RE: Expectation vs Reality

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slaveluci -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (1/30/2010 8:43:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Wax. He was the one who wanted to do it, never had. I was meh about it but took it for him. Funny enough, after doing it he was meh and I was "can we do that again, huh, can we?" Total opposite of what we expected going in. That's funny because my story was just the opposite. I had always wanted to experience hot wax dripped on me. He was into the idea but not nearly as much as I was. Once we did it, I HATED it and He loved it. Who knew? Actually, I love hot wax POURED on me in big amounts but those little drips just sting and piss me off to no end[:'(] luci

osf -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (1/30/2010 8:47:17 AM)
im getting into little drips already

Lucienne -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (1/30/2010 8:56:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious (which sounds unbearably stupid looking back, I know). I have a whole list of things that went differently than I expected that make me feel silly looking back. :) As an example, I'm a bit of a blow-job queen. I just love it. I'd read people here talking about dommes not doing bjs for whatever claimed reasons and I'd think it was strange -- like, I couldn't remember the last time I got a guy naked and didn't at some point have my mouth on his cock. But then I actually did a scene and putting my mouth on his cock was absolutely the last thing that came to mind because I could do all these other fun things that I couldn't do with an ordinary vanilla boy and that was just awesome. The idea that bjs happen less often when you have a wider range of activities to choose from seems rather obvious in retrospect. In general, my (still fairly new) efforts to explore this part of myself have gone far better than I expected. I've learned a lot from reading these forums. I've met nice people. I've actually done things and had a great time. (And that was pretty unexpected, I've never done any sort of internet dating and my experience of meeting people from the internet consisted of friends from sports forums). I'm probably most pleasantly surprised by how the fruits of my explorations have resonated with my entire sense of self. It's been quite liberating. And, again, it seems fantastically stupid to be surprised that, as a person with a long-suppressed dominant impulse, I might find it liberating to exercise that impulse in a constructive fashion. Ah... life.

lucylucy -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (1/30/2010 10:12:13 AM)
I've only been doing this since last March, so still a newbie. So far, everything has been more intense than I expected. As others have said, I am always surprised at how much a crop or whip can hurt. It's kind of like childbirth, I guess--once the kid is in your arms, you forget how much getting to that point really fucking hurt! The biggest surprise for me has been how intimate it all feels. When I'm in pain and I'm reacting to it, I am completely open and vulnerable. Sharing that with someone is incredibly intense and intimate, which I never anticipated when I first started all this. I met my owner for what I thought was a one time thing. I had no idea that I would feel so intimately connected to him after one session. I also had no idea that being obedient could ever feel liberating; I thought I would always consciously feel that I was squelching my own needs to prioritize someone else's. I was completely shocked when I realized that instead of feeling like I'm repressing my own needs, I feel like I am satisfying my own needs by prioritizing my owner's.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (1/30/2010 10:47:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Drifa Of course, the dominant may be getting other things in this situation - rather than the mental engagement with the kink being practiced, the sub's helplessness, or pleasure, or pain, etc. may be rocking the dominant's world separate from the specific technique being employed. The cat may not like the flavor of mouse, but sure does enjoy chasing the terrified critter. I think there is a lot of truth in this-bondage in and of itself leaves me pretty cold, for example, but as a means to the end of driving a sub nuts with frustration at not being able to move I love it [:)]

specialk2611 -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 9:26:53 AM)
My first set of experiences, were more "human to human", you know with emotions, thoughts, sensations, complexities of human interactions. Opposed to the ideal scenarios you play over in your head that lack those things. Similary to the OP, I went through massive sub-drop after my first few experiences and it turned me off and got me into frenzy for a while too. I had my D/s life all planned, lol. Then after a day, it was totally different.

Icarys -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 9:53:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf i had great expectations my first affair but being new i fucked it up, took me 10 years to figure it out and a couple more fucked up relationships I think we can all relate to that. Both sides. To the OP: My first relationship was great. It met all of my expectations and fell short on nothing. I was blessed to have her in my life. She's spoiled me for anything less :>. My power exchange ideas haven't changed much over the years but my physical desires have. My expectations, I feel, are always based in the realm of reality. (My reality) I never ask anything of someone who isn't capable of doing them but I'm also not going to get involved with someone who can't either. That's my reality and it's called compatibility.

