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Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 3:57:54 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
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Not sure if this is the right forum, so please move it if it isn't.

I work at an adult store and we have a lot of female military personnel that come in to buy toys. If they know they are going overseas, they will throw out what they have because they don't want any of it found if (god forbid) something happens to them while they are gone. (I only bring them up because the first time I heard something like that was from them)

I know a few people who worry about things like that. (Not just military personnel) If they suddenly died and family or friends were clearing out their belongings and happened across their toys or bondage gear.

Are we ashamed, deep down about what we do that we worry about how people will react after we're dead and gone? Do you really think their opinion of you would change? Whether it's lifestyle or just a vanilla with toys.

We are all sexual beings, there is nothing wrong with embracing the sexual part of yourself, nor embracing the kinky part.

Sorry if it doesn't make sense, it's early.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

Post #: 1

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:02:44 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I don't think it has anything to do with being vanilla or not. I think a lot of it has to do with environment, if you think mom, dad, aunt Patty, would be mortified, it's a matter of environment. Espescially if they were raised in a religious home. I also think there is a preconception among many, especially younger women, that it's not as common maybe, or that there is NO WAY mom, dad, or aunt Patty would have done such a thing. Then I think youth has a lot to do with it. The older we get, usually we get much more comfortable about our sexuality than we were when we were younger. I know that was the case for me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 2

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:07:11 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't think it has anything to do with being vanilla or not. I think a lot of it has to do with environment, if you think mom, dad, aunt Patty, would be mortified, it's a matter of environment. Espescially if they were raised in a religious home. I also think there is a preconception among many, especially younger women, that it's not as common maybe, or that there is NO WAY mom, dad, or aunt Patty would have done such a thing. Then I think youth has a lot to do with it. The older we get, usually we get much more comfortable about our sexuality than we were when we were younger. I know that was the case for me.

I don't think it does either, I just posed it that way because I've heard that from both vanilla people and people in the lifestyle.

Thanks for you comment, that makes sense.

I wasn't raised in an overly religious or strict home. My Mother was open about sex and sexuality, so it wouldn't bother me if anyone found my stuff.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 3

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:12:08 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Mine was a religious home and sex was NEVER discussed. I didn't even know the mechanics of it until I was in my early teens. About the same time I accidentally found my mother's sex toys actually. I would have been dismembered if she had known what I saw because it would have been proof she actually was/is a slut. Something she will deny until her dying breath.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 4

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:18:03 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Mine was a religious home and sex was NEVER discussed. I didn't even know the mechanics of it until I was in my early teens. About the same time I accidentally found my mother's sex toys actually. I would have been dismembered if she had known what I saw because it would have been proof she actually was/is a slut. Something she will deny until her dying breath.

Did you see that as a what's good for the goose ISN'T good for the gander type of situation?

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:21:32 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

I was trying to think of a good way to pose the question lol

My daughter is 14, she knows about sex from health class and from the answers I have given her when she's asked. She's not sexually active in any way, but I don't want to lie and hide things from her too. But like you said, environment. But neither do I encourage her, she's never even kissed a boy yet and for that I am VERY happy LOL

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 6

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:22:35 AM

Saint

Posts: 279
Status: offline

I am actually in that process currently. I am facing potentially life threatening heart surgery and so as a result I have boxed up all my kinky movies, bdsm toys and books and they are being held by a friend of mine, just in case. They are hers if something goes wrong. All my other toys have been tossed and the night before my operation I will completely clean my computer. Am I doing this because I am ashamed? Partially. Mainly it is because I do not want those things to come out and then to be remembered for them in the vanilla world here.

< Message edited by Saint -- 1/29/2010 4:26:38 AM >

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 7

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 4:25:14 AM

Elizabeth666

Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

I am actually in that process currently. I am facing potentially life threatening heart surgery and so as a result I have boxed up all my kinky movies, bdsm toys and books and they are being held by a friend of mine. just in case. They are hers if something goes wrong. All my other toys have been tossed and the night before my operation I will completely clean my computer. Am I doing this because I am ashamed? Partially. Mainly it is because I do not want those things to come out and then to be remembered for them in the vanilla world here.

I hope all goes well *sends good thoughts*

Thanks for your input, it will be interesting to see the different views on this

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to Saint)

Post #: 8

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 5:07:48 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

There is a difference between being ashamed and wanting privacy. I'm a relatively private person and my sex life is private to me. If people found out, they would find out. Now if it were in a work context, that would be trickier because of the potential implications, but I protect my privacy and I don't lose sleep over any of this.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 1/29/2010 5:08:41 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 9

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 5:50:04 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

There is a difference between being ashamed and wanting privacy. I'm a relatively private person and my sex life is private to me. If people found out, they would find out. Now if it were in a work context, that would be trickier because of the potential implications, but I protect my privacy and I don't lose sleep over any of this.

