RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o

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SlaveSimone -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 4:02:13 PM)
I think Elisabella had some really great points. Basically, your profile doesn't exactly exude confidence, which is a trait most submissive women really look for. I know profiles can be awkward to write, mine hasn't been updated in ages because it takes me so long to get it to feel right. I've found that profiles with a couple short down and dirty list's (in list format even!) are easy to read, and get a point across well. A list of what you're looking for in a woman, a list of activities you enjoy and adjectives that you would use to describe your self, a list of adjectives and verbs that would best describe your ideal D/s dynamic. Also, leave out the negatives, or find a way to word them in a way that turns them into a positive. Good luck, Simone

QueenRah -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 4:21:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I believe this guy has a kit for sale! http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/408246/rzvv/85401/details.htm DarkRomancer, I think that was a joke. I laughed, when I followed the link. You poor kid. Just starting out and, already somebody's taking the piss. Naughty, Icarus. [;)]

QueenRah -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 4:45:06 PM)
Good fix, DarkRomancer. You've given your audience some very good insight into who you are. Several respondents gave you some very good links to munch groups in your area. Munch groups can provide you with resources for research and exploration. Through those munch groups, you may find a dominant or two, possibly an experienced sub, willing to "take you under their wings" and show you the ropes, in a manner of speaking. The groups provide seminars and workshops for members. At play parties, should you choose to attend, you will be allowed to witness lots of interesting types of scenes. At those gatherings, you are under no obligation to engage in any activity with which you are uncomfortable. I apologize if anyone has already addressed these possibilities. Didn't see it in other posts. Hey, LA, didja see that he's a "switch?" - and he's only several provinces and a national border away... QR

LadyAngelika -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 5:16:47 PM)
quote: Hey, LA, didja see that he's a "switch?" - and he's only several provinces and a national border away... Ha ha! Well according to his profile the last time I looked, he is a submissive who wants to explore his Dom side. As for only several places away... well how about way on the otherside of the North American continent? ;-) - LA

PowerOverU -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 5:41:19 PM)
Ya gotta love that catch 22 union system. You can't get work without a card but you can't get a card without work.

FukinTroll -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 5:49:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer Okay, so here's the deal; yes, I am new to the scene, yes you could probably say I'm inexperienced. Strike that, you could definitely say I'm inexperienced. However since joining Collarme, I've had a total of one person respond to my messages. Just one, and that's because we struck up a conversation about mmorpgs. I mean, it might be that I only really look for subs/doms in my area, and that my area is a little divided, what with being right on the border of two states, but... What's the deal? I'm forward, I'm not being a creeper in most of my messages, and far as I can tell, my profile picture doesn't scare people off. So sorry if this sounds like a bitchfit, I'd really just like to know the best way to actually get a response out of someone in a message. After all, we all have to learn some time, and I can't seem to figure this out on my own. Thanks in advance for your help guys ;3 Points at Lady Pacts post That's one very good reason. 2. The D/ to /s ratio is not in your favor. 3. The mystique surrounding the scene/alt lifestyle has set a very... hmmm... odd sense of etiquette. D's think they should make contact and tend to blast the /s that does make first contact. On this site and others it is the /s market, they get a very huge selection and can be picky about who they want... which I agree with BTW... however many do not initiate contact and mail filters tend to toss you in the trash because of the settings... i.e. perv control. Therefore until you impress the hell out of someone and just completely awe them with your magnificence they will remain timid and await your initial contact (that has most likely been filtered to the trash). 4. Failing the above... you can always try out an inflate-a-date and use your imagination. AUS

itsmeinLV -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 6:31:18 PM)
Since you've edited your profile, nice and clear now, hopefully your luck changes. Best of luck! [:D]

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 7:11:23 PM)
OP: I never saw the original but I like your new text because it is very honest. In fact it is so honest that you may still not get very many replies. But the ones you get will hold promise, because they'll have a good feel for you in advance thanks to your candor. Only thing I would add is maybe a couple of sentences listing your favorite vanilla things, and maybe why- to help attract someone who will be a good fit for you in and out of the bedroom.

PrimalConsonance -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 9:14:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer Hrm, I really wouldn't know what to put. I don't like putting a generic greeting message out there for everyone to see... I'd much rather get to talking about myself through messages than have a big waving flag over my head that was supposed to say what I'm about. Mreh... I could try that though, I guess :/ OP: I've not looked at all the posts so far on this thread, but perhaps one way to get more on your profile instead of the dreaded generic offering; would be to take a look at other profiles and maybe become inspired to make-over your's a little. Sometimes it's more effective with other things than just the same old pitch. Write in your journals with thoughts and observations. These will give you an opportunity to show your depth even though you may not be experienced, you could be an enthusiastic individual with an exciting prospect to others of a more compatible nature. Sometimes you need to re-think how you are approaching yourself before approaching others. Also welcome to the boards, and just know that everything has the potential to be a learning experience in enhancing the incorporation of BDSM into your life. Just be yourself, and you should be fine...those being something they are not, only get so far. Everyone you meet, and those that brought you through influence to this point in the past; have gotten you to right now. Lastly, practice and become confident with your responsibility when others fall under your charge. And learn as much as you can, and filter it with common sense. You'll go far, and good luck!