HisEvelyn -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 10:18:22 AM)
Some of my first experiences with my Master and real D/s dynamics were ridiculously overwhelming for me. I had never in my life imagined that to submit and to be so vulnerable could feel so incredibly wonderful, so freeing. My first experience with subspace happened during an intense session with my Master. There was a lot of verbal humiliation, a lot of name calling, of pushing me deep into my place as his toy, to be used as he wanted to use me. But throughout it all, there was an undercurrent of being cherished and appreciated for my submission that was so prevalent, so unlike anything else I had ever experienced. When it was done and he was drawing me back out, calling me his good girl and telling me how proud he was of me? I started bawling like a baby. I cried so hard Master actually got very concerned for me, but I kept reassuring him it was good tears. Because I had completely not been expecting to feel so free, so right, and so completely cherished while doing such kinky things, while being called such humiliating things. I don't think it would have been so powerful if I had been expecting it to be amazing. Because I was not expecting it? It just bowled me over. The reality of being a submissive is far more than I had ever expected. And I don't think I could ever do without it again and be truly happy.

Missokyst -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 10:42:12 AM)
I had no expectations going in because this stuff always happened very spontaneously for me. My first love relationship was strongly ds even though I didn't know it was not normal couple interaction. But, the first time I knew he had me lock stock and barrel I was standing alone outside on his back porch, naked at 2 am contemplating whether I could walk home and avoid notice. That part was not scary. I would have done it even if there were 2 major crosswalks and 18 blocks and an overpass to traverse. And I was sure the chaise lounge mattresses could be used to wrap around me for cover. It was not until I recognised he had ever right to be mad, scared, and pissed off enough to put me on the back porch till we both calmed down, that our relationship had just hit a major shift. I went from being in control to having none but that which he allowed us. I felt happy, peaceful and cherished for the first time in my life. I had no expectations, and my reality could fill a book.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 11:44:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious My first proper D/s experience was straight in the deep end, as a sub, and one of the things I wasn't prepared for was quite how much it was going to hurt (which sounds unbearably stupid looking back, I know). The first time I topped I wasn't at all expecting the chemical rush that came with being in charge, so I was in for quite a surprise... So I was wondering how closely what you were expecting matched up to what you got, both when you first came to D/s in general, and when you tried more specific kinks? Was stuff more intense? Not as scary? Unexpectedly hilarious? Everything you'd ever hoped for or everything it had never occurred to you to want? Sorry if any of the above sounds cheesy, but I do seriously want to know. [:)] I had started engaging in activities before discovering "the Lifestyle" itself. I'm smiling at the chemical rush you're talking about. So many times people talk about sub-space and the head space of the submissive/bottom. Yes, it is a big suprise! I actually had no expectations ahead time either. Was all very innoncently not so innocent. Me and the girl next door, our interaction and type of play was an evolution. Sort of blame it on Magic Tricks leading to rope escape tricks leading to bondage. Making candle holders out of coke bottles, to the hey this feels good, to being stripped down in underwear covering our bodies in it. Playing Zero with an old whip from the shed, to knocking over coke bottles and things, to experimenting around on each other.. (well you get the idea). Then me seeing somebody lay on a bed of nails on Ripley's believe it or not. Then me getting the idea to take a large paint can full of left over nails from the shed and some woood and crafting my own. Testing it out, and hey this ain't so bad. Then girl next door wants to try it out too. Then came the day while hanging out at her house, she tells me she wants to ask me to do something for her, as long as I promise to not laugh or thinks she's wierd. Got asked if I would pretend to rape her, make it real as possible without going all the way. Ummmmm.. yeah... one big slippery uncharted new territory of things. Both of us sort of leading the other into new twisted stuff. Some things very intense, other things just easy going fun, and the building sensual and sexual tension. Even moments when things were hilarious. Stuff that get's knocked over and marks left on the body. Tickling.. Great crazy fun. Tickle torture. (wicked smile). Playing Doctor together. Pretending she was a dog. So many many memories and moments I can't begin to describe... she was my first partner and crime to all this madness. She actually was my first True love. There are many vanilla moments there too.. going to the beach, blowing bubbles off back steps... In so many ways, I wish I could truely recapture it all over again. It was all very easy, without the labels and notions and preconceptions. No hang ups from Idealisms nor Truewayisms. None of this show me your list and I show you mine. No Dungeons, No BDSM community, No Scenes, No Drama... I still remember borrowing a friend Gas Mask, he used to use it when we played Army out in the Tails of the woods nearby. It was sort of Darth Vaderish. Anyways, I borrowed it cause she wanted to know what one felt like on her face. Was really this easy, pure and simple. Her and I both would do things together, without the hangs ups of being called a "Service Top" or hang up's about "Topping from the Bottom". We communicated about the sensations we experienced, the emotions and thoughts. It would be clear as day, that she was submissive over all in nature and I the Dominant one. Has nothing to do with somebody suggesting an idea of what to do. Here I am years later, making a post to a message board. My perspective and the roots of BDSM are rather different compared to others. My entry into this madness was rather backwards. I've tried like hell to hold onto the first lessons I learned from my earliest experiences, to treasure those wonderful beautiful moments with somebody that was very near and dear to my heart. Beautiful first time moments, it's not just about the things done. It's also about who I experienced those things with. So call this a sappy post... I'm sitting here thinking about skin etching with needles turned into running it through the skin, and then a little deeper within reason. About me snagging some of my mothers Diabetic lancets for the very first time. Cause we both we talking about how much our own blood tastes good from licking it after a wound. We wanted to taste each others blood, see how the taste compared to our own. Prick Prick Prick.. Yummy but different. Then there was the day be both cut each other and formed a blood bond just like the indians do it. I could write for pages and pages about all these many wonderful beautiful things. All so damn easy it was....... Now here I am sitting in adulthood. Things are a little more complex. There are days when I ask myself what my alternatives are besides the BDSM community. I sorta kinda fit in here, but not really. My experiences along the way in life conflict with notions, idealisms, dogmas, stereotyping, and even safe and sane and blah blah blah... Why are these simple things so damn complex? If anything, it's the expections of the BDSM Community that fucks with my reality, not the other way around.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 12:24:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Expectation vs Reality note: image removed per users request.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 12:28:44 PM)
MasterSlaveLA, OMG, OMFG.... that's a permant injury to my mind. I ain't never gonna be the same again.....

