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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 3:50:56 PM

sexyred1

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I know Jeffff, I was trying to be helpful to HC. I will never go there again, promise!

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 3:53:09 PM

Jeffff

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HC is a sweeite..... the helmet will probably minimize the damage.

Jeff

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 5:10:13 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?

I think there is a certain amount of "guilt by association" inherent in all human interactions. It's basic human nature. Hasn't your view of someone ever been colored by the company that they keep? I think we've all been down that road one time or another. Sometimes people place a bigger premium on it when it happens within the context of a D/s relationship just as D/s relationships are often seen as somehow deeper or more intense than any other relationship (although I don't share that opinion).

Do I do it? I don't make it a daily objective of mine but like anyone else I'm sure I have been guilty of it at times and will continue to be.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/25/2010 7:27:17 PM

PrimalConsonance

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I do. I believe that the public behavior of a submissive is a reflection on their Dominant and vice versa, inasmuch as I would consider a submissive whose Dom was a boorish jerkwad to have made an unfortunate choice.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 2:14:13 AM

ranja

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FR~
and everybody here, myself included, polite or rude, we can be judged to be time wasters who really should be getting on with more important and fulfilling activities.
and i suppose that reflects on our partners (if you have one) as well...

i best get on with my chores now.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 5:50:43 AM

jstkrs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?

A sub maybe, but a slave most definitely.
Any parent (well any good parent) knows that their children's behavior is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills. A parent or a Master guides their charge to become a good person or a good slave. A slaves behavior (or misbehavior) is a reflection of that guidance. I am only a good slave because I have such a good Master.
I am always aware of my words and actions for fear of embarrassing my Master.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 7:02:03 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jstkrs

Any parent (well any good parent) knows that their children's behavior is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills.

Only the ignorant.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 7:30:01 AM

Jeffff

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Children are people. they have their own thoughts, moods and feelings.

Anyone who thinks that a child can be controlled all the time has never had children. Anyone who thinks a child should be controlled all the time, probably shouldn't have children.

Finally I think anyone who equates being a dominant with being a parent is nuts.

Jeff

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 7:39:47 AM

LaTigresse

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Yep.

Anyone that thinks you can 100% control a child, especially a teen......I wish them the very best of luck.

Anyone that thinks they have 100% controlled a child, especially a teen, legally.......needs to quit hanging out with ostriches.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 8:51:13 AM

jstkrs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jstkrs

Any parent (well any good parent) knows that their children's behavior is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills. A parent or a Master guides their charge to become a good person or a good slave. A slaves behavior (or misbehavior) is a reflection of that guidance. I am only a good slave because I have such a good Master.
I am always aware of my words and actions for fear of embarrassing my Master.

I did not say that it was right that a parent was judged by their children's behavior, only that many will see it as such. The perception, whether it is the truth or not, is just that, the perception.

Note I said guide, NOT control. We as parents guide a young child,show them the way, so that they might become a good person. Teens are a different story all together and the best we can hope for is that we have given them a good foundation.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 8:55:42 AM

LaTigresse

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You said that any good parent knows their children's behaviour is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills. To which I replied, only by the ignorant. Ignorant being all of those that have not raised children that have not followed the path the parents tried to nudge them down.

As a parent, I didn't give a rat's ass what ignorant people (aka clueless people) thought of my parenting skills. My children are 30 and soon to be 29. I still do not care what other people think of my parenting skills.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/26/2010 3:18:34 PM

littlewonder

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While I think people judge you by the company you keep, sometimes there's a part of us that see another part of a person that no one else sees because we took the time to get to know that person and as for the children we raise..our personality and our morals only reflect so far on that child before they rebel or decide on their own morals that may be completely different from that of the parents. I know that's the case with me. While mine have some of the same morals and values that I do, she has developed her own over the many years and there are many points where we vehementlly disagree and that will never ever change. She's her own person but ya know..she's my child and I still love her..same with my family...nothing at all in common with them, but they are still my family and I still am associated with them. If people wish to judge me by their company, so be it. Sometimes though we have to see beyond the first layer.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/27/2010 4:48:48 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

You said that any good parent knows their children's behaviour is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills. To which I replied, only by the ignorant. Ignorant being all of those that have not raised children that have not followed the path the parents tried to nudge them down.

As a parent, I didn't give a rat's ass what ignorant people (aka clueless people) thought of my parenting skills. My children are 30 and soon to be 29. I still do not care what other people think of my parenting skills.

I'm doomed if I'm judged by my children's behaviour over nearly 30yrs....lol

At various times I've wanted to crawl under a rock and deny having spawned the little rats and at other times been so proud that I had to restrain myself from crowing.

"Any parent (well any good parent) knows that their children's behavior is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills."

