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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/31/2010 12:47:59 PM

ladyj512

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I would not judge a Dom or anyone else based on their sub's actions. The sub (or anyone else for that matter) ARE responsible for themselves. If I am judged this way by a person,they are wrong.
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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/6/2010 8:19:46 PM

LPslittleclip

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as a collared slave i feel that i am a reflection on and of my Mistress even when i am not with Her

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/7/2010 4:43:33 AM

wisdomtogive

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I am guilty of doing this, because I feel people can get a point of view across without being snarky, cussing etc on a regular bases. Through these past 3 years or so being on the boards, I have been amazed to see s-types who are own coming back daily with their 'justifie' rudiness, which led me to wonder about their Dom. Since there has never appeared to be any corrective changes on these types of behaviors, it seem to be acceptable by their Doms and permitted. Daily 'justifiable rudeness' seemed on-line to be the approved norm of many Doms for their s-types, which has totally baffled me, since these tactics were not even permitted by my vanilla late husband.

I do not adhere to on-line experience is not real. Many might want to do so, but for me I will act as I am in real time, which also includes over the internet. People judge where ever you are, and it would hurt me to see Sir or any of the others before him having being made to look like anything but a Dom..of course in my own personal opinion.

Finally, yes I do judge doms too and not because of their s-type, but on their own merit of lack of character. Judging is unviersal condition and i know i am judged as well-as it should be.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/7/2010 6:21:39 AM

StrangerThan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I was talking with someone tonight and mentioned that I would have a problem with a submissive being inflammatory or argumentative on the boards. This person didn’t feel it would be a problem for them as they wouldn’t care to control someone in that way and shared their thoughts. I responded that sometimes a dominant is judged by the behavior of their submissive. That prompted a question as to why or how that is. I thought it was a good question for the boards because we could get a lot of answer’s and since she is going to bed… it was up to me. lol

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?

You don't have to be dominant or submissive to be judged by your partners actions. You only have to be human and involved in a relationship. People do it all the time in the vanilla world, just as they do in the kink world.

To a degree, yes I do. I expect when I talk to folk they express their thoughts and feelings. When dealing with D/s, M/s, whatever abbreviation floats your particular boat, there exists the added ingredients tossed in the mix of their particular kink and what rules or agreed upon conventions exist between them. Even so, I expect what I give, which is no intrusion upon their relationship unless granted, respect for both unless deemed it is not warranted, and a given level of respect up front for people who have discovered enough about themselves to know where they need to be and with whom. If I come across arrogance, tendencies to harrass or demean, lack of respect given to the other in terms of how they interact with others, then I can expect the other fits one of a few categories. Either he/she is arrogant in their own right, is demeaning or harrassing as well, or lacks respect for other's boundaries.

I also do not like getting in between the two. Over the years, I've had many questions directed to me regarding things like... is this fair, is this right, should I do this, should i not? That sort of thing implies a distinct lack of communication between the two, and a person who is more concerned about conforming to some conventional sense of what a submissive is or what a dominant is, rather than taking the time to learn where those lines are between them. Submissives who are, flirty, for lack of a better word without the knowledge of their dominant fall into the same category. I could care less if that falls within the boundaries of their relationship and both are aware. It's when they aren't that problem arises, because in the light of day, someone is going to be hurt or look bad.

And yes, it is fair. We play connect the dots with just about everything else in life, how employees act at the stores we visit, how our boss acts at work, how we feel about a confrontation we've witnessed when one spouse or the other is cheating.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/7/2010 6:34:28 AM

Scheherazade67

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I think he could care less what I do on the message boards.

