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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 4:01:33 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		If someone was to judge our submissive and make an opinion of us based on her behavior then it would brush straight over the top of me, especially on a site such as this!
Nobody knows her submission like we do and what they decide to think matters not. We are not actors and we are not here to impress or score brownie points from a bunch of people who know so little about us.
If she was outwardly rude to people on a regular basis then I would question her behavior because I would see it as an unhappiness but at the end of the day she is a person, a woman and as that I want the whole of her, not just her submission.

If I was to see a submissive (within a relationship) being continually rude to other posters I would not for an iota of a second think that her/his Dom were not doing their job.
I may think that the sub had problems but who am I to relate it back to her partner? her partner may not even read the boards!!
But then my view on things is very different than a lot of people. I tend to look at personalities rather than think of the role they are in because a role can be modified but a personality will always shine through.





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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 4:14:42 AM   
allthatjaz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if she is under his control then when is this control loosened and by whom

as for me when i had slaves they acted in a way that reflected well on me and it wasn't really a problem as they wanted to behave as to show me in the best light, in fact i think the may have had more pride in their behavior than i did, which slave wouldn't want others to think she had the best master?


But surely this is no different from normal vanilla couples? A wife likes to be seen as someone decent and as a good wife and a husband likes to be seen in the same light.
Why should it be any different for a submissive or slave?
Im sorry but if we start going down the line of 'the same reason I judge the trainer by the dog' or 'the parents by the children' it all starts to feel disturbingly pretentious.
Any good partner will reflect her/his happiness within a relationship by the very light that they are seen in.


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 4:20:16 AM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess

Children are one thing. We forgive them their mistakes in the hope that they shall learn before becoming adults.

Anyone with a 'severe mood disorder', who is an adult, should most likely think long, and hard, before engaging in any 'alternative' relationship or sexual proclivity.



You missed my point. A lot of posters said if a child behaves badly, they judge the parents as being poor parents. I was attempting to enlighten people to just think, that since having a tantrum is not normal 14 year old behavior, you should not judge the parent of such a child as being a bad parent but instead as having a child with a major problem which is not visible.

Your point that anyone with any major illness does not deserve a loving relationship is something I disagree with.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 5:14:02 AM   
stella41b


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From: SW London (UK)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i have seen people being run off  of here because one period was out of place. This is not good behavior and i feel that if they were happy in their lives with their partner they wouldn't feel the need to act awful.



I can't remember anyone being run off this site because of menstruation. What was the thread?

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 5:57:38 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

If someone was to judge our submissive and make an opinion of us based on her behavior then it would brush straight over the top of me, especially on a site such as this!


As for my response, I was talking mostly of real life encounters, which I do not believe online ones are always representative of who we are as people


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 6:03:42 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		No, I don't. If they are happy with their relationship I am cool with that. They may not be the kind of people I want to hang out with, but I don't judge Him or Her as a dominant. I judge them as people.


Jeff

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 6:26:27 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		as someone posted, there are pieces to a puzzle not everyone sees. if that submissive or slave is set up as an example to be followed, then falls short, many people will judge, and rightly so, both the submissive and the owner. for the rest of us, we are human, entitled to mistakes. judging one lapse is silly, two, questionable, repeated incidents, then there ya go.

personally, i just love watching people jump to assumptions. and we all know what assumptions are

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 6:49:39 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

my Father always said "You are judged by the company you keep." and that is so true.


Very true. Let's get off the boards for a moment and consider this. I start to date a man (who will be submissive to me) and he will be my partner, and I will take him with me to a business function. If he acts like an ass, this will most definitely make me look bad. This is one of the reasons that I go stag to most functions until I've been dating someone at least 8-12 months.

So I believe that it is as true on the boards as it is off.

- LA


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:04:11 AM   
Jeffff


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Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with you about off the boards.... on the boards? There is too little real information about people here.



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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:06:48 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree with you about off the boards.... on the boards? There is too little real information about people here.


Well yes, I agree with you Jefff... but what I'm trying to say is that most don't change their schema for assessing people because they are on the Internet.

You might, I do to a certain degree (because I know people act differently when they are held less accountable) but many do not. Otherwise they wouldn't get so emotional about the things people say here.

