BreathandStone -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/30/2010 2:42:07 PM)
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Thinking out loud here. Sorry if it's a little fragmented. There's a part of me that really, genuinely enjoys inflicting pain. So yes, I get pleasure from it. There is also a part of me that cares for people, and likes to take care of people. This is an important part of me - but my sadism is as well. These urges are not necessarily contradictory. When dealing with someone who enjoys pain, or seeks pain out, I have the opportunity hurt them without causing long-term harm, and without destroying trust between us. I can use the pain as a tool, even, to break down their barriers a little bit, to uncover old wounds so that they can heal. I can create vulnerability and then nurture them through it. I'm human, and as a human I seek out the place where there is the least cognitive dissonance, where the parts of me are aligned as much as possible. The pleasure I gain, then, doesn't necessarily increase with the amount of pain I inflict. If I were to mutilate someone, the care-taking part of me would object rather strenuously, and I would find that unpleasant. I can find the most pleasure where I am inflicting pain AND where I haven't sacrificed my instinct to protect the person I'm hurting. Does that make sense?
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