I understand judging people by the company they keep but using someone's behavior on the message boards as criteria is just silly particularly when you consider how multi-faceted people are and how long it truly takes to get to know someone.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/7/2010 9:23:27 PM

sweetsub1957

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At times yes, but I would not consider it always a hard & fast rule. Master Sir tells me that, at ALL times, I am to make Him proud and to NEVER embarrass Him or I will get my ass beat. That would include embarrassing behavior on my part. By the same token, some s-types are mouthy and go their own way anyway. What happens to them after that depends upon the Dominant in question.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 8:32:16 AM

SternFather

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Call me vanilla, but I don't want My sub to be submissive to anyone but ME. And since I like a woman with attitude, consider yourselves warned!

Don't expect me to tell her to shut up or correct her for having her own mind. If you don't have communication you may as well just have an anatomically correct doll.

(of course nobody has anything to worry about now, but some day....some day...)

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 8:36:19 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

I do not adhere to on-line experience is not real. Many might want to do so, but for me I will act as I am in real time, which also includes over the internet. People judge where ever you are, and it would hurt me to see Sir or any of the others before him having being made to look like anything but a Dom..of course in my own personal opinion.

At the risk of being snarky..

Many of us smart-asses don't behave differently online than we do off-line. If someone is being an asshole in the real world, I'll tell them there as well. How I do it, online and off, is modified based on what I consider best for the time and place. Until you know the people you are commenting about in real time, is it really a fair judgement to say that they don't view online as real?

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 8:45:34 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SternFather

Call me vanilla, but I don't want My sub to be submissive to anyone but ME. And since I like a woman with attitude, consider yourselves warned!

Don't expect me to tell her to shut up or correct her for having her own mind. If you don't have communication you may as well just have an anatomically correct doll.

(of course nobody has anything to worry about now, but some day....some day...)

I do not see it as a matter of submitting to all and sundry I see it as having manners and being courteous. If indeed, I had an s-type, and she came on here running her mouth off, making a bloody fool of herself by her conduct I would be mortified. It would have nothing to do with submitting to the people here. It would have to do with her personal conduct and how that would reflect upon my choosing someone like that.

Chances are, an s-type that would behave in a way to dishonour me, would have not be chosen by me in the first place. And if I had been foolish enough to do so, they very likely would not stay mine for long.

Having good manners, being courteous, has nothing at all to do with being submissive. Do a search for posts made by a lady, LadyHugs, and you will see what I mean.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 9:15:55 AM

wisdomtogive

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

I do not adhere to on-line experience is not real. Many might want to do so, but for me I will act as I am in real time, which also includes over the internet. People judge where ever you are, and it would hurt me to see Sir or any of the others before him having being made to look like anything but a Dom..of course in my own personal opinion.

AquaticSub

At the risk of being snarky..

Many of us smart-asses don't behave differently online than we do off-line. If someone is being an asshole in the real world, I'll tell them there as well. How I do it, online and off, is modified based on what I consider best for the time and place. Until you know the people you are commenting about in real time, is it really a fair judgement to say that they don't view online as real?

AquaticSub
I posted my view regarding how I feel about submissives behavior reflecting their Doms. As I wrote it, I even mentioned my point of view would be judged. We all get judged. Interesting factor, I wasnt thinking about your posts in particular, since I have found a lot of value in your posts, amongst others who would be considered 'smart asses'.

True Sir or the others that I have been with expect certain behaviors out of me, yet what they accept other people might find my behavior questionalble. So, perhaps it comes down to what the Dom wants from their s-type.

.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 10:57:31 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive
AquaticSub
I posted my view regarding how I feel about submissives behavior reflecting their Doms. As I wrote it, I even mentioned my point of view would be judged. We all get judged. Interesting factor, I wasnt thinking about your posts in particular, since I have found a lot of value in your posts, amongst others who would be considered 'smart asses'.

True Sir or the others that I have been with expect certain behaviors out of me, yet what they accept other people might find my behavior questionalble. So, perhaps it comes down to what the Dom wants from their s-type.

.

Oh I didn't think you were thinking about me, or anyone, in particular.

My question/comment was only in regards to the phrase "on-line is not real" and if the smart-asses believe that things are not real online. My apologies if I was unclear.

Edited because the words were not coming out of my head effectively. I am so blaming hunger...