- LA


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:20:02 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
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quote:

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?


If you go back before the 60's...a Man was often judged by how his wife/children behaved. He was the head of the household, and therefore the responsibility of those in his trust was on his shoulders so I don't really see this as a big deal or some new invention injected into this way of life.

Is it or was it fair? That really depends on the people you ask, and can't be some sort of sweeping yes or no answer.

On a personal input for alternative living such is discussed here..for a submissive yes/no depending on the people involved. For a slave yes it is a reflection on the owner but I won't go so far as to say it is an automatic judgement call placed on the owners head. That would require direct talk with that owner, which is out of my area of involvement as a slave.

starshine


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:22:56 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
... that since having a tantrum is not normal 14 year old behavior, you should not judge the parent of such a child as being a bad parent but instead as having a child with a major problem which is not visible.


The idea of a 14 year old throwing a tantrum is to me so out of the norm... instead of judging the parents... I would be questioning for more data.

The fact is.... people will have different requirements on the level of information they need to judge a situation. This is not a good or bad just the way it is.


quote:


Your point that anyone with any major illness does not deserve a loving relationship is something I disagree with.


I don't believe that was what he was saying in the least! He was saying such a person should consider deeply the thought of living an alternative relationship style and I suspect he would encourage such a person not to engage in such a style. Which seems to indicate that mental balance is needed to live such a lifestyle successful but not so much for the "ordinary" relationship style. Frankly... I find the comment rather presumptous and arrogant!

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:24:31 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I know what my immediate response would be but it hit me as so interesting when others wanted to show a difference between how subs and slave might act.  My Master sees me as an extension of him and would be very disappointed in me if I purposely put up a comment just to be snarky or purposely gave misinformation.  He knows that the reason that I enjoy the boards so much is that it gives me a creative outlet to use my insight and perhaps to help others.  I would never dream of writing something that would put him in a bad light because I do think that many will see a poorly behaved sub as a reflection of how good a job her Dom did.  On the other hand, my heart is flooded with warmth when someone contacts me and tells me that my Master is a lucky man.  It never occurred to me that if I was not a slave that I might look at it differently.

Yes, I have seen comments on the boards and shuddered wondering how that person can possible consider themselves to be submissive and wondered if it was a lack of good training, whether their Doms knew that such things were spewing from their thoughts, or wondered if the person was simply so bored that they would rather post nonsense or something designed to be hurtful rather than to find something more productive to do.  While it is not fair to judge one person by another's actions it is sometimes very hard not to do.  I keep that in mind whenever I present myself publicly, including forums like this.


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:27:33 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if she is under his control then when is this control loosened and by whom

as for me when i had slaves they acted in a way that reflected well on me and it wasn't really a problem as they wanted to behave as to show me in the best light, in fact i think the may have had more pride in their behavior than i did, which slave wouldn't want others to think she had the best master?


But surely this is no different from normal vanilla couples? A wife likes to be seen as someone decent and as a good wife and a husband likes to be seen in the same light.
Why should it be any different for a submissive or slave?
Im sorry but if we start going down the line of 'the same reason I judge the trainer by the dog' or 'the parents by the children' it all starts to feel disturbingly pretentious.
Any good partner will reflect her/his happiness within a relationship by the very light that they are seen in.



but we're not talking about wives children or dogs all of which don't sign on as a submissive does to obey and honer one to the same degree.

a submissives behavior and dedication i would think rise to a higher level than a wife , dog or child and should be judged accordingly , on a higher level

just my opinion

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 8:23:56 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		The training of dogs and the upbringing of children have been mentioned throughout this topic.

We are talking about human behavior here and not the training of O which in my opinion is just unrealistic wank fodder and great for a Saturday night but not real life.
Her submission is for her dominant/dominants, nobody else. If he instructs her to change her spots she may well try for a while but if she was a bitch before she met him then she will continue to be a bitch the minute he turns his back!
An artist can only work with the canvas he's got. He can not turn a painting into a sculpture. He can change her views on life but he can never change her personality because that is so deeply ingrained in her DNA that its the one individual thing that she gets to keep, even if she is a slave locked in a dungeon 24/7



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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 8:35:57 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I was talking with someone tonight and mentioned that I would have a problem with a submissive being inflammatory or argumentative on the boards. This person didn’t feel it would be a problem for them as they wouldn’t care to control someone in that way and shared their thoughts. I responded that sometimes a dominant is judged by the behavior of their submissive. That prompted a question as to why or how that is. I thought it was a good question for the boards because we could get a lot of answer’s and since she is going to bed… it was up to me. lol

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?