I ditched that idea with my firstborn, it was a waste of energy...I'm not a *good parent*, I'm an adequate one. The only people's opinion I really care about are the recipients of my parenting and even when THEY'VE uttered * What kind of mother ARE you?* ....... my answer is still the same ..... *The only bloody mother you've got*.

I really have no need to be guided to be a good person. I've got my OWN ideas of what that means.......... I certainly have benefitted from guidance on being more effective in all sorts of ways...but *good*, no.

When it come to being a *good* slave .... who knows? I only have to suit him, so any outside panel doesn't mean a great deal, really.

agirl

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/28/2010 8:59:39 PM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jstkrs

Any parent (well any good parent) knows that their children's behavior is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills.

This is absolute twaddle in my opinion. Behaviour has got nothing to do with parenting skills.

You might be able to determine what sort of parent someone is from the relationship they have with their kids, but you would have to get to know them first and even then your assessment would be subjective.

It's not how people behave which indicates their character but what they project outwards from their own headspace and the emotional signals they give off.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/29/2010 3:50:23 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jstkrs
Any parent (well any good parent) knows that their children's behavior is seen as a reflection of their parenting skills.

We went through this several pages back but again. If you see a child who behaves much younger than their chronological age, there is a reason. Just because you can't see a mental illness or developmental disorder doesn't mean it isn't there.

It is and you being snotty to the parents of the handicapped child by making rude comments that the child will hear and be hurt by is totally unacceptable.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/29/2010 5:45:56 AM

CaringandReal

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At any rate (responding to the tail end of this thread), adults are a very different sort of creature than children, so it strikes me that the analogy of children as reflections of parenting skills is a misleading one and not very useful when exploring this question.

The average adult has a lot more self-control. I don't look at most 30+ slaves and think, it's not her master's fault she's a brat: she's developmentlly disabled, she's got a psychological problem. Slavery involves almost as much self-control as outside control, I tend to think, and I don't believe an adult who is developmentally disabled or who has serious psychological problems can be a slave, because the illness makes them incapable of the intense amount of self-regulation required by such a role.

Of course anybody can call themselves or their partners anything they want, but if I call myself a lawyer that doesn't magically make me one, even if I really really really want to be a lawyer and took the bar exam three times. As long as I keep failing it, I am not a lawyer, not matter how many times I state that I am. If someone hasn't the self-control necessary for constant or near-constant obedience, whether due to temperment, desire, or psychological issues, they are not a slave...in my opinion. They might very well make good submissives, though. As with nearly everything related to people, it depends on the total package.

As far as behaving in public? It's complicated. Some dominants (rightly so, in many cases) hold bdsm communities in very low regard, seeing much of what they do as pure show and pretense with no substance, and may specifically instruct their slaves to act contrarily if they see fit, or to just be their honest selves in public and treat people according to their actions, not according to their titles. I'd rather see someone acting like that than the far more typical "pretend to be totally obedient and compliant and a perfect slave in public but as soon as we're alone throw a total hissyfit if master doesn't take me to a resturant I approve of" sort.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/30/2010 7:22:00 AM

Santoro

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A period is definately causal of action, all that is nessary is being fifteen years old and missing your period, the action in your parents home will be long remembered.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/30/2010 10:50:27 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

I was talking with someone tonight and mentioned that I would have a problem with a submissive being inflammatory or argumentative on the boards. This person didn’t feel it would be a problem for them as they wouldn’t care to control someone in that way and shared their thoughts. I responded that sometimes a dominant is judged by the behavior of their submissive. That prompted a question as to why or how that is. I thought it was a good question for the boards because we could get a lot of answer’s and since she is going to bed… it was up to me. lol

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?

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Lockit

My belief is that a submissive's action is indeed a reflection of what her Dom's guidance is!

CP

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/30/2010 4:44:02 PM

Sserpentia

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Just because I identify as submissive, does not mean I am submissive to everyone. If I am out with my dom and someone bothers ME, then it is upon ME to take care of it. I am a grown adult woman. I do not need a display of territorial pissing, nor does my dom need to do that. He knows I can take care of MYSELF, and that I would RATHER take care of the situation myself. Not just that, but if he wasn't around, I would have to take care of it myself anyway.

Now, I'm from the Northeast which is known to be a bit "in your face" to begin with, but it's upfront, and I see nothing wrong with that. Why would anyone judge me for how I chose to handle a situation? Only judge me on how I behave with my dominant. Now, if I called HIM an asshole in public, well that wouldn't be such a proud moment.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/30/2010 5:35:51 PM

derangedmaniac

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If you judge children based on their parents or vice versa, you'd have a hard time judging my family because I am the complete opposite of my brother. My brother has been to jail twice, etc etc.. and I'm a goody goody. But I suppose the family comparison is different from Master/slave. I would say yes, I would judge a dom based on their slave's behavior- but not so much on their sub..

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