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A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 5:55:45 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
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How is it out there? I hear the ratio of submissive men per Dominant woman is pretty high. If so, do you find you have changed what is on your wish list? or changed your standards at all? What is your take on it?

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 6:00:08 PM

LanceHughes

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Gay male subs/slaves have the same problem. That is, about 10 slaves/subs per
<------- Dominant Man.

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RE: A Question for Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 6:57:58 PM

LadyOddsworth

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Joined: 1/2/2010
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Thanks Lance, I didn't know that. Let's hear from ALL the Subs then. I am curious to know.

< Message edited by LadyOddsworth -- 1/27/2010 7:35:02 PM >

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 7:05:38 PM

pyroaquatic

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From: Pyroaquatica
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What is the ratio of subs who get it verses subs who do not get it?

And I am not speaking of submarines or sandwiches.

A dab or realism, a touch of charm, I am quite sure the experienced will sound the alarm.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 4

RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 7:34:52 PM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

What is the ratio of subs who get it verses subs who do not get it?

And I am not speaking of submarines or sandwiches.

A dab or realism, a touch of charm, I am quite sure the experienced will sound the alarm.

HUH? The question is simple. Your answer need not be cast in such obtuse terms.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 1/27/2010 7:35:39 PM >

_____________________________

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 8:00:30 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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I would like to hear from all the male subs, gay and straight.

_____________________________

We all have baggage, the question is; Is it carry on or do you need a U-haul for it?

(in reply to LanceHughes)

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RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 8:10:38 PM

DVsFox

Posts: 133
Joined: 11/12/2008
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I didn't change my standards at all and I don't think anybody should, really...provided their standards are realistic. That's really all I can think to add to the discussion. If you have realistic standards, then you shouldn't change them...I think it can only lead to trouble. If you settle for less, then you'll end up making both yourself and your partner unhappy.

DV's Fox

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 7

RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/27/2010 8:50:11 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

What is the ratio of subs who get it verses subs who do not get it?

And I am not speaking of submarines or sandwiches.

A dab or realism, a touch of charm, I am quite sure the experienced will sound the alarm.

HUH? The question is simple. Your answer need not be cast in such obtuse terms.

Acute I shall be:

Square pegs do not fit in round holes.

Why should one attempt to fit another? Doing so breeds contention and disaster.

I am me, and painfully so.

Dig?

Edited to laugh at the fact that DVsFox post is essentially the same as mine.

< Message edited by pyroaquatic -- 1/27/2010 8:55:30 PM >

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 8

RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 8:01:44 AM

LanceHughes

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pyroaquatic: Thanks. My 2nd rule for those under my hand is "Transparency in all things." So, to answer the OP question: You'd have to change your propensity to obfuscate and I think the chance of that happening is the same as that of a campfire (pyro) surviving a flash flood (aquatic.) LOL!

To answer the OP further, maybe what to change (if anything) is a result of getting a nibble. An unethical sub/slave would change to set the hook. All the more reason I stay away from no (or really short) profiles.

P.S. to pyroaquatic..... two languages mixed. For consistency, use flamaquatic or pyrohydro. LOL!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 1/28/2010 8:21:29 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 9:32:30 AM

slavekal

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Ratio is almost irrelevant. If a sub male is single, stays in reasonable shape, shines his shoes and wears clean clothes, and actually SHOWS UP for a meeting, he moves right to the head of the line.

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(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 9:38:35 AM

LanceHughes

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slavekal: I agree. Maybe that's the answer to OP's question. Slaves/subs that present an interesting, attractive profile and DO SHOW UP are so rare that they don't have to change one iota.

And that might be why the ratio is so unbalanced..... LOL! The good ones (on both side of the kneel) are already taken.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to slavekal)

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 9:42:28 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Ratio is almost irrelevant. If a sub male is single, stays in reasonable shape, shines his shoes and wears clean clothes, and actually SHOWS UP for a meeting, he moves right to the head of the line.

Pretty much what I have seen, there are lots of male subs in my group of friends who are never single because they are out there meeting people, they are interesting and I guess a 'catch'

It is quality not quantity that makes the difference, yes the ratio is in favor of female subs to male doms but that doesn't say anything for compatibility

_____________________________

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 2:05:41 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth
How is it out there? I hear the ratio of submissive men per Dominant woman is pretty high. If so, do you find you have changed what is on your wish list? or changed your standards at all? What is your take on it?

I've heard it said before, though I'm not certain who ran that poll. I do know the female is usually pursued by the male as a given in our society. In this there is a principle of least interest at play in most cases, where men pursue and women choose. That paradigm transfers to the heterosexual D/s population fairly intact. In my experience, I think that's what's really at play.

As for the ratio of submissive males vs. dominant females, I suppose first we'd have to define a standard. Pyroaquatic astutely touched upon the fact we are not without our fair share of mirages, which may give the illusion of quantity (or lack thereof) on either side. I feel this way too. I know what my standards are in measuring dominance or submission, and I can say the bar is pretty high. When I think of it like that, I don't see too many diamonds on either side of the divide.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 2:32:53 PM

submaleinzona

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

How is it out there? I hear the ratio of submissive men per Dominant woman is pretty high. If so, do you find you have changed what is on your wish list? or changed your standards at all? What is your take on it?

I asked this same question myself several months ago about the ratio between sub men and Dominant women, as it seemed quite lopsided. It still does, to some extent. I sometimes think it would be much easier if my proclivities were more dominant rather than submissive. I would merely be going with the grain of society in general where men are expected to be more dominant and aggressive anyway. I tried to find ways of fitting in and living according to that standard, but for some reason, I keep end up swimming against the current. So, that can be difficult just by itself.

