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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 2:49:16 PM

LoneGoddess

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
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There were several influencing factors... but I believe it's just inherent in my personality to be so.

First dominant experience (though at the time I had no clue what I was doing) was at age 4. Family friends over, and their boy was my age. I forced him into masturbating for me, my way, which didn't work at all for him, but how was I to know that? Too funny to think back on.

Then being "daddy's little girl" that I was, and very tomboyish, I was always the girl out with the neighborhood boys, and the older sister of a somewhat at the time, wimpy little brother, who I wrestled and dominated all of our growing up years. I just always asserted myself and my mother who wasn't particularly a driving force in the family never taught me otherwise. She didn't encourage me to rein myself in with males. I had my father wrapped around my little finger, so why not others?

I didn't know that during my sexually formative years that there was a name for it, but I recently went back and read one of my journals from age 17 and discovered I did know more than I gave myself credit for. I noted an entry wherein I had mentioned my interaction with a new guy in my life, and how I was trying to ascertain whether or not I should be the aggressor or be submissive to gain his attention in a sexual manner. Yikes, I guess I was bendy then. I don't remember even knowing the term submissive back then.

It really came out clearly for me at age 20 though. When a boyfriend and I picked up a souvenier on a trip. It had been my choice of items (4' bull whip) and he thought that by my choosing that item, that I wanted him to use it on me. Was he ever wrong. It was very much the opposite. Well we broke up very shortly thereafter, as you can imagine.

Truth is, I couldn't figure out for the life of me why every single man I dated from the moment I was sexually active on, was kinky in one way or another. Always meeting and dating "bent" boys, was the biggest clue I guess. It finally dawned on me... I must be a kink magnet, hence my discovery of myself... but I think we all go through that phase if we have one inkling of insight into what makes us tick. And being ever introspective as I am, it didn't take long to figure it out.

It just took me longer to act on it, because the time of really dawning realization of the scope of it all didn't happen until I was 35. Ouch.

~Lady Laura

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 3:41:01 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
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Not at all. Whatever gave you that impression? For most who want that no-strings stuff, it's a part-time or even a one-time only deal. I'm talking about LTR Mistress/slave relationships, where the slave chooses to relinquish total control over and responsiblity for his life into the hands of his Mistress.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
That's right, for most BDSM is centered on "no strings housework & service." That's where the real passion lies.

And FYI, there are some subs out there who truly *enjoy* the no-strings housework and service. It's not what I want for My slave, but I don't feel any need to denigrate/bash others who are into that, as you so clearly do. Shame on you! There is room enough in this lifestyle for everybody's preferences.

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 3/26/2006 4:00:15 PM >

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 3:41:16 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNeets

What influenced Me was I am the middle child and had to fight to even get noticed and since My Dad was in the Army ( Austrailan) My dad and Mums Personality seem to rub off on Me and I couldn't be happier. It fiannly come out once I Met Iron Bear and I saw My dominace comming thru espically when I had to look after Him and to make sure He was well to contiune His life with Me.

I hope this Helps .

Lady Neets

Lady Neets,

Hurrah for the middle child! I am one also. :)

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 3:46:25 PM

Cloudz

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Tammyjo,

I agree with you. For me Dominance just always was. I am warm, loving, kind, generous of my time, attention, and love. I am also simply a natural alpha. People follow my lead and look to my direction. It is simply a part of me.

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 3:55:14 PM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

Tammyjo,

I agree with you. For me Dominance just always was. I am warm, loving, kind, generous of my time, attention, and love. I am also simply a natural alpha. People follow my lead and look to my direction. It is simply a part of me.

Many of the people I consider good friends and to a degree role-models of being a dominant are similar.

We could lead in a multitude of ways; one of them we chose was BDSM. I also notice a high ratio of teachers among those I feel closest too but that might also be because I'm a teacher myself.

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 4:53:51 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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I don't think there is any one thing that influenced me to become a mistress but if I look back I see the writing was on the wall sometime ago.

Mum and Dad were staunch Catholic and been the youngest of 14 (nine older brothers and four older sisters) and extremely independent I was in a position to rebel against what inequalities I thought I saw in my youth between 'the boys' and 'the girls'. Some stemming from the religious teachings and some from the patriachal family dynamic.

But even though Dad was the 'head' of the household so to speak Mum was definitely the world that we revolved around. She was strong, confident, at home mum, sometimes overbearing and lived for her family, did execptional volunteer work, but was a product of her times. I recall the story that she taught herself to drive when she had had at least 10 of us and didn't tell Dad until she had gained her licence for fear he would put a stop to her independence, as for their generation it was not becoming for 'a wife' to drive.

So in my pre-teens I began questioning why things were like they were and decided early on I would be an independent well rounded adult regardless of what was between my legs. In hindsight though I don't believe the preceived inequalities existed because of sinister or oppressive intentions, rather more out of necessity for controlling a clan the size of ours.

