CreativeDominant
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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
My first proper D/s experience was straight in the deep end, as a sub, and one of the things I wasn't prepared for was quite how much it was going to hurt (which sounds unbearably stupid looking back, I know). The first time I topped I wasn't at all expecting the chemical rush that came with being in charge, so I was in for quite a surprise...
So I was wondering how closely what you were expecting matched up to what you got, both when you first came to D/s in general, and when you tried more specific kinks? Was stuff more intense? Not as scary? Unexpectedly hilarious? Everything you'd ever hoped for or everything it had never occurred to you to want?
Sorry if any of the above sounds cheesy, but I do seriously want to know. 
I don't believe that any of what you've posted here sounds cheesy. I find most of what has been posted in this thread as being, once more, an expression of the variety of responses that can take place in either vanilla or D/s relationships.
I would agree, at least for me, that D/s relationships tend to be much more intimate and intense at a faster pace than vanilla relationships...my belief is that certain areas come up for discussion at a later point, if at all, in a vanilla situation whereas in a D/s situation, they come up much more quickly and almost always are discussed. This can be both good and bad...the extent of the dominant's knowledge of a submissive's mindset: her hopes, her dreams, her fears, her fantasies, what she likes to play at can be used in a positive fashion or a negative fashion. In the negative realm, this knowledge and the dominant's own skill level can be used to emotionally/physically/spiritually and/or mentally bind the submissive to him/her in a way that extends beyond the term of that first or second scene. While this may be desired by some, how many times have we seen a submissive (usually) come on here and complain/admit that they got themselves into a difficult situation with a dominant they really did not want as their Master/Mistress by allowing things to go too far, too fast in-scene that did not match up with what was going on outside the bedroom/dungeon? This is one reason why, when I played casually, I avoided those play areas that can, in my mind or in the submissive's mind, create a feeling of ownership/togetherness that might well enhance the scene but carried beyond the scene, created confusion and pain because for one partner, these items were used to enhance the intensity of the in-scene experience only. I mentioned some of these things in another thread a week or so ago and they vary from one person to another.
In the positive realm, this knowledge can be used to create a scene of intensity and fullness in which the submissive's wants and needs and desires at a basic, primal level are as satisfied as the dominant's own. When understood by both partners that the play being done is for in-scene only, when it is understood by both partners that the dominance and submission is for a night, a weekend, a month, etc. only and that there are no strings attached to the levels, then each partner can make their choice as to whether to go ahead and play at these things that create both intensity/feelings of belonging or stay away from them with casual partners while doing those things that create intense physical/emotional/mental stimulation but which can be processed and put away after the scene term is done. In those relationships that continue to build, the addition of these things can work to build the intensity of the D/s and BDSM play in the same manner as those other things that go into building a relationship...conversation about things outside the D/s and BDSM realm, etc..
Luckily for me, my first play encounters were casual and were done strictly for the gathering of knowledge and to experience this life at the BDSM level. I went to "lectures" to learn the mental and spiritual and emotional aspects, I read, I talked to other dominants and submissives. When I was "ready", I entered into a D/s dynamic and loving (without being in love) relationship with my first submissive. The combination of romance entwined with allowing myself a deeper connection than I allowed with casual partners entwined with the D/s dynamic entwined with the BDSM exploration made for a great learning experience. There were extremely intense moments, there were some "ehhhhhhh...not so much" moments, there were some laugh-until-your-sides-hurt moments and there were some difficult moments as she eventually came to the realization that she would only ever be submissive to one...me...but wanted to enrich her life by becoming a femdominant. Flatteringly, she wanted to use parts of our relationship as her "role model".
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RE: Expectation vs Reality - 
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