well?

During my search, I did both. When there was no obvious prospect of success, when I was uncertain, I stayed engaged with any and all. When I had met someone with whom I felt that something was likely to develop into a lasting relationship, I focused my energy on that one individual.

quote:

I know if I am meeting with a Dom, and he's talking to others, I would like to know of this. But does he have to tell me? Should he have to? Personally, like I said I would like to know. But at same time do not feel I HAVE to know. Just as I feel I do not have to inform one that I'm talking with others as well. Again well fall into the ... if you don't think you'll like the answer... why ask syndrome here. I won't lie and say i'm not talking to others. Or I might meet with another one sometime or another. Depends in how things are going here.

Speaking strictly for myself, I assume that if someone has put themselves forward on a singles site, BDSM or vanilla, that they behave as I do. They too are playing with the numbers. That they are actively engaged in making new aquaintances, dating, trying to fulfill their goal in being on the site. I also assume they know that I am actively engaged in the same.

quote:

Even in nilla life, I never found harm in dating more than 1 person. While single. No reason I should have to stay home Fri night because he had to work, or didn't want to go out and didn't want to stay in together at his place or mine watching a movie and spending time together.

Now once a promise is made, I see it differently. But untill that promise is made, to be exclusive... does anyone else have problems with ones they're looking at seeing others at the same time. Would you see others yourself when no promises of anything has been made?

This all seems appropriate to me. The questions that come to mind are: What assumptions are being made by your prospective partner? Is your/his promise clearly articulated? Are the ground rules clear to both? Herein, I believe lies the basis for disappointing misunderstanding.

BTW, I read parts of your story of recent disappointment from a collarme contact. I'm sorry to hear you were hurt. Hang in there! Stay with your search. He's out there. He's looking for you too. It may take some time, but the odds are with you.

That's the good news. The bad news is that not everybody who comes to collarme has "honorable motives". Be more than a little paranoid in your approach. Do not take everything someone says at face value. Trust, but verify.

JMHO

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 36

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 1:42:19 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Ummm thank you DomLorenzo.... but that was not a CM relationship. We had not met on here. As a matter of fact, I introduced him to this site after it was to me. So trust me... after over a year... things still can go wrong.. no matter how much you verify.... but thank you again.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to DonLorenzo)

Post #: 37

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 1:51:36 PM

Angeni

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Greetings :)

quote:

Do you meet one ... or a few

Since my perferred choice is poly, I tend to meet a few. All know of this beforehand though.

quote:

When someone contacts you or you them. Do you consintrate strictly on that one,
or do you continue to talk to others as well?

I continue to talk with others.

quote:

I know if I am meeting with a Dom, and he's talking to others, I would like to know o
f this. But does he have to tell me? Should he have to?

For me, personally, I would PERFER that he tell me, but since we both know up front that poly is in the picture, it is not a requirement. However, I have always let others know on my own accord.
I would also like to say that though poly is my perferred choice, if I met someone who was not poly, and the connection was there, and he asked me NOT to talk or meet with others, I would do so.
Just my own humble opinion though.

Edited for spelling errors.

< Message edited by Angeni -- 4/4/2006 1:52:25 PM >

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 38

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 5:05:26 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
When you are seeking (for those that are) either it be a Dom/me or a sub/slave. Do you meet one ... or a few.

I remember very well when I was first talking with my Lord. He encouraged me to continue to talk to others while I determined if he was the one I wanted to committ myself to. He was not really interested in who I spoke with unless they did something he found inappropriate. The only requirement I had was to let him know if I discoverd that he was not the person I wanted to be with or found someone else I wanted to be with. Until I told him that I wanted to be his, I was free to do whatever I wanted. However, I sought his opinion on many things. One being the question of whether I should play with someone and find out what it was like or wait and have my first play experience with him. I know now, that he wanted to tell me to wait and had to struggle not to ask that since I was not his. All he said was that if I were his, he would want me to wait and let him play me first. I am very glad I made the decision to wait and turn all the others down.

Considering that he was poly, I never even thought to ask or wonder if he was talking with any other submissives. I guess I just assumed that he was...

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 39

RE: Seeking one,but seeing a few. - 4/4/2006 7:40:30 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Well ..lets see..Yes I see many ..if there are many to see..in other words..I am in contact with some Dominants either singularily or multiply.If asked I am always up front and honest about seeing others..sometimes if asked some have said either stop and see me only until we see if we mesh..others have said let them know if nothing pans out and others have said they are seeing other submissives too (which does not bother me in the least)..However...if and when I meet one who grabs my attention and the relationship develops past a couple of meetings,then will I probably focus on that one,to see where it goes.But in the meantime I keep my options open...be well...Tempting.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 40

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