- LA

Yes, this is it for me exactly. Privacy, and when I'm gone I still want it lol so if I had a chance to get rid of my toys before dying I'd do so. I've been a single mom raising 3 boys who are all over 18 now but I value my privacy when it comes to them. I am also not ashamed in any way and if they ever found out about my kink and/or sex life I'd shrug my shoulders and move on but till that happens I'll actively keep my personal life to myself as much as I can including hiding my toys from them.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 10

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 6:17:20 AM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

OP,
Sir explained to me once that His death is not about Him. His life, yes certainly but His death, no. His death is about the people He loves who will grieve for Him; the people He left behind. If He dies over in Afghanistan, this will include His religious parents. Although He has different views of the afterlife than they, His dog tags say otherwise so that they can receive the benefit and hopefully some kind of peace from that type of funeral. The potential day they have to go through the bits of precious He left behind, He does not wish them further upset more than they are already experiencing by having to handle the odds and ends of His personal sex life. Ashamed, no but He does believe in boundaries. He sets the sex paraphernalia aside out of respect for the already difficult process they will be going through. It would not be about His living authentically any longer; it would be about their grief over losing a son.

< Message edited by petmonkey -- 1/29/2010 6:24:24 AM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 11

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 6:36:56 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I'm not ashamed. I keep my private life private in the same manner that my family keeps theirs private and I am glad they do because I don't wanna know about it. Obviously, anyone other than my submissive/girlfriend who might come and clean out my place in the aftermath of my unscheduled departure is in for a surprise. Is it going to radically change their feelings or opinions about me? I doubt it. We all have our sides that others never see. I'm not into anything that involves those below the age of consent or creatures who cannot consent. There's nothing in my home that I would worry about being found once I'm gone. If there was I'd ditch it now. It's just kink. They'd be surprised then probably laugh about it.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 12

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 6:56:19 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

how people will react after we're dead and gone

Reminds me of a British university professor friend, who died. Going through his things, his wife discovered he had a trunk full of S&M paraphernalia, and had been going to an S&M club in London for years. She flipped her lid, decided to buy him a cheaper casket than she had originally planned, but still used a Bentley hearse, the neigbours would have talked if she'd used a butcher's van

, I can still hear her yell at the undertaker, in the front room: "I am NOT burning oak!", and then gave me all of his toys as she wanted them out of the house. U.S. Customs at JFK developed major hiccups when I explained where I'd got this stuff, and that it was in effect an inheritance, and that I should not have to pay duty. I still use his felt lined leather restraints, nothing like English '80s leather work, musta cost a fortune..

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 13

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:11:57 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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antipode that is so funny

But seriously I would not want my children to get a whiff of what I believe to of kept very much away from them.
I am certainly not ashamed when I hide my stuff away from vanilla friends and family members. This is about protecting their emotions, not mine.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 14

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:19:17 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I am not ashamed but I know that my family would be, and I just wouldn't want the memories of 'me' to be overshadowed by them finding my trove of perversion. It would embarrass and disturb them, and I can help them avoid feeling that way on my behalf.

It would be one thing for them to find a bunch of tame vibrators but quite another for them to find things that fall wayyyyyy outside their comfort zones.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 15

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:25:22 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth666

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Mine was a religious home and sex was NEVER discussed. I didn't even know the mechanics of it until I was in my early teens. About the same time I accidentally found my mother's sex toys actually. I would have been dismembered if she had known what I saw because it would have been proof she actually was/is a slut. Something she will deny until her dying breath.

Did you see that as a what's good for the goose ISN'T good for the gander type of situation?

Oh no. My mother has serious 'ISSUES' and pretending she doesn't, is one of the biggest ones.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

Post #: 16

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:47:58 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't have any children, so if I dropped dead, I would not want my family to find anything. I am private as well and I certainly don't need my brothers or my nieces and nephew to stumble on my stuff.

Although my twin nieces, already at 10, think their Aunt SexyRed is a bit "different" than their boring Aunt.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:51:28 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I am not ashamed. I am respectful. Just as I have my beliefs about these things, so have my family and friends. I their views were such that respecting them meant not sharing about this part of my life with them while living, I am certainly not going to undo that by leaving it exposed upon my death. I have arrangements in place for my gear in the event of my death or if there are other reasons removal seems appropriate. I had a situation that lead me to having someone keep my entire collection for about 2 months not that long ago. When it resolved, I brought the items back.

Also, a lot of times, it is a matter of consequences. Whether I like it or not, society as a whole does not look too kindly on these activities. It can become a weapon in the arsenal of someone wanting to remove children from the home, settling a divorce to their own benefit, and even criminal liability. I have to protect myself and those under my care. That means some people and some settings need to be void of any knowledge or evidence of my choices in this regard. It is a sad fact that this is still necessary, and even more so in some areas of both my country and this world on the whole, but it is no less the case. I may not be ashamed, but I had better be aware.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 18

RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:52:20 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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RESPETC THE PUSSY!!!!!

Ali G

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: Are we ashamed? - 1/29/2010 7:53:10 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

RESPETC THE PUSSY!!!!!

Ali G

Thats not my kink!

JeffweyP.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 20

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