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 9:55:14 PM)
I find it easier to link up with local groups on fetlife, but this place has done better at finding me subs. Just for the record. I'm a pretty new dominant myself, and going to local munches helped a lot. If you go to the munch and act sane and interested in what people have to say and in getting to know new friends, you will get invited to their play parties. If you go to the play parties, you may get to see a demonstration of something, you can watch people play and see how they do it, and you can often ask respectfully afterwards to see the neat red flogger they were using. If you are nice and polite and respectful, you get friends who are okay with the fact that you've never hit anything with a flogger but a pillow, and will let you co top with them on their sub. Eventually subs say, "Will you do me the honor?" and you can say yes, and there you are, finally, like me, going to parties with a reasonable expectation that you will play at the party, because you have a reputation as a good and careful player. This did not happen after three parties. It took me about eight months to get an invitation to co-top. There is a very excellent essay I found early in my career. I think reading it kept me from making a fool of myself at an early stage of the game, and as I am ADD I am very good at that. It works for a wide range of situations. http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2007/02/19/how-to-negotiate-play-parties-for-men/

EmeraldGuardian -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/25/2010 11:00:53 PM)
Well, here we are, watching DR grow... grow, dude grow! And now, watching ol' Emerald Guardian pop his forum cherry in CM.... But enough about me, let's talk about what you think of me! All kidding aside, one of the things I love re the lifestyle is the sense of community that transcends borders, distance, and even time. In this thread, there are so many, many people reaching out to a newbie in the lifestyle; and doing it with so much patience that I'm humbled. And with such humor at times I've laughed out loud at the jokes. That guy with the kit- does he take PayPal? My first thought is one of respect toward DR. You had the brains to realize what you were doing wasn't working and then the guts to reach out blindly into the cyber mist to see if there was a better way of doing it. Brains and courage- the hell with inexperience; you got the basic tools in spades. My thought re DR's dilemma... (btw, I emailed you off list), are on two tracks: On your profile- from your first post's entry to right now; Bud, stop spacing out. I know you tried to 'splain what you meant, but frankly, a potential sub reading this is going to wonder if or when you're going to not think of her and if that happens during a scene, well, uh-oh. What I mean is that when I scene, one of the exchanges is that for the power, my sub receives my total focus. What we're about could become dangerous... really, man; she's restrained and at my mercy, and gave that situation to me, spacing out really ain't a way to enhance the deep connection of a scene, y'know? Become a student. An apprentice. Get thee to munches, go to at least 3 of the same group, and try to find a Dom you respect and learn from them. Ask questions, and listen to what they say- even the most arrogant 'Twu Dom' has things to teach. For me, when I humble myself to learn, I always come out ahead. I surrender pride and am given such wisdom. (WOW, even I like that comment!). But it's proven true for me time and again. But you gotta give it at least 3 shots. And for sure, make sure to be patient. Not with me. Not with anyone posting here. With you. You have the gift of youth; and that gives you such incredible wiggle room to make mistakes. If your heart's in the right place, you're on the right track. And I think your heart is in the right place. You're searching for that KA-POW that in my experience only this lifestyle can provide. And I say that as a man who has kids who would think you're young. And finally, remember to laugh. A lot. We, in this community are sooo bent and twisted! Keep your sense of humor close at hand- if you do you will enhance the incredible joy of this lifestyle. Go get 'em Tiger- you're on the right track. Peace and Joy, Emerald Guardian

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/26/2010 8:24:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack quote: ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer Okay, so here's the deal; yes, I am new to the scene, yes you could probably say I'm inexperienced. Strike that, you could definitely say I'm inexperienced. However since joining Collarme, I've had a total of one person respond to my messages. Just one, and that's because we struck up a conversation about mmorpgs. Okay, here's my ten cents worth. The sad fact is, you're just going to have to accept the fact that the vast majority of e-mails you send out, no matter how much time and effort you spend in crafting them, will be ignored. While I think that there are more earnest and sincere submissive women out there than there are honest and sincere Doms - there's a vast ocean of idiots, wannabes, players and annoyances out there. Your message is one in a sea of noise and in attempting to weed through the mess in her inbox, that sub you just mailed might delete your mail unread or pay it the tiniest of cursory attention before discarding it. That's just the way it is. If you want my advice - the goal of a message is to get to read your profile. You want your message to be short (5-6 sentences, one good paragraph), interesting and intriguing. The goal of your profile is to get her to message you. There should be enough there that she has some idea of who you are what you want and a sense of whether or not you'd be compatible. Be honest. Be yourself. If your dream sub is going to play WoW with you, like going out to jazz clubs, and love being tied up - say so. If your dream sub is going to be a sexy librarian who's going to oragnize your book and CD collections whom you'll be spanking for filing Jethro Tull under 'T' and not 'J' - say so. If your dream sub is going to be suspended from your bedroom ceiling and tortured for your amsuement, say so. If you don't know what it is that you want - hey - say that you're looking for someone equally inexperienced or with little experience but an open mind and an eagerness to experiment so that you can grow and learn together. There isn't really a right or wrong in what you want - even the most extreme fetishist can find someone who meets their needs. In all honesty, most of the mail I send dies a lonely death. I get far more mail in response to my posting in these forums. Get more involved in the boards or in the chatrooms and odds are you'll start interacting with people and hopefully click withsomeone. Oh. Yeah. Welcome to the boards, dude. Nice to meet you! Posting here does make a difference but purely for those who do not, in order to attract a female you have to give her substance.