I don't think that my wish list or standards have changed all that much. I knew I was submissive even before I really had a wish list or even knew of the kinky things that some people do. I admit that I gravitated towards that once I became old enough to become aware of that, but I also was aware of how non-standard and unconventional it was when viewed according to society's standards. So, I kind of laid low for a while, thinking that I was some sort of freak and trying desperately to appear normal to the outside world. The only area where that was not possible was in the area of dating and relationships, so I pretended that that area of my life didn't really matter or that it didn't even exist. I went through a bit of a religious phase where I discovered that there were more important things to concern oneself with than one's own personal crap.

As for the ratio, I don't really know what the true figure might be. My general take on the situation is that I know that such relationships are possible and many couples live happily ever after. I also get the impression that there may be submissive men who fantasize a lot about it, but when push comes to shove and they reach the moment of truth, they might chicken out. I've never done that myself, but I've seen the complaints about those who do. Then there are also compatibility issues. I used to naively think that, "Well, she's a dominant woman, I'm a submissive man, we're automatically compatible." Doesn't work that way.

Sometimes, at least in my mind, it's hard to sort out the roles in my mind. Sometimes, in real life critical or hectic situations, I have to be dominant - just because the situation calls for it, not because I want to be. It's when I sense that others need me to take charge in a given situation, and I respond based on the needs of those around me. When people need me, I'm there. But when I contemplate my submissive side, I recognize that I'm only responding to my own needs, not the needs of others. So, that's held me back at times. I may have a need to be dominated and used, but I also have a need to not use others. So, sometimes, I feel a bit conflicted in that way.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 14

RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 9:40:10 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

quote:

P.S. to pyroaquatic..... two languages mixed

that tends to be the recurring theme. :D

i am things that should not be together. the name just flowed from somewhere.

How about Good Players, Bad Players, and Nonplayers....
throw in the Excellent Players, and the Best Players and how many ratios are we dealing with? ah, but I am not statistician

Get this, each player ranks the others based on preference and makes also makes decisions due to proximity. I do understand that the internet changes this but physical distance cuts into the time that you could physically meet.

In turn this affects the ability of the relationship to sustain (unless you are making a considerable about of figures for money... which ultimately means you can afford to meet/date abroad).

I would say this ratio is heavily weighted based on a multiple of characteristics and statuses applied directly to both players.
Or being dead. That ruins things.

Sense, no sense, go to bed?

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 15

RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 9:43:34 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Gay male subs/slaves have the same problem. That is, about 10 slaves/subs per
<------- Dominant Man.

Pray tell, where are they!? O.O Especially the cute, femmy ones... Actually, I know where they all are. In Canada. There's TONS there. And like 5 in Utah. >.< Not 5 femmy ones, but 5 gay male slaves/subs.

A bunch of straight ones here though. It's enough to drive a D-type mad... MAD I tells ya!

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I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to LanceHughes)

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 1/28/2010 10:33:51 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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From what I can see the only ratio that is noticeable is a high proportion of idiots to intelligent people and that's irrespective of gender and what side of the kneel you are.

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RE: A Question for Straight AND Gay Male Subs/Slaves - 1/30/2010 1:25:20 AM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

I would like to hear from all the male subs, gay and straight.

How about bisexual and pansexual? <grin>

Seriously I came here a little under two years ago, brand new to bdsm. I wrote out a profile that expressed what I was looking for and what I felt I had to offer. Then I hung around in some of the chat rooms and got to know people. Within a few months I had five prospective dominants (four men and one woman) I was communicating with and considering which one I would go to. I just kept talking to all of them and asking more and more specific questions. This did expose one of them as a wanker with no intent to make it a reality. With each of the others I continued to discuss what my life would be like living with them and what their expections of me would be. I was very open with all of them that I had several prospects to consider. Finaly I decided on the one I felt was the best match for me and arranged a trip for me to visit. I stayed there for two weeks and even when things did not go as planned it only proved we had both considered well and made a good match. I returned home to complete all my previous commitments and say good bye to friend. Two months later I moved in with my Mistress and have been living with her ever since.

I did not compromise any of the things I considered important to become her pet. However after I had been living with her, and trust developed between us, I became comfortable relinquishing some of my limits. I have allowed her to do things I would never have considered letting anyone do to me.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 18

RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 2/1/2010 4:27:08 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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You ask an interesting question .... and the answer is yes it has.

i have found what i value has changed ... i now look closely at internal characteristics and traits. Rather than external appearances ...

And i do value intelligence and a sense of humor .... as well as traits i consider to be good moral values.

Because of it ... i actually read profiles ... and often write to Ladies who have what i consider to be well written profiles .. even when they don't have pictures.

i have also become more flexible on the wish list! LOL learning that i can adapt to a Lady's interests and desires ...

Hope this helps.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 19

RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 2/1/2010 4:50:09 PM

OMGlikegagme

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Joined: 1/22/2010
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I've actually raised my standards, and become less willing to compromise about crucial issues. My first inclination, a longish time ago, was to be "realistic" about what I expected from a partner. This led to some real snoozefests, and some awkward situations, in which I sometimes found myself in a position where I ended up feeling like a complete cad because I had to break things off after the other person had developed some strong feelings.

These days, I prefer to be honest and highly selective upfront. Granted I tend to be something of a solipsist, but I much prefer not playing with anyone at all to compromising and putting myself in situations I won't enjoy that might lead to emotional complications down the road. Simply put, it's in everyone's best interest if no one "lowers their standards" to accommodate the marketplace of Dommes/subs.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

Post #: 20

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