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 12:34:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 MasterSlaveLA, OMG, OMFG.... that's a permant injury to my mind. I ain't never gonna be the same again..... Ahh... well, here ya go... you'll be needing one of these, then: [image]local://upfiles/687741/90255FBE512C4905A9F6878A9633583C.jpg[/image]

OriginallyFromLA -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 12:56:07 PM)
quote: The fantasy had never included her sweating, or the smell of her juice, or the way her eyes rolled back in her head and her breath came in great jagged gasps. It had also not included her warmth, the tenderness that can occur in even the wildest scene, the way my heart surged when she acquisced, or the tremendous mental rush that comes with absolutely focusing all of my being into another soul. Dude, you just described my last relationship to the letter. I often commented that we had created a third entity out of our energy and it would show up every time we were in the bedroom, hovering on the ceiling watching us.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 1:00:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 MasterSlaveLA, OMG, OMFG.... that's a permant injury to my mind. I ain't never gonna be the same again..... Ahh... well, here ya go... you'll be needing one of these, then: No, not my head. My mind... lol... Hell that would not have protected me. No wonder I drink at times, so it kills off certain brain cells.... I'll do a few shots of Jeagermister tonight and the world will be a better place.

LadyMondenschein -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 1:19:35 PM)
Omg, the posting by MasterSlaveLa, about the "Expectation vs the Reality" too funny. And sorta scary too. It's amazing how they dictate they want people to look like supermodels but they themselves can't look in the mirror without flinching.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 4:18:05 PM)
MasterSlaveLA -- and everyone else -- I made the mistake of posting the photo of the man in that picture MasterSlaveLA posted. I wish I hadn't. He's the deceased master of a semi-regular poster here, and I really hurt her feelings. I know that's an easy-to-find image, but it turns out he was in the lifestyle, and his widow is an active CollarMe member.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/12/2010 5:15:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 MasterSlaveLA -- and everyone else -- I made the mistake of posting the photo of the man in that picture MasterSlaveLA posted. I wish I hadn't. He's the deceased master of a semi-regular poster here, and I really hurt her feelings. I know that's an easy-to-find image, but it turns out he was in the lifestyle, and his widow is an active CollarMe member. Didn't know that... just did a Google image search... no offense intended to said "poster" should they stumble upon this. Can't edit the post, else I would.