I really wouldn't judge a Dom by the behavior of their sub/slave though it would color my assessment of the dominant and of the sub. Often what I would perceive as inappropriate behavior in a sub is most likely a willful attitude that the dominant wants in their submissive.


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 8:51:29 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
Often what I would perceive as inappropriate behavior in a sub is most likely a willful attitude that the dominant wants in their submissive.


YES!!! What he said!


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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 8:58:00 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The training of dogs and the upbringing of children have been mentioned throughout this topic.

We are talking about human behavior here and not the training of O which in my opinion is just unrealistic wank fodder and great for a Saturday night but not real life.
Her submission is for her dominant/dominants, nobody else. If he instructs her to change her spots she may well try for a while but if she was a bitch before she met him then she will continue to be a bitch the minute he turns his back!
An artist can only work with the canvas he's got. He can not turn a painting into a sculpture. He can change her views on life but he can never change her personality because that is so deeply ingrained in her DNA that its the one individual thing that she gets to keep, even if she is a slave locked in a dungeon 24/7





i have no idea what all that has on her desire to be a reflection of him especially among others into the m/s dynamic or even in public


i would assume that she was a submissive going into the relationship and knew or shortly thereafter learned the obligations that carried for her and that submission is displayed through behavior. it's not enough for her to just say she is submissive and leave it at that, it has to be followed by behavior that gives meaning to her submission, ie it has to seen in action

< Message edited by osf -- 1/25/2010 9:00:07 AM >

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 9:03:55 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?



Despite the fact that we don't always have enough information, I believe we all form opinions.

If someone is happy and secure in their relationship, whether they are dominant or submissive, I doubt other's opinions of how they conduct their personal life will influence or change what they do or how they do it.

I know a submissive woman whose dominant partner has told her she is to be submissive only to him and no one else. I know others whose dominant partner requires that they submit to everyone.

My judgment of either scenario should be irrelevant to them.

MzMia said:
quote:

A great question would be, "Why are so many people so quick to judge, period"?
I am always amused at how so many in "alternative lifestyles" can be so damn judgemental period.
Irony.

Once again, a judgment is an opinion; it is not necessarily negative when one is judged.
And I have yet to hear/read any complaints when someone is judged positively!

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 9:12:04 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		"Hi, I'm Otter, and I'm submissive, and I bite...sometimes..."

So do I think my overall behavior reflects on my Lady?  Yes it does and I admit that that is an important consideration for me.  So I do try to be a good forum denizen and not be a complete dick.  But I am passionate about this forum and sometimes I do get into the fray.  Sometimes I am right, sometimes I am totally wrong. 

I went after OSF when he first came here thinking that he was a troll.  I was in the wrong there.  He has sparked some good discussions and has stuck around and I have apologized to him.  *waves to OSF*

I recently joined the fray and went pretty hard and fast against the Psycho guy.  I think I was totally in the right there.

Is my displaying aggressive behavior on this forum a bad thing?  Does it reflect badly on my Lady?  Does it make me a "bad" submissive", or a "bad person"?  Is it "non-submissive behavior"?  I don't think so. 

I think the distinction is laid in the word "disruption".

I try not to be disruptive to the flow, discussion, and persons on the forum, but I DO participate and sometimes I do so with VIGOR.  I think this is perfectly appropriate, because my Lady also thinks this way.  If She were opposed, I would not be here.

So in the course of my discourse, there are going to be ups and downs.  Taken on the balance, I think I reflect fairly well on my Lady, and I contribute and my disruptions are minimal - to my perceptions anyway  .  When I find myself in the wrong, I try to make amends.  And there are sometimes that I really just need to walk away and give the forum, and myself a little time.




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