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i've noticed something over the years on line that when... - 1/25/2010 9:29:05 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i've noticed something over the years on line that when a submissive woman comes on line complaining about how her dom treated her , all sympathy goes to her and every one clucks about what a bastard he was

i never could understand that , i feel the presumption of innocence should be with the dom and that the submissive may have committed some transgression

it seems to me that the dynamic of what this is supposed to be about would point in that direction

i'd like others thoughts

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 9:32:58 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think I agree with that. I have often seen a submissive told to stfu and BE submissive.


Jeff

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(in reply to osf)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 9:34:18 AM   
ItsAProcess


Posts: 62
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline 		I'm afraid not. Being a Dominant is a responsibility. Yes, I believe that it is unfair how the Dominant is always labled as the bad guy, but to be quite honest neither party should be presumed either innocent or guilty. It is quite possible one or the other is lying.

Still, as said above. Being a Dominant, is, at least in my opinion, a responsibility, and part of that responsibility is making sure that the submissive is content and secure within her submission. Punishment is one thing, but everyone has met a Dom whose gone too far, or a submissive who simply wasn't ready for the punishment meted out.

That's why I'm so picky about behavior from Dominants. With even a moderately 'good' submissive, much of the power to make or break a relationship resides in His/Her hands.

(in reply to osf)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 9:42:41 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		but a lot of the woman i've seen complaining wanted more dom than the could handle and when they got one he turned out to be a sob

it's the i wanna be one of the cool girls and be a slave when they arnt

and i see this as not necessarily having anything to do with punishments or other physical acts

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to ItsAProcess)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 9:43:04 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't think I agree with that. I have often seen a submissive told to stfu and BE submissive.


Jeff


Yup! What was I said on another thread just an hour ago about perception? Oh yes..

Our perceptions can cloud reality. We tend to not notice what we agree with and really focus on what irks us.

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 9:54:13 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		The dom is always responsible. If he isn't he ain't a dom. It is what his function entails. If he is too stupid to effectively deal with a situation, he had better consult someone who is less stupid.

(in reply to osf)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 9:58:21 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:


i'd like others thoughts



Simple people want simple answers..... but it's not all that simple

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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:02:28 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:


i'd like others thoughts



Simple people want simple answers..... but it's not all that simple



i ask simple questions for others to elaborate on

i try to keep them simple as not to overly direct the discussion

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:03:36 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		"There is always an easy solution to every human problem--neat,
plausible, and wrong."


H.L. Mencken
(deceased)

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:06:28 AM   
Rhodes85


Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

I'm afraid not. Being a Dominant is a responsibility. Yes, I believe that it is unfair how the Dominant is always labled as the bad guy, but to be quite honest neither party should be presumed either innocent or guilty. It is quite possible one or the other is lying.


Good point. It works both ways. He could be a bad guy or she could be a scorned sub (hell hath no fury....) or both for that matter. Its best not to assume anything without knowing all the facts.

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(in reply to Jeffff)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:10:42 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't think I agree with that. I have often seen a submissive told to stfu and BE submissive.


Jeff


Yup! What was I said on another thread just an hour ago about perception? Oh yes..

Our perceptions can cloud reality. We tend to not notice what we agree with and really focus on what irks us.

- LA


I agree as well.  There are a number of threads out there where I've said, if you are expected to obey in the dynamic, either obey, or leave the dynamic.  That is the stance that I hold with My own boy and My opinion on the matter doesn't change because of the gender of the s type in question.

The only two exception that I have to this are in the areas of breaking hard limits (which I happen to think is irresponsible of the Dominant) and withdraw of consent/abuse (which means the dynamic, as it stood, is finished anyway).



ETA, I think this is something that is much different in meatlife than online.  I'm sure many of us here could relate instances where the Dominant of either gender, is more often supported by the community.  That goes both for long standing dynamics, as well as casual encounters.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 1/25/2010 10:15:03 AM >

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(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:13:57 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess

That's why I'm so picky about behavior from Dominants. With even a moderately 'good' submissive, much of the power to make or break a relationship resides in His/Her hands.



