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CaringandReal -> RE: I wrote everything in my profile and journal (1/28/2010 4:12:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I'm really getting a bit confused. I mean...when I've written someone or when someone writes me, the first thing I do (or perhaps the second if I write a quick reply first) is look at their profile and see what I do and don't like about it. Doesn't everyone do that anyhow? Surely, we don't all play 'birthday surprise' games with ourselves and intentionally refrain from looking at the profile because we only want to learn of this person through individual messages...right?
So, what's the problem? The fact that the words "Look at my profile" are actually written rather than passively implied? Especially since we were going to do it anyway?
I think the point is that a lot of spammers, people with no interest in or compatibilty with you, specifically, send these notes out that just say, "Look at my profile." You go and look at it and find they like almost everything you dislike and they dislike almost everything you like and they have life situations or interests or beliefs or whatever it is that you could never encompass and that your profile says you could never encompass. They have absolutely no interest in you, they didn't even bother read your profile, or they would not have written you...or written you that.
Multiply that by 100s, and you tell me why a person you write would respond positively toward your "Look at my profile" when the other 99 "Look at my profiles" they got have been like getting spam mail with random URLs in them. They only beat spam mail because you can't get a trojan from looking at someone's profile. People, being pattern-recognition animals, quickly assoicate "look at my profile" in an email with "someone's randomly spamming me." So even if your profile says it all, you usually have to go a little bit further to let someone know that this isn't another spam mail. No, it doesn't have to extend to flowery flattery. Something honest like, "I read your profile. I liked what I saw. I think we might be compatible. Have a look at mine, and if you agree, please write me back" should do. At very least it should get your profile read--whether she agrees with you about the compatibility is more chancy, so it's best if you're really interested in someone to make it less so by pointing out one or two strong compatibilities. I personally go a lot further on the rare occasion I'm moved to write someone, but that's fairly natural for someone who identifies as I do.
I don't see anything wrong or unnatural with a dominant flattering a submissive whose profile grabs them, particularly if it really grabs them. Files and honey, bait and hooks, catching more. Making personal contacts is a lot like hunting, and there's nothing shameful about being a good hunter, particularly if you're dominant. It's just a tool you can use to get what you want: some initial contact with someone who appeals to you. Once the contact has been established, once the hook's in place, you don't need to do the flattery much anymore, particularly if you've correctly assessed your target as not one of those that's in it for the ego boost.
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