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So, to be very honest in answering your question, I'm more likely to shoot someone down entirely if I feel that they are attempting to manipulate Me. It's probably not the most open minded answer that was available from the choices, but in My case, it's the most truthful.

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For Dommes and switches who have (or have had) submissives, when you run into this kind of attitude/demand, how do you respond? Automatically turn the guy down, figure you can turn his thinking around and enjoy what *you* get out of it, try to find some common ground?

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By meeting Her needs, she will be inspired to meet yours.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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So, to be very honest in answering your question, I'm more likely to shoot someone down entirely if I feel that they are attempting to manipulate Me. It's probably not the most open minded answer that was available from the choices, but in My case, it's the most truthful.

What about being seduced into doing something?

- LA

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but if he insists that *I* have to feel that way about it, I think it comes across as him trying to control the scene

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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So, to be very honest in answering your question, I'm more likely to shoot someone down entirely if I feel that they are attempting to manipulate Me. It's probably not the most open minded answer that was available from the choices, but in My case, it's the most truthful.

What about being seduced into doing something?

- LA

The ability to seduce Me actually has to already have a certain level of intimacy established.  I'm looking at the question as in regard to someone new.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

LP, that's exactly what I meant. For example, I might be perfectly willing to walk all over a guy if he wants me to, as a treat, but I don't get off on him feeling debased by it. I might not even *mind* him feeling objectified or lowered or whatever, but if he insists that *I* have to feel that way about it, I think it comes across as him trying to control the scene. Same goes for feminisation where they want a lot of humiliation, or "forced" bi where they demand that I enjoy the things *they* want me to get off on the humiliation or control, whereas I just feel that the sexual energy and interaction between two guys can be hot.

I'm not looking for anyone now, so it's more of an abstract question. It bugged me a lot while I was looking for a partner, and I still see it so frequently in a variety of posts, so I was curious.

BTW, the options I mentioned weren't meant to limit you do those choices, just a couple of examples.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Sorry, I have a cold, so maybe the cough syrup or lack of sleep is contributing to my poor writing. :( I know LA has misunderstood some of my posts the last couple of days, so I'll make an effort to be more clear!

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LA, I enjoy being seduced into things by someone I'm already in an intimate relationship with. Usually this mindset comes up before meeting, via e-mail (or perhaps on the first or second date). Even so, I don't think that being seduced into it would change what I'm complaining about. I'm talking about things that I like, that I *want* to do, or at least am open to and would get *something* positive from, but I know that I wouldn't respond in precisely the way they have asked me to (either because I've done that form of play before, or it just doesn't fit my mindset and the way I react in general).

Sometimes the guys are just do-me wanker types, and I dismiss them out of hand, but there have been a couple that seemed very promising other than this particular are, back when I was looking. Most of them didn't have much experience, or had only been with a pro-Domme, so I figured that it was a fantasy thing. It made me feel like they wanted me to be an actress in a play or something, following not just the script in words, but portraying emotions as they direct it. I felt it didn't leave me any room to actually *dominate* them or control the scene. Heck, even if I *did* feel that way about the activity, I wouldn't want to feel obligated to - I might get something different about it the next time I incorporated it into a scene.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Most of the guys who do this *claim* (and perhaps even genuinely feel) that they are putting the Domme's needs first. They just have a very firm idea ahead of time of what those needs and wants and desires are, and don't seem to be very open to input from the actual woman unless it matches what they envision or fantasise about.

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My main gripe is this, though. Way before I knew how kinky I was, when I was "experimenting on vanilla prey" and boyfriends, boy, did I get a LOT of questions from my guys. They wanted to really, truly understand why I did what I did, what I got out of it, how did it make me *feel*, what were the nuances that made it great vs. just good, and how could they be a better partner at it. And they also were more eager to experiment with the way they submitted so they could improve the experience for me. This kind of inquisition just does not happen, for the most part, with "submissive men." And I have never been able to figure out if it's because deep down, they don't want to know why or how we are like this (sadistic women and femdoms). Does that spoil the mystique and ruin the fantasy?

I have met a few amazing subs who are exceptions to this rule fortunately. But for the most part I am unsure why more sub men don't want to really dig in and understand how and why femdoms are motivated the way they are.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If I am led to believe that someone else wants Me to think, feel, get turned on a certain way, by a certain thing, etc, they are going to be met with a lot of resistance.