Icarys -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/13/2010 10:20:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 MasterSlaveLA -- and everyone else -- I made the mistake of posting the photo of the man in that picture MasterSlaveLA posted. I wish I hadn't. He's the deceased master of a semi-regular poster here, and I really hurt her feelings. I know that's an easy-to-find image, but it turns out he was in the lifestyle, and his widow is an active CollarMe member. Didn't know that... just did a Google image search... no offense intended to said "poster" should they stumble upon this. Can't edit the post, else I would. I think both of you are aholes for thinking that was funny to begin with. Goes for all the decent human beings that laughed at it as well. Why don't you ask the mods to take it down since you had no right to post it.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Expectation vs Reality (2/13/2010 12:17:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious My first proper D/s experience was straight in the deep end, as a sub, and one of the things I wasn't prepared for was quite how much it was going to hurt (which sounds unbearably stupid looking back, I know). The first time I topped I wasn't at all expecting the chemical rush that came with being in charge, so I was in for quite a surprise... So I was wondering how closely what you were expecting matched up to what you got, both when you first came to D/s in general, and when you tried more specific kinks? Was stuff more intense? Not as scary? Unexpectedly hilarious? Everything you'd ever hoped for or everything it had never occurred to you to want? Sorry if any of the above sounds cheesy, but I do seriously want to know. [:)] I don't believe that any of what you've posted here sounds cheesy. I find most of what has been posted in this thread as being, once more, an expression of the variety of responses that can take place in either vanilla or D/s relationships. I would agree, at least for me, that D/s relationships tend to be much more intimate and intense at a faster pace than vanilla relationships...my belief is that certain areas come up for discussion at a later point, if at all, in a vanilla situation whereas in a D/s situation, they come up much more quickly and almost always are discussed. This can be both good and bad...the extent of the dominant's knowledge of a submissive's mindset: her hopes, her dreams, her fears, her fantasies, what she likes to play at can be used in a positive fashion or a negative fashion. In the negative realm, this knowledge and the dominant's own skill level can be used to emotionally/physically/spiritually and/or mentally bind the submissive to him/her in a way that extends beyond the term of that first or second scene. While this may be desired by some, how many times have we seen a submissive (usually) come on here and complain/admit that they got themselves into a difficult situation with a dominant they really did not want as their Master/Mistress by allowing things to go too far, too fast in-scene that did not match up with what was going on outside the bedroom/dungeon? This is one reason why, when I played casually, I avoided those play areas that can, in my mind or in the submissive's mind, create a feeling of ownership/togetherness that might well enhance the scene but carried beyond the scene, created confusion and pain because for one partner, these items were used to enhance the intensity of the in-scene experience only. I mentioned some of these things in another thread a week or so ago and they vary from one person to another. In the positive realm, this knowledge can be used to create a scene of intensity and fullness in which the submissive's wants and needs and desires at a basic, primal level are as satisfied as the dominant's own. When understood by both partners that the play being done is for in-scene only, when it is understood by both partners that the dominance and submission is for a night, a weekend, a month, etc. only and that there are no strings attached to the levels, then each partner can make their choice as to whether to go ahead and play at these things that create both intensity/feelings of belonging or stay away from them with casual partners while doing those things that create intense physical/emotional/mental stimulation but which can be processed and put away after the scene term is done. In those relationships that continue to build, the addition of these things can work to build the intensity of the D/s and BDSM play in the same manner as those other things that go into building a relationship...conversation about things outside the D/s and BDSM realm, etc.. Luckily for me, my first play encounters were casual and were done strictly for the gathering of knowledge and to experience this life at the BDSM level. I went to "lectures" to learn the mental and spiritual and emotional aspects, I read, I talked to other dominants and submissives. When I was "ready", I entered into a D/s dynamic and loving (without being in love) relationship with my first submissive. The combination of romance entwined with allowing myself a deeper connection than I allowed with casual partners entwined with the D/s dynamic entwined with the BDSM exploration made for a great learning experience. There were extremely intense moments, there were some "ehhhhhhh...not so much" moments, there were some laugh-until-your-sides-hurt moments and there were some difficult moments as she eventually came to the realization that she would only ever be submissive to one...me...but wanted to enrich her life by becoming a femdominant. Flatteringly, she wanted to use parts of our relationship as her "role model".

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