And thanks for the kind words regarding my posts!

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/8/2010 10:59:20 AM >

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 1:22:55 PM

wisdomtogive

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AquaticSub
Oh thank you for explaining.

I have very little tolerance for those who chalk it up for being on-line. I personally cannot fathom any of the regulars not being the same on or off. Those who aren't regulars imho probably are the same on line or off, it is easily seen in their comments. That in itself is another topic.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 2:45:57 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

.....I personally cannot fathom any of the regulars not being the same on or off.

actually.. my cock is alot bigger in person than it appears on line.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 4:07:26 PM

wisdomtogive

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

.....I personally cannot fathom any of the regulars not being the same on or off.

actually.. my cock is alot bigger in person than it appears on line.

Are you positive about that Knight Sir?

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/8/2010 10:22:49 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

.....I personally cannot fathom any of the regulars not being the same on or off.

actually.. my cock is alot bigger in person than it appears on line.

Are you positive about that Knight Sir?

As an objective party, I'm willing to conduct a series of experiments regarding Knight's cock size.

For science, of course.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/9/2010 3:50:27 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SternFather

Call me vanilla, but I don't want My sub to be submissive to anyone but ME. And since I like a woman with attitude, consider yourselves warned!

Don't expect me to tell her to shut up or correct her for having her own mind. If you don't have communication you may as well just have an anatomically correct doll.

(of course nobody has anything to worry about now, but some day....some day...)

I do not see it as a matter of submitting to all and sundry I see it as having manners and being courteous. If indeed, I had an s-type, and she came on here running her mouth off, making a bloody fool of herself by her conduct I would be mortified. It would have nothing to do with submitting to the people here. It would have to do with her personal conduct and how that would reflect upon my choosing someone like that.

I agree with LaTigresse. As a sub, I do think the way I conduct myself reflects on my Dom. I would sincerely hope that He would reel me in and set me straight should I do something that reflects badly on him.

Having my own mind has nothing to do with having badly (or being on good behavior).

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/9/2010 4:40:25 AM

sweetriver

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In any aspect of life, we are judged by the people we choose to spend time with. Because of the amount of control a D/s or M/s relationship implies, it is only natural that we judge a little more harshly. In the same vein,we judge submissives and slaves by the people they choose to submit to.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/9/2010 6:39:56 AM

Madame4a

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

as a collared slave i feel that i am a reflection on and of my Mistress even when i am not with Her

I actually believe this very strongly... submissive or slave. I am responsible for how that person conducts themself... and it reflects on me.. I am responsible.

Judging is a bit different I think... I think it reflects.. but I'm not sure about "judging" ... I try not to do that to anyone in any way.

I will say on the otherhand.. how my boots look are reflective on my boy.. and trust me.. if I spill a drop of latte on them.. I get a very dismayed sigh from her.. and have to sit down and have them redone... she wants those boots to shine like mirrors.

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/9/2010 8:02:12 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

I am guilty of doing this, because I feel people can get a point of view across without being snarky, cussing etc on a regular bases. Through these past 3 years or so being on the boards, I have been amazed to see s-types who are own coming back daily with their 'justifie' rudiness, which led me to wonder about their Dom. Since there has never appeared to be any corrective changes on these types of behaviors, it seem to be acceptable by their Doms and permitted. Daily 'justifiable rudeness' seemed on-line to be the approved norm of many Doms for their s-types, which has totally baffled me, since these tactics were not even permitted by my vanilla late husband.

I do not adhere to on-line experience is not real. Many might want to do so, but for me I will act as I am in real time, which also includes over the internet. People judge where ever you are, and it would hurt me to see Sir or any of the others before him having being made to look like anything but a Dom..of course in my own personal opinion.

Finally, yes I do judge doms too and not because of their s-type, but on their own merit of lack of character. Judging is unviersal condition and i know i am judged as well-as it should be.