QueenRah -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/26/2010 8:32:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: Hey, LA, didja see that he's a "switch?" - and he's only several provinces and a national border away... Ha ha! Well according to his profile the last time I looked, he is a submissive who wants to explore his Dom side. Switched...to "switch." [;)] quote: As for only several places away... well how about way on the otherside of the North American continent[/link]? ;-) - LA "Well on the other side of any continent" is just a hop, skip and a jump for the determined, non? QR Thinking about road trips, debauching the young and convincing a lad to stay on my favorite team. (Kidding, DR!) (not really)

aldompdx -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/26/2010 8:43:59 PM)
Respect is earned, not given in satisfaction of begging or whining. Share your perspectives which command respect. Share your experiences and attitude of self mastery which warrants the confidence of another to share their choice of surrender.

DesFIP -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/26/2010 8:49:06 PM)
OP, about the constant spacing out. That's nonhyperactive ADD. If it happens even when you are interested in what you're doing, then go get help. If it's causing you to fail in school or lose jobs, go get help. If it causes you to lose friends, go get help. Honestly, a 10 or 20 mg extended release Adderal taken every morning will solve the problem allowing you to get things done much more efficiently.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/27/2010 12:41:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer Okay, so here's the deal; yes, I am new to the scene, yes you could probably say I'm inexperienced. Strike that, you could definitely say I'm inexperienced. However since joining Collarme, I've had a total of one person respond to my messages. Just one, and that's because we struck up a conversation about mmorpgs. I mean, it might be that I only really look for subs/doms in my area, and that my area is a little divided, what with being right on the border of two states, but... What's the deal? I'm forward, I'm not being a creeper in most of my messages, and far as I can tell, my profile picture doesn't scare people off. So sorry if this sounds like a bitchfit, I'd really just like to know the best way to actually get a response out of someone in a message. After all, we all have to learn some time, and I can't seem to figure this out on my own. Thanks in advance for your help guys ;3 I believe this guy has a kit for sale! http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/408246/rzvv/85401/details.htm ROFLMAO

UncleNasty -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/27/2010 8:46:14 AM)
You have been given some good thoughts/opinions by folks here. But remember also that this is the net and the rules (if there are any at all) are just plain different than out in the real world. If you encountered someone in a coffee shop, and attempted to initiate conversation with them, in most cases they would respond to you. It could be anything from "Won't you join me" to "I'm sorry but I really need to finish reading _____." Such is not the case on the net. Polite entreaties and invitations to converse are frequently just ignored. Uncle Nasty

Elisabella -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/27/2010 9:00:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UncleNasty You have been given some good thoughts/opinions by folks here. But remember also that this is the net and the rules (if there are any at all) are just plain different than out in the real world. If you encountered someone in a coffee shop, and attempted to initiate conversation with them, in most cases they would respond to you. It could be anything from "Won't you join me" to "I'm sorry but I really need to finish reading _____." Such is not the case on the net. Polite entreaties and invitations to converse are frequently just ignored. Uncle Nasty Real Life could definitely learn a trick or two from the internet. -A woman who often wishes she had the nerve to respond to those situations with "Please leave me alone, I have no desire to even make small talk with you."

HisSub1213 -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/27/2010 9:36:39 AM)
~FR~ To the OP, there is a great section on Fetlife called PacificNorthWest BDSM There is a lot of stuff going on in Portland all the time, and if that doesn't work you could always make the drive to Tacoma or Seattle. There's a bunch of stuff going on up here. Best of Luck.

Kyoki -> RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o (1/27/2010 10:11:08 PM)
I could say the EXACT same thing. I rarely get much on here, and I feel like I'm looked down upon for being younger, and inexperienced. Then again, I'm a sub. (I switch though) It seems like the only ones who take an interest in me is the money grubbing ones. I'm intelligent, when I message people I NEVER use one-liners either. Sooo... yeah. What.

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