Hitting my teens I was fascinated by what I saw in my brothers' Forum magazines, those they kept hidden in their secret cupboard in the wall...lol not so secret after all. ;)

In my family (and Catholic schooling) sex and sexuality and sensuality were shunned, make-up, short skirts, accentuating curves etc, were not what chaste Catholic girls did. Not that it was every really stated to be that way, it just kind of was. So my sex education came via Forum mags and what I read and saw intrigued me no end. I didn't view sex as something 'dirty' or as a 'duty' or for marriage only and felt that between consenting adults sex was as natural as breathing. But there was no one in my family I could talk to about it so I kept my ideas to myself.

Unfortunately a virgin at 15 I was raped by an older guy and ended up pregnant, a son, whom I kept (and has just made me a grandmother :) , no one in my family knows how he was conceived and I readily let them think I was a promiscuous toerag rather than tell them about being raped. So for a longtime I renounced sex and sensuality for myself, as something I needed to be whole, left the Forum mags alone and seeked out the partriachal nirvana that seemed to hold value in my family's eyes.

Alas I spent a longtime trying to please men rather than myself and the few times I did take the lead with someone sexually it spooked them, reiterating to me I needed to remain sexually passive and life was all about his needs not mine.

Eventually in my late 20s I met a man who was as willing as I to get adventurous in the bedroom...oh my gawd was I in love! lol... but I struggled with fully taking control, not just of the bedroom, but the relationship as well...it went against all I was taught good Catholic girls did. After we broke up I'd come to terms with a lot of my past and growing no end as a person, as a woman, as a friend and decided the past was about everyone else...my future was about me...picked up a whip and never looked back.

All my siblings and extended family know what it is I am into and what I do in a professional sense and although not something they are all readily wanting to understand, they are fully supportive of my choice to live my life how I want to.

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/26/2006 5:22:21 PM

Cloudz

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TammyJo,

Yes, I agree with the teacher comment. I am not a "teacher" but a counselor so I teach also, just not in a school system.

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~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/27/2006 10:41:10 PM

lushusboobs

Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
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I dreamt about having tiny people in a cage that I could spank when I was very young. I remember beating my dollies for being naughty and getting aroused by it. LOL.

I think the reason why I have become dominant and have been interested in bdsm is because my family was split on the matter of women's rights. My father's family was very oppressively domineering and my mother's family was very matriarchal and women centered. So the conflict early on made me desire to be in control and resent the fact that the culture was male dominated. I longed for more strong female role models. I wanted to be ambitious and intelligent and not ashamed like I was lead to believe that I should be for being exactly who I was.

I tried the submissive role for awhile. Although I understand it, I don't desire it anymore.

As an adult I've dreamt of having a real live Barbie in the house to dress. I think that those old feelings of wanting to be in control have very deep roots.

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/28/2006 7:04:34 PM

crouchingtigress

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Three things I think:

1. I have never been able to resist a strays, dogs, cats, turtles and boys/men. Something about being needed I think. And I used to train visious dogs, I realized at a young age there was no such thing as a visious dog, only a frightened and confused dog, that suffered from lack of consistency and direction. I began to use this philosophy on my relationships and I got excelent results, and I found it was it was deeply rewarding to me to watch the transfomation that devotion, obediance and attonement can bring to a persons life..

2. If power is left on the table I will take it. I am polite, and I make sure the other person does not want it, but if its left there I just can not let it go to waste. (I am like that with cup cakes as well)

3. And lastly I have always been kinky. I tried being a slave, but I truly sucked at it, I got the devotion part easy enough, and I loved the frothy slut part, but I could never get the obediance and service orrientation, I was a do-me slave for the most part, which looking back now I can laugh but at the time it really sucked for my then Owner.

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/28/2006 7:19:13 PM

crouchingtigress

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I want to quickly address the no-strings housework comment. It is part of the fetish for me, it makes me hotter then other part of our dynamic in all honesty and the boys feel this way too, but then I have a screening process that assures that.

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RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? - 3/28/2006 9:18:30 PM

MsSophie

Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Three things I think:

1. I have never been able to resist a strays, dogs, cats, turtles and boys/men. Something about being needed I think. And I used to train visious dogs, I realized at a young age there was no such thing as a visious dog, only a frightened and confused dog, that suffered from lack of consistency and direction. I began to use this philosophy on my relationships and I got excelent results, and I found it was it was deeply rewarding to me to watch the transfomation that devotion, obediance and attonement can bring to a persons life..

2. If power is left on the table I will take it. I am polite, and I make sure the other person does not want it, but if its left there I just can not let it go to waste. (I am like that with cup cakes as well)

3. And lastly I have always been kinky. I tried being a slave, but I truly sucked at it, I got the devotion part easy enough, and I loved the frothy slut part, but I could never get the obediance and service orrientation, I was a do-me slave for the most part, which looking back now I can laugh but at the time it really sucked for my then Owner.