However, keep in mind that not only is this a forum for discourse on a number of topics. It's also rather social in nature. The manner of which people conduct themselves in is not a professional setting. Nor by any means is there a certain norm of expected behavior, such attending church on sunday. Everybody's behavior and choice of words is subject to moderation. I'm certain, if CM were to implement swear word detection and blocking/removed to thread posts. That many of the posts would be a lot less vulgar and generally more civil. However. it woud effect the use along with the users that do or don't use this system. The common denominator for acceptable behavior is set out in the TOS, and it's within the descretion of the best judgement calls by the Moderators and Admin.

Given the subject nature of BDSM, kink and sex, along with the diversity of backgrounds involved. The message board is in many ways similar to a bar. There is a certain comfort zone where people can let loose socialize, and the atmosphere is relaxed enough for somebody to swear even. Given the versitility of swear words and that these words even reference the adult activities talked about. Also, most people when talking about FUCKING, use the phrase Fucking instead of other more technical like words such as fornification.

In much the same, in terms of how snarky people can get. There are polite forms of Snarkyness that happen in Social Church Groups. People have just develop more so called civil ways to express "Fuck you" without risking breaking the so called morality/ethics of the group norm. Trust me, I know when somebody is expressing "Fuck You" without exactly using those words. The meaning is still none the less the same. The use of swear words and cussing alone, does not establish the over all quality and values of a person.

In regards to D/s relationships, there is no universal establish guide that makes one submissive that swears any less of moral values compared to one that does not. It's my personal experience, this behavior does not indicate if somebody is prone to lie, cheat, steal, backstab or otherwise cause harm to others.

In some regards, people that don't swear and always put on a happy face.. well sort of scare me. Makes me wonder what is really going on behind the social facade.

It's much better for people to be openly snarky out in a forum, compared to working back stabbing agenda's in private email with other users. Just because you don't see no evil, read no evil, and everyting appears to be a bed of roses, does not mean that Evil is not lurking about with a thorny rose ready to strike when you least expect it.

There are Pro's and Con's for people adhering to a set of Idealisms. Some of those idealisms just cloak and disquise things. These issue however, do not magically disappear.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/9/2010 8:05:09 AM >

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RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 2/9/2010 8:44:38 AM

wisdomtogive

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Whiplashsmile,
When I entered BDSM, the Doms I knew and those I served did not tolerate swearing. This was something they could not have with their submissive/slave. When I was married to a 'vanilla' man he stop my cussing by saying it would not be tolerated. I had a choice, and I decided to stop. In those days, I could and did make truck drivers blush with my mouth. Was I morally a cast-off, no...just was part of who I was. Late hubby told me to find other words to use, so I did. With the Doms the topic came up right away, and it is not an issue for me to not swear. This choice though does not make me a polly-anna with a permanent smile on my face. Cussing is their hard limit, and I accept it.

Saying that, many Doms might have looked at vanilla hubby, or the Doms I served and am serving in bad light, because I am very out and open that I am a kitchen witch/heathen. I wear a pentagram, and the majority of what I do is linked to witchery. That was never an issue with any man I been with. I am sure many will judge us on that. So perhaps it boils down to what the Dominant wants. I am also very outspoken and direct with my communication. I can even boil/flame when I passionately disagree or someone is trying to force their belief down my throat. I have never been stopped in doing this either, as long as I am not cussing out someone.

I do not always have a smile on my face and whistling to the wind, though many times I am. I do know people cuss, and many are my good friends. It doesn't bother Sir or me if they do around us, as long as it is't coming out of my mouth. There for me is one more reason I choose to not cuss, with or without serving someone, that simply is my need to rebuild my vocabulary. Due to illness, I have lost some of my memory, so I work daily at proving the doctors wrong, society wrong and anyone else who states to me, I can't learn. I am learnig and will continue.

To repeat, I think it comes down to what the Dominant wants when in a relationship, and when not, it comes down to what a person values. To me cussing for myself is not a value I want, when other words can be found and learned.

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