For me, this ties into the "Judging a Dominant" thread. What we see is not always what we think we are seeing.

Jeff

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to ItsAProcess)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:14:37 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		People get sympathy when it appears sympathy is deserved, if it is not then they don't it makes no difference if it is a woman or a man.

The whole more dom than they can handle seems a little odd as a statement to me, I have never met a man more dominant than I can handle number one because I do not handle dominants and also because it isnt about more or less it is about ability to lead and compatibility.

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(in reply to osf)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:22:50 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess

I'm afraid not. Being a Dominant is a responsibility. Yes, I believe that it is unfair how the Dominant is always labled as the bad guy, but to be quite honest neither party should be presumed either innocent or guilty. It is quite possible one or the other is lying.

Still, as said above. Being a Dominant, is, at least in my opinion, a responsibility, and part of that responsibility is making sure that the submissive is content and secure within her submission. Punishment is one thing, but everyone has met a Dom whose gone too far, or a submissive who simply wasn't ready for the punishment meted out.

That's why I'm so picky about behavior from Dominants. With even a moderately 'good' submissive, much of the power to make or break a relationship resides in His/Her hands.


In my opinion both Dom and sub have a responsibilty in a relationship. I have as much a responsibilty to ensure our relationship works well as does Master.

As for judging it does very much depend on the information available at the time. Obviously on a forum like this we often get only one side of the story and can only respond on what we have been told.

(in reply to ItsAProcess)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:34:55 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The whole more dom than they can handle seems a little odd as a statement to me,


Is that like when you supersize a Dom? ;-)

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:37:03 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have not noticed a lot of submissives complaining about their dominants if they were involved in significant offline relationships... perhaps I just haven't noticed?

Edited to add it is a turn off for me when people complain about former partners. If they are trying to process the end of a relationship in order to move past it, that is one thing, but if they are just bemoaning how bad the other person is, I just have little patience for that so I do not read those posts very deeply perhaps.


< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/25/2010 10:39:09 AM >

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(in reply to osf)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:39:37 AM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Generalizations abound in the following statements.

Well, I know I have encountered girls who have done something similar to what OSF describes. They say over and over, they want to be submissive, they have built this whole elaborate fantasy in their mind about what it will be about, and even after you explain countless times what you're expecting from them, they still fall apart at the first impasse and decide that reality doesn't live up to the fantasy they've built up, and then run away. I don't think it is always about punishments or limits, just the first time it's not what they imagine, they're gone. Then they are off looking for another Dom who will "treat them right" when "treat them right" really means, "live up to the fantasy I've constructed."

Having said all that, I'm sure there are a lot of Doms out there, who want a sub because they don't want to compromise on what they want and feel that having a sub means, as someone put it "stfu and obey" and having a sex slave 24/7 and the moment they don't get those things, they bail or become pricks.

I know that everyone has different desires for a relationship and deserve to hunt for those things they desire, but a D/s relationship, like any other requires communication and some compromise on both parts. I think sometimes people forget that and the think that all Doms and all subs have all the same values and desires (which of course happen to be their values and desires) and therefore it shouldn't require any work, it should all just fall into place and be perfect. And the moment it isn't, well "they weren't REAL... i need to find me someone who's REAL and knows what they're doing."


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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:40:13 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have not noticed a lot of submissives complaining about their dominants if they were involved in significant offline relationships... perhaps I just haven't noticed?


In all fairness to the OP, I recall a few just in January, and yes, according to the submissives "complaining" (and I use the word complaining, because often they were just trying to work something out), they were in a real time face-to-face relationship.

That said, I do have not noticed the trend that the OP has. See mine and Jefff's comments for my opinion.

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:51:26 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think the keyword here is "online."
Online all you have to go on is the one side of the story being told.
In person, in the 'real world' my perception is completely different than the OP's.


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: i've noticed something over the years on line that ... - 1/25/2010 10:56:43 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		in real life i've seen nasty d/s breakups even wind up in court with every one connected to them worried